He paid for the food and then we went to his car. He opened the door for me and I went inside quietly.

"Where do you live now?" He asked, looking straight into the road.

"Across the street from you." I murmured.

He glanced at me briefly. But he didn't ask any more twenty-twenty questions. And I don't want to elaborate about my living arrangements with John either. I just want to get home. This emotional rollercoaster I have with Ryder is wearing me out.

Ryder drove home quietly. I prefer it that way. If I open my mouth again, I will either cry or curse at him. Either way, it's not going to be good.

He parked in front of John's house, got out of the car and opened the passenger door for me.

"Whose house is this?" He asked.

"John's." I replied.

He raised a brow. "You're living with... another man?"

"Yeah. He's one of my best friends." I replied. "And it's a two-bedroom apartment."

"He's still a guy, Astrid!" Ryder argued.

"So what?"

"And he's not even bad looking!"

"Again, so what?"

What's the matter with him? Is he jealous?

"Don't I have a say in this?!" He asked, trying to calm down.

"Of course! Feel free to say what you want! I don't guarantee that it will matter though."

"Astrid... I'm your boyfriend! And I am not comfortable with you living with another man!"

"Could you stop using the boyfriend trump card?" I asked angrily. "Only a few months ago, you were willing to pay me to stay out of your life!"

He didn't have a response to that. The look he gave me was as guilty as it was broken.

I sighed. "It's only for a few days. Because I have nowhere else to go!"

"My house is across the street!" He replied. "Why not stay there?"

I shook my head. "I used to stay in your house, Ryder. But you kicked me out, remember? Oh! That reminds me! When you kick your girlfriend out of your house, doesn't that mean you broke up with her already?"

He stared at me in disbelief. "Astrid... that is so unfair!" He said. "I returned your stuff before we spent the night together. I have no more intention of letting you go in the morning! But you... you ran away from me."

Tears streamed down my cheeks. I raised my chin to him. "I have no intention of being your toy, Ryder. That's why I ran away from you."

He looked at me through narrowed eyes. "My toy? Is that what you think you are to me?"

I took a deep breath. "Since you woke up in the hospital, you haven't showed me anything that will make me think otherwise. Mercenary slut, remember?"

Ryder took a step away from me. He stared at me in amazement. Maybe he realized that what I said is true. Since he woke up he's been nothing but rude to me and showed me that he will do anything to get rid of me. Then we slept together, and suddenly he's running around town looking for me, he's treating me to dinner and attempting to be nice to me.

Thanks but no thanks!

If he told me that he's remembered even just a bit of me, I will not think that he's doing all these to get me to bed again. But right now, it's the only logical explanation I can come up with.

Ryder looked down and then he took a deep breath. "You're right." He said. "I don't deserve your better judgment or treatment. And I can't make you believe anything that I say either. I wanted you to give up on me. Now... I want nothing more than to undo everything I did to you in the last four months. But I guess... it's too late for that now."

He headed for his car. My heart is breaking into a million pieces with every step he took.

That's it? He's accepting it without a fight? The Ryder that I know will not give up on me too easily. He will put up a fight, even if he tricks me into accepting things, until I admit to myself that I want what he wants too.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Astrid." He said. "I wish... I could do something to take the pain away. If I am the cause of your pains, then I'll stay away if that would make it hurt less. I only wish you happiness." His voice was broken and sad. At that moment, I believed him. I believed he was really giving up this time.

This is it. We're breaking up.

"I wish you happiness too, Ryder." I said, trying my best not to cry. "I wish... I wish fate didn't play with us."

He nodded. "I wish fate made me forget everything else... but you." He whispered. Then he went inside his car and drove off. He lives across the street, but he didn't go home. He sped past his house and into the highway.

I stood in John's driveway for the longest minutes of my life, hoping that Ryder will drive back to me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I didn't want to give up on him. But right now, I don't know how I could hold on to him.

I know he wanted me, he wanted to possess my body. But I cannot allow him to do that unless he gives me a space in his heart. I go packaged deal with love. He can't have fun with me unless he loves me.

Is this it? Are we really over? Did we really break up without him remembering who I was in his life?

I turned towards John's house and opened the front door. I was about to close it behind me when suddenly a force from the other side pushed the door open.

I almost lost my balance. I had to step back to keep the door from hitting my face. I stared up the intruder, ready to shout and curse. But what I saw made my blood drain from my face. He has a smirk on his face, his eyes were reddish and have dark circles around them.

