"Why didn't you tell me you were going to do that?" He looked hurt that she hadn't told him, but he was still moved by her singing.

"I didn't know till I got here. They came and asked me the minute I sat down."

"You were unbelievable," he said proudly. He couldn't believe he knew her. The last few days had been like a dream for him, and now he was standing there talking to her, as though he'd always known her. He was wearing green-and-silver leather chaps, and handmade boots to match them, a bright green shirt, and a gray cowboy hat, and silver spurs that jangled. "I've never heard anyone sing like that," he said in amazement, as people jostled around them, but no one seemed to realize who he was talking to. They hadn't figured it out yet.

"It's a crazy thing to say," she said, feeling shy suddenly, like a kid, and she wasn't sure if he should hear it, "but I did it for you. I thought it might bring you luck... I thought you might like it..."

His eyes were a caress as he looked at her, but he felt as shy as she did. "I don't know what to say to you. I just don't know, Tanya..." Tanya... Tanya Thomas... he kept wanting to pinch himself. Was this happening to him? Was she talking to him? Had he been riding with her since Monday? It was crazy. He was dreaming.

"It was kind of my gift to you... now you give me one too." He was terrified of what she would ask of him. But at that moment, he would have done just about anything for her. "You stay safe, that's all I want. Take care. Even if it means no score. It's not worth it otherwise, Gordon. Life's too important." She had seen so many people come and go in her life, so many stupid things happen, so many people who risked everything for something that meant nothing. She didn't want him killing himself for seventy-five bucks on a stupid bronco. In some ways, rodeos were like bullfights. The stakes were just too high sometimes, and you had to know when to cut your losses.

"I promise," he said, sounding hoarse as their eyes met. His knees were turning to water.

"Take care," she said, and touched his arm, and the velvet of her suede suit brushed past his hand and she literally vanished. She had seen people watching them, and before anyone took a picture, or they mobbed her, she wanted to get back to the bleachers. It might be impossible to stay now anyway, now that they knew she was there, but she was dying to see him ride. It took her a full five minutes, but she got back to her seat with no mishap, and her heart was pounding when she got there, but it was because of Gordon, not the crowd or the performance. She had never been as moved by anyone in her life as she was by him, and she knew it could be dangerous for both of them. She didn't need another scandal, and he didn't need his life turned upside down by a singer who was going to get on her bus and leave town two weeks later.

"Where the hell were you?" Zoe was frantic when she got back to where they were sitting, and so was Mary Stuart and even Hartley. They had just been about to call the security when she got there.

"I'm really sorry," she apologized profusely to all of them, "I didn't mean to worry you. It took me a while to get through the crowd, and I ran into Gordon." Everyone accepted it and she sat down and they did too, and half a minute later, Mary Stuart leaned toward her and spoke to her in a whisper.

"You're full of shit, you went to find him." There was mischief in her eyes, and Tanya avoided eye contact with her. She really didn't want to admit it. She was far more smitten with him than she was ready to tell them.

"Of course not." She tried to brush her off and pretended to watch the first event, which was roping, which always bored her.

"I saw you," Mary Stuart said, and their eyes met. Her friend was smiling. "Be careful," she whispered into Tanya's ear, but as they were talking, half a dozen people approached them and asked Tanya to sign autographs. And since she had made a willing spectacle of herself, she didn't think she could refuse them. It was like that all night, through the team roping, the barrel racing, the bareback broncos, the bulls, and then finally, she saw him. He was riding a fierce, bucking bronco with a saddle. And the thing she hated most about saddle broncs was that the cowboys taped one hand into the horn on the saddle. They had to come off specifically on one side, and be able to get their hand out. And if they didn't, they could be dragged around on their head for ten minutes before the pickup men could catch them. She had seen some horrifying accidents while she was a child in Texas, And she found herself terrified as she watched him come out of the gate on a vicious brown horse that did everything it could to get rid of its rider. His feet were in the air just as they were meant to be, his legs straight forward, his head and torso tilted far back, and he didn't touch the saddle with his free hand. And he seemed to ride forever. He rode until the bell, he had stayed on longer than anyone, and he made a nice clean jump to the ground, while the pickup men went after the bronco and got him. He got an almost perfect score and waved his hat and his taped hand in her direction and then strode across the ring back to the pens, with his chaps and his boots, looking glorious. It had been a real victory for him. And he had done it for Tanya.

