CUSTOMER: Oh, right, you've got a buzz word, haven't you? A pa.s.sword? Oh, right, you've got a buzz word, haven't you? A pa.s.sword?

BOOKSELLER: I think you're mistaken. I think you're thinking of somewhere else. I think you're mistaken. I think you're thinking of somewhere else.

CUSTOMER: Oh. Really? Oh. Really?

BOOKSELLER: Yes. I think you should leave now. Yes. I think you should leave now.

CUSTOMER: Oh. Oh. (moves away) (moves away) (Customer comes back two minutes later) CUSTOMER: Just to clarify, I was asking for drugs and you were saying you're not that kind of place, right? Just to clarify, I was asking for drugs and you were saying you're not that kind of place, right?

BOOKSELLER: That's right. That's right.

CUSTOMER: OK, thanks. OK, thanks.

Pause CUSTOMER: Could you recommend- Could you recommend- BOOKSELLER: No. No.

CUSTOMER: OK, OK ... Thanks. OK, OK ... Thanks.

BOOKSELLER: You're welcome. You're welcome.

CUSTOMER: Bye, then. Bye, then.

BOOKSELLER: Goodbye. Goodbye.

CUSTOMER: Very nice bookshop. Very nice bookshop.

BOOKSELLER: Thank you. Thank you.

CUSTOMER: What's your name? What's your name?

BOOKSELLER: Jen. Jen.

CUSTOMER: Hmmm. I don't like that name. Is it ok if I call you something else? Hmmm. I don't like that name. Is it ok if I call you something else?

CUSTOMER: Someone should have taught that Shakespeare guy how to spell. I mean, am I right, or am I right? Someone should have taught that Shakespeare guy how to spell. I mean, am I right, or am I right?

CUSTOMER: Do you have security cameras in here? Do you have security cameras in here?

BOOKSELLER: Yes. Yes.

CUSTOMER: Oh. Oh. (customer slides a book out from inside his jacket and places it back on the shelf) (customer slides a book out from inside his jacket and places it back on the shelf)

CUSTOMER (holding up a magazine from the sixties) (holding up a magazine from the sixties): It says on the front cover that this magazine was supposed to come with half a jigsaw puzzle, but you don't have the jigsaw puzzle. Does that mean I can have the magazine for free?

CUSTOMER: Do you have Do you have Dr Who and the Secrets of the Hidden Planet of Time Dr Who and the Secrets of the Hidden Planet of Time?

BOOKSELLER: I'm not familiar with that one. Hang on and I'll check our system for you. I'm not familiar with that one. Hang on and I'll check our system for you.

CUSTOMER: Thank you. Thank you.

BOOKSELLER: I'm afraid I can't find it on our database, or on the British Library catalogue. Are you sure you've got the right t.i.tle? I'm afraid I can't find it on our database, or on the British Library catalogue. Are you sure you've got the right t.i.tle?

CUSTOMER: No, not at all. I don't know that it actually exists. No, not at all. I don't know that it actually exists.

BOOKSELLER: ... what do you mean? ... what do you mean?

CUSTOMER: Oh, I was just driving to work yesterday and I thought up the t.i.tle and I thought 'now Oh, I was just driving to work yesterday and I thought up the t.i.tle and I thought 'now that that sounds like the kind of book I'd like to read', you know? sounds like the kind of book I'd like to read', you know?

BOOKSELLER: Hmmm. Well, I'm afraid you can't read it, as it hasn't been written. Hmmm. Well, I'm afraid you can't read it, as it hasn't been written.

CUSTOMER: Never mind, never mind just thought I'd check. Never mind, never mind just thought I'd check.

BOOKSELLER: We do have lots of other We do have lots of other Dr. Who Dr. Who novels over here, though, if you'd like to take a look. novels over here, though, if you'd like to take a look.

CUSTOMER: No, it's ok. I'll go home and have another think and come back again. No, it's ok. I'll go home and have another think and come back again.

BOOKSELLER: Hi, can I help you at all? Hi, can I help you at all?

CUSTOMER: I don't give a d.a.m.n about books they bore me. I don't give a d.a.m.n about books they bore me.

BOOKSELLER: I'm not sure you're in the right place, then. I'm not sure you're in the right place, then.

CUSTOMER: No, I am. I just wanted to ask what specific colour you painted your bookshelves? I love this colour. I mean, the right colour can make books look more appealing, can't it? No, I am. I just wanted to ask what specific colour you painted your bookshelves? I love this colour. I mean, the right colour can make books look more appealing, can't it?