"What's the problem, doll? Trouble in paradise? Does this mean you can finally come out and play with me?" Bryan asked me, an evil smile plastered on his face, and he definitely looked like he was high on something.

I have seen Bryan drunk, but I've never seen him like this. This looks like the demon version of him. The one that cuts throats and beats up girls. And when I looked into his eyes, I can only see one thing... the darkest, most evil form of lust.

Instantly, my blood froze and every nerve in my body is screaming the same thing...

Run!!!

Chapter Thirty-Three.

SOMETHING BLUE:.

The Bride must always wear something... anything... blue. It can be a trinket or undergarment. Some choose to put a blue lining on the wedding garter that they wear under their wedding gown.

Ryder.

That did not go as planned.

Astrid is a little firecracker. You don't handle her properly, she will explode. And damn! I did not handle that well.

I wanted to woo her, show her my charming side, the one that is not uptight and suspicious of all women. The real me without masks and with all my guards down.

I thought I was doing a great job earlier in the afternoon. I thought she'd appreciate the movers, but I don't think Astrid likes owing people anything, especially favors with a financial value attached to it. A very admirable trait.

Wow! I have chosen well.

The problem is how do I delete the asshole image of me in her head? How can I make her forget that even once, I called her a mercenary! That I accused her of only being after my money!

I wanted her to give up on me. I wanted nothing to do with her. Now, I wanted nothing more than to remove this stupid cloud in my brain so she can be with me again.

Jake was right. When I wake up from all of these, I would want to kill myself for what I did to Astrid. Damn! I wanted to kill myself now, even though I haven't fully recovered from my amnesia.

I wish I gave her a chance, right from the moment I opened my eyes. I wish I did not push her away, and made it clear that I did not want anything to do with her. I wish I've gotten to know her first before I decided on the fate of our relationship.

If I gave Astrid a chance, four months ago... I think I still would fall in love with her... even without my previous memories of her.

She is beautiful! Her eyes just enchant me. Her scent fills my senses and intoxicates me.

She is talented in many aspects. I cannot believe in less than a year, she was able to make her company break even. I saw her portfolio. She has a good taste and so much passion for what she does. She knows what she's doing, and she puts her heart into it.

She has a sense of humor. Not every girl can make me laugh. Hmmm... the 'asshole mode' still cracks me up. Do I really have that mode?

She has been badly hurt by the people close to her and yet she chose to get back up on her feet and love again. She fell in love again... because of me. She chose to take a risk in me in spite of the pains that she has been through.

Lucky bastard! I thought to myself.

Paris and my mother are not the easiest people to please. But Astrid passed their tests with flying colors. I know my mother's heart breaks along with Astrid's.

And Paris... well, she has not been speaking to me much. The last time she spoke to me was when Janis told her that I pulled the plug on Astrid's company. I could still remember how that conversation turned out.

I always remember my conversations with Paris lately. She surprises me and shocks me at the same time. I lost one year of my memories. I don't remember how much she has changed in twelve months. She was bolder, tougher. She has so much angst and she's not afraid to say what's on her mind. In a way, I admire her more. But a part of me felt sad because I realize I don't really know her as much as I thought I did.

"You couldn't choose a better knife to kill yourself with." Paris said to me over the phone. "Actually, that's not a knife. It's an F-in samurai!"

"Since when do you swear that much?" I asked her.

"F-in is not a swear word." She argued. "I should remember not to code my language, since I was gonna get scolded the same way by my big brother."

"Paris Van Woodsen! You were sent to the best schools in the country! Not just to learn business... but to learn etiquette and what differentiates a man from a... lady!"

"Funny you should say that, big bro." She said in a sarcastic tone. "Because I've seen how you treated Astrid in the past few months. You were sent to the best schools in at least three continents. I thought you learned what differentiates a man from a moron!"

I didn't have anything to say to that. One, because it was true. Two, because I didn't know Paris would defend Astrid with such vigor. And three, because I didn't know Paris would be bold enough to talk to me like this.

"Did I... do something to you, Paris?" I asked.

She sighed. "No." There was silence on the other end of the line. Then she said, "I talk to you like this, Ryder. At least for the past year, you've made me feel like I didn't have to conform to the rules of our society. You've always allowed me to be who I really am. Not the dumb little heiress that everybody expects me to be."

I took a minute to process what she said. Then I said, "You're not a dumb little heiress. Don't even allow anybody to make you feel like you are. Even me."

"Good." I can hear the smile in her voice. "That's why I'm telling you now that what you did with Astrid's company... your funeral."