"I recovered, Mamm. You did not need to worry."

"It need never have happened. Life flowed so much more smoothly before she came back."

"It breaks my heart to hear you talk that way, Mamm. It is true that I sank very low. But that cannot be Kate's doing. Only my own." Nathaniel fixed his gaze on his mother. "I am glad for what happened. The despair prepared my heart for the lesson God wanted to teach me. How could I understand my weaknesses if my strength had not been tested? How would I have known what I needed to learn?"

Mamm shook her head. "You are so very wise, my son. Like your father. You see so much gute in people that I cannot."

"I see the gute in Kate that you will not."

"I will not apologize for how I feel. The more time you spend with her, the more I worry that this will end badly for you. She has given you no promise, no sign that she will be here in September. You offer her everything and expect nothing in return and spend hours in your shop crafting that rocker she may never use. The time has come for her to make a choice. If she loves you, she should get off the fence and quit playing a game with your life."

Nathaniel exhaled slowly. In his less charitable moments, such thoughts had crossed his mind. He had to admit that what was happening between Kate and him did sometimes seem like a futile chase. Did he appear like a stray cat, following after Kate for any morsel of food she might throw him? And did he care if that's how everyone saw him, when being with Kate left him so deliriously happy? Was he a fool to stay on such a roller-coaster ride?

He cleared his throat and tried to sound matter-of-fact. "You can't talk me out of loving her."

Mamm lifted her chin slightly as she stood and cleared the cups from the table. "You love her?" she said, not looking at him.

"Jah."

Mamm was quiet. All that could be heard was the tinkling of the cups in the sink as she washed them. "Then may the good Lord bless you."

The fine sandpaper glided along the arm of the rocker like ice skates on a glassy lake. Kate would never get even the tiniest sliver from the rocker Nathaniel was making. Once he finished the first armrest, Nathaniel started sanding the other one, painstakingly shaping the piece of wood with finer and finer grains of sandpaper. After running his hand back and forth across the surface, he smoothed it and smoothed it again, caressing the beautiful wood until it almost shone.

Though always a detailed craftsman, Nathaniel had never spent more time or care on a piece of furniture before. He would see to it that every joint fit perfectly, every piece lined up flawlessly, and every surface felt as silky as Kate's soft cheek against his calloused hands.

The meticulous work kept his mind off his doubts and his worst fears. What if Kate would never use his rocker?

What if she rejected his gift?

Chapter Sixteen.

"We'd sure have a lot more peace and quiet around here if you'd stop that whistling," Luke Miller said, holding his drill aloft like a torch. Luke, bishop of one of the districts in Apple Lake, was a short man with bushy eyebrows and a thick beard that made up for the disappearing hair on top.

The ten men in Nathaniel's workshop were busily putting together an order for a customer in La Crosse. A cacophony of tools powered by the drive shaft echoed off the high aluminum ceiling along with Nathaniel's whistling.

"Ach, was I doing it again? Sorry," Nathaniel said.

"It would be bearable if you could carry a tune."

The men within earshot laughed at Luke's grumbling.

Nathaniel chuckled and shuffled through the invoices that constituted this month's orders. "The windows are open and the diesel engine drowns out my music. Why are you complaining?"

"You're so blamed cheerful all the time. Makes a man want to tear his hair out," Luke said.

"If you had any." Zeke Kauffman, Nathaniel's oldest employee, laughed and clapped Luke on the shoulder.

"You're a grump, Luke," said Calvin. "Nathaniel's trying to balance out your sour disposition."

"His whistling makes me sourer."

"Have some patience with the poor kid, Luke," Zeke said. "She's a mighty pretty girl."

"Then why doesn't he marry her and give us all some peace?"

"I am working on it," Nathaniel said.

"If you ask me," Luke said, "she is the one working on you."

Calvin glanced uneasily at Nathaniel. "Nobody asked you, Luke." He pulled out a handkerchief, wiped his brow, and found something on the other side of the workshop that needed his attention.

Without looking up, Nathaniel slowly replaced the papers in their correct order and hung the clipboard on the peg. "I'll try to curb the whistling."

Zeke furrowed his brow and put a hand on Nathaniel's shoulder. "Luke doesn't mean any harm when he spouts nonsense like that."

"I see what I see," Luke said. "She bats those long eyelashes and Nathaniel comes running."

Adam Zook and Marvin Mast came through, carrying a stack of finished cabinet doors between them. Luke pointed at Adam. "You go to the singings. How does Nathaniel behave?"

Walking backward, Adam looked behind him to see where he was going. "He don't sing, that's for sure."

Panting with exertion, Adam and Marvin propped their load on the saw table."We don't see much of him when Kate is around," Marvin said. "He circles her like the sun."

"Or like a whiny puppy," Luke said.

Adam looked at the ground. "I won't say a word against it. Nathaniel knows what he is doing."

He nudged Marvin and they picked up the wood and headed to the varnish drying room, muttering softly to each other.

Nathaniel pried his eyes from Adam and looked from Luke to Zeke. "Am I doing something wrong?"

"No one would fault you for anything," Zeke said.

"You are a fine, handsome boy," Luke said. "Of course she welcomes your attention. And you make it no secret that you fancy her. What we all want to know is, does she fancy you? You have placed yourself at her beck and call, but do you ever sense that you are her second choice?"

Nathaniel looked away and massaged his forehead. It was easier to pretend that everything with Kate was going according to plan. "Jah, I feel that way some days," he said.

"And you follow her like a puppy yet. We all see it."

