Still in my bathrobe, I straggled into the kitchen the next morning, thinking that I might turn around and go back to bed. I had not slept well, what with one plan after another for transforming Ashley Knowles thought up and discarded. I would've liked to've enlisted Tonya Allen's help, or Hazel Marie's or even Miss Wiggins's, since any one of them could perform cosmetic miracles. But I didn't dare risk it. If she got special help from one of the pageant officials, she'd be disqualified before I turned around. I didn't know what I could do on my own, being unschooled in makeups and makeovers, but I was determined to make do as best I could.

Hazel Marie, dressed in a bright blue silk dress and matching cardigan, was busy helping Lillian, but getting in her way more often than not.

Hazel Marie turned from the counter, a sugar spoon held in midair. "Are you sick?"

Lillian closed the oven door and said, "What's the matter with you?"

I slid into a chair and brushed back my hair. "Nothing, and I don't know why everybody's so worried about my health. I'm perfectly all right."

"No, you're not." Hazel Marie came over to the table and searched my face. "You never come to breakfast in your night-clothes. You're always up and dressed before anybody else. So I know something's wrong."

"Well, I'm not sick. I just didn't sleep well, and I'm thinking of going back to bed."

"You need something on yo' stommick," Lillian said. She put a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me. "An' here's some orange juice, so you can lay off drinkin' so much of that coffee, like you us'lly do."

Hazel Marie settled herself at the table. "I guess you don't feel like going to Helen's, then."

"Why would I want to go to Helen's?"

"She's having the book club, remember?"

"Oh, Lord, I'd forgotten. And I don't even know what we were supposed to read. I declare, Hazel Marie, I'm not sure I can make it. I didn't hear from Sam last night, but he was going on to Nashville to meet with some country music star. Though what good that will do, I don't know."

"I know," she said. "Lloyd called this morning and told me. He's real excited about meeting Sonny Sutton. Which is strange, because I didn't think he liked country music."

"I thought I heard your phone ring. Did you ask him about his bowels?"

"His bowels!" Hazel Marie doubled over, laughing, and Lillian was just as bad.

"Hazel Marie," I said, sternly, "Sam's letting him eat all kinds of trashy food, and that could get him in a terrible bind." As far as I was concerned, irregular movements were no laughing matter.

Hazel Marie finally got hold of herself, although with no little effort. "He's all right, Miss Julia. I'm sure he's just as regular as clockwork. But I'll ask next time he calls."

"I wish you would. I have enough to worry about without adding the state of Little Lloyd's system to the mix. I want that preacher found and muzzled before he tells what he knows."

Hazel Marie frowned. "I thought you wanted him to tell what he knows."

Realizing that I'd misspoken, I quickly said, "I meant that if he had anything good to say, he wouldn't be running around all over creation."

Hazel Marie reached over for my hand. "They'll find him. Preachers aren't that good at running off and hiding. They have a calling to get up in front of a congregation and preach. He's probably holding a revival somewhere."

"Don't say that, Hazel Marie. That means he could be up in the hills where we'd never find him." Actually, I now hoped he wouldn't be found, but I didn't tell her that. I ate a bite or two of eggs and refilled my coffee cup. Then with a sigh, I said, "I better go get ready. Helen hates to start late."

"Oh, you're going? Good, but you don't have to hurry. We have plenty of time."

Lillian frowned. "People what wander 'round in they nightgown ought to get back in bed. You be sick an' not know it."

"I'm not sick, Lillian. I'm just worried and anxious, wanting this mess to be over and done with. If I don't show up at Helen's, they'll all figure LuAnne's suspicions are true, because you know she can't keep anything to herself, and they'll be waiting to see how I handle it." I got up from the table, mentally girding myself to keep my composure. "If I stay home, they'll think I have something to hide," I said, on my way out of the kitchen. "Besides, I don't intend to give them the satisfaction of talking behind my back."

As Hazel Marie drove us to Helen's house, I sat stiff and apprehensive in the passenger seat. I didn't want to go, but I knew I had to appear serene and unfrazzled, despite the fact that LuAnne was probably talking her head off, and I had to turn an ugly duckling into a talented swan, and my house was still soggy, and Sam was gone, and God was mad at me.

