What sucked was that she sounded genuinely interested and worried. "I broke Will."

"Broke him?" She cocked her head to one side. "How did you do that?"

I couldn't tell her about Penn and I sure couldn't tell her how Will and I had determined we were complete losers when it came to girls. "Just pushed the wrong buttons, I guess. I don't know; I think something's wrong at home and I have no idea what it is."

Ella took a hesitant step my direction, then another. "He's got a lot to deal with. I know what his family's like." She gave me a sad smile. "And I know about Penn. I see how he looks at her. Will has a ton of confidence, so when things don't go his way, it's a bigger deal because it doesn't happen very often."

I took a step toward her, wondering how close she'd let me get...wondering how close Tink would let me get. When Ella didn't back away, I inched closer, until we were only a foot apart. "You're probably right, but I think there's more to it. I need to go check on himawill you tell Mr. Hooper I went home sick?"

"Skipping history? Matthew, I'm ashamed of you," she said. A real smile bloomed on her face. "Butasince you're such a good friend, I'll cover for you. Just this once."

So, this wasn't a banner day for me, and her smile set my nerve endings on fire. Not sure what else to do, I kissed her.

It started out as a gentle kiss, but I was too overloaded to keep any kind of control. I kissed her hard, trying to take her breath away, to keep it for myself, to fill up the emptiness I always seemed to carry inside. My hands tangled in her hair and my body was pressed against hers until Ella became my universe; nothing else existed. I wasn't even aware of when she started kissing me back, but at some point I realized her fingers had dug into my shoulders deep enough to bruise and her lips were just as eager as mine.

Then a headache exploded in the back of my skull.

Gasping for air, I stepped back. "Damn it!"

Ella gulped and avoided my eyes. "It's like that time at the pond, isn't it? The knife is hurting you for kissing me."

Her pained expression matched the migraine pounding in my head. "Ella, I'm really sorry. I mean, I'm not sorry for kissing you. It's justa""

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "No, I'm sorry. This shouldn't have happened. Iajust forgot."

Ella turned and ran from the room before my brain caught up enough to tell her I still loved her.

Chapter Six.

I went out to the parking lot with my mouth aching from the kiss; the rest of me ached from everything else.

"Tink?" I snapped. "I'm on my way outside, now. You gonna let up on the headache?"

The pain dissolved. You needed a reminder.

"A reminder of what? That you have complete control over me?" I asked, getting angrier by the second. "Or are you trying to tell me that I'm not allowed to love anyone? Because if that's what you're saying, then I quit. Find another wielder."

You won't quit.

I opened my mouth to tell her to try me and see, but the floodgates of my memories were flung wide: flashes of a little girl wearing a nightgown as she was yanked from my arms; Schmitz, impaled on a giant scorpion's stinger; the sound of my nightmares, as Mamie screamed in the dark.

You won't quit, the knife-spirit insisted. You know worse will happen if you do, and I'm the only one who can help you beat back the darkness.

"There are days when I really hate you," I said. But Tink was right, even if I constantly questioned her motives. My ironclad sense of honor, probably something I inherited from both my dad and Uncle Mike, wouldn't let me turn my back on anyone's suffering, not if I could prevent it. Still, I couldn't help wondering if I was just a puppet to Tink, turned into a thing without a heart who moved at the will of the entity pulling the strings.

If that was true, I was no better than any of the monsters I killed.

Sick to my stomach, I walked faster, ready to leave school behind. When I got to my car, Will's BMW wasn't parked in the next spot over anymore. Just as I suspecteda"he'd cut out, too.

Ten minutes later, I pulled into the circular drive in front of Will's mini-mansion. His car was nowhere to be seen, but no surprise thereathe Cruessans had garage space for seven vehicles. After taking a minute to pull myself together, I trudged up to the front door and knocked.

Millicent, Will's housekeeper/surrogate mom answered the door. Her expression was stern. "Mr. Matthew."

Oh, man, I was in trouble for sure. Usually, she burbled some sweet welcome and let me inside after shoving a half-dozen cookies into my hands. Today, her expression would rival the toughest guard at the state pen.

I clasped my hands behind my back. "Is Will here?"

Her frown was the very definition of disapproval. "That depends. Why aren't the two of you in school?"

Ugh. if I wanted to get inside, I would have to grovel. "He took off, upset about something, and I got worried, so here I am."

