CARVE. You're beginning to come round at last?

JANET. Well, I think they were quite honest people--those three. There's no doubt the poor creature once had a husband who did run off. And it seems fairly clear his name was Albert Shawn, and he went away as valet to an artist. But then, on the other hand, if there is one thing certain in this world, it is that you were never married before you married me.

That I will swear to.

CARVE. And yet she identified me. She was positive.

JANET. Positive? That's just what she wasn't! And didn't you notice the queer way she looked at you as they went out? As much as to say, "I wonder now whether it is him--after all?"

CARVE. Then you really think she could be mistaken on such a point?

JANET. Pooh! After twenty-six years. Besides, all men of forty-seven look more or less alike.... And so I'm the wife of Ilam Carve that's supposed to be buried in Westminster Abbey and royalty went to his funeral! We'll have some tea ourselves. I say, why did you do it?

(Pours out tea.)

CARVE. (Casually.) I don't know. It was to save worry to begin with, and then it went on by itself and somehow I couldn't stop it.... I don't know!

JANET. (Endearingly.) Well, I've always told you frankly you've got a bee in your bonnet. (Drinking tea and turning over the post.) More letters from these newspaper people! What's this lovely crest on this envelope?

CARVE. It's from Lord Leonard Alcar. He says if we'll go up and see him to-morrow afternoon he'll be very much obliged indeed, and he may be able to be of a.s.sistance to us.

JANET. (Deeply impressed.) Lord Leonard Al ... Where's the letter?

(Searches for it hurriedly. As she reads it.) Well I never!

(Reading) "And Mrs. Shawn." I've got nothing to go in.

CARVE. Oh, I shan't go!

JANET. Why not?

CARVE. Well, what about this trip to the Continent?

JANET. Continent fiddlesticks. I've never been asked to go and see a Lord before....

CARVE. Now listen, Jane. What earthly good can it do? I shan't go.

JANET. I shall. So there! Six Dukes in the family! I wouldn't miss it for anything.

CURTAIN.

ACT IV

SCENE I

LORD LEONARD ALCAR'S study, Grosvenor Gardens. Door, back centre.

Door, L. JANET'S portrait is conspicuous on a wall.

TIME.--The next afternoon.

LORD LEONARD ALCAR and MR. TEXEL are coming into the room from door at back.

ALCAR. You still go on collecting, Mr. Texel?

TEXEL. (Uncertain of his steps.) Well, yes. I've been amusing myself with pictures for pretty nigh forty years. Why should I deprive myself of this pleasure merely because my eyesight's gone?

ALCAR. Why, indeed! You have the true collecting spirit. Permit me (directs Texel's hand to chair).

TEXEL. Thanks, I'm on to it (Sitting down.) My sight's going steadily worse, but there are still a few things that I can make out pretty clearly, Lord Leonard. Motor omnibuses, cathedrals, English easy-chairs....

ALCAR. Well, I'm charmed to find you in such good spirits, and really I feel very grateful to you for accepting my invitation.

TEXEL. Delighted to make your acquaintance, sir. Two old collectors like us--rivals at Christie's. I wonder how many times I've cabled over instructions to my agent to smash you at any cost. Delighted to meet you, Lord Leonard.

ALCAR. We ought to have met earlier, Mr. Texel. Now I've got you here, I must tell you I've ventured to invite one or two--er--kindred spirits to meet you.

(Enter SERVANT.)

SERVANT. Mr. Ebag.

(Enter EBAG.)

(Exit SERVANT).

ALCAR. How d'you do, Ebag?

EBAG. My lord.

ALCAR. Let me introduce you to Mr. Texel. Mr. Texel, this is Mr. Ebag.

TEXEL. (Surprised--aside to LORD LEONARD ALCAR.) This one of your kindred spirits?

EBAG. (Also surprised?) Mr. Texel!

TEXEL. (Holding out his hand towards EBAG, who takes it.) Well, Mr.

Ebag, I've made a special journey to Europe to get a verdict from an English court that you've done me up for about thirty thousand dollars, and if I get it I'll do my level best afterwards to see you safe into prison; but in the meantime I'm very glad to meet you. I feel sure you're one of the right sort, whatever you are.

EBAG. You flatter me, Mr. Texel. The gladness is mutual.

(Enter SERVANT.)

SERVANT. Mr. Cyrus Carve. Mr. and Mrs. X.

(Enter JANET. She hesitates in doorway. LORD LEONARD ALCAR goes to meet her.)

JANET. You Lord Alcar?

ALCAR. I am Lord Leonard Alcar?