Punished for objecting to familiarities--Awful names I was called--Locked in the room with wicked teacher--Defend myself with burning lamp--My brother nearly kills my would-be a.s.sailant 23

CHAPTER VII

PRINCES AND PRINCESSES DANCE TO THE TUNE OF THE WHIP

The result shows in the character of rulers--Why English kings and princes are superior to the Continental kind--Leopold's awful revenge--Mother acts the tigress--Her mailed fist--"I forbid Your Imperial Highness to see that dog" 27

CHAPTER VIII

PLANNING TO GET A HUSBAND FOR ME

Dissecting possible wooers at Vienna--Royalty after money, not character--"He is a Cohen, not a Coburg"--Prince who looked like a Jew counter-jumper in his Sunday best--Balkan princes tabooed by Francis Joseph--A good time for the girls--Army men commanded to attend us 35

CHAPTER IX

LOVE-MAKING

The fascinating Baron--The man's audacity--Putting the question boldly--Real love-making--_Risque_ stories for royalty 41

CHAPTER X

MY POPULARITY RENDERS GEORGE DYSPEPTIC

The Cudgel-Majesty--Prince George's intrigues--No four-horse coach for Princess--Popular demonstration in my favor--"All-highest" displeasure 45

CHAPTER XI

SCOLDED FOR BEING POPULAR

Entourage spied upon by George's minions--My husband proves a weakling--I disavow the personal compliment--No more intelligent than a king should be 53

CHAPTER XII

ROYAL DISGRACE--LIGHTNING AND SHADOWS

Ordered around by the Queen--Give thanks to a bully--Jealous of the "mob's" applause--"The old monkey after '_Hochs_'"--Criticizing the "old man"--Royalty's plea for popularity--Proposed punishments for people refusing to love royalty 57

CHAPTER XIII

UNSPEAKABLE LITTLENESSES OF PETTY COURTS

Another quarrel with my husband--Personal attendant to a corpse--Killing by pin p.r.i.c.ks--The mythical three "_How art thou's?_"--Unwanted sympathy from my inferiors--Pride of the decapitated Queen of France is in me--Lovers not impossible--Court to blame for them--My husband acts cowardly--Brutalizes my household--I lock myself in 63

CHAPTER XIV

IMPERIAL RUSSIAN ETHICS TRANSFERRED TO DRESDEN

My husband's reported escapade--Did he give diamonds to a dancing girl?--His foolish excuses--"I am your pal"--A restaurant scene in St. Petersburg--The birthday suit 71

CHAPTER XV

ROYALTY NOT PRETTY, AND WHY

Fecundity royal women's greatest charm--How to have beautiful children 77

CHAPTER XVI

MORE JEALOUSIES OF THE GREAT

Men and women caress me with their eyes--Some disrespectful sayings and doings of mine--First decided quarrel with Frederick Augustus--I go to the theatre in spite of him 81

CHAPTER XVII

THE ROYAL PRINCE, WHO BEHAVES LIKE A DRUNKEN BRICKLAYER

I face the music, but my husband runs away--Prince George can't look me in the eye--He roars and bellows--Advocates wife-beating--I defy him--German cla.s.sics--"Jew literature" _Auto da fe_ ordered 85

CHAPTER XVIII

I DEFY THEM

Laughter and pleasant faces for me--Frederick Augustus refuses to back me, but I don't care--We quarrel about my reading--He professes to gross ignorance 91

CHAPTER XIX

ATTEMPTED VIOLENCE DEFEATED BY FIRMNESS

Frederick Augustus seeks to carry out his father's brutal threats--Orders and threats before servants--I positively refuse to be ordered about--Frederick Augustus plays Mrs. Lot--Enjoying myself at the theatre 95

CHAPTER XX

t.i.tLED SERVANTS LOW AND CUNNING

George tries to rob me of my confidante--Enter the King's spy, Baroness Tisch in her true character--Punishment of one royal spy 99

CHAPTER XXI

BANISHMENT

I am ordered to repair to a country house with the hated spy as my Grand Mistress--My first impulse to go home, but afraid parents won't have me 103

CHAPTER XXII

"POOR RELATIONS" IN ROYAL HOUSES

Myself and Frederick Augustus quarrel and pound table--The Countess Cosel's golden vessel--Off to Brighton--Threat of a beating--I provoke shadows of divorce--King threatens force--More defiance on my part--I humble the King and am allowed to invite my brother Leopold 105

CHAPTER XXIII