of his hand, folded around mine.

Oh, Kaeleigh. Don't you get it?

Oh, Kaeleigh. To be his!

I'm not even drunk, not stoned, not buzzed on pills. Perfectly straight, still I'm reeling.

477.

I should tell him. Have to tell him. But, hidden by forest, far from prying eyes, **

he pulls me against him. My head falls into his chest and I listen to the rhythm of his heart.

I look up into his eyes, find the kind of love there I hunger for. Love, not meant **

for me. I vow to absorb it anyway, hold on to it as long as I can, even if for only a few **

seconds. I want to kiss him.

Am going to kiss him, though I know if I do, he'll realize **

he's not kissing Kaeleigh.

Hey, maybe he'll fall out of love with her, and into **

love with me. So I stand on my tiptoes, reach up for his lips with my own.

478.

Yes, Every Kiss Is Different And this is a kiss like none before, a kiss that could overcome the dark of deep space night. It's a falling star, flame, ice. It's pure as water from a snow-fed mountain spring. This is what you dream a kiss to be. To have a kiss just like this each and every day! How satisfying life would be.

Oh, Kaeleigh. Never let.......this man.......get away.

Ian is.......the key.......to your.......salvation.

479.

Ian Moans And that ignites a flame just below my belly button. This is so wrong, but I don't care.

Ian is also on fire. But when I reach down to touch him the way every guy wants, **

he draws back.

Wait.

"Please, Ian? I want you."

He shakes his head.

What's wrong with you?

Wrong? Everything's right.

I try to kiss him again.

He pulls away, eyes betraying confusion.

You're not Kaeleigh.

He knows, of course he does.

I'll make him want me. I fall to my knees in front of him. "Just let me..."

No! I can't. This isn't right.

He turns, stalks off, down the trail.

I can do is follow.

480.

Ian's Sense Of right and wrong overwhelms me. Not a single other person I know possesses such an unshakable sense of morality. It's more than unbelievable.

It's frightening.

To offer without strings something all men crave, and be rejected by him is incomprehensible.

Think I'll have to kick Kaeleigh's ass. Does she have any idea what it means to be so treasured? He has built a pedestal for her so tall that she is afraid to be lifted atop it, because to fall would mean certain death.

But oh, she would rise far, far beyond fear and be held by arms so strong, and love so pure, that falling would not be an option.

481.

Kaeleigh Falling Is such an unpleasant sensation.

I'm falling now, down through a dark blue opiate sea, and I know it's all up to me. Sink or swim?

I know how to swim, have practiced the dead man's float for years, but it's frightening how much I just want to drown in this undertow of booze and pills.

I drank a lot tonight, ingested an incomprehensible amount of painkillers, some borrowed from Daddy, the rest pilfered from old Sam, who seems to be suffering a lot from his arthritis.

His nightstand is a pharmacy.

I doubt he even noticed I lifted a handful of Percodans. Lucky me, Daddy had to work this weekend.

By the time he gets home, I'll be beyond fear and well past saving.

I'm falling now, down, down through indigo....

482.

Tick-Tock Through the thickening vespers the clock on my wall whispers.

Tick-tick. Tock-tock.

Intones the passage of time.

Drones.

Inhale. Everything slows.

Exhale. The exchange shallows.

Heartbeats mimic, tick-tick.

Become erratic, stutter, t-t-tock.

Through the indigo.

Down.

Gradual motion.

I drown.

483.

A Voice Echoes inside my brain.

A little girl's voice.

Get up. When you fall down, you gotta get up.

It's Raeanne, and I am with her on the playground.

I am lying beside the merry- go-round, head spinning.

I hate when you be a baby.

Oooh. Lookie. You're bleeding.

Scarlet oozes from a slice on one skinned knee.

Stop crying! I hate when you cry. Mommy! Mom...

Now her voice changes, hardens, sedimentary stone.

Stop whining, Kaeleigh, or I'll have to kick your ass.

She sounds like me. Looks like me. Identical.

Goddammit. I'm going for help.

I'll kick your ass later.

484.

Another Voice Trails the slam of a door. Door?