"LuAnne'll be there, won't she?" I turned to look at Hazel Marie.

"She always is. But there won't be many. Helen said we're just going to discuss a summer reading list. You know, before everybody gets busy with vacations and all."

"Well, you stay close, Hazel Marie, because there's no telling what tales LuAnne's been spreading." I sighed, dreading the ordeal ahead. "I'll tell you what's the truth, I am sick and tired of having to face down gossip every day of my life. You'd think people would find somebody else to talk about."

"Oh, they do," Hazel Marie said, glancing at me with a sympathetic smile. "But you have had more than most to put up with."

"That's the Lord's truth," I murmured, holding on to the door handle as she took a curve. "And none of it is my fault. It looks like, when it comes to husbands, I am a snake-bit woman."

LuAnne was there, all right, glaring at me as soon as we walked in the door. I nodded a greeting, but she switched herself around and started talking to Mildred Allen as if I were a perfect stranger and not someone she'd often confided in about Leonard's most intimate failings. The details of which, I assure you, I would rather not have known.

I took a deep breath and pretended I hadn't noticed the snub. Tonya Allen noticed it, though, for I saw her eyebrows go up. Emma Sue Ledbetter was too busy helping Helen put out cheese and fruit trays and trying to talk her into leading a circle next year to pay any attention to what other people were doing. And Helen-well, Helen, bless her heart, was too gentle a soul to pick up on any unkind thoughts roiling through the air. Even in her own living room.

Kathleen Williams was there in her Pink Lady uniform, which meant that she was either going to or coming from her volunteer work at the hospital. I declare, that woman volunteered for every do-good organization in town, and thank goodness for her and others like her, because I had all I could handle just managing my own life. Miriam Hargrove, the wife of Dr. Hargrove, who I hated to see at church since he'd seen too much of me in his office, was telling all who would listen that she'd found the perfect summer book-something about an elderly widow woman who overcame all obstacles with a straight back and a sharp tongue.

After getting coffee or tea and placing a few nibbles around the edges of our dessert plates, we took our seats in the living room. I made sure to sit beside Hazel Marie, giving LuAnne a wide berth. LuAnne hadn't given me a moment's notice, making out like she had urgent business to talk over with everybody else in the room. And by acting like I wasn't there, she was making it obvious that I was, and that she wanted everybody to know that she had something against me.

I had never been known to press myself on anyone, much less someone who wouldn't give me the time of day. So, if LuAnne could snub me, I could snub her back, and I could do it better than she could any day of the week.

I drank my coffee and ignored her, turning my attention to Helen, who called the meeting to order. Our book club had been meeting off and on for any number of years, with members coming and going, but with a core group continuing to hold it together. Helen was the force behind it, for she enjoyed reading more than anybody I knew. Except for Sam, but he didn't need a club to keep him at it.

I didn't want to think of Sam for fear that I'd get so blue I'd give myself away. So I put my mind to the business at hand.

"Does anybody have any suggestions?" Helen asked.

Mildred raised her hand. "I do. I suggest we read something light and entertaining, for a change. That last book we read about did me in, it was so dark and gloomy. I want to be uplifted."

"It would've uplifted you if you'd read it," Kathleen said. "I know you, Mildred, and I'll bet you didn't get past the second chapter."

"Well, what if I didn't?" Mildred said without a lick of shame. I hadn't finished it, myself, but I didn't care to admit it. "I don't see the use of having a book club if all the books are too deep to understand."

"But that's the whole point!" Kathleen took everything to heart, and was always trying to improve herself, and us, too. "The whole purpose of the club is to read things that we wouldn't read on our own, so we can learn something."

Mildred came right back at her. "Well, what're we going to learn if we can't even read the thing?"

"Ladies," Helen cautioned, but it didn't do much good.

"Speak for yourself," Kathleen murmured, but Mildred heard her, and murmured right back, "Some new members think they can come in and change everything."

Helen was beginning to look a little frazzled by this time, for her eyes were going from one to the other of us. "Anybody else have a suggestion?"