They stayed until the last event, a final round of bulls, followed by fourteen-year-old boys on young steers, that made you wonder about the boys' parents. It was certainly not as dangerous as the bulls, but close enough, and Mary Stuart was outraged.

"Those people should be put in jail for letting those boys do that." In fact, one of the youths had been stomped, a boy of twelve, but he was on his feet again within a few minutes. Zoe and the others had been watching closely.

But in spite of some of the barbarism, and the sheer hokiness, Tanya had to admit she loved it, it was everything she had always loved as a child. And as they left, the others couldn't believe the number of people who asked for autographs on the way out, who snapped her picture, and tried to touch her. But the grand marshal had very kindly sent the security and the real police over to her, anticipating that, and she managed to get back to the bus without any real problems. There were still about fifty people standing outside the bus when they left, waving and shouting, and running alongside the bus as it drove away. It was an amazing phenomenon. It was the adoration that always came before the hatred. If she stayed long enough, they would have torn her limb from limb, in order to get a piece of her or maybe some lunatic would really hurt her. It was the kind of atmosphere that always made her very nervous in crowds, or out in public.

"Tanya, you're amazing," Hartley said to her as they pulled away. He was filled with admiration. She was gracious to everyone, while still maintaining her dignity, and trying to give them what they wanted, and yet keep a reasonable distance. But through it all, one sensed constantly how precarious the balance of the crowd was. "I would be terrified of even a little crowd like that," he said sensibly. "I'm an inveterate coward." But she was used to doing concerts in front of as many as seventy-five thousand. Yet even in a crowd like the one tonight, someone could easily have lost control and killed her. And she knew it. "You also have a voice straight from God," he said. "Everyone around us was crying."

"Me too," Mary Stuart said, smiling, "I always cry when you sing," Zoe said matter-of-factly, and Tanya smiled, touched by all of them. It had been a remarkable evening, and Hartley sat with them for a while when they went back, and then he and Mary Stuart took a walk, and he brought her back around eleven-thirty. They had stood in the moonlight for ages kissing, and Tanya and Zoe thought they were cute and incredibly romantic.

"What do you think will happen?" Tanya asked Zoe as they sat in the living room, talking.

"It would be nice for her if things worked out with him, but it's hard to tell. I have the feeling in a place like this it's a little bit like a shipboard romance. And I'm not sure she's worked it all out in her head with Bill yet." It was astute of Zoe to notice.

"He's been such a bastard to her all year, I hope she leaves him," Tanya said, sounding harder than usual, but she was angry at Bill, and she felt sorry for Mary Stuart.

"But he's been in pain too." Zoe was more familiar with the strain a death in the family put on otherwise decent people. It turned some of them into saints, others into monsters. And Bill Walker had definitely been the latter.

Zoe was going to say something about Tanya's wrangler too, but Mary Stuart came in then, beaming.

"Are we allowed to check for beard burn?" Tanya asked, reminiscent of school, and they all collapsed in laughter.

"God, I'd forgotten what that is," Mary Stuart laughed, and then turned to Tanya. "You were unbelievable tonight, Tan. Better than ever. I've never heard you like that."

"It was fun. That's the good part. I always love the singing."

"Well, you give a lot of people a great deal of pleasure," Mary Stuart said kindly.

They chatted for a little while, and Mary Stuart and Zoe went to bed, and Tanya decided to stay in the living room reading. She was still exhilarated from the rodeo, and her brief performance, and just after midnight, she heard a soft tapping on the window. She thought it was an animal outside at first, and then she looked up and saw a flash of green shirt, and then a face smiling at her like a mischievous boy. It was Gordon. And she grinned when she saw him. She wondered if in some instinctive part of her she had been waiting for him. The thought crossed her mind as she slipped quietly out to see him. It was chilly outside, and she was still wearing her velvety suedes, and she was barefoot.

"Shhh!" He put a finger to his lips, but she hadn't been about to call his name. She had already guessed that he could get in a lot of trouble for being there at that hour, with her. His cottage was down behind the stables.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered, and he beamed at her. He was as excited as she was.

