CUSTOMER: Hi. Hi.

BOOKSELLER: Hi there, how can I help? Hi there, how can I help?

CUSTOMER: Could you please explain Kindle to me. Could you please explain Kindle to me.

BOOKSELLER: Sure. It's an e-reader, which means you download books and read them on a small hand-held computer. Sure. It's an e-reader, which means you download books and read them on a small hand-held computer.

CUSTOMER: Oh OK, I see. So ... this Kindle. Are the books on that paperback or hardback? Oh OK, I see. So ... this Kindle. Are the books on that paperback or hardback?

CUSTOMER (poking her head around the door, glancing at our six by six metre bookshop) (poking her head around the door, glancing at our six by six metre bookshop): Do you have a cafe in here?

BOOKSELLER: No, I'm afraid we don't. No, I'm afraid we don't.

CUSTOMER: Oh, I was looking for a bookshop with a cafe. Oh, I was looking for a bookshop with a cafe.

BOOKSELLER: If you want a cup of tea, there's a cafe four doors down. If you want a cup of tea, there's a cafe four doors down.

CUSTOMER: Could I take some books there with me to look through and browse? And then bring them back? Could I take some books there with me to look through and browse? And then bring them back?

CUSTOMER: Do you have any old copies of d.i.c.kens? Do you have any old copies of d.i.c.kens?

BOOKSELLER: We've got a copy of We've got a copy of David Copperfield David Copperfield from 1850 for 100. from 1850 for 100.

CUSTOMER: Why is it so expensive if it's that old? Why is it so expensive if it's that old?

(A man is walking around the shop, carrying a plastic bag stuffed with Nike jackets) MAN (to a customer) (to a customer): Would you like to buy a Nike jacket?

CUSTOMER: Erm, no. Erm, no.

MAN: (to another person) (to another person): Can I interest you in a Nike jacket? Genuine Nike.

BOOKSELLER: Excuse me, what are you doing? Excuse me, what are you doing?

MAN: I was just seeing if anyone would like to buy a jacket. I was just seeing if anyone would like to buy a jacket.

BOOKSELLER: Please don't bother my customers. Please don't bother my customers.

MAN: But it's a shop ... they're here to buy things. But it's a shop ... they're here to buy things.

CUSTOMER: This book has a couple of tears to some of the pages. This book has a couple of tears to some of the pages.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, unfortunately some of the older books have some wear and tear from previous owners. Yes, unfortunately some of the older books have some wear and tear from previous owners.

CUSTOMER: So, will you lower the price? It says here it's 20. So, will you lower the price? It says here it's 20.

BOOKSELLER: I'm sorry but we take into account the condition of the books when we price them; if that book was in a better condition, it would be worth a lot more than 20. I'm sorry but we take into account the condition of the books when we price them; if that book was in a better condition, it would be worth a lot more than 20.

CUSTOMER: Well, you can't have taken this tear here into account Well, you can't have taken this tear here into account (points to page) (points to page) or this one here or this one here (points to another page), (points to another page), because my son did those two minutes ago. because my son did those two minutes ago.

BOOKSELLER: So, the book is now more damaged than it was before, because of your son? So, the book is now more damaged than it was before, because of your son?

CUSTOMER: Yes. Exactly. So now will you lower the price? Yes. Exactly. So now will you lower the price?

CUSTOMER: Do you do gift wrap? Do you do gift wrap?

BOOKSELLER: No, I'm afraid we don't, sorry. No, I'm afraid we don't, sorry.

CUSTOMER: I tell you what; I'll nip to the Post Office and buy some wrapping paper. Then I'll bring it back and you can wrap the book up for me, ok? You're a shop, for Christ's sake, you're here to offer me a service. I tell you what; I'll nip to the Post Office and buy some wrapping paper. Then I'll bring it back and you can wrap the book up for me, ok? You're a shop, for Christ's sake, you're here to offer me a service.

CUSTOMER: Do you have a book on dinosaurs? My grandson's really into them. Do you have a book on dinosaurs? My grandson's really into them.

BOOKSELLER: Absolutely, we have one over here. Absolutely, we have one over here.

CUSTOMER: Does it have every type in here? Does it have every type in here?

BOOKSELLER: I believe it's a very comprehensive collection, yes. I believe it's a very comprehensive collection, yes.

CUSTOMER: Great. So, does it have a chapter on dragons? Great. So, does it have a chapter on dragons?

CUSTOMER: Do you have any old Elvis CDs? Do you have any old Elvis CDs?

