Alexander could think about nothing else for the rest of the day, or the evening, or certainly the night alone in his barn. But the next day something happened that stopped him from self-immolation. It was Larissa's pale face in the morning. When he approached her, she put her hands up and without looking at him said, "I'm not feeling well."

"I don't mind," he said. "I'll make you feel better."

She pushed him weakly away and, without glancing at him, said, "Stay away, Alexander. Do yourself a favor. Stay away from me."

Perplexed he went to do his work. He didn't see her for the rest of the day, but in the evening during dinner, Larissa's now extremely pale face was accompanied by fever. The fever was higher the following evening and was miserably followed by a red raised rash on her face a day later.

Oh no, the grown-ups said in a panic. She is sick.

And then came Alexander's fever and his rash, but by the time he was sick, no one said oh no in a panic. Because the horseman of the apocalypse sat atop a pale horse that they all knew was typhus, the incurable, contagious, deadly pestilence. The headache that preceded the onset of the disease was so severe, so throbbing, so eye-poppingly wretched that by the time the 105F fever and the scabby, scratchy, inflamed rash came, Alexander welcomed the distracting delirium that accompanied it. The brothers were feverish and Larissa was hemorrhaging, and then the parents were delirious, and Larissa was dead. One minute pressed against Alexander's burning hands, the next dead and unburied as they were all too weak to dig a hole for her, and so she lay in the izba, and they all panted feebly and waited for the horseman to come for them. And it did.

In the end, only Larissa's father, Yefim, and Alexander remained. They had not been outside in many days, weeks maybe? They held on to each other and drank water, and prayed, and Alexander started praying in English, mixing it with Russian, pleading for peace, for his mother and father, pleading for their lives, praying for America, for health, for his life, for his mother, for Teddy, Belinda, Boston, Barrington, for the woods, for death finally because he couldn't take it anymore, and then he saw Yefim's tormented eyes watching him, felt Yefim's hand on him, heard Yefim's bleeding mouth whispering to him, "Son, don't die, don't die here like this. Go back to your father and mother. Find your way back home. Where is your home, son?"

Yefim died. Alexander did not. After spending six weeks in quarantine, he got better. The Soviet authorities, to prevent the outbreak of disease in the fall heat over the Caucasus region, burned the village of Belyi Gor and all the bodies and huts and barns and fields contained therein. Alexander, who remained alive but had no identity, got himself a new identity as Yefim's third son Alexander Belov. When the Soviet council workers came with masks on their faces and clipboards to their chests and in muffled voices asked, "Your name?" Alexander without hesitation said, "Alexander Belov." They checked against the birth records for Belyi Gor, against the available records for the Belov family and issued Alexander a new domestic passport that allowed him to travel in the Soviet Union without getting stopped and arrested for lack of documents. Alexander was put on a train and with written permission from the regional Soviet made his way back to Leningrad and went to live with Mira Belov, Yefim's sister. Mira was taken aback to see him. Fortunately for Alexander, she had not seen the family and the real Alexander Belov in twelve years and though she pointed out with surprise Alexander's black hair and dark eyes, the leanness and the height ("Sasha, I can't get over it. You were so short and blond and chubby when you were five!"), she couldn't remember well enough to become suspicious. Alexander stayed, sleeping on a cot in the hall, a cot that was half a meter too short for him. He ate dinner with Mira and her husband and her husband's parents and tried to be in their apartment as little as possible. He had a plan. He needed to finish school and then he would join the army.

Alexander didn't have time to remember, to think, to ache. He had only one mission-to see his parents again-and he had only one goal and one imperative-one way or another to leave the Soviet Union.

A New Best Friend, 1937 In the last six months of secondary school, Alexander met Dimitri Chernenko. Dimitri, nondescript and diminutive, kept sidling up to Alexander and asking questions, his curiosity pervasive, invasive and sometimes irritating. Dimitri was like the puppy Alexander never had. He seemed lonely and in need of friendship-and harmless. He was a scrawny kid with shaggy hair and eyes that constantly darted from one face to the next, never staying for more than a few seconds on anyone or anything. Yet the way he looked up to Alexander, literally looked up to him, the way his mouth opened in fawning awe when Alexander spoke, amused Alexander. Dimitri was easy to tease; he laughed at himself for always coming last in a race, for always missing the goal at football, for falling out of trees.