Nathaniel looked around his workshop, sure he would see all eyes upon him. No one but Luke and Zeke paid him any heed. "Is that what they think?"

"Some," Zeke said. "You should guard yourself more carefully, or you will look like a fool when she leaves in September."

Nathaniel's heart sank to his shoes. He threw up his arms in resignation. "What can I do? I cannot be anything less than honest with my feelings. In private or in public."

"The world is alluring to our young people," Luke said, sounding like a bishop now. "Some think the Plain life dull compared to what is out there." Luke sat on Nathaniel's gray metal desk, arms folded, one foot resting on the floor. "My Edna ran off to Chicago with an Englischer during the rumschpringe. Told me she was confused and asked me to wait for her. He was a handsome boy, that Englischer."

"Yet she chose you in the end," Nathaniel said.

"I was not content to leave her in Chicago. If she was to reject me, she would do it once and for all."

"You were not so confident then as you sound now," Zeke said.

"I was confident that the Lord's will would be done," Luke said. He frowned. "But not confident she would choose me. I told her I would wait no longer and forced her hand. She loved me enough to surrender her life in Chicago."

Nathaniel closed his eyes. He was not so confident. Kate held all the control in the relationship. Did that make him less of a man? A slobbering puppy? And if he made demands on Kate when she was not ready, could he bear the thought of losing her because he'd pushed too hard?

Did she see him as a pleasant summer diversion before she went back to the academy in the fall? He wanted to believe in her sincerity, but wiser men than he made him doubt himself.

Could he be sure of anything?

Was it time to force Kate's hand?

Several hours later, Nathaniel strolled down the street toward his wagon with five two-by-fours draped across his shoulders.

Whistling.

He couldn't help it, and Luke Miller wasn't within earshot. His little trips to the lumber store were some of the few times he could tweet like a bird without being scolded. And why shouldn't he whistle when he thought of Kate?

Trouble was, he spent so much time thinking of her that he had little time to think of what to do about her.

He had parked his wagon in the vacant lot next to the Methodist church so it would be close to load the wood. Squinting against the bright white of the small church building, he saw two Englisch ladies standing motionless beneath one of the windows. Did they need help?

He moved closer until he heard the strains of heavenly singing floating from the open window. The singer released the notes with energy and passion as the melody went higher and higher, spinning out of the church like birds taking flight. Nathaniel would recognize that voice in his sleep.

He stepped deliberately until he joined the women under the window, being careful not to knock anyone with his long pieces of wood.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" whispered one of the women. "I've been standing here for twenty minutes."

"That accompanist is marvelous," the other woman said. "Is it Hilda?"

Her friend shrugged her shoulders.

Nathaniel listened intently to the technical pieces he couldn't begin to recognize. The music's difficulty surpassed anything ever sung at a simple gathering. The pianist kept up with Kate's enthusiasm, not missing a note for all Nathaniel could tell.

Kate had found someone to practice with her so that come September, she'd be ready for school again.

Ready to leave him.

Taking care with his load, which seemed heavier by the minute, Nathaniel nodded good day to the women and wandered down the street to his wagon.

He wasn't whistling anymore.

Chapter Seventeen.

Dear Kate, Jared's family is arguing about whether to take him off life support. His mom is hopeful for a recovery, but the doctors are not holding out much hope.

His mother accused me of luring her son to my apartment with the intention of hurting him. I know she is grieving for her son, and I will try to have compassion. She has come to my apartment late at night and screamed at me, so I moved in with Carlos for a few weeks. He is a good brother. Jared's mother doesn't know where Carlos lives.

Would I be selfish to say I miss you and hope for a visit soon? I need your calming influence in my life. You would know what to say to make Jared's mother feel better. I only make her angrier. Carlos says he will pick you up and bring you back when you are ready to come. He would do anything for you. Do not stay away too long.

Love, Maria * * * * *

Kate and Nathaniel walked hand in hand around the edge of the pond, their way lit by the brilliantly white moon directly overhead. Kate no longer needed a shawl in the evenings. The late June weather had turned decidedly warm. With its remote location and heavy growth of birch trees, Barker's Pond was fast becoming their favorite spot when they wanted to be isolated from curious eyes.

Kate looked with wonder at the transformation of the scenery since spring. Branches grew lush with new leaves, birds seemed to occupy every tree in the woods, and wildflowers bloomed on the ground like stars in the sky. She marveled that she had been getting to know Nathaniel for fewer than three months and already he was the best and brightest thing in her life. How had she even been able to smile before knowing him?

"You are very quiet tonight," Nathaniel said, pulling her away from her muddled thoughts.

"I am? I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize. Are you feeling well?"

"Jah, no cause to worry about that. I suppose I'm thinking deep things," Kate said, trying to act more like herself. Two letters had arrived from Milwaukee today. Both equally as troubling, but for completely different reasons. The one from Maria made Kate fret more than ever.

I should be there with her, she thought.

The other letter had brought "good news" that would not be good news to Nathaniel. Should she tell him?

"Deep things, huh?" Nathaniel said.

"Sometimes anger bubbles to the surface. And a desire for retribution. For my friend Maria and the baby. Things are not going well for her in Milwaukee."

"Is her boyfriend bothering her again?" Nathaniel asked.

"No," said Kate, evading his eyes. Nathaniel knew most everything about that horrible night, but she was afraid he would be ashamed of her if he knew she had hurt Jared badly enough to put him in a coma. "Maria has other problems. I wonder if I should..."

"Be there with her?" Nathaniel finished her sentence.