Millicent's frown melted into a sad smile. "Well, it would be shame to waste an entire German chocolate cake on William alone. Go on upstairs, and I'll call you two when the cake comes out of the oven."

She let me inside, then disappeared into the kitchen without another word. The smell of baked goodness stirred in her wake, but it didn't make my mouth water like usual as I stared up at the balcony rimming the second floor. Had Will been upset for a while? Had I been too preoccupied, whether by Tink or my own stupid drama, to notice? If that was the case, I was the worst friend on the planet.

No matter what, I wasn't getting the job done standing in the foyer. Out of excuses, I started the climb up the curved staircase. Will had most of the second story to himself, especially since his parents were rarely home unless they were entertaining. His room was a like a mini-apartment, with its own bathroom and living area. A dream for most people, but now that I didn't have to share the second story with Brent and Mamie, my house felt too quiet and I'd taken to falling asleep with my iPod on just for the background noise. What if my whole life had been like that?

Knowing Will would curse me for feeling sympathetic, I shook off that thought and knocked on his bedroom door. His heavy tread creaked the floorboards.

He cracked the door open. "What?"

I bit back the angry retort ready to leap off the tip of my tongue. "I came to find out what's eating you. You gonna let me in, or am I going home before the cake's finished baking? Because I might have to hate you forever if you did that to me."

He didn't open the door.

I sighed. I'd have to prod him a little. "So, after you walked out of the cafeteria, I kissed the lip gloss right off of Ella's mouth in an empty classroom and Tink gave me the mother of all headaches. Kind of complicates things, you know?"

Now he opened the door. "You kissed Ella? And she let you?"

"Well, Tink didn't, but Ella seemed okay with ita"she even kissed me back. Then she said it was a mistake and ran away. Tink's pushing her out of my life, and I have no idea how to stop it." I leaned against the wall. "Then there's the whole Sami thing."

Will motioned me to come inside and we flopped down on the leather sofa where we'd played thousands of video games in the past. Neither of us made a move for the remote or controllers this time.

"So here's a riddle. Why do you always want Chik-Fil-A on Sunday?" Will asked.

"That's a random thought leap," I said.

"Not really. You want Chik-Fil-A on Sundays because you can't have it. They're always closed on Sundays."

So it was time for life lessons, served with fast food. "I guess that's true. But, dude, I wanted Ella even when I had her."

"I was talking about me." Will put his feet on the coffee table. "I never wanted anything I couldn't have before. Now there's two things, and I don't have a shot at either one. Penn has zero interest in me, no matter how hard I try. The otherawell, it's completely out of my control."

"What's the other thing?"

Will flushed and stared at his hands. "It's stupidayou'll laugh."

"I doubt it," I said, not sure I could back up that statement. What if he told me he wanted to be a figure skater instead of a football player? I wouldn't be able to stop laughing if that was his secret.

"I'm tired of being the sidekick."

Will's words hit the floor with a clatter, and the room went so quiet, my breaths sounded like a hurricane in my ears. What would I do if he quit? I'd already lost so many people, and othersa"like Mamie and Ellaa"weren't around anymore. I couldn't do this without him.

Swallowing past the pumpkin-sized lump in my throat took some doing. "Are you saying you want off the team?"

To my relief, he shook his head. "No. I wantato fight for real."

Bewildered, I said, "You do fight. You had that rock monster chasing you all over the place. You knocked me out of the way before it landed on my head. And what about in the woods? All those times you helped me flush out the monstersahell, you tackled that one She-Bear and knocked her clear off her feet. Then there was that time in Australia..."

Will seemed to diminish right before my eyes. His shoulders slumped, and he curled in on himself like I'd wounded him to the core rather than pointing out how important he was. "I'm bait, or a bodyguard. I don't mind ita"you need me to watch your back. I just wish there was more to my job. That I could be in on the fights themselves, instead of always being support staff."

Now I understood what he meant. And he was righta"joining the fight the way he wanted to wasn't something he could just wish for, or work hard to get. The knives chose us; not the other way around.

"It's not as cool as you think it is," I said carefully. "I'm constantly fighting to keep control of my own mind. Do you want that? Because that's what being a wielder meansasharing your brain with something that's usually reluctant to let it go. Being controlled by a force you don't understand. It also means you're a walking target at all times."

"I know that," he said, sounding hurt down deep, in some place I couldn't touch. "It's just, latelya""

My sat phone rang, interrupting us. We both stared at it like it might jump up and chew our faces off. Only two people had the number to the special satellite phone I carried with me at all timesa"two people I really didn't want to hear from today.

