"Oh." April twirled her spoon in her latte. Maybe her feelings were hurt because she was used to being my fashion consultant.

"Hey, I need a dress for a big New Year's Eve do. Maybe we can go shopping together."

"Sure, that sounds like fun." April brightened up.

"I want something sexy, maybe showing some skin.

April didn't answer. Instead, she got up, walked around behind me, and started poking in the back of my hair.

"April?"

"Mmm hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Just looking. Clones always have some sign right? There's a scar or a UPC mark or something. I want proof that James replaced my best friend with a Stepford Wife."

"Why am I a clone?"

"Because you used the following words: 'I want' 'a dress' 'sexy' and 'showing skin.' Kelly Tanaka would never ever use those words together. The Kelly Tanaka I know spent years avoiding exposing any part of herself to the world. Didn't you wear a turtleneck to our Grade Seven grad?"

"It was unseasonably cold that day."

"It was June in Vancouver. But I don't want to argue about the weather ten years ago. Why do you want a sexy dress?"

"Well Jimmy would like me to look sexier, more feminine. Not all the time, but you know, for special nights. Like New Year's Eve."

"I thought he liked the way you looked before," April said. "He certainly seemed to last summer."

"He does. He likes me all ways. It's only that he has a lot of responsibility, and he needs to keep up a mature image. Especially because he is the youngest captain in the league."

April shook her head. "Okay, let's go shopping. I assume from the way you're dressed that money is no object."

"I haven't changed that much. I hate spending too much on clothes."

April always knew these secret shopping places, so we ended up in a tiny frock shop.

"Here you go." She held out a glittery white dress, which looked... tiny.

"Is there a jacket too?" My voice had a wimpy tone.

"It's exactly what you asked for. Get in the room and put it on."

April sat outside the curtain and complained about Ben's family. "I get along well with his mom and dad now, but his grandmother and a few of the cousins think he shouldn't date outside his race." She sighed mightily. "It's not like I have yellow fever or anything, Ben is the first Asian guy I've ever dated. Doesn't that mean that I love him for himself?"

"Well, you're friends with me, aren't you?"

"Like you're Japanese at all. Except for your last name, nobody would have a clue. Can you even cook sushi?"

"April, sushi is raw. But no, I can't make it anyway. Or anything Japanese."

"Yeah, why am I asking? You can't even cook Canadian food."

I came out of the dressing room in the dress and stood in front of the three-way mirror. The dress was white and sequined. The front had a big V down the middle almost to my navel, and each breast was encased in its own sparkly cup magically supported with hidden wires. The bottom was short with a flippy hem. It was exactly what I had asked for. I looked in the three-way mirror and felt-naked. All I could see were my breasts and thighs.

April was watching me in the mirror. Her mouth was turned down, and she spoke gently.

"Why are you trying so hard to please him?"

I didn't know what to say to that. Maybe there was something in the Chicago water. All my girlfriends were the same: our worlds rotated around our boyfriends-their schedules, their games, their preferences. The team was the same, focusing on the players and their needs. We tried to cocoon them off the ice, because their time on the ice was so demanding and important. In fact, I was one of the more independent girlfriends since I had my classes.

"It's the way my life is. And why shouldn't I look really hot for a change?"

"You know, I'm all for you looking good. But you have to feel comfortable, otherwise you'll spend all night huddled in the corner hiding. Look at you now-your shoulders are all hunched because you're embarrassed about your cleavage."

We both looked at the mirror, where I was looking more like Quasimodo than Esmeralda.

"I'd hug you, but I might touch you in a naked, inappropriate place," April said. "Let me find you something that's sexy and sweet."

She found me a purple dress that was soft and sleeveless with a high collar. The skirt was longer and swirled around my legs.

"See, you look beautiful. And it shows off your bulging biceps. We'll get you some festive shoes and you'll be a stunner."

I hugged April. It was great to be back in Vancouver.

35.

Christmas Cheer

Phil

"Hey Phil," Ben called me at work. "You're coming to our Christmas party tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, for sure. Been looking forward to it." These days, Ben used only "we" and "our" pronouns. The guy was totally hooked on April.

"I'm sure you could use a break from those crazy hours you've been working."

"It's getting better these days. Now that the project is actually up, it's not as hectic."

"I wanted to give you a heads-up. Kelly is going to be at the party."

"Kelly? What's she doing in town?"

"She came home to see her family. I assume you're bringing Emily, right?"

"Of course." I'd been dating Emily Campbell for a couple of months now. She was a great woman that I'd met at a party. Emily was a lawyer and she was extremely busy too, so my long hours never bothered her.

"I'm sure it's not going to be a big deal for you, but I figured that knowing ahead of time couldn't hurt."

"Yeah, it's nothing. See you tomorrow."

But it was something. It was funny to even hear her name. Once Kelly left, it was like she dropped off the face of the earth. She wasn't a person to update Facebook much, but when her profile disappeared I wondered if she had blocked me. Then April told me that some crazy online stalking had happened when young fangirls learned that Kelly was dating Frechette, and Kelly had removed all her public profiles. If you searched for her, it was like she didn't exist except for her McGill hockey stuff. So short of asking Ben or April for updates, I had no way of knowing what she was up to.