BOOKSELLER: Can it? Can it?

CUSTOMER: And the smell of the paint takes away the smell of the books, too. Which is also a plus. And the smell of the paint takes away the smell of the books, too. Which is also a plus.

CUSTOMER: Hi, my best friend came in last weekend and bought a book, and she really loved it. Do you have another copy? Hi, my best friend came in last weekend and bought a book, and she really loved it. Do you have another copy?

BOOKSELLER: What was the t.i.tle? What was the t.i.tle?

CUSTOMER: Oh, right. Yeah. I don't remember. Oh, right. Yeah. I don't remember.

CUSTOMER: Do you have a copy of Bella Swan's favourite book? You know, from Do you have a copy of Bella Swan's favourite book? You know, from Twilight Twilight?

(Bookseller sighs and pulls a copy of Wuthering Heights off the shelf) CUSTOMER: Do you have the one with the cover that looks like Do you have the one with the cover that looks like Twilight Twilight?

BOOKSELLER: No. This is an antiquarian bookshop, so this is an old edition of the book. No. This is an antiquarian bookshop, so this is an old edition of the book.

CUSTOMER: But it's still the one with that girl Cathy and the dangerous guy, right? But it's still the one with that girl Cathy and the dangerous guy, right?

BOOKSELLER: Yes, it's still the story by Emily Bronte. Yes, it's still the story by Emily Bronte.

CUSTOMER: Right. Do you think they'll make it into a film? Right. Do you think they'll make it into a film?

BOOKSELLER: They've made several films of it. The one where Ralph Fiennes plays Heathcliff is very good. They've made several films of it. The one where Ralph Fiennes plays Heathcliff is very good.

CUSTOMER: What? Voldemort plays Heathcliff? What? Voldemort plays Heathcliff?

BOOKSELLER: Well ... Well ...

CUSTOMER: But that's Edward's role. But that's Edward's role.

BOOKSELLER: Wuthering Heights Wuthering Heights was written well before both was written well before both Harry Potter Harry Potter and and Twilight Twilight.

CUSTOMER: Yeah, but Voldemort killed Cedric, who's played by Robert Pattinson, and now Voldemort's playing Edward's role in Yeah, but Voldemort killed Cedric, who's played by Robert Pattinson, and now Voldemort's playing Edward's role in Wuthering Heights, Wuthering Heights, because Edward's character is Heathcliff. I think that Emily Bronte's trying to say something about vampires. because Edward's character is Heathcliff. I think that Emily Bronte's trying to say something about vampires.

BOOKSELLER: ... that's 8... . that's 8.

CUSTOMER: For what? For what?

BOOKSELLER: For the book. For the book.

CUSTOMER: Oh, no, it's OK, I'm going to go and try and find the Voldemort DVD version. Oh, no, it's OK, I'm going to go and try and find the Voldemort DVD version.

CUSTOMER: I've got a while before my bus. Are you and any of the other customers interested in playing cards? I've got a while before my bus. Are you and any of the other customers interested in playing cards?

CUSTOMER: Do you have any piano sheet music, but for guitars? Do you have any piano sheet music, but for guitars?

BOOKSELLER: You mean, do I have sheet music for guitars? You mean, do I have sheet music for guitars?

CUSTOMER: Yes. Yes.

CUSTOMER: Have you read every single book in here? Have you read every single book in here?

BOOKSELLER: No, I can't say I have. No, I can't say I have.

CUSTOMER: Well you're not very good at your job, are you? Well you're not very good at your job, are you?

CUSTOMER: I'm looking for that famous book you know, the Disney one, where Donald Duck is an accountant. I'm looking for that famous book you know, the Disney one, where Donald Duck is an accountant.

CUSTOMER: Do you have an easy version of Do you have an easy version of Moonlight Sonata Moonlight Sonata for piano? for piano?

BOOKSELLER: We have box of sheet music by the music books section. I'll have a look. We have box of sheet music by the music books section. I'll have a look.

CUSTOMER: Thanks. Thanks.

BOOKSELLER: Yep. Here's a Yep. Here's a Moonlight Sonata Moonlight Sonata for grade two. for grade two.

CUSTOMER: And that's easy? And that's easy?

BOOKSELLER: Compared to the real thing, yes. Compared to the real thing, yes.

CUSTOMER: So, I should be able to play it, yeah? So, I should be able to play it, yeah?