Once or twice, however, Alexander saw Dimitri bullying the younger boys in the school yard, and the second time when Dimitri tried to get Alexander to join in on the taunting of a petrified kid, Alexander pulled Dimitri aside and said, "What are you doing?" And Dimitri apologized and didn't do it again. Alexander attributed this lack of propriety ton ever being the popular one and over looked it, just as he overlooked his off-color remarks about girls ("Doesn't she have a hot ass? Hey, you, hotass!"). Alexander would patiently point out the errors in tact and judgment and Dimitri was a willing student, reforming himself to the best of his abilities, though nothing Alexander could teach would make Dimitri kick the ball into the goal or finish first in a race, or listen to a girl talk about her hair with out a bored sneer around his mouth. But in other ways, Dimitri became better behaved. And he laughed at all of Alexander's jokes, and that went a long way in friendship.

Dimitri was very interested in Alexander's tinge of an accent, but Alexander brushed off the questions. He didn't trust Dimitri, which said less about Dimitri than it said about Alexander who didn't trust anybody. Other than talking to Dimitri about his American past, Alexander and Dimitri managed to cover many other topics: communist politics (in hushed, mocking terms), girls (Dimitri had less experience than Alexander, i.e. none), and parents.

And that's when one afternoon while walking home, Dimitri let slip that his father was a guard at one of the city prisons, and not just any prison, but (in a glorious stage whisper) in the House of Detention, the most feared and hated of the Leningrad prisons. He said it, Alexander knew, because his father's position of power made Dimitri seem more powerful in Alexander's eyes. But it was at that moment that Alexander looked differently at Dimitri.

Suddenly he saw an opening in the porthole of destiny, a possibility of discovering what happened to his family, and that opportunity was enough for Alexander to swallow his hard-earned mistrust and confide in Dimitri. Alexander told Dimitri the truth about his past and asked for Dimitri's help in locating Harold and Jane Barrington. Dimitri, his eyes shining, said he would be glad to help Alexander, who in his gratefulness gave Dimitri a hug and said, "Dima, if you help me, God help me, I swear, I'll be your friend for life. I'll do anything for you."

Patting Alexander on the back, Dimitri replied that no thanks were necessary, he would help Alexander gladly because they were best friends, weren't they?

Alexander agreed that they were.

A few days later, Dimitri brought him the news about his mother. She had been "imprisoned without a right of correspondence."

Alexander remembered the old babushka Tamara and her husband. He knew what that meant. He remained composed in front of Dimitri, but that night he cried for his mother.

With Dimitri's father's help, they managed to get into the House of Detention for five minutes under the auspices of visiting Dimitri's father and doing a school report on the progress of the Soviet state against agitators and foreign traitors to the socialist cause.

Alexander saw his father for a few minutes one incongruously sunny and warm June afternoon. He had hoped for ten; maybe one or two alone. He got one or two, with Dimitri, Dimitri's father, and another guard. No privacy for Harold and Alexander Barrington.

Alexander had gone over what he wanted to say to his father until the few words were cut into his memory that neither anxiety nor fear could obliterate.

Dad! he wanted to say. Once when I was barely seven, you, me and Mom went to Revere Beach, remember? I swam until my teeth chattered, and you and I dug a large sand hole and built a sand bar and waited for the rising tide to wash the ocean in. We got so burned those hours on the beach, and then we went on the awesome Cyclone-three times-and ate cotton candy and ice cream until my stomach hurt and you smelled of sand and salt water and the sun, and you held my hand and said I too smelled like the sea. It was the happiest day of my life, and you gave that day to me, and when I close my eyes that's what I will remember. Don't worry about me. I will be all right. Don't worry about anything.

But he wasn't alone with his father for a moment to say those words to him, in any language. Alexander became afraid that Harold's emotion would alert the guard. Fortunately the apathetic sentry wasn't looking for subterfuge.

