Clearly reluctant to take the conversation where it was pulling them, Nathaniel cleared his throat and ambled along the edge of the pond. "The cinnamon rolls were wonderful-gute tonight," he said, patting his stomach. "I wish I had more of them."

"Nathaniel," Kate scolded, "you are lucky they didn't have to roll you out of that house." But looking at him out of the corner of her eyes, with his flat stomach and muscular chest, she couldn't imagine there was an ounce of fat on his entire body.

"I eat and eat and still I am so hungry. My stomach is like Jacob Newswenger's well, deep and empty." He bent over, scooped a pebble from the ground, and flung it into the pond. Kate watched as it skipped twice before disappearing into the water.

"How do you do that?" she asked.

"It's all in the wrist," Nathaniel said. "I will show you."

He instructed her on how to pick a good rock and explained the correct technique for making it skip across the water. To no avail, Kate tried lobbing rocks lightly at the surface. She tried a sideways casting technique. Finally she attempted to slap a pebble down in the shallowest part of the pond in hopes that it would bounce back at her. She was a lost cause. A complete waste of a throwing arm.

Nathaniel, unable to hide his amusement, laughed harder with every attempt. In exasperation she threw down all the rocks she held in her fist. Nathaniel picked one up and hurled it at the water, skipping it three times.

Kate turned up her nose. "Of course you can do it. You've got all those muscles and arms made of iron and massive shoulders and such. But who needs all that power when I can move the water with my voice?"

Nathaniel, smiling widely, looked at her with skepticism. "With your voice?"

"It's a well-known fact that sound vibrations can move objects."

He folded his arms across his chest. "All right, Miss Scientist. Show me."

Kate started with a comfortable high note, letting it spin out the top of her head and holding it for a few seconds before falling silent. Nathaniel studied the water attentively, watching for any sign of vibration. Nothing.

She tried again. This time she didn't mess around. She trilled a note toward the top of her range, something above a high C, and watched as the pond seemed determined to hold perfectly still.

Nathaniel chuckled quietly. Kate caught a laugh in her throat, took a deep breath, and let out an impossibly high note that surely only dogs and small woodland animals could hear. The water, heedless of her struggle, calmly held its ground, echoing only the reflection of the bright moon in its clear depths. Not even the tiniest bubble.

Now both Nathaniel and Kate laughed hysterically, Kate in turns trying to scream a ripple out of the water or moan a note low enough to create a wave.

"I promise," Kate said through her uncontrollable giggles, "I saw it done once with a crystal goblet." They laughed so hard that they had to hold each other up or risk falling on the muddy bank.

Someone came crashing through the trees to their left. Elmer and a tall, plump girl appeared from the undergrowth, gazing wide-eyed at Kate and Nathaniel.

"Kate," Elmer said, "what are you doing? We thought something was dying over here."

Surprised but still laughing, Kate took a small step away from Nathaniel. "We didn't expect to see anyone."

Elmer motioned toward the girl. "This is Priscilla Bender from La Crosse."

"I'm staying with my cousin," Priscilla said, gazing moony-eyed at Elmer.

Kate couldn't blame her. Elmer was quite a good-looking fellow.

"Why were you making all that noise?" Elmer said. "Were you preparing for your-what's the word, Kate? For the academy?"

Kate felt heat creep up the back of her neck. "Role," she said, almost under her breath.

"Jah, role in the opera."

Nathaniel released Kate's hand.

"You need practice," Elmer said. "You sounded like two badgers fighting."

"It was nothing," Kate said, still trying to gain her composure. "We were playing around."

"Ach, be quiet about it, then. And stay on this side of the pond. I'll take Priscilla to the far side."

"We promise not to trespass on your half," Kate said.

"Thanks," Elmer said dryly. "Come on, Priscilla." Elmer and Priscilla turned and walked back through the trees the way they had come.

Kate sensed a sudden change of mood from Nathaniel and, guessing his thoughts, resolved to put him at ease. "It is not anything I have agreed to. I might not even get the part. The professor wrote me a letter and said I am one of three girls being considered, that's all."

"An important role?" he said quietly.

"Yes, Juliette in Romeo et Juliette." She couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice. "Most girls would do anything for such a chance. It's a difficult role. To even be considered for it when I am so young is..." She lost her train of thought when she saw a shadow cross Nathaniel's face.

