Down here? How can a door slam in so much water? So much deep, **

dark ocean?

Hello? Anyone home?

Obnoxious. Intrusive. A lifeline.

Footsteps. Twenty to his bed. Twelve to mine. I don't want to count them.

Can't help it. One, two. Doesn't matter.

Three, four. Can't get me here.

Five, six. Quick! Hide! Seven, eight.

To hide I have to swim. Nine, ten. No way to swim but up. Eleven, twelve.

The feet stop moving, and even this far **

underwater, I hear a door snitch open.

Kaeleigh? Kaeleigh! What have you done?

Up through the indigo, I am lifted.

Wake up, Kaeleigh. Come back to me right now!

Sharp strikes against my cheeks.

Sudden tears. My eyes want to float open.

But I won't let them. Won't see him.

485.

I Fall Again This time, I land in a soft swirl of lavender, like the ocean at sunset just after downpour. Beautiful.

Can I stay here? Forever? Lapping against the beach, playing with the sand. Frothing against the shore.

Footsteps again. They slap tile.

Running away from me.

Good-bye feet. Good-bye.

I am sinking. I can end it here.

But if I'm going to drown, I have to go fast. Before the feet come back.

486.

I Let Out All My Breath Concentrate on sinking deeper and deeper and...

oh, but what's poised below?

What monsters of the deep might decide to chew on me?

Will it hurt, the final release?

Is there pain when the spirit pries itself free of the flesh?

Why worry about that now?

I can feel the excavation, and it's painless so far. My lungs fill with water. Silt. Mud.

Now it hurts to breathe. So I won't.

I'll settle deep into darkness.

And I won't say good-bye.

487.

Damn Footsteps Won't let me sleep. And voices.

One belongs to Daddy.

Oh my God. Her face is blue.

The other belongs to a woman. Mom?

No, not Mom. Softer. Younger.

Kaeleigh, wake up now.

Melodic. Angelic. Angel?

That means I'm ...

A sudden burst of air floods my lungs. Pressure on my chest. Air.

Pressure. Air. Pressure. Air.

I'm breathing. Not drowning.

Atta girl. She's coming around.

My stomach roils, like I gulped lavender seawater. I lean over **

the side of my bed, jet a big stream of opiate-laced Wild Turkey.

Good girl. Get it all out.

488.

And now I'm in Daddy's arms.

I squirm, but he won't let me go.

Limp. Fall limp. My eyes wander past his face, to the face of my angel.

Hannah. Of course. Who else?

Her hand is cool against my face.

What did you take, Kaeleigh?

Tell? Don't tell? Who cares?

"Percodan." No need to mention **

Daddy's OxyContin. The Wild Turkey, they can smell. Hannah sighs.

How many?

Her voice, sugared, irritates me now. If heaven's host sounds **

like her multiplied, I'll stay home. "N-not sure. A dozen?"

Hannah points to the gross disgustingness next to the bed.

She should be okay, but...

489.

Oops, Too Late She said the magic word: okay.

Daddy gulps in air like it might disappear any second. Like I might.

He gushes, Are you sure?

Hannah has been fussing over me. as any good nurse would.