JAMES. (Toasting.) No, sir.

CARVE. I only wanted to know the worst. Silly joke about the fertility of curates--you've met with it, no doubt!

JAMES. Your tone is simply lamentable, sir.

JANET. (To JAMES.) Mind! You can do the other side. Now, take care; the fire's very hot. (In the same mild tone to MRS. SHAWN.) Twenty-six years, you say?

MRS. S. Yes. Albert was twenty-two then, weren't you, Albert?

CARVE. Undoubtedly.

JANET. And how did you come to find us out at last?

MRS. S. It was through an advertis.e.m.e.nt put in the paper by that Mr.

Texel--him that's in this law case--offering a reward for information about a Mr. Albert Shawn who'd been valet to that artist man that died.

JANET. Oh! So Mr. Texel has been advertising, has he? (Giving a cup of tea to JOHN SHAWN.)

MRS. S. Yes, for anybody that knew Albert Shawn when he was young.

"Albert Shawn," I says, "that's my husband's name." I'd been told he'd gone off in service with a painter or something of that kind. I married him as a valet.

JANET. (Pouring out tea.) A valet?

MRS. S. A valet, ma'am.... And the struggle I've had to bring up my children. (Whimpering.)

JAMES. Now, mother!

JANET. (Stopping JAMES.) That will do now! Give it me. (Taking toast and fork.) Here's some tea. Now don't pretend you've never seen a cup of tea before--you a curate!

(JAMES accepts tea.)

MRS. S. Yes, they would go into the church, both of them! I don't know how we've managed it, but managed it we have, surplices and all. And very happy they were, I'm sure. And now there's this dreadful scandal.

Oh, Albert, you might at least have changed your name! I--I---- (Partially breaks down.)

JOHN. Mother, I beg----(MRS. SHAWN breaks down entirely.) Mother, I absolutely insist. You know you promised not to speak at all except in answer to questions.

JAMES. I think, mother, you really might try----

JOHN. Leave her to me! Now, mother!

(Loud double knock off.)

JANET. (To JOHN SHAWN.) There's the post! Just go and bring me the letters in, will you? (JOHN hesitates?) You'll find them scattered about the floor in the hall. Don't miss any.

(Exit JOHN SHAWN, R.)

(MRS. SHAWN recovers.)

JAMES. And what do you propose to do, madam?

JANET. (Who has been soothing MRS. SHAWN.) Me? What about?

JAMES. About this--this bigamy.

JANET. Oh, nothing. What are you thinking of doing?

(Re-enter JOHN SHAWN with post, which CARVE takes and begins to read.)

JAMES. Well, I suppose you're aware that bigamy is a criminal offence?

JANET. There's a police-station in the Upper Richmond Road. Better call there. It'll be so nice for you two, when you're flourishing about in the pulpit, to think of your father in prison--won't it now?

JAMES. We, of course, should not prosecute. If you are prepared to go on living with this gentleman as though nothing had happened--

JANET. Oh, I don't mind.

JAMES. Well, then, I doubt if we should interfere. But Mr. Texel's lawyers are already in communication with the police.

JANET. (Stiffly.) I see. (An awkward pause during which everybody except CARVE, who is reading his post, looks at everybody else.) Well, then, I think that's about all, isn't it? (A shorter pause.) Good-morning. (She bows to the curates, and shakes hands with MRS.

SHAWN.) (To MRS. SHAWN.) Now do take care of yourself.

MRS. S. (Weakly.) Thank you.

JOHN. Good-morning. Mother, take my arm, please.

JAMES. Good-morning.

JANET. Albert, they're going.

CARVE. (Looking up absently and only half rising, perfunctorily and quickly) Good-morning. Good-morning. (Sits down.)

JANET. (To JAMES SHAWN, who is hovering near door L, uncertain of his way out.) This way, this time!

(Exeunt the SHAWNS followed by JANET.)

(CARVE rises and draws curtains of window apart)

(Re-enter JANET.)

JANET. (Cheerfully) Oh, it's quite light! (Turns out gas.)

CARVE. (Gazing at her.) Incomparable woman!

JANET. So it's true after all!

CARVE. What?

JANET. All that rigmarole about you being Ilam Carve?