"I do," Miriam said, then went into a long spiel about this series of books she was so enamored of. "If they don't take your mind off your troubles, nothing will. I kept my husband awake the other night, laughing out loud. I mean, this woman gets into the most gosh-awful predicaments you can imagine."

That was enough to put me off the books right there. I had enough predicaments of my own. I didn't need to go looking for somebody else's.

"All right," Helen said, "we'll consider that. Anybody else?"

"I sorta agree with Mildred," Emma Sue ventured. "I mean, about reading something uplifting, but maybe not anything too light. I think we ought to do some devotional books, something that will help us in our daily life. Just because it's summer doesn't mean we should put the Lord in second place."

There were a few under-the-breath groans, because Emma Sue was always suggesting something devotional. We'd read a few of her suggestions, and I'm here to tell you I'd not learned one thing I hadn't already known.

"What about you, Tonya?" Helen said, turning to our newest member, who had a certain authority, being a former resident of New York. Tonya had a particular viewpoint, as well, seeing as how she had grown up as Tony, had undergone and survived a gender-changing operation, and was now flourishing as the most lively, but levelheaded, woman among us. Which was a marvel to me, since Tony had been the giddiest young man you'd ever want to meet. But I expect that a surgical experience of the likes of what he'd gone through would be enough to make you stop and think before opening your mouth again.

"Well," Tonya said, thoughtfully, "we're going to have a list of books, aren't we-not just one or two? Maybe we could put one of each kind on the list and let people read what they want to."

"That won't work," Kathleen said. She was generally quick to state her opinion, which wasn't always appreciated. "How're we going to discuss something we haven't all read?"

"We won't need to discuss them," Tonya said. "At our first fall meeting, we can have brief reports from whoever's read a particular book, with recommendations to the rest of us. Then we can read them or not."

"That makes a lot of sense to me," I said, although I'd earlier determined to keep my mouth shut and not draw attention to myself.

LuAnne drew herself up, and snapped, "It doesn't to me. We're a book club, and that means everybody reads the same thing so we can discuss the same thing."

Hazel Marie leaned forward. "But it doesn't mean that we can't make a few changes, if that works for everybody." My heart went out to her for defending me, because I knew it took great effort for Hazel Marie to speak up in public, much less to disagree with anybody. "I mean, if everybody wants to do it that way."

LuAnne sniffed, then cut loose. "I think it's a mistake. We ought to keep the club like it's always been, and not go changing it to suit people who don't have a sense of the traditional and the correct and the most proper way of doing things."

Well, that outburst got our attention, for it was obvious that LuAnne was talking about more than which paperbacks to take to the beach that summer. Tonya cut her eyes at LuAnne, and Hazel Marie stiffened beside me, while Mildred looked ready to jump down LuAnne's throat. They were all offended, but none more than I, because I knew what LuAnne was referring to, and it certainly wasn't books.

"Well, you don't have to get personal," Mildred said, huffing a little as she assumed that LuAnne was attacking her reading preferences. "Just because I want to read some light romances and Emma Sue wants to read something theological doesn't mean that we're not perfectly proper and traditional. Besides, we read that book you recommended last year, and that was the trashiest thing I've ever seen."

"Ladies," Helen said, her eyes darting around for help.

"How do you know?" LuAnne shot back. "You didn't read it. And a few others didn't, either." Then she turned straight on and glared at me. And about that time, the rest of the room began to get the message. "And some people don't ever follow the rules and do what they're supposed to do."

Everybody got real quiet, as eyes turned to watch for my reaction. I could feel Hazel Marie building up a head of steam on my behalf, and knew I had to divert her as quickly as I could. Hazel Marie had been known to do a little hair pulling in her time, and since I'd had to twist a few arms to get her in the club in the first place, I rose from my chair.

"Helen, thank you so much for having us." I put my coffee cup and plate on a side table and gathered my purse under my arm. "But it's getting late and I'm expecting Sam to call. He wants me to join him and Little Lloyd on their educational trip through Tennessee, and I may just do that. He is a dear man, and can't bear to be away from me. Hazel Marie, are you ready?"

And she and I marched out of there with our heads held high, having avoided a public showdown with my oldest friend. I felt quite proud of myself for the way I'd handled the crisis.