"This is a great honor for you," he said, his voice flat.

"Yes, Nathaniel. But this doesn't mean I am certain of going back. I am...it makes me excited to think...they like my voice."

He turned his back on her and looked out over the pond. "And when do you think you will be certain?"

"I-I am waiting upon the Lord. Like you said."

"Why wait? Why not go now and seize this great opportunity? Playing Juliette will bring you all the attention you could ever want."

His reaction made Kate suddenly dizzy, as if Aaron had come up behind her and slapped her upside the head. "You know it is not like that. I'm trying. I'm praying very hard to know."

He turned to look at her. "Are you? You tell me this, but I don't know what to think. All I see is that you are still firmly attached to the world. Aaron says you get two or three letters a week from Milwaukee. Ada and Mamm both recognize signs that I have missed."

Kate tried to purge her voice of resentment. "Jah, Ada and your mamm watch me very closely."

"I am tired of pretending to be happy for you when you tell me the Met wants to hear you sing or you might win another part. The truth is, I am not happy. When you talk of such things, you speak as if you have made up your mind. With every new opportunity back there, my hopes sink more. How can I stand it any longer?"

Kate touched Nathaniel's arm. "I never meant to make it sound that way."

Nathaniel took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. "When I'm with you, I feel as if I am soaring through the sky. As if I am standing on top of the highest mountain with the wind at my back. But when we are apart, the dread grabs my throat and won't let me breathe. I wonder, 'Is today the day she will cut my legs out from under me and send me crashing to the ground? Or will she stick a knife in my chest like her Englisch friends are so fond of doing to each other?' I have been a fool to love you when it is plain that you will leave me come autumn. I can't bear to be so high and so low at the same time."

Firmly, he took her shoulders. "Look at me, Kate. People are talking, laughing at me because I am a slobbering puppy when it comes to you. Either you choose me or you don't. Which is it? I must know."

Tears stung her eyes. "I don't know. You said you would be patient. I don't know."

Nathaniel scowled. "I cannot wait longer. I will not wait longer."

Kate, stunned into silence, could only stare at him and plead with her eyes.

Nathaniel deserved answers, but answers refused to come to her. She had spent so much time on her knees, they were black and blue. She had consulted with the bishop's wife and her parents and her siblings and faithfully studied the Bible looking for hidden wisdom on every page. She had turned everything in her life over to God, and the price of devotion climbed steeper and steeper. She didn't deserve the love of such a good man. What else would God require of her?

"Your silence speaks volumes, Kate." Nathaniel's breathing was labored, and he would not look at her. "It is over between us." He turned his back on her and moved in the direction Elmer had gone. "I will ask Elmer to take you home."

Without another word of explanation, he disappeared through the trees more swiftly than Kate could have imagined.

Chapter Eighteen.

"Nathaniel, are you all right?"

Alphy Petersheim, already stooped with arthritis and age, didn't have to go much farther to peer under the kitchen cupboard where Nathaniel knelt clutching the back of his head.

"Jah, I am okay. Just clumsy," Nathaniel said.

"I heard you yell and thought maybe the pipe burst."

Nathaniel panted in an attempt to lessen the pain and pulled himself out from the cupboard. "I dropped the wrench on my thumb then sat up too quickly and forgot to mind the pipe."

He fingered the bleeding goose egg on the back of his head.

"Good gracious, boy. Must have hit hard. Nancy will fix you right up yet."

Alphy leaned heavily on his cane as he made the long trek to the bedroom to fetch his wife.

Nathaniel pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed the blood from his hair. Not too bad. He wouldn't need stitches. But, oh, sis yusht, it hurt. Almost as bad as his thumb, which throbbed forcefully and had already turned red.

Nancy bustled into the kitchen with a small first-aid kit. "For goodness sake, Nathaniel. What did you do to yourself?"

She ordered him to his feet and insisted he sit at the table. "Let's have a look." She gently parted his hair and examined the wound. "Doesn't seem fair that you came here to do a good deed and got repaid in pain."

"I am afraid I am not very sharp today," Nathaniel said.

Nancy nudged his chin in her grandmotherly way and looked into his eyes. "Oh, jah, sure enough you are coming down with something." She put the back of her hand to his forehead and clucked her tongue. "No fever, but I should have guessed you felt poorly. You didn't have nary a smile when you came in."

