Chapter 4 – The Frightening Last Meal Before Decapitation

After the prison breakout, likely because the most important person had already been taken, leaving only me, an insignificant outlaw, Yan Ping didn’t use the prisoner’s cart anymore.  He bought a carriage and placed me inside and then also sat himself inside, accompanying me for the entire journey into the capital.

Although his countenance was bad for the entire journey, sometimes, the gaze with which he watched me would unavoidably cause a person’s hair to stand on end.  I couldn’t help but feel that this person’s previously gentle temper was becoming more and more gloomy.  But seeing that he never unsheathed the sword on his waist, I secretly speculated. If he were to draw that sword and face me, what were my odds of winning?  Afterwards, I discovered that the circ.u.mstances were incredibly in my favor.  Thus, I rea.s.suredly continued to eat and drink.

There’s just one thing, no matter how many times I requested it of him, asking to bathe just once, so that even if I had to die, I could be a clean ghost, I am always ruthlessly rejected.

“The road to the Yellow Springs is as dark as ink.  A bit dirty, a bit clean, what difference does it make?” he said, with a smile that wasn’t a smile.

I felt that this tone of his didn’t carry any good intentions. Knowing that he has always loved cleanliness, but was forced to be cooped up for entire days inside this carriage, which had already been polluted by my smelliness, caused me to be exceptionally apologetic.  “It’s been hard on general Yan Ping, to be suffocated by this humble one.  This humble one is truly to blame!”

Nevertheless, he reached his hand out and patted me on the shoulder.  “What kind of relations.h.i.+p exists between you and I? In those days, we pretended to be husband and wife, and were even once the subject of h.o.m.os.e.xual rumors.  When did I ever turn my back on you?”

I’ve always maintained a respectable distance from people who have bad memory.  These  people, when there is nothing better, will make sweet promises and speak honeyed words.  When there is something better, they play the reneging game.  The most hateful thing is, while others still firmly remember their oath, these people had already one-sidedly cast aside what they once said.

The person before my eyes is a typical example.

I shook my head.  Using the oily hand I had just used to gnaw on drumsticks with, I stroked the hand on my shoulder.  Laughing happily, “General Yan spoke extremely well!”  Unexpectedly, the cool flesh beneath my hand didn’t pull away even by a little bit. I secretly theorized: don’t tell me, this person is also getting close to me for the army seal?

It’s just, that thing, when have I ever even seen it?

Half a month quickly flitted by, and the capital appeared before our eyes.

After great Qi established the country, the capital was not moved.  The former great Chen imperial palace simply changed its owner.

I had originally thought that an old official from the previous dynasty like me would, at most, through his majesty the emperor’s imperial edict, be dragged onto the execution grounds, and be settled with a chop of the blade.  Who could have guessed that the palace gate’s eunuch would expressionlessly announce the imperial edict, and state that his majesty the emperor wanted to personally see me instead.

This was also right.  I, with the present his majesty the great Qi emperor, had also once exchanged blows on the battlefield.  Perhaps he was afraid that Yan Ping had randomly and indiscriminately arrested someone to claim credit, hoping to meet the requirements for promotion. Indeed, inspecting a subordinate’s achievements was a necessary intimidation method.

Besides, in theory, three years ago, I had already been buried in that fire at the Chen imperial palace’s Jin Xiu pavilion.

Actually, this great Qi emperor, Feng Zhao Wen is indeed a bit weird.  Arriving at the imperial study’s door, the same eunuch who had announced the imperial edict expressionlessly blocked Yan Ping.  “His majesty has orally commanded, General Yan Ping is exhausted by the journey. Please return to your residence and rest.  He will summon you another day.  His majesty wants to call in little general An alone.”

I foolishly stood in front of the palace hall’s gate.  Deep in my heart, I loathed Yan Ping for not letting me bathe.

No matter the dynasty, an audience with his majesty the emperor naturally meant bathing and a change of clothes. Granted I am a prisoner, but stinking like this from head to toe, if his majesty the emperor suffocates, I’m afraid my blood will splash three feet on the spot.  Originally, I wanted to use Yan Ping as a s.h.i.+eld, throwing all the blame onto him….

Thinking and thinking, I could only brace myself and go in.

“Great Chen‘s martial general reporting to his majesty the emperor!”

These palace etiquettes haven’t been practiced for a long time and have truly become rusty.  Sure enough, to bow and bend at the knees requires a long period of training.  This kneecap of mine has only not knelt for three years, yet today there is some rigidness.

Raising my head to look , the man before me had profound facial features, gorgeous and handsome to the point that one didn’t dare to look at him straight-on.  A pair of phoenix eyes coldly glanced over.  “An Yi, you have such big nerves!”

“Many thanks for your majesty’s praise!  Your majesty is wise!”

Circ.u.mstances brings forth the hero.  Circ.u.mstances also brings forth the coward.  Occasionally being a coward isn’t shameful.   This is what my father has taught me!