On our way home, Hazel Marie stopped for a red light. Frowning, she looked over at me. "I didn't know you were going to Tennessee."

"I didn't either. It just seemed the thing to say at the time." I sighed, overcome again, now that the adrenaline had eased off, by the state of affairs in my life. Well, just the state of my life, now that I was averse to thinking of affairs in any context at all.

Chapter 26.

Hazel Marie turned onto Polk Street, as we headed toward home. She suddenly pursed her mouth and took a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. "I could just wring LuAnne's neck! She had no call to jump on you like that, and I don't know why you didn't let her have it."

"I didn't want to create a scene."

"Well, she certainly created one. And you let her get by with it, which is what I don't understand. Everybody was staring at her like she was crazy or something."

"That was sort of the idea," I said, although, truthfully, my failure to respond to LuAnne in kind came more from wanting to get away from her before she made her meaning clear. "You see, Hazel Marie, a soft answer turneth away wrath. Solomon said that, I think, and it's good advice. Especially," I went on, "when all you want is to shut somebody up."

Hazel Marie nodded, but she didn't seem convinced. "Maybe so, but to see her turn a perfectly nice discussion about books into a personal attack on you just made me mad as fire."

"I know it did. That's why I thought I'd better get you out of there."

We looked at each other then, and began laughing. Hazel Marie's grip eased up on the steering wheel, as she visibly relaxed in her seat. "I guess we didn't decide anything, did we?"

"About what?"

"What to read this summer."

"Lord, Hazel Marie, I can't get myself exercised over what to read or not read. I'll decide when the time comes. Besides, Helen'll let us know. But for now, I've got all I can manage just trying to get through each day without losing my mind." I heaved a long sigh. "Considering all I have to contend with."

"Oh, I know," she said, quick to agree with my mood. "I was just thinking about when it's all over, and you and Sam settle down to a normal married life."

"I'll tell you what's a fact. I don't know what a normal married life is. I haven't had one yet." Then I bit my lip, fearing I'd made her feel bad. But she hadn't been the only woman in my first husband's life, so maybe she wouldn't take it to heart. "And I'll tell you another fact," I went on, trying to dig myself out of the hole. "I'm not convinced that married life is normal for anybody."

"Oh, don't say that," Hazel Marie cried with some consternation. She turned into our driveway and pulled to a stop in front of the garage. "I've been trying too hard to get into it. I'd hate to think it's not natural."

"Not normal, Hazel Marie, is what I said. I expect it's natural enough, since so many of us get into it one way or another." I opened the car door and began to unfold myself enough to get out. "Let's go in, and-oh! Wait a minute." I swung my feet back into the car.

"What is it?"

"I just had a thought. Do you think it's possible that LuAnne hasn't told anybody her suspicions about Sam and me? I was so sure she couldn't keep it to herself, that it just occurred to me how everybody seemed just the same. Not one person looked at me crosswise. At least, not until she made it obvious how mad she was."

"Well, you know," Hazel Marie said, frowning in concentration, "you may be right. Nobody said a word to me, and I didn't see anybody smirking behind your back."

"It's hard to believe," I said, my heart lightening at the thought of my friend's unexpected ability to keep something juicy to herself. "But maybe I've done LuAnne a disservice. I declare, Hazel Marie, that makes me feel one hundred percent better, and renews my faith in the value of friendship."

"Good. Now, let's get inside. I've got a dozen things to do on the pageant."

We'd barely gotten through the door when Lillian said, "Miss Julia, Miz Ledbetter call an' she jus' this minute hang up. She say she comin' to take you to lunch."

"Take me to lunch? When has she ever done that?"

"She say she tho'win' a tuna fish salat together, an' y'all can talk while you eat."

"Oh, me," I moaned, holding my hand to my head. "When Emma Sue throws something together, that's exactly what she does. Why is she doing this? The last thing I want to do is eat her tuna salad." I turned to Hazel Marie. "We just saw her at Helen's, and she didn't say a word about lunch."

"Well, she sayin' something now," Lillian said. "An' why she doin' it is 'cause she got to counsel with you, so you go on over there an' see what she want."