The only thing that kept me from gutting him was the fact that his concern for me was pouring off of him in waves. I had to remember Mimi's advice about dealing with him when he felt like I was keeping him from being able to protect me to his high standards. That didn't, however, mean I was putting up with his temper, so I raised my middle finger and flipped him off.

Smoke's nostrils flared, and the air around him seemed to grow heavy.

There are women who would have been pissing themselves by this point, but I'd faced down a dangerous man who tried to control every aspect of my life for far too long to put up with Smoke's crap.

"Yes, I am going to work with your brothers to help end the threat," I yelled back. "I can take care of my own fucking self! Shit, I think I proved that yesterday. Give me some damn credit and stop trying to stash me away like I'm a liability."

His face turned red and he loomed over me, his irritation burning my skin even as fear chilled his gaze. "You got lucky."

Oh, that pissed me right the hell off and adrenaline surged through me, fueled by my frustration and pent up anger.

"That wasn't luck, asshole, that was skill-and you know it. I've been training my entire life for this shit. When you were a kid, you were out fucking around with your buddies. I, on the other hand, was learning the best way to break a man's neck. I know what I'm doing, and I will do whatever it takes to end this."

"I know you can take care of yourself. But it kills me that you have to." He surprised me when he sank back into his chair, holding his head in his hands. "I can't lose you, Swan, I can't."

I went to him and knelt before his chair, aware of Khan watching us, and rested my hands on his knees. "Please, I have to do this. I'll be safe, I swear."

Lifting his gaze to mine, my heart pounded when I saw the absolute agony in his dark eyes. "Please, don't do this."

I wanted to give in to him, to soothe him, but I just couldn't. "I have to."

Khan cleared his throat, but Smoke and I didn't look away from each other. "We'll constantly have our eyes on her, brother. She'll never be without one of us looking out for her. Swan's your old lady. You know we'll protect her 'cause she's one of our own."

Smoke closed his eyes and desperation etched his features. "Doesn't fuckin' matter what I say, does it? You're gonna do whatever you want."

Trying for patience, I gave his knee a squeeze. "I'm not going to get hurt."

His phone rang, and he grabbed it out of his pocket and looked at the screen. I knew Smoke well enough at this point to easily read his sudden tension. He abruptly stood, and walked away from me. Before he left the room, he looked over his shoulder and said, "Do whatever the fuck you want, Swan. I've got shit to take care of."

With that, he went out the door and slammed it behind him while talking on his phone, leaving me still on my knees and slightly stunned. I knew what was going on between us wasn't normal, and I couldn't help but wonder if my life with Smoke would always be like this. Would he always try to make the decisions for me? Could I spend the rest of my life living with a man who could be so tender one moment and such a colossal asshole the next?

Khan cleared his throat. "You okay, girl?"

I stood and turned my back for a moment, hoping they didn't see me rub away a tear. "Yeah, I'm good. So what's the game plan?"

Six hours later, I sat on the edge of the bed in our small bedroom, and watched Smoke pace in front of me. He was looking hot as sin tonight in his dark jeans, his vest, and a very tight t-shirt that hugged all his yummy muscles. And I wasn't looking so bad myself. Alisha had come over and helped me slut-up biker style. Turns out Alisha had spent some time as a sweet butt before she settled down with her old man, Donkey. The way she described it, you could tell it hadn't been easy for her to make the transition to old lady, but now that she'd been with her old man for seven years, she was starting to feel at home.

Alisha had dressed me in a pair of butter-soft leather pants that laced up the sides with black lace through bright steel rings and rivets. They were sexy, kick ass, and I loved them. They were also super easy to move in, and the leather was high quality which meant it would protect my skin. The shirt I wore was an empire waist black top that dipped low enough to give me some major cleavage, but was loose enough at my middle so I could wear a holster. The long-sleeved shirt looked sedate from the front, but the top half of the back was almost totally exposed beneath a thin layer of black lace. That see-through back wouldn't look good with a bra, which meant my breasts trembled with each breath and my major cleavage became positively obscene despite the decent amount of chest support the top provided.

While Alisha was wearing a pair of comfy slippers, I was forced into some far from comfortable boots that would be a pain in the ass to stand in for any period of time. My arm still ached, but Smoke had given me some more pills and the pain was already fading. Hopefully, it would also help me endure my footwear.

I was being careful not to cry as Smoke continued to ignore me because Alisha had laid the makeup on thick. When I looked in the mirror, I swore my sister was looking back at me with her pouty pink lips and expertly done smoky eye shadow. Sarah would rock this outfit with her strong self-confidence without a second thought and look like a model strutting on a runway. I was just hoping that no one was around when I had to take the stairs-slowly-while holding my tits.

With a rough sigh, Smoke stopped pacing, but he didn't look at me. "You ready?"

He'd spent the last fifteen minutes pleading with me not to go tonight, and I was rather surprised by his abrupt change of attitude.

"Yeah," I said in a low voice, waiting for the argument to begin anew.

His gaze raked over me and his nostrils flared as he lingered over my exposed cleavage with a look that was positively possessive. "Who put the sparkles on your tits?"

"Alisha, but she never touched me. It was just with the brush which was okay."

Actually, she had touched me a couple times and my stomach had clenched harder each time. It wasn't her fault, makeup involved touching people, but it still made me ill. I'm not one for self-pity, but sometimes I really hated being me. Right now, I especially hated my body for becoming aroused any time Smoke was around. This was ridiculous, I couldn't continue to function like this or I'd lose my edge. But oh...how I wanted him and the blissful oblivion his affection offered even as I tried to focus on the upcoming mission.

He knelt before me, setting his hands on either side of my waist, pulling me into his seductive warmth. "When we get through this, you and I are gonna have a long, long talk which is going to end with your ass spanked so red you won't sit down comfortably for a week."

My libido quickly responded, "Will you fuck me as hard? Make my pussy as sore?"

Smoke blinked at me, then grinned. "I'll do my best."

I smacked his chest, not wanting him to think he was off the hook for being a dick. "Smoke, focus."

"I'm not the one talkin' dirty," he muttered before standing. "You are not to leave my side, ever."

"Isn't that going to make it a bit hard for me to act as bait? I mean how can anyone approach me with you being my human shield? Come on, I have Hulk, Khan, Frame, and Alisha with her old man Donkey watching over me. Not to mention all the prospects that trail after me like hulking puppy dogs. I'm not sure how whoever is after me can even think they'll be able to get to me in this fortress. Just trust me to be okay. I...I love you so much, but I can't take it if you keep trying to swaddle me in cotton and lock me away like I'm made of crystal. Please have faith in me."

He clenched his hands, and as I saw his anger ramp up, I gathered the courage to try and calm him down. I placed my hand gently over his then uncurled his fingers one by one. Once his hand was loose in mine, I placed it on my cleavage, over my heart. Where speech would fail me my body wouldn't. It was so much easier for me to express my love physically than with words. I looked up at him, sensing his internal battle and hating that I was at the root of it.

"First, you are brilliant. I would never, ever say otherwise. Second, I have faith in you, it's the rest of the fuckin' world I don't trust."

"Miguel, I need you right now. Please. I need you to keep me safe and let me do what I can to take care of this situation. I'm sick of it, sick of the constant fear, the tension, the never ending emotional roller coaster. While you may know me well, thanks to your disturbing level of stalker behavior, I don't have the same advantage. You're still very new to me, and even though I've felt like I've known you forever, it's only been a few weeks. I want time to just be with you. To enjoy falling in love without constantly watching our backs, and that won't happen unless we end this."

He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, then his features began to slowly go blank. The lines of worry smoothed out, and his lips firmed. Before my very eyes he was making the transformation from Miguel to Smoke, and I found it fascinating. I had studied this man so much, obsessed over his every delicious feature, that I knew his expressions better than my own. When he opened his eyes I found the killer I needed looking back at me. His expression had gone blank, scary, and his entire body seemed to grow and somehow become bigger, more intimidating. He took a half step closer to me, and I once again felt the size difference between us on every level.

Unable to help myself, I sucked in a little gasp as lust and fear combined inside of me. His gaze darkened even more as he placed his hand on my chest and slowly flexed his fingers over my heart. "You keep this alive and well for me, got me? Don't do anything stupid or dangerous because wherever you go, I'm coming with you. They will have to kill me to get to you, and I would gladly give my life for yours, but I'd rather spend the rest of my hopefully long, long life loving you. I'll do anything, sacrifice everything, to make that happen."

My heart slammed against my ribs hard enough that he had to feel it against his palm, and it began to race as panic roared through me at the thought of anything happening to him.

"No, please...please Smoke. Don't do anything to endanger yourself. I'm begging you."

He gave me a laugh that wasn't nice and stroked my cheek. "I'll tell you the same thing you tell me, Swan. I have to do this."

I gaped at him, unable to come up with a smart retort, while I wondered if this irrational panic I was experiencing was the same thing he felt. This was an epiphany, an understanding that gave me a small peek into the way he thought. Okay, now I understood a bit what it was like to go insane with fear. It wasn't a nice feeling.

"I'm sorry."

He blinked at me, but the predatory look stayed on his face. "For?"

"I think I understand. Your worry, I mean. When I think about anything happening to you it makes me wild to stop it." I sighed and stood, smoothing down my top and going over my weapons before checking my hair where I had a couple surprises hidden. "I'm sorry you feel that way 'cause it sucks. How about we promise to keep each other alive, okay? Let's not fret about who's going to die for whom. I don't know about you, but that sounds like melancholy Romeo and Juliet emo drivel to me."

He gathered me up into his arms so quickly that I didn't have time to even yelp. One instant I was fixing my upswept hair, held in place by two black lacquer chopsticks, the next my body was pressed tight enough to his that I could feel his heart thundering against my cheek. He buried his nose against my hair and took a deep breath while I hugged him back. We remained like that for a long time, just holding each other while loud voices began to echo up and down the hall.

Finally he pulled back and kissed me softly on the lips. "Ready, baby girl?"

"As I'm ever gonna be."

Chapter Fourteen.

I was pretty sure I was gonna puke, and it wasn't because I'd been drinking.

We'd been wandering around the party for about four hours, and I'd seen just about every sexual act human beings could do to one another. At first it had shocked me, maybe even titillated me a little, but now I was over it. Smoke, bless his heart, was trying to shield me the best he could from the depravity, but about half an hour ago he'd given up, and I'd spent most of my time focusing my gaze on the wall above the action happening down lower. No wonder the old ladies never came to parties like this, it was just so unhygienic. There were people having sex all over the place and none of them were putting down a towel first. For someone with minor germ issues like myself, it was enough to make me cringe.

Guys dropped their condoms on the floor. Right on the fucking floor! No wonder Scarlett, the Iron Horse Secretary's old lady back in Austin, yelled at Smoke about it. I had no idea whose job it was to clean this place up, but they should be doing it in hazmat gear. And Khan needed to cover all his furniture in thick plastic.

I wished I could go outside where the picnic benches and stuff were, to get away from the crowd, but there was no way Smoke and my self-appointed guards were going to let me out of their sight.

People from all over the state had come to celebrate with Brown as he got patched in, which as far as I could tell, involved a new vest and a lot of drinking, smoking pot, and manly hugs as well as willing women as far as the eye could see. News about the little ambush I faced had been kept on the down-low, and no one asked me about it. I think I was the only old lady still there, other than Alisha who stuck around to help guard me. She was around here somewhere in her blue micro-mini dress hanging out with her husband, Donkey. The rest of the old ladies and serious girlfriends had taken off after the ceremony hours ago, after telling me how glad they were I survived, and thanking me over and over for saving Breaker. The one good spot in this night was when I learned that Breaker would make a full recovery, and that even though he had a mild concussion and blood loss, it could have been much worse.

Cathy called me from the hospital earlier, sobbing, and we had a very uncomfortable conversation where she basically blubbered incoherent shit, and I said a couple 'you're welcomes' before I basically hung up on her. It felt weird to realize that in addition to taking someone's life, I'd saved someone else's. I mean, I knew I'd saved his life, but I really hadn't processed the ramifications yet. The knowledge that I'd saved some little kids' Dad made my heart ache like someone was squeezing it in a fist.

Shit, I did not have time to get all melodramatic. I was on a mission, which meant I needed to focus. But damn, I was tired of standing around. The noise was overwhelming, and I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic. Smoke had slipped me another pill earlier, and it was making me tired. The room was so packed with people now that my personal space was almost nil.

It had to be nearing midnight, and I was wondering if anyone was even going to make a move. In all my planning for tonight, the one thing I hadn't counted on was how fucking bored and fatigued I'd be. The fornicating going on around me held absolutely no interest for me, because there was no emotion involved. Just a lot of groping and grunting, then they would get off, and the guy would discard the woman with about as much regard for her as for the used condom. Not arousing for me in the least.

Because of the sexist pig nature of most of these bikers, I was pretty much ignored whenever a new bunch of guys approached Smoke. It was the same every time. Smoke would introduce me as his old lady, the biker would make some kind of comment about how hot I was, and Smoke would growl or tell him to fuck off. The guy would then act surprised, then apologize for real to me, all of them grinning or laughing while congratulating Smoke for landing such a hot old lady. It was macho male bonding at its finest.

Then that stupid male 'I need to talk to you, bro' look would happen and from that point on they would ignore me and just bullshit with each other about biker stuff. I swear to God it was like dating an accountant and listening to him talk numbers with his colleagues. Instead of figures, they were talking about a buddy of theirs who was currently in jail, or using that stupid biker slang, that I didn't totally get, and losing me altogether.

I never doubted that Smoke was on high alert. Despite his relaxed demeanor, he was never more than a couple inches away, but I was still getting restless. Thankfully, the long-sleeved shirt and pants kept me from feeling most touches, but every once in a while someone would brush my hand, and I'd have to swallow hard. Smoke must have noticed, because he soon gave me a bottle of water, rubbing my hands when he did, and the yucky sensations vanished.

Alisha's voice came from next to me, and I twitched, startled by her sudden appearance. Dressed in a low-cut, pale blue, sparkly dress with almost as much makeup as I was wearing, she blended in with the sweet butts in spite of her bubbly, innocent looks. "You need a bathroom break?"

"No, I'm good. Smoke took me a couple minutes ago."

A frown flitted across her face as someone bumped into her. It happened so quickly, I wasn't sure I'd even seen it before her dimpled smile returned. "Okay, how about a beer?"

"No beer," Smoke growled, turning his attention momentarily back to me.

I pointedly looked at the beer in his hand and gave him my best 'Really?' look. "Why not? You have one?"

"You're on heavy pain meds. One beer and you'll be fucked up, and not in a good way."

I had no good comeback for this, so I just glared at him.

He stared at me, but before we could start arguing, Donkey motioned for Smoke, and he took a couple steps away, leaving me with Alisha. I leaned down and spoke close to her ear. "Fuck him, get me a beer."

With a giggle, she moved off through the crowd, leaving me with the small victory in my minor rebellion and easing the knot in my belly.

Returning to scanning the vast open space, I thought I heard a familiar laugh to the right of the room where the bar stretched out along the far wall and tended by women in cut offs and bikini tops. I could have sworn it sounded like Sarah, but from my vantage point, all I could see were brunettes, blondes and a couple of auburn-haired women among the mass of bodies. Cyclone was now over there as well, huddled up on the couch with a stacked redhead. I quickly moved my gaze from them, not wanting to even think about that skank. I'd hoped that she was the spy, and we could take out at least one threat, but Smoke swore Cyclone was loyal to the club and wouldn't betray it. He told me that she would be at the party, and since she'd been set up, he asked me not to pick a fight. Of course, if she said anything to me, I was welcome to beat her ass, but Cyclone had been told to keep away from me. She was currently on the other side of the big room, as far away from me as she could get, talking to the redheaded chick with large breasts. She hadn't so much as looked my way