His father was the only one who spoke, in English, with a little lead-in help from Alexander. "Could the prisoner say something to us in English?" Alexander had asked the guard, who grunted and said, "All right. But make it short. I don't have time to waste."

"I'll say something short in English," said Harold. His voice barely strong enough to get the words out, he grasped Alexander by the hands and whispered, holding him tight, his eyes spilling over, "Would that I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!"

Saying nothing, Alexander stepped away and blinked back his father. At the end of those few short minutes in a bare concrete cell, Alexander's cost for keeping himself in control was a chipped tooth and a bit of his immortal soul. I love you, he mouthed silently, and then the door closed.

After that, Dimitri never left Alexander's side, which was all right with Alexander: he needed a friend.

It didn't take long for Dimitri to start formulating plans to get him and Alexander out of the Soviet Union. Since much of what Dimitri was saying echoed what Alexander already had been thinking and planning, Alexander saw no reason to stop him. And he saw no reason not to get Dimitri out with him. Two could fight better than one, could cover each other, could watch each other's back. That's what Alexander imagined. That Dimitri would be like a battle buddy. That Dimitri would watch his back.

But Alexander was patient, and Dimitri was not. Alexander knew the right time had to come, and would. They talked about taking trains down to Turkey, they talked about making their way to Siberia in the winter and walking across the Bering Strait ice. They talked about Finland and finally settled on it. It was the nearest and most accessible.

Alexander went every week to check on his Bronze Horseman book. What if someone checked it out? What if someone kept it? He couldn't help but feel that his money was not safe.

Having graduated secondary school, Alexander and Dimitri decided to enroll in the three-month program at the Officer Candidate School of the Red Army. The OCS was Dimitri's idea. He thought it would be a good way to impress girls. Alexander thought it would be an entry way into Finland if the Soviet Union and Finland went to war, which seemed likely: Russia did not like having a foreign country, a historical enemy, only twenty kilometers from Leningrad, arguably Russia's greatest city.

OCS was nothing like Alexander had imagined. The brutality of the instructors, the grueling schedule of the training, the constant humiliation by the sergeants in charge were all meant to break your spirit before war could. The humiliation was harder to bear than the running, the sweating in the cold, the rain. But worse than everything was being awoken after taps and told to stand for hours while some fucking cadet got taken to task for forgetting to shine his boots.

Alexander learned about imperfection in OCS, and about leadership, and about respect. He learned about keeping his mouth shut and about keeping his locker spotless and about being on time and about saying yes, sir when he wanted to say fuck you. He also learned that he was stronger and faster and quicker than other trainees, that he was neater, that he was more calm under pressure, and that he was less afraid.

He also learned that words spoken to him that were meant to rattle him actually did.

After experiencing the grunt duality of officer school-they wanted to make a man out of you by breaking your spirit until you had none left-Alexander was grateful only that he wasn't an enlisted man: they must have had it even harder.

And then Dimitri flunked OCS.

"Can you believe it? What bastards they all are, after putting me through such hell, to not let me graduate! What kind of stupid bullshit is that? I've got a good mind to write the commander a letter-who is the commander of OCS, Alexander? Do you see this letter? They're telling me I unloaded and loaded my weapon too slowly, and that I crawled on my belly like a fucking snake too slowly, and that in battle tests I didn't keep quiet enough, or exhibit enough leadership quality to be considered for an officer rank. Look at this: they're inviting me to join the enlisted ranks. Well, if I can't load my weapon fast enough for them as an officer, what good am I going to be as a fucking grunt?"

"Perhaps the standards are different for officers and regular soldiers."

"Sure they are! But they should be tougher for the frontoviks! After all, those are the guys who are first at the battle line. So they're flunking me out of a program that would have kept me in the rear where I would do the least damage, but instead offering me a position where I'm going to be thrown into the fucking war zone? No, thanks." Dimitri looked up at Alexander. "Did you get your letter?"