The Army was calling.

I groaned. Hadn't enough happened this afternoon? "Crap."

"Gotta answer that," Will muttered.

"You answer it," I said.

"It's your butt with the colonel if you don't."

Will's voice was tinged with jealousy, which provoked me into picking up the phone. "Archer, by way of the Cruessan mansion."

"Did you have to sell me out, too?" Will whispered.

All I wanted to do was make him feel included. He didn't have to be a butthead about it.

"You're at Cruessan's? I worried I'd catch you at school," Colonel Black said.

I shot a guilty look at Will. "Um, we got out a little early today. What's up?"

"We have a problem."

"That's how every conversation we have starts, sir." I rubbed my eyes, so freaking tired of this day.

"Brandt called in. He didn't say much, but enough that I read between the linesa"we have a serious issue brewing in Africa. People have started disappearing in rural sections of Botswana again. Brandt doesn't have enough crew to investigate even though he thinks he can handle it on his own. The issue is that Ramirez is off the grid, already out in the jungle with Jorge somewhere, and I sent Parker to China yesterday to do some recona"they're in the direct path of the first lunar eclipse in December. We need another wielder in Africa as soon as possible. That leaves you."

"By ASAP, do you mean Thanksgiving break, or do you mean biting the bullet and asking Mom to check me out of school?"

"Major Tannen is on his way to Billings to convince your mother to sign you out again. He'll be there tomorrow morning to discuss it with her. We'll provide a means for you to keep up with your classes online, if that's an objection, but we need you."

After the day I'd had, leaving school on an extended op sounded pretty good, even if it meant hanging out with Brandt for several weeks. He was a righteous bastard, but I'd take it if I didn't have to look Ella in the eye for a while. "Is Uncle Mike coming along with us?"

"Yes. He wanted to ensure your safety, and we both think your mother will be more likely to agree if he's your CO. Captain Tannen will stay stateside, by General Richardson's orders."

Well, I hadn't expected Badass Aunt Julie to ditch Baby Kate and travel halfway around the world with us. By the way the colonel phrased it, though, I got the feeling my aunt was ready to see some action that didn't involve strained carrots and diapers. I hoped Mike's deployment wouldn't make her angry. Aunt Julie was cool, but she could also break a grown man's arm with a flick of her wrist.

"Ask how he's going to get me out of school," Will whispered.

"How about Cruessan, sir?"

"Cruessan? Umma." A loaded pause. "Well, he's not strictly necessary to this mission, and don't try to blackmail me by saying you won't go if he doesn't. We can't afford that kind of behavior right now. And doesn't he still have a few football games left in the season? I doubt his coach would be happy if I stole his best defensive player."

Plus, his parents would have to sign him out of school, and they'd never say yes. Our cover of the "gifted-and-talented" program wouldn't work in the middle of the semester. I shot Will a worried look and shook my head slightly. "I understand. But what about the holidays?"

Will slammed a hand against the armrest of the sofa and stomped across his room.

"If we're still out there during Christmas break, we'll bring him over. You have my word," Colonel Black said. "As for you, assuming your mother agrees, I'll see you at Fort Carson on Monday evening."

I took a few notes about logistics, then thanked him and hung up. Will was standing at his bedroom window, staring at the trees lining his backyard.

Feeling guilty, I walked over to him. I'd made him a promise in Afghanistan last year, about making sure he could go on all my ops, and now I had to break that promise. "Sorry, man. I hate that you can't go to Botswana with me, but I'm not about to let all that training we did the last few months go to waste. I'll push to make sure you get to come at Christmas if I'm still out there. Count on it."

"I'll be fine," he said, not sounding fine at all. "I'm just being stupid. My parents can't know, so I can't go. You're the important one." He gave me a grim smile. "And I'm not saying that to be a jerk."

"I know, but the whole thing still sucks." I picked up my phone, weary down to my bones. "The worst part? I'm not leaving in time to cancel my date with Sami."

"I got no sympathy for you there," Will said. "But, Matt? I won't be in Africa to watch your back, so be careful and make sure you carry the flashlight. No excuses."

Even after everything, Will still cared about what happened to me, down to demanding that I carry the good luck charm from our first hunt. "I'll be careful. See you soon."

I snuck downstairs and made it to my car without Millicent noticing. It sucked to miss out on the cake, but Will needed to be alone and I had a trip to prep for.

Chapter Seven.