The corner of his mouth trembled.  Suddenly, an imperial case file was slapped down and with gritted teeth, “You’re actually still alive?!”

I gave a cry of “Aiyo!” and immediately scooted my b.u.t.t back, falling onto a thick imperial rug. “I have let your majesty down!  An Yi is indeed still alive!”  Resolving not to get up anymore, and with a fawning smile, “Your majesty is wise!” At the same time, I hid my toe-exposing straw sandals under my patched-up gown.

Actually, the situation can’t be blamed on me.  If you want to blame, blame my father.

He invited people to teach me how to read characters, to read books, to use the spear, to handle the cudgel, to read other’s expression, and to flatter and fawn, but he never once taught me to be faithful, honest, and righteous, nor did he teach me the feminine arts, or how to bring along a useless Xiao Huang, farming, cooking, sewing, and doing laundry.  That we are still alive today, without having died of freezing or starvation, can already be considered the G.o.ds’ special favor!”

It’s just, it seemed that even if I licked this boot for a long time, that person sitting high upon the imperial seat wasn’t appreciative.

A few years without seeing him, this person has become scarier. He stretched his face taut, as though I was his biggest creditor.  His gaze was like a knife, ready to fly over and stab me at any moment.

I trembled for a bit.

They say the ignorant are fearless and the young are the bravest.  The older you get, the more fearful you become, fearing hards.h.i.+ps, fearing strain, and fearing pain.  Could it be that I have grown old?

On the journey here, although I had embraced the fact that I will have to die, seeing this face of Feng Zhao Wen, I sincerely wished I had died on the road!

Living a life worse than death was much more miserable than dying to one’s content.

I sat dead on the floor, refusing to rise. His face seemed to increasingly worsen.  Wrinkling his brows and obviously using a great amount of effort to restrain his anger,  “An Yi, can you get up to talk?”

I shook my head and honestly replied, “Your majesty’s awe has scared this servant until my legs have gone soft.  I can’t get up.”  Although my dad has said before, you can’t go wrong with boot-licking, but even for him, his favorable moment never arrived, and his big goals were never accomplished before he died.

My luck, compared to my father’s, is even worse.  With country ruined and house destroyed, I escaped with the child emperor and hid outside for three years, eating husks and choking on vegetables, and yet, I was still captured and brought back, penniless, dest.i.tute, and dejected.

Finally, he could no longer restrain himself, all the blue veins on his face violently appearing. “An Yi, do you seriously think I don’t have ways to deal with you?”

I unconcernedly spread my hand, “Nowadays, the world is at peace.  All the rivers and mountains within thousands of miles are in your majesty’s palm.  An Yi is like the meat upon your chopping board.  Even if your majesty were to put An Yi in a pot to boil, stew, or fry, who would be courageous enough to say half a word of refusal?”

The saying “throwing the helve after the hatchet” is probably talking about me.

Thinking that great Chen has already been destroyed, I ought to feel mournful at heart.  Presently however, not only do I not feel mournful, my heart was full of joy: you, wretched dynasty, have finally ended!  At last, this great one no longer has to hide my head and show my tail.

When great Chen still existed and the va.s.sal states were divided, Xiao Huang would sleep deeply every day, saliva flowing until long.  My father vied with Yan Ping‘s father until it became a situation of you-die-or-I-die.  Each wanting to become the a.s.sisting chancellor, all 18 martial methods were used.  Yan Ping‘s father can be regarded as capable, at least giving birth to a son, a person to succeed the family line.  My father alone had no son, but also had to attend the celebration.  Unable to swallow this mouthful of anger, he insisted on raising me, this little girl, as a son…..a female disguising herself with men’s clothes isn’t easy!

During that time, I indeed lived very exhaustingly…..every day accompanying Xiao Huangand admiring Yan Ping, that splendid youth, my every action carried with it the reputation of h.o.m.os.e.xuality.  It was really very miserable.

Now I don’t have to hide my head and show my tail.  Even though I had to farm every day in the countryside,  with the clothes on my body repaired with layer after layer of patches, causing me to look like a beggar, I still felt that the days pa.s.sed by very contentedly…..

He smiled slightly; he must not smile normally.  I felt that, if, that year, when great Qi and great Chen‘s conflict was like a wildfire, he had stood in front of both armies and smiled like this, great Chen would definitely not have resisted.  A hundred thousand soldiers would all have thrown down their armor!

— Isn’t the killing intent in this smile a bit too keen?

He said, “An Yi, since you realize you are meat upon the cutting board, you best be more well-behaved”

Being well-behaved doesn’t mean I’m foolis.h.!.+

His majesty, the great Qi emperor said this, got off the imperial seat and came over.  Grabbing my knotted head, which has not been washed in half a month, he firmly seized it into his embrace.  So tight was the strength of his hold, it nearly strangled me.