He had gotten it, of course, and was informed of his impending graduation as a second lieutenant, but he didn't think Dimitri was in any mood to hear that. To lie was impractical. Alexander told Dimitri the truth.

"Alexander, this is just idiotic. Our plans are completely fucked. What good are we to each other, with you an officer and me a private?" Dimitri hit himself on the head for emphasis. "I've got it! Great idea. Only one thing left to do-do you see it?"

"I don't see it."

"You've got to reject your second lieutenantship. Tell them you're honored and grateful, but you've reconsidered. They'll enlist you as a private in a few days, and then we'll be together in one unit and able to run together when the opportunity arises." He was gleefully smiling. "And for a moment I thought all was lost and our plans were as good as dead."

"Hold on, hold on." Alexander looked at Dimitri askance. "Dima, you want me to what?"

"Decline your officership."

"Why would I do that?"

"So we can execute our plans."

"Our plans haven't changed. If I'm second lieutenant, then I'm commanding a unit that has a sergeant who's in charge of your squad. We'll go to Finland together no matter what."

"Yes, but what good is it if we're not in the same unit? Those were our plans, Alexander."

"Our plans were to become officers together. We didn't say anything about becoming privates."

"All right, but our plans changed. We have to be flexible."

"Yes. But if we're both privates, we've got no power whatsoever."

"Who said anything about power? Who wants power?" Dimitri narrowed his eyes. "You?"

"I don't want power," Alexander said. "I want to be in a position to help us. You've got to admit, one of us being an officer gives us more options, more opportunity to get to where we need to be. I mean, if it were reversed and I flunked and you became an officer, I'd definitely want you to stay an officer. You could do so much for us."

"Yes," Dimitri said slowly, "but I didn't become an officer, did I?"

"Just dumb luck, Dima," Alexander said. "I'd think no more about it."

"I'm hardly going to be able to help thinking about it," said Dimitri, "since I'm about to become everybody's shitting pot."

Alexander said nothing. Dimitri spoke again. "I think it would be better if you and I were in the same squad."

"There is no guarantee of being in the same squad," Alexander said. "They'll send you to Karelia and me to the Crimea..." Alexander broke off. It was ridiculous. There was no way he was declining his officership. But by the look in Dimitri's eyes, by the hunched manner of Dimitri's shoulders, by the unpersuaded sneer of Dimitri's mouth, Alexander heard the first tear in the fabric of his and Dimitri's friendship. Shoddy Soviet workmanship, Alexander decided, and worked harder to convince Dimitri that this was going to work out. "Dima, think how much better your life will be in the army if I'm in the commissioned ranks, helping you out every step of the way. Better food. Better cigarettes. Better vodka. Better assignments. Better girls."

Dimitri looked skeptical.

"I'm your ally and your friend, and I'll be in a position to help you."

Dimitri still looked skeptical.

And rightly so, for, despite Alexander's proffered hand, life was only marginally easier for Dimitri. But there was no denying it-it was considerably easier for Alexander. He was quartered better, he was fed better, he was allowed more privileges and liberties, he was paid better, he received better weapons, he was privy to sensitive military information, and a better class of woman threw herself at him at the officers' club. The benefit to Dimitri was that Alexander was his commanding officer at the Leningrad garrison-with two sergeants and a corporal in between. But it was a dubious benefit the first time Alexander shouted at Dimitri for not maintaining order during a forward march and saw Dimitri coil up. Alexander knew he was either going to continue to shout orders at everyone including Dimitri, which was clearly not acceptable to Dimitri, or not shout orders at anyone, which was clearly not acceptable to the Red Army.

Alexander transferred Dimitri into another unit, placing him under the command of one of his quartermates, Lieutenant Sergei Komkov-permanently damaging his relationship with Komkov.

"Belov, you ought to be drawn and quartered," the short, nearly bald Komkov said to him one evening at cards. "What were you thinking asking me to take Chernenko? He is the biggest pussy I've ever seen! He is a worthless excuse for a soldier. My little sister is braver. He can't do anything right but hates to be told what to do. Can we court martial him for cowardice?"

Alexander laughed. "Come on, he's a good guy. You'll see he'll be good in battle."

