I was so happy with him around me for the past few days and the care he displayed for me and Twen that I didn't wanted it to last. I was afraid that I will get used to it and then he would just disappear like last time. I kept holding myself back from trusting his words whole heartedly. I was afraid of loving him again and then ending up hurt.
But now after knowing everything, I understood all this time, he wasn't just seeking repentance but he truly wanted me to be a part of his life. He truly loved me. It was like being in a dream.
However, all this past years I had worked hard to move on. To forget about him. To not remember anything about our past relation. Right now, I was happy being cared for and liked Robbie's company but I was not sure of my feelings for him any longer. What if I accept his feelings and then later on realize that I don't feel for him the same as he does for me? Then wouldn't I be selfishly using his feelings? What do I do?
Robbie noticed my expression as he caught my head with both his hands and kissed my forehead. He caressed my hair and said softly,
"Don't look so conflicted! I didn't tell you all this to gain your sympathy or pity. I just wanted you to know that I have never wanted to hurt you. I was an idiot back then and didn't know what I wanted but now I do"
"Ro-Robbie...listen...I.." I didn't know how to begin saying this. I felt so utterly scared that he would hate me forever if I tell him that the past few days I just went with the flow. But Robbie stopped me and said with a gentle smile,
"I know there must be millions of things going on in your head. But I suggest that you put it to rest. It's late and you shouldn't think so much-"
"No Robbie listen" I interrupted Robbie in a hurry. Knowing that he had true feelings for me, I won't misled him and manipulate his feelings for my selfish needs. I must let him know the truth, even if he hate me for it, "Robbie I-I am not sure about my feelings for you any longer. I-I have spent way too many months trying to get over you and-and now I don't know if I really-"
"Sssshhh" Robbie said putting a finger on my lips. His expression was unchanged. He looked at me with clear eyes, no trace of hatred in them as I feared, "It's ok if you don't love me anymore"
My eyes became wide with disbelief. What was he saying? Is he fine being with me knowing that I might be using his feelings? But his next sentence dispelled that suspicion,
"I will make you fall for me again" he said with a confident look
"....."
"Now let's sleep" Robbie said, pus.h.i.+ng me down on the bed, pulling the blanket over me and himself and snuggling beside me.
I didn't know what to say anymore. My stormy thoughts were all still raging in my head. I unconsciously felt guilty for my misleading behaviour in the past month.Was I really that desperate for intimacy that I went along with the flow? Was I craving to have a company that badly that I used up Robbie's true feelings and good intention? I didn't want Robbie to leave me but wasn't I just holding him to me for my own needs?
"Tony?" my thoughts were brought to an end by Robbie's call. I couldn't look at him. I was feeling horrible. I responded in a s.h.i.+vering voice,
"Yeah?"
"My mum wants to meet you. She wants to see you and her grandson. Is it ok if this Sat.u.r.day we meet her?"
I looked at him inspite of myself. He was smiling at me and his grey eyes showed mirth. He wanted me to meet his mum? This feels like he is taking his bride to meet his family. My heart started beating wildly. I could only utter
"Your mum?"
Robbie chuckled as he replied, "Yeah. I told you didn't I? I have told mum everything about you and me. She asked me to make you and Twen meet her but we weren't on great terms back then, so I couldn't do it. But now we can meet right?"
"Are you sure? I mean, wouldn't she be disappointed to see her son with someone like me?" l said feeling very self conscious
Robbie's face suddenly became stern, "What do you mean someone like you?"
I always find this stern glaring self of Robbie a little frightening so I stammered, "Y-you know, m-me being Omega and not having anything s-special-"
"To me, you are special! And you are much better than those showy Alpha male and female who live extravagant life and boast their dad's wealth. You have struggled, fought and built your own life and also taken care of a kid in the process. They are not worth a single strand of your hair" Robbie spoke in one breath and snorted disdainfully at the end.
I felt embara.s.sed to be perceived so highly by Robbie and felt even more guilty of my misleading att.i.tude. Robbie asked me as he yawned,
"So, Sat.u.r.day evening?"
I nodded and murmured, "Yes"
Robbie smiled and pulled me to an embrace. As the sleep slowly rolled over us, I silently prayed that I fall for Robbie again and this time our love sustains!