"I don't know. I think I'm crazy. Maybe almost as crazy as you are." It was as though he had known her forever. And he would never forget what she had done for him that night, or the voice with which she sang it.

"You were great," she said, smiling at him. "Congratulations. You won."

"Thank you," he said proudly. It mattered to him. A lot. And just as she had, he said he had done it for her. It was his gift to Tanny, as he called her. It made her seem less like Tanya Thomas.

"I know you did." He was standing next to a tree as she talked to him, and he suddenly leaned against it and pulled her toward him.

"I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm crazy. I could get fired for this."

"I don't want you to get hurt," she said honestly, standing close to him, hoping no one would see them.

"I don't want you to get hurt either." And then he frowned, looking at her. He had never been as afraid as he was that night, not for himself, but for her, when the crowd engulfed her when she left him. "I was terrified... I was so afraid someone might hurt you."

"They might one day," she said sorrowfully, it came with the territory for her, and she accepted it. Almost. "It could happen." She tried to sound casual about it, but she wasn't.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Ever." And then he surprised himself with what he said, "I wish I could be there to protect you."

"You can't all the time. Someone could get me coming out of my house any morning, or onstage at a concert. Or at a supermarket." She smiled philosophically, but he looked unhappy.

"You should have guards around you all the time." He would have kept her locked in the house, anything to protect her, "I don't want to live like that, only when I have to," she whispered. "I'm pretty good in a crowd, as long as they don't go crazy."

"The police said there were more than a hundred people running after you when you left tonight... that scared me..."

"I'm fine," she smiled at him. "You're in a lot of danger on those crazy broncos. Maybe you ought to think about that instead of my fans," she said, as he pulled her still closer and she didn't resist him. She didn't want to resist him, she wanted to melt into him, to be part of him, and as he looked at her he could think of nothing but her face, her eyes, the woman he had discovered behind the legend.

"Oh God, Tanny," he whispered into her hair. "I don't know what I'm doing..." He had been so afraid of her, of being blown away by her, or impressed, but he had never expected this, this avalanche of feelings. And as she put her arms around him, he kissed her as he had kissed no other woman. He was forty-two years old, and in his whole life, he had never felt for a woman what he did for this one. And in less than two weeks now she'd be gone, and he'd wonder if it ever happened. "Tell me I'm not crazy," he said, looking down at her after he kissed her. "Except that I know I am." He looked both miserable and ecstatic all at once, victorious and defeated, but she was just as wildly enamored as he was.

"We both are," she said gently. "I don't know what's happening to me either." It was like a tidal wave that just wouldn't stop and he kissed her again and again, and all she wanted to do was make love with him and they both knew they shouldn't.

"What are we doing?" He looked down and asked her. And then he wanted to know something he hadn't even thought to ask her. "Are you married? Do you have someone... a boyfriend?" If she did, he was going to stop now, even if it killed him, but she shook her head and kissed him again.

"I'm getting divorced. It's already filed. And there's no one else." And then she looked at him, it was as though there never had been. And she suspected that if Gordon had been there instead of Bobby Joe, they would still be married.

"That's all I wanted to know. We can figure out the rest later. Maybe there will be no 'rest.' But I didn't want to play games if you were married or something."

"I don't do that," she said softly. "I've never done this before... I don't care what they say about singers or movie stars... I've never fallen head over heels like this." In fact, she had married the men she'd cared for. She was actually pretty square. But what she felt now for him was almost too much to handle. And then she thought of him and the possible repercussions. "You have to be very careful so no one knows. I don't want you to get in trouble." He nodded, not really caring. He had been at the ranch for three years, and he was the head wrangler at the corral, but he would have gladly given it all up for her, if she'd asked him.

"Tanny," he said, holding her close to him, running his hands through her incredible hair and kissing her again and again. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, feeling more than a little crazy. Neither of them had any idea what they would do about it, if anything, but for the moment, it was more than a little overwhelming. He didn't even want to think about what he was doing.

"Will you come back to the rodeo on Saturday?"

"Sure." She smiled at him, wishing she could sit on the bronc pen with him.

"Don't sing again. I don't want you to get hurt," he whispered.

"I won't," she whispered back, still leaning against the tree with him.

"I mean it." He looked genuinely worried about her. She had marched right into his heart three days before, as though she belonged there.