BOOKSELLER: No, we don't sell music, sorry. We might have a book on Elvis, though. No, we don't sell music, sorry. We might have a book on Elvis, though.

CUSTOMER: Would any of those come with a life-size cut-out of him? Would any of those come with a life-size cut-out of him?

BOOKSELLER: ... I doubt it, no... . I doubt it, no.

CUSTOMER: Wow, you have a whole bookcase of Enid Blyton? Wow, you have a whole bookcase of Enid Blyton?

BOOKSELLER: Yep, we do. Yep, we do. Famous Five, Secret Seven, Five Find Outers, Noddy Famous Five, Secret Seven, Five Find Outers, Noddy all of it there. all of it there.

CUSTOMER: I loved the I loved the Famous Five Famous Five when I was younger. when I was younger.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, they were fun. Yes, they were fun.

CUSTOMER: I'm so glad you think so. I know that there are a lot of people who say that Anne was stupid and that she shouldn't have just been doing the 'girly' things, and that it was offensive. I'm so glad you think so. I know that there are a lot of people who say that Anne was stupid and that she shouldn't have just been doing the 'girly' things, and that it was offensive.

BOOKSELLER: Well ... Well ...

CUSTOMER: I think all this political correctness has just gone way too far. I mean, who cares that Enid Blyton openly said that a woman should be the one to do the cooking and the cleaning? So she should. I think all this political correctness has just gone way too far. I mean, who cares that Enid Blyton openly said that a woman should be the one to do the cooking and the cleaning? So she should.

BOOKSELLER: Well- Well- CUSTOMER: and then there are those who complain about the and then there are those who complain about the Noddy Noddy picture books, you know? picture books, you know?

BOOKSELLER: Hmmm. Hmmm.

CUSTOMER: Well, I say that a bit of racism never hurt anyone. Well, I say that a bit of racism never hurt anyone.

BOOKSELLER: ... ...

CUSTOMER: Everything in moderation, don't you agree? Everything in moderation, don't you agree?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a book that has a list of aphrodisiacs? I've got a date on Friday. Do you have a book that has a list of aphrodisiacs? I've got a date on Friday.

CUSTOMER: (Drops an old, expensive book on the floor by accident) (Drops an old, expensive book on the floor by accident): Great shot!

BOOKSELLER: (glares) (glares) CUSTOMER: I mean ... sorry. I mean ... sorry.

CUSTOMER: Oh, look, they've got a section on dictionaries. Perhaps we should get your brother one for school, for Spanish, what do you think? Oh, look, they've got a section on dictionaries. Perhaps we should get your brother one for school, for Spanish, what do you think?

HER DAUGHTER: Can we get one for when we go to Scotland for our holidays? Can we get one for when we go to Scotland for our holidays?

CUSTOMER: They talk English in Scotland, too, sweetie. They talk English in Scotland, too, sweetie.

(Phone rings) BOOKSELLER: h.e.l.lo, Ripping Yarns bookshop. h.e.l.lo, Ripping Yarns bookshop.

CUSTOMER: h.e.l.lo, I've got some books I'd like to sell. h.e.l.lo, I've got some books I'd like to sell.

BOOKSELLER: Sure. What kinds of books do you have? Sure. What kinds of books do you have?

CUSTOMER: Oh, boxes and boxes of stuff. I've got some children's books, some comics, some old magazines and newspapers, an exercise bike, a couple of art books and some cookery books, too. Oh, boxes and boxes of stuff. I've got some children's books, some comics, some old magazines and newspapers, an exercise bike, a couple of art books and some cookery books, too.

BOOKSELLER: What was the one in the middle? What was the one in the middle?

CUSTOMER: Erm. Old magazines. Erm. Old magazines.

BOOKSELLER: No, the one after that. No, the one after that.

CUSTOMER: An exercise bike. An exercise bike.

BOOKSELLER: Yes ... we won't be wanting the exercise bike. Yes ... we won't be wanting the exercise bike.

CUSTOMER: Do you have a, er ... a back room? Do you have a, er ... a back room?

BOOKSELLER: You mean a store room? You mean a store room?

CUSTOMER: Ah, a store room. OK. Yes. Ah, a store room. OK. Yes.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, we have a store room ... Yes, we have a store room ...

CUSTOMER: I'd like to I'd like to (wink) (wink) buy something buy something (wink) (wink) from your store room. from your store room.

BOOKSELLER: Excuse me? Excuse me?