My heart trembled.  I didn’t dare move, but the feeling of this hug was too constraining.  I struggled and struggled.  His big palm attached itself to the back of my head and then seized my entire body into his embrace…..

I was scared into motionlessness.

This great Qi country’s emperor, his majesty’s tastes are a bit too special.  I recalled that during that year’s conflict, I myself was captured by him, and with my entire body also covered in dust and the stink of sweat, was pulled into his embrace. Afterwards….

The things that happened afterwards, it’s best to not mention them.

Don’t tell me that nowadays, the imperial concubines of great Qi‘s imperial harem all have to be battered, exhausted, and filthy in order to provoke his majesty the emperor’s favor?

Actually, I still didn’t have the courage to ask this question.

After a while, he expressionlessly pushed me away and shouted, “Come, take her down for a clean was.h.i.+ng.”  Turning his head, he gave me two words, “Too stinky!” and then went back to sit upon the imperial seat.

I…….

Was it I who allowed you to hug me?

As someone under another’s roof however, I had no choice but to bow my head.  From the doorway, two palace maids entered.  I raised my head to deferentially look at his majesty the great Qiemperor and gave a flattering smile.  The only thing missing was some drool.  “Your majesty, you smell very good!”

Those two palace maids stared at me blankly, their faces maintaining a look of astonishment.

He had just lifted his cup for a sip of tea.  With a pu sound, it spurted out.  Luckily I was far away, and only the long table was spurted upon. Ah, what an unfortunate calamity for the files on top.  Tomorrow perhaps, when the officials under him receive files that have been spat on by his majesty the emperor until their original form was unrecognizable, would they spend several sleepless nights in fear and trepidation?

–After all, this person’s vengeful heart has always been comparatively profound.

I was taken by the palace maids to a bathing hall.  I was cleanly washed in the steaming hot water of the white marble pool, dressed entirely in a light blue woman’s outfit, and then delivered toZhong Hua palace.  Actually, I am very familiar with the path between the bathing hall and Zhong Hua palace.

Three years ago, Xiao Huang bathed here every day.

I….stood guard outside the door.

I’ve slept at Zhong Hua palace many times.  Every day, Xiao Huang would be unable to finish his schoolwork.  He himself would sleep, while I stayed up all night writing in his place…..if not, when the grand tutor found the homework to be unfinished the next morning, I, this study companion, would unluckily take a beating.

Thus, I’d write and write, falling asleep.  Awakening, I’d find myself on Xiao Huang‘s dragon bed.

……..

Honestly speaking, Feng Zhao Wen is an odd emperor. He’s lived in Zhong Hua palace for over two years now, but this place is surprisingly nearly the same as before.  At most, there was the addition of a few books.  It seemed as if nothing else had been improved upon.

At this moment, he was sitting behind the writing desk. Noticing my arrival, he raised his head and gave me a glance before lowering it to read reports.

The sunlight from outside the palace was unbelievably strong. I’ve bathed cleanly, and although the clothes I wore were a bit more feminine, it was bearably comfortable.  The palace maids following from behind suddenly all retreated…..how was this anything like treatment towards a prisoner?

Seeing that a plate of pastries had been placed on the palace hall’s round table, I stealthily and slowly walked over, extending my evil clutches towards that plate of pastries.

The course of events was very thrilling.  Feng Zhao Wen coughed once and I immediately retracted my claws, pretending to look around, giving off the image of a country b.u.mpkin’s first time entering the palace.  Adorning this image was indeed a bit difficult.  When this great one, in those days, was calling wind and sending waves here, tricking the child emperor, and bullying the palace maids, I never had this image.

As a person under another’s roof though….

A person under another’s roof…..

At last, I fished the plate of pastries into my bosom, turned my body so that my back faced him, and fed myself a big mouthful of pastry.

Once in the mouth, the pastry immediately disintegrated.  It was extremely tasty, but a bit dry.  Just when I was regretting, a cup of hot tea was given to me from the side.  I took it and drank a big gulp, grabbing another pastry while conveniently pa.s.sing back the cup.  “Give me another cup.”  I took another bite of pastry and suddenly discovered something: this palace hall currently only has two people.

One person was me.

The other person….his majesty, the great Qi emperor, Feng Zhao Wen…….

I buried my face in the pastry dish, repenting deeply.

Father has once said, even when a tiger is eating meat, it still leaves one eye to take note of whether or not the surroundings had any danger.

Father has also once said, the imperial court is a place full of beasts.  If it isn’t you tearing me to shreds, it’s me ripping your throat out….

……Oh father, your daughter is ashamed before your teachings.

The cup was given over normally.  His majesty the great Qi emperor personally poured and brought a cup of tea over.  When I received it, both of my hands trembled a bit.  This is certainly my last meal. They say that the last meal before decapitation is the tastiest.  His majesty the emperor even poured tea for me.  This last meal before decapitation is truly worthy!