"Then don't ride the broncs," she teased, but she didn't mean it. She knew he had to, for the moment. Maybe later, he would stop it. If there was a later between them. But how could that happen? They both knew it couldn't.

"I'm going to worry about you now all the time," he said unhappily.

"Don't. Let's trust fate a little bit. It brought us together. It's a complete fluke I'm even here... why don't we just see what happens. Life is funny like that."

"You're funny, and I love you." He smiled and kissed her.

They stood there for a long time and kissed and talked. He had a day off on Sunday and wanted to go exploring with her. She offered to take him in the bus, but he just wanted to take her out in his truck, and show her the places he loved, and she agreed to go with him. She had to figure out what to tell the others. She didn't really want to discuss it with them. There was something so magical about what was happening to them, she wanted to keep it private.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered finally, but he couldn't imagine not being able to kiss her the next day, or put his arms around her, but they both knew he couldn't. Maybe he could come back the next night, and go for a walk with her, late like this, but she didn't want him to get in trouble. The ranch management frowned on romances between guests and wranglers, although everyone knew it sometimes happened. But he swore it had never happened to him. He had never done anything like it. And ail he could tell himself was that, for a virgin, he had hit the jackpot.

She stood in the doorway and watched him go. He was silent and quick, and he disappeared into the darkness almost the instant he left her. It was after two o'clock by then, and they had been out there for nearly two hours, talking and kissing. And when Tanya went inside, she jumped when she heard a sound. She had thought they were asleep, but it was Zoe putting the kettle on in the kitchen. She looked green and she had a blanket around her. She didn't tell Tanya, but she had raging diarrhea.

"Are you okay?" Tanya asked as soon as she came in, wondering how she would explain what she was doing outside, but she didn't have to. Zoe had guessed, and didn't press her about it. "You look sick."

"I'm all right," she said unconvincingly, and Tanya could see that she was shaking from head to foot, and she was really worried.

"Zoe?" Tanya looked at her with wide, worried eyes, and Zoe just shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it. "Go to bed, I'll make your tea for you." Zoe went back to bed gratefully, and Tanya came in with a cup of mint tea a few minutes later. Zoe was still shaking but she looked a little better. Tanya handed Zoe the mug, and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What's happening?" she asked, looking worried.

"Not much. Just a bug." But somehow, Tanya didn't believe her.

"Do you want me to call a doctor?"

"Of course not. I am a doctor. I've got everything I need here." She had her AZT, a host of other medicines, she even had a shot she could give herself if the diarrhea got out of control again. She nearly hadn't made it to the bathroom. That would have been beyond awful, and it would have taken a lot of explaining.

They sat there for a while, just thinking, both of them, as Zoe sipped her tea and then lay back on the pillows. She looked at her old friend and felt she had to say something. "Tanny... be careful... what if he's not what you think... what if he sells his story to someone... or hurts you. You don't really know him." Tanny wondered how Zoe had known, she was one sharp bird, and she smiled as she listened to her. None of it was impossible, but her instincts told her he was genuine, and she usually only got in trouble when she ignored her instincts.

"I think he's all right, Zoe. I know that sounds crazy, because I hardly know him. But he keeps reminding me of Bobby Joe."

Zoe smiled at her wanly. "The funny thing is he reminds me of him too. But the fact is he isn't Bobby Joe, He's his own person. And he could do a lot of things to hurt you." The price the tabloids put on her head was a big one. They would have paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for a story about her. Especially this one. Not to mention pictures, "I know that," Tanya said cautiously. "And the truth is it's remarkable that I'm still willing to trust anyone, but I am. I may be crazy, but I trust him."

"You may be right," Zoe said fairly. She had always been fair, even when they were young. It was one of the many things Tanya loved about her. "Just don't give your heart away too fast, you only get one, and it's a mess to repair once it gets broken." The two women exchanged a long, slow smile. Zoe would have liked nothing better than to see Tanya find the right guy and be protected.

"What about your heart?" Tanny asked her, as Zoe set her mug down. And she was looking a little better. "Why have you been alone for so long? Is it broken?"

"No," she said honestly, "just full of other people's stories. There's never enough time... and now there's my baby. I don't need more than that."

"I don't believe you," Tanya said wisely, "we all do."

