A SERVANT-TYRANT

My correspondence is not safe from the malicious woman appointed Grand Mistress--Lovers at a distance and by correspondence--Fell in love with a leg 115

CHAPTER XXIV

MORE TYRANNY OF A t.i.tLED SERVANT

My daily papers seized, and only milk-and-water clippings are submitted--"King's orders"--Grand Mistress's veracity doubted--My threats of suspension cow her 119

CHAPTER XXV

THE TWO BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY UNITED

Leopold upon my troubles and his own--Imperial Hapsburgs that, though Catholics, got divorces or married divorced women--Books that are full of guilty knowledge, according to royalty--A mud-hole lodging for one Imperial Highness--Leopold's girl--What I think of army officers' wives--Their anonymous letters--Leopold's money troubles--We will fool our enemies by feigning obedience 123

CHAPTER XXVI

FREDERICK AUGUSTUS CONTINUES VERY RAW

Manners _a la_ barracks natural to royal princes--Names I am called--My ladies scandalized--Leopold turned over a new leaf, according to agreement, and is well treated--The King grateful to me for having "influenced Leopold to be good" 129

CHAPTER XXVII

PRINCE MAX MAKES LOVE TO ME

Wants me to consult him on all spiritual matters--Warns me against the Kaiser, the heretic bishop--Princes as ill-mannered as Russian-Jew up-starts 133

CHAPTER XXVIII

THE SHAH OF PERSIA FALLS IN LOVE WITH ME

The "animal" and his show of diamonds and rubies--Overcome by love he treats me like a lady of the harem--On the defensive--The King of kings an ill-behaved brute--Eats like a pig and affronts Queen--Wiped off greasy hands on my state robe--When ten thousand gouged-out eyes carpeted his throne--Offers of jewels--"Does he take me for a ballet girl?"--The Shah almost compromises me--King, alarmed, abruptly ends dinner--I receive presents from him 135

CHAPTER XXIX

THE SHAH COMPROMISES ME IN PUBLIC

Has only eyes for me at the grand manoeuvres, and I can't drive him from my carriage--Ignores the King and the military spectacle--Calls me his adored one--Court in despair--Shah ruins priceless carpets to make himself a lamb stew 139

CHAPTER x.x.x

MY LIFE AT COURT BECOMES UNBEARABLE

Laughter a crime--Disappointed Queen lays down the law for my behavior--Frederick Augustus sometimes fighting drunk--Draws sword on me--Prince George would have me beaten--To bed with his boots on 143

CHAPTER x.x.xI

PRISON FOR PRINCES THAT OPPOSE THE KING

Duke of Saxony banished--Cut off from good literature even--Anecdote concerning the Grand Dauphin and his "kettledrums"--A royal prince's garrison life--His a.s.sociation with lewd women 147

CHAPTER x.x.xII

PRINCE GEORGE SHOWN THE DOOR BY GRAND-d.u.c.h.eSS MELITA

A royal lady who walks her garden attired in a single diaphanous garment--Won't stand for any meddling--Called impertinent--My virtuous indignation a.s.sumed--A flirtation at a distance--An audacious lover--The Grand Mistress hoodwinked--Matrimonial horns for Kaiser--The banished Duke dies--Princes scolded like school-boys 151

CHAPTER x.x.xIII

MELITA'S LOVE AFFAIRS AND MINE

The Grand d.u.c.h.ess tells me how she cudgeled George--Living dictaphone employed--Shows him who is mistress of the house--Snaps fingers in Prince George's face--Debate about t.i.tles--"A s.e.xless thing of a husband"--Conference between lover and husband--Grand Duke doesn't object to his wife's lover, but lover objects to "his paramour being married" 157

CHAPTER x.x.xIV

MORE ABOUT THE SWEET ROYAL FAMILY LIFE

"Closed season" for petty meannesses--A prince who enjoys himself like a pig--Why princes learn trades--A family dinner to the accompaniment of threats and smashing of table--The Duke's widow and children robbed of their inheritance by royal family--King confiscates testament 163

CHAPTER x.x.xV

FLIRTATION DEVELOPS INTO LOVE

At the theatre--My adorer must have felt my presence--Forgot his diplomacy--The mute salute--His good looks--His mouth a promise of a thousand sweet kisses--Our love won't be any painted business 169

CHAPTER x.x.xVI

COUNT BIELSK MAKES LOVE TO THE CROWN PRINCESS

Fearless to indiscretion--He "thou's" me--Puts all his chances on one card--Proposes a rendezvous--Shall I go or shall I not go?--Peril if I go and peril if I don't 171

CHAPTER x.x.xVII

RAPID LOVE MAKING IN THE BOIS

A discreet maid--"Remove thy glove"--Kisses of pa.s.sion, pure kisses, powerful kisses--I see my lover daily--Countess Barnello offers "doves' nest"--Driving to rendezvous in state--"Naughty Louise," who makes fun of George 177

CHAPTER x.x.xVIII

"IN LOVE THERE ARE NO PRINCESSES, ONLY WOMEN"

A diplomatic trick--Jealous of Romano's past--The pact for life and the talisman--If there were a theatre fire the talisman would discover our love to the King--Some ill-natured reflections--Bernhardt's escapades cover up my tracks--The "black sheep" jumps his horse over a coffin--King gives him a beating--Bernhardt's mess-room lingo--Anecdotes of royal voluptuaries--Forces animals to devour each other--Naked ballet-girls as horses--Abnormals rule the world 183

CHAPTER x.x.xIX

MY PUNISHMENT

I lose my lover--Quarrels with me because I did my duty as a mother--Royalty extols me for the same reason---My pride of kingship aroused by Socialist scribblers--Change my opinion as to Duke's widow--Parents arrive--Father and his alleged astrolatry--His finances disarranged by alimony payments--My uncle, the Emperor, rebukes mother harshly for complaining of _roue_ father 193