RECIPROCITY.--_Parson._ "I have missed you from your pew of late, Mr.

Stubbings----"

_Farmer_ (_apologetically_). "Well, sir, I hev' been to meet'n' lately, but--y' see, sir, the Reverend Mr. Scowles o' the chapel, he bought some pigs o' me, and I thought I ought to gi' 'm a tarn!"

THE FARMER FOR THE FAIR.--A husbandman.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Doctor._ "Well, Mrs. Muggeridge, how are you getting on?

Taken the medicine, eh?" _Mrs. M._ "Yes, doctor. I've taken all the tabloids you sent, and now I want a new persecution."]

ON A FOOTING.--Almost every considerable town has a market for corn; therefore, it is but fit that Bedford Market-place should have its Bunyan.

PLACE OF RESIDENCE FOR LODGERS.--Border-land.

SOUNDINGS!--(_The living down at our village falling vacant,_ Lord Pavondale _left it to the parish to choose the new rector._)

_Influential Parishioner._ "Then am I to understand, Mr. Maniple, that you object to bury a Dissenter?"

_The Rev. Mr. Maniple_ (_one of the compet.i.tors_). "Oh, dear me, no, Mr.

Jinks; quite the contrary!"

A HIGH CHURCH PARTY.--A steeple-jack.

A CLERICAL ERROR.--A long sermon.

_Visitor._ "My good man, you keep your pigs much too near the house."

_Cottager._ "That's just what the doctor said, mum. But I don't see how it's agoin' to hurt 'em!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: A QUIET VILLAGE]

A WET DIARY

_January._--Buy a house in the Midland Counties. Put a housekeeper in it to look after it.

_February._--Housekeeper writes to say that, owing to the floods, the neighbourhood is very damp and unhealthy.

_March._--Housekeeper writes to say that the garden is under water.

_April._--Housekeeper writes to say that there is two foot of water in the drawing-room, and that the furniture is floating about.

_May._--Housekeeper writes to say that eighty feet of the garden wall has been washed away.

_June._--Housekeeper writes to say that the two horses, one cow, and four pigs are drowned.

_July._--Go and stop in the house myself.

_August._--Escape from the bedroom windows in a boat.

_September._--In bed with rheumatic fever.

_October._--Housekeeper writes to say that the floods are out worse than ever.

_November._--Somebody writes to say that the housekeeper has been drowned.

_December._--Will try and sell house in the Midland Counties.

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Our Curate (who is going to describe to us his little holiday in lovely Lucerne)._ "My dear friends--I will not call you 'ladies and gentlemen,' since I know you too well----"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _First Tramp._ "Says in this 'ere paper as 'ow some of them millionaires works eight and ten hours a day, Bill."

_The Philosopher._ "Ah, it's a 'ard world for some poor blokes!"]

A REAL CONVERT.--_Local Preacher (giving an account to the vicar of the parish of a dispute he has had with the leading lights of his sect)._ "Yes, sir, after treatment the likes o' that, I says to 'em, 'For the future,' says I, 'I chucks up all religion, and I goes to Church!'"

HABITS OF HEALTHY EXERCISE.--If a young lady is unable to sport a riding habit, she should adopt a walking habit.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE HUMOURS OF HOUSE HUNTING.--_Lady._ "Very healthy place, is it? Have you any idea what the death-rate is here?"

_Caretaker._ "Well, mum, I can't 'xactly zay; but it's about one apiece all round."]