"Belov, cut the shit. Today I was nearly going to shoot him for desertion when he dropped his rifle during a march and then had to step three paces out of formation to pick it up. I actually cocked my weapon at him, for which I was sorry. Then, to make it up to him, I put him in charge of cleaning the officers' latrine."

"Stop it, Komkov. He'll be all right."

"Do you know that one of our rifles was accidentally fired and Chernenko dropped to the ground in the courtyard and covered his head? Didn't protect his assigned buddy, I might add. I don't know why you defend him all the time as you do. He'll be the death of us in battle."

Here Come the Girls, 1939 When they first started going to clubs, he got together with a girl named Luba and she started coming around more often, and Alexander started being less interested in meeting new girls, but then he found Dimitri talking to her, and then Dimitri expressed an interest in her and Alexander nodded and stepped away. Luba was hurt, while Dimitri played with her for a while and dropped her.

That happened twice, three times more. Alexander didn't mind; he could always find himself another girl. He tried leaving Dimitri at the Sadko bar and going to the officers' club instead, but Dimitri disapproved. So Alexander continued to go to Sadko with Dimitri and to pretend that he wasn't that interested in any specific girl. And that was true. He quite liked all women.

Oksana only liked to be on top and did not want to be touched.

Olga liked to be touched. Only touched.

Milla talked too much about communism and economics.

Agafia talked too much period.

Isabel came once, returned for more, and on the third try, asked if he wanted to be married.

Dina said she liked him more than any other man she'd ever been with, and then he found her with Anatoly Marazov the next weekend.

Maya wanted it any which way, and he gave it to her any which way, and then again, and again, and afterward she said all he cared about was himself.

Megan talked all the while she was using her mouth on him.

Nina talked all the while he was using his mouth on her.

Nadia wanted to play cards, not before, not after, but instead of.

Kyra said she would do it only if her best friend Lena could join in.

Zoe was brazen all around and was done in fifteen minutes.

Masha was brazen all around and was done in two hours.

Marisa was the girl who liked to be talked to, and Marta was the girl who didn't.

Sofia was the girl who liked most everything as long as she had to do nothing herself.

Sonia was the almost funny girl until suddenly, after one Saturday night too many, she became the girl with a broken heart, and suddenly she wasn't funny and she wasn't broken-hearted. She was just livid.

Valentina wanted to know if he ever killed another human being.

Zhenya wanted to know if he wanted to have a baby.

And then Alexander started forgetting their names.

That happened when he started to keep himself from release longer and longer. He kept coming back to them, looking into their eyes, their mouths, trying to get them completely naked, wanting a connection, wanting something else, but wanting and forgetting and continuing. A few a night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night, and sentry evenings, and Sunday afternoons-not many during daylight, much to his dissatisfaction, for he so liked to look at them in their fervor.

Alexander started to withdraw from them, still liking them, still needing them, still wanting them, but with a resigned face, an unsmiling face, with a detached manner and a growing indifference to their pleasure, and suddenly and inexplicably their attachment to him grew!

There seemed to be more and more of the girls who liked his company, who wanted to walk with him along Nevsky Prospekt and hold his arm, who squeezed him gratefully at the end, and whispered thank you, who would come back the following weekend when he would already be on his next girl, on his next three. More and more of them seemed to want something from him-what, he did not know and, more to the point, could not give.

"I want more, Alexander," she said to him. "I want more."

And he smiled and said, "Believe me, I gave you all I got."

"No," she said. "I want more."

As they were walking back, he said in a resigned voice, "I'm sorry, but-what you want, it's just not possible. This is about as much as I'm capable of."

Still every girl he looked at, every girl he said hello to, every girl he touched, he thought, is she the one? I've had nearly all of them, has the one come and gone? Come-and gone, and I did not know?

But every once in a while, before dreams, before the black of night took him, for a moment, for a second, under the stars, on trains, and barges, and in other people's carriages, Alexander saw the barn and smelled Larissa, and heard her pleasure breath, and felt regret for something lost he was afraid would never come again.