But that was probably better. It was up to my overactive imagination to visualize the two of them cruising through a gilded life in Chicago. I tried hard not to think about the nights, about Kelly's athletic body and her goofy enthusiasm for sex. The days were worse though, imagining Kelly's happy presence lighting up someone else's life. I only hoped that Frechette was treating her properly and not taking her for granted, like he did before.

Emily had to work late, so it was nearly 9:00pm when I got to her place to pick her up.

"All set?" I asked her.

"Yes. As long as I haven't forgotten anything, like an earring." She looked in the mirror. She had both silver hoops on, as well as a fitted black dress, sheer stockings, and shiny heels. Her dark hair was smoothly done up. As always, Emily looked beautiful and elegant.

She gave me a kiss and then whispered, "Oops. I did forget one thing-to wear panties. Wanted to give you something to think about if the party is boring."

Well, that was hot. We cruised over to Ben's townhouse. The place was hopping already. My eyes searched the crowd, and I finally saw Kelly's back. She was talking to Charmaine. Her hands were motioning and the tilt of her head, her straight posture, and her dark hair were all so familiar. Her presence triggered an ache deep inside me-of need and longing.

"I'm going to hunt down drinks and something to eat," Emily declared and off she went. I found myself moving almost involuntarily towards Kelly.

Charmaine saw me first, and she smiled. "Hello, Phil."

Kelly turned around and gave me a tentative smile. I smiled back at first, but when I got a good look at her, I felt shocked.

She looked so different. She had definitely lost a little weight. But it was more that she had this artificial gleam that was completely foreign to her. Her nails were manicured and polished, her hair was slick with no little tendrils escaping, and her face was completely made-up. She was wearing a pale, glittery dress, long diamond earrings, and even low heels.

There was no denying that she looked sexy. In fact, she looked like the kind of woman that most guys would drool over. But she didn't look like Kelly; she looked like an NHL girlfriend. That only made me hate the asshole more. Why not choose someone who was already a fake beauty and leave the natural Kelly for guys who appreciated her?

She had seen the shock on my face and frowned.

"Hey, Phil. How is everything?" Her voice was cool and formal.

"Good. How is life in Chicago?"

"Fine. The team is doing really well. They have a five-game winning streak going on-six if they beat the Flames tonight." How like Kelly to talk only about hockey and not about any of the real things I wanted to know.

Well, I could be equally casual. "Yeah, they play the Canucks tomorrow, right? I guess you're going to that game."

"Definitely. How is your job?"

"It's good. Not quite as busy as it was in the summer." When I was too busy to see you enough and nothing had gone as it should have.

"You missed the big announcement, Phil," Charmaine said. "Ben and April are engaged."

"That's great." It wasn't a huge surprise.

Then Emily appeared beside me. "Here's your drink, babe." She handed me a beer. I introduced everyone, and Emily made friendly small talk with Charmaine and Kelly. As they were talking, I watched Kelly carefully. There was this moment when her face relaxed and her expression changed completely. It was only a glimpse, but she looked strained and trapped. That was why she looked so artificial, instead of her natural expressiveness: her face was a controlled mask. The anger that I held in for so long began to melt, and I felt worried and protective. I knew he would hurt her. I knew he could never appreciate her fully.

"Phil?" Emily touched my shoulder, and I realized she had been asking me something.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"Charmaine was telling me that there's a whole buffet table set up in the dining room. Since neither of us have had dinner yet, did you want to check that out?"

"Oh sure." I couldn't keep standing here and mooning over Kelly. She wasn't my responsibility anymore. She was an adult, and she had made her choices.

"Bye, Charmaine. Nice to see you again, Kelly." She smiled back at me, the beautiful front firmly in place.

Emily and I loaded up our plates and found a couple of empty chairs where we could eat comfortably.

"This is delicious," Emily declared. "I love the mix of Chinese and Western food."

"Yeah, it's great. Ben's always been into good food."

We ate in silence. I couldn't stop thinking about the changes in Kelly.

"So, are you going to tell me about her, or do I have to start the cross-examination?"

When I looked up, Emily was smiling at me with her head cocked.

"I hate dating a lawyer. You're too perceptive."

"It's part of my job to be able to read people."

This was not my favourite topic. "I dated Kelly before. It's not a big deal, but things didn't end on the best note."

Emily looked like she wanted to ask a lot more questions, but she realized it wasn't the right setting and I looked less than receptive. I tried to relax and have a good time, but Kelly's presence in the room was making things difficult. If I tried to talk to her again that would bother Emily. So I stayed away. Yet, my eyes kept searching for Kelly-she was a sparkling, solitary figure in a packed room.

Kelly had always been independent and would have hated to be considered a damsel in distress. But I couldn't shake the idea that she needed to be rescued.