"Maybe I'm different," Zoe said, but she looked sad, and sick and lonely, and Tanya wished she could do more for her. She had always loved her like a sister, and Zoe did so much for so many. She was truly a saint of sorts, and Tanya was worried that she looked so ill and was so exhausted. There was no one to take care of her normally, to nurture her, and do for her what she did for others. But she was looking sleepy now, and Tanya turned off the light and kissed her forehead.

"Get some sleep, and if you don't feel better in the morning, I'm calling a doctor."

"I'll be fine," she said, closing her eyes, and she was almost asleep before Tanya left the room. She stood in the doorway for a moment and looked at her. Zoe was already asleep by then, and she was smiling.

And as Tanya walked back to her own room, her thoughts drifted back to Gordon. She knew Zoe was right. He could do terrible things to her and really hurt her. She was the most vulnerable person she knew, and she couldn't afford the same emotional luxuries as other people. He could write an unauthorized biography, or give an interview to the tabloids, he could take photographs of her and blackmail her if she let him, he could do anything from extort money from her to kill her. But how could she live constantly worrying about things like that? And she was always so circumspect and so careful. And now suddenly in three days she had fallen head over heels in love with a cowboy. It was insane, and yet nothing in her life had ever felt more right, or saner. And as she slipped into bed after she brushed her teeth and put her nightgown on, all she could think of was how he looked that night when she told him she'd sung the anthem for him. And all she cared about was to be with him again, in the morning. And as she fell asleep, she could see his face, his eyes, as he rode the bronco... his green-and-silver chaps flying... his hand held high... she was singing for him... and he was smiling.

Chapter 16.

The day after the rodeo, when Mary Stuart woke up, she heard noises just outside her bedroom. She put her dressing gown on and walked into the living room, and she found Tanya there, fully dressed and looking worried.

"Is something wrong?" She didn't even tease her about being up at that hour, and already in boots and blue jeans.

"It's Zoe. I think she's been up all night. She won't tell me what's wrong. She thinks it's a flu of some kind, but Stu, she looks really awful." A thousand horrible possibilities crossed their minds from ulcers to cancer. "I think she should go to the hospital, but she doesn't want to."

"Let me take a look at her," Mary Stuart said quietly, but when she saw her, she was momentarily shocked into silence. Zoe's face was so pale, it was a fluorescent green, and she was dozing. She stood there for a minute, and then they walked out of the room together.

"My God," Mary Stuart said, horrified, "she looks awful. If she doesn't go to the hospital, we should at least have someone come here to see her," she said with complete conviction, and Tanya was relieved to hear her say it.

Tanya called the manager and asked if there was a doctor nearby who could make a house call. They asked what the problem was and she said only that one of her friends was extremely ill, they didn't know what it was, but it could easily have been appendicitis or something that needed immediate treatment.

Charlotte Collins, the owner, called back instantly, and she said she'd have a doctor to them half an hour later.

"You don't suppose it's something serious, do you?" Tanya asked Mary Stuart as they waited, and Mary Stuart only shook her head, looking worried.

"I just wish I knew. I hope it's not. But she works awfully hard. Hopefully, it'll turn out to be nothing."

True to her word, Charlotte Collins had Dr. John Kroner there at eight-thirty. He was a young man, with athletic good looks, he looked as though he had played football in college. And it was obvious when he came in that he knew he was coming to see Tanya Thomas. He tried not to look impressed, but he couldn't help it, and she smiled warmly at him, and tried to tell him about Zoe.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" He sat down, looked at her intently, and listened.

"I don't know. She looks pale to me all the time, and she's tired, but she seemed all right actually until yesterday. She said she had the flu, there was something wrong with her stomach. She was absolutely green, and shaking violently last night. She was up until about two o'clock, and this morning, she looks a lot worse and she has a fever."

"Any pain as far as you know?"

"She didn't say." But she had looked truly miserable. That had to come from something.

"Vomiting? Diarrhea?"

"I think so." Tanya felt inordinately stupid, and a moment later, he went in to see Zoe. He closed the door, and they were inside for a long time, and eventually he emerged. It had been an interesting meeting for him. He knew who she was the moment she said her name. He had read everything she'd written. And for him it was even more of an honor to meet her than Tanya.