Nary a smile. Nathaniel hadn't smiled for four days. And whistling? Absolutely no whistling. Luke Miller must be happy as a clam.

"I will put some ointment on the head, but it is not deep. Let me see the thumb." She took his hand in hers. "As sure as rain you will lose the nail. Lance it with a needle when it fills with blood. Let me see if I have ibuprofen."

Nancy shuffled out of the kitchen. Nathaniel groaned and returned to his place under the sink to fix the clog for the Petersheims. He had almost finished when he'd hurt himself. Every task took a hundred times more concentration than usual, and with his head so full of Kate, concentration was well-nigh impossible.

His effort to clear his head proved useless. Kate, it seemed, was everywhere, even when she was absent. She had appeared at the auction two nights ago looking so beautiful that the sight of her made him ache. He had promptly run out and walked almost five miles before realizing he had left his buggy at the auction. What would he do when church services came around the following week? He contemplated joining the Methodists for worship so he wouldn't have to lay eyes on Kate at gmay.

His ultimatum hadn't exactly turned out as he thought it would, and he felt like a fool. He, who prided himself on being so open-minded and long-suffering, had melted under pressure.

In his haste, he had neglected to calculate the cost of his outburst. He couldn't eat or sleep or work. Even Luke Miller had noticed something amiss.

"Go home to bed," Luke admonished him yesterday. "You are useless in the shop."

Nathaniel tightened the last washer just as Nancy returned with the painkillers.

Do you have anything for this puncture wound in my chest? he wanted to ask. Or something to cure "stupid"? I need that pill mighty bad.

Chapter Nineteen.

"Ouch!" Sadie squeaked and yanked her hand out of the middle of the raspberry bush.

"Watch the brambles, leibe," said Kate, "or you will come away with lots of scratches and no raspberries."

Sadie held up her finger to show her aunt. "I'm bweeding."

Kate pulled a hanky from her apron pocket. "Just a teeny bit." She dabbed Sadie's finger then put the hanky back in her pocket and kissed the injured pinky. "There now, all better."

Satisfied, Sadie picked up her pail and gingerly reached into the bush to retrieve a plump red berry. "This is for gute jam," she said grinning, her pain forgotten amid the prospect of homemade raspberry preserves.

Kate wiped the sweat from her forehead and surveyed the bushes, which were meticulously staked and tied in tidy rows. She and Mamma spent hours every week tending the family garden. For this early in the season, the canes already sagged with ripe fruit. The harvest promised to be good.

Sighing plaintively, Kate bent to her task and tried to focus on raspberries and freezer jam and aphids. Anything to keep the oppressive weight from squeezing the air right out of her.

Even with Sadie chattering beside her, Kate's mind involuntarily galloped directly to Nathaniel. It seemed as if a load of stones sat oppressively on her chest, which made thinking of him and breathing at the same time extremely difficult. Less than a week had passed since he'd told her he was done waiting, but it had seemed like a year.

Even though the memory of that night brought fresh pain every time Kate thought about it, she could not find it in her heart to blame Nathaniel. What right did she have to ask anything of him, especially his unquestioning devotion? She had pushed his patience to the limit with her uncertainty, and he had chosen to let her go. In her rational mind, she could not but agree with him.

Besides, how much better for him to break away from her now, before the pain of her leaving cut him down even further. She could not bear the thought of hurting him. How much worse would a separation have been in two months' time? This way was better for him. Better. Much better.

And still she grieved. If Nathaniel's actions had accomplished one thing, they had succeeded in helping her understand how much she cared for him and how much it hurt to lose him. It is better this way, she kept telling herself. As the Lord will, so will be.

"Hello, hello, hello," Sadie said.

"What is it, Sadie?" Kate said, with her head bent low over a bush.

Sadie giggled. "Hello, hello."

Kate looked up only to meet eyes with Nathaniel, who stood a few feet away from her, clutching a bouquet of wildflowers. Kate's heart refused to remain calm, pounding rebelliously in her chest.

Sadie had attached herself securely to Nathaniel's leg and seemed content to hold on forever. He patted Sadie on the head and looked at Kate. "I couldn't last a week."