"I remonstrated," says Mr. Twain, "against the sending of this note, because it was so mixed up that the landlord would never be able to make head or tail of it; but Blucher said he guessed the old man could read the French of it, and average the rest."

Productions like the preceding, and like that with which we conclude are continually finding their way into print, and are always readable, curious, and fresh for an idle hour.

POCAHONTAS AND CAPTAIN SMITH.

(JAMESTOWN, A.D. 1607.)

"Johannes Smithus, walking up a streetus, met two ingentes Ingins et parvulus Ingin. Ingins non capti sunt ab Johanne, sed Johannes captus est ab ingentibus Inginibus. Parvulus Ingin run off hollerin, et terrifficatus est most to death. Big Ingin removit Johannem ad tentem, ad campum, ad marshy placem, papoosem, pipe of peacem, bogibus, squawque. Quum Johannes examinatus est ab Inginibus, they condemnati sunt eum to be cracked on capitem ab clubbibus. Et a big Ingin was going to strikaturus esse Smithum with a clubbe, quum Pocahontas came trembling down, et hollerin, 'Don't ye duit, don't ye duit!' Sic Johannes non periit, sed grew fat on corn bread et hominy."

_LINGUISTIC VERSE._

One of the most curious efforts in the way of teaching a language was that attempted by a work published originally in Paris, in 1862, entitled "O Novo Guia em Portuguez e Inglez. Par Jose de Fonseca e Pedro Carolina," or the New Guide to Conversation in Portuguese and English. Mr. G. C. Leland writes us that Fonseca "manufactured" this work by procuring a book of French dialogues, which he put word by word into English--(by the aid of a dictionary)--"of which he knew not a word, and what is strangest, did not learn a word, even while writing his _Guide_. That he really humbugged his bookseller appears from this that he induced the poor victim to publish a large English dictionary!" This book has been reprinted, as a literary curiosity, and may be had at Quaritch's, 15 Piccadilly, London, under the title of "A New Guide to the English," by Pedro Carolina; Fonseca having taken his name out, and dating the book from "Pekin,"--this being a mere joke. However, the original was a serious work, and by way of introduction to a poem in the Fonseca English, kindly given us by Professor E. H. Palmer, we give a few particulars of and extracts from the work itself, and here is the Preface:

"A choice of familiar dialogues, clean of gallicisms and despoiled phrases, it was missing yet to studious portuguese and brazilian Youth; and also to persons of other nations that wish to know the portuguese language. We sought all we may do, to correct that want, composing and divising the present little work in two parts. The first includes a greatest vocabulary proper names by alphabetical order; and the second forty-three Dialogues adapted to the usual precisions of the life. For that reason we did put, with a scrupulous exactness, a great variety own expressions to english and portugues idioms; without to attach us selves (as make some others) almost at a literal translation; translation what only will be for to accustom the portuguese pupils, or foreign, to speak very bad any of the mentioned idioms. We were increasing this second edition with a phraseology, in the first part, and some familiar letters, anecdotes, idiotisms, proverbs, and to second a coin's index.

"The _Works_ which we were confering for this labour, find use us for nothing; but those what were publishing to Portugal, or out. They were almost all composed for some foreign, or for some national little acquainted in the spirit of both languages. It was resulting from that corelessness to rest these _Works_ fill of imperfections and anomalies of style; in spite of the infinite typographical faults which sometimes invert the sense of the periods. It increase not to contain any of those _Works_ the figured pronunciation of the english words, nor the prosodical accent in the portugese: indispensable object whom wish to speak the english and portuguese languages correctly.

"We expect then who the little book (for the care what we wrote him, and for her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptance of the studious persons, and especially of the Youth, at which we dedicate him particularly."

The "greatest vocabulary proper names" is in three columns--the first giving the Portuguese, the second the English words, and the third the English pronunciation:

Do Mundo. Of the world. Ove thi Ueurlde.

Os astros. The stars. Thi esters.

Moca. Young girl. Yeun-gue guerle.

O relampago. The flash of lightning. Thi flax ove lait eningue.

The vocabulary fills about fifty pages, and is followed by a series of "familiar phrases," of which a few are here given:

"Do which is that book? Do is so kind to tell me it. Let us go on ours feet. Having take my leave, i was going. This trees make a beauty shade. This wood is full of thief's. These apricots make me & to come water in mouth. I have not stricken the clock. The storm is go over, the sun begin to dissape it. I am stronger which him. That place is too much gracious. That are the dishes whose you must be and to abstain."

Then come the dialogues, and one we give is supposed to take place at a morning call, which commences first with the visitor and the servant:

"'Is your master at home?'--'Yes, sir.' 'Is it up?'--'No, sir, he sleep yet. I go make that he get up.' 'It come in one's? How is it you are in bed yet?'--'Yesterday at evening I was to bed so late that i may not rising me soon that morning.'"

This is followed by a description of the dissipation which led to these late hours--"singing, dancing, laughing, and playing"--

"'What game?'--'To the picket.' 'Who have prevailed upon?'--'I have gained ten lewis.' 'Till at what o'clock its had play one?'--'Untill two o'clock after midnight.'"

But these conversations or dialogues, however amusing, are as nothing when compared with the anecdotes which are given by Fonseca, of which we transcribe a few:

"John II., Portugal King, had taken his party immediately. He had in her court castillians ambassadors coming for treat of the pease. As they had keeped in leng the negotiation he did them two papers in one from which he had wrote _peace_ and on the other _war_--telling them 'Choice you!'"

"Philip, King's Macedonia, being fall, and seeing the extension of her body drawed upon the dust was cry--'Greats Gods! that we may have little part in this Univers!'"

"One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw better than him. The party was accepted. 'I had gain over,' said the one eyed; 'why i see you two eyes, and you not look me who one!'"

"The most vertious of the pagans, Socrates, was accused from impiety, and immolated to the fury of the envy and the fanaticism. When relates one's him self that he has been condemned to death for the Athenians--'And then told him, they are it for the nature,--But it is an unjustly,' cried her woman 'would thy replied-him that might be justify?'"

"Caesar seeing one day to Roma, some strangers, very riches, which bore between her arms little dogs and little monkeies and who was carressign them too tenderly was ask, with so many great deal reason, whether the women of her country don't had some children?"

"Two friends who from long they not were seen meet one's selves for hazard. 'How do is there?' told one of the two. 'No very well, told the other, and i am married from that I saw thee.' 'Good news.' 'Not quit, because I had married with a bad woman.' 'So much worse.' 'Not so much great deal worse; because her dower was from two thousand lewis.' 'Well, that confort.' 'Not absolutely, why i had emplored this sum for to buy some muttons which are all deads of the rot.' 'That is indeed very sorry.' 'Not so sorry, because the selling of hers hide have bring me above the price of the muttons.' 'So you are indemnified.' 'Not quit, because my house where i was disposed my money, finish to be consumed by the flames.' 'Oh, here is a great misfortune!' 'Not so great nor i either, because my wife and my house are burned together!'"

The concluding portion of this Guide is devoted to "Idiotisms and Proverbs," of some of which it is rather difficult to recognise the original, as "To take time by the forelock," is rendered "It want to take the occasion for the hairs!" Here are a few others:

"The walls have hearsay."

"Four eyes does see better than two."

"There is not any ruler without a exception."

"The mountain in work put out a mouse."

"He is like the fish into the water."

"To buy a cat in a pocket."

"To come back at their muttons."

"He is not so devil as he is black."

"Keep the chestnut of the fire with the hand of the cat."

"What come in to me for an ear yet out for another."

"Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat."

"These roses do button at the eyesight."

Enough perhaps has been given about this amusing Guide, and we here introduce Professor E. H. Palmer's verses:

THE PARTERRE.

A POETRY AS THE FONSECA.

"I don't know any greatest treat As sit him in a gay parterre, And sniff one up the perfume sweet Of every roses buttoning there.

It only want my charming miss Who make to blush the self red rose; Oh! I have envy of to kiss The end's tip of her splendid nose.

Oh! I have envy of to be What grass neath her pantoffle push, And too much happy seemeth me The margaret which her vestige crush.

But I will meet her nose at nose, And take occasion for the hairs, And indicate her all my woes, That she in fine agree my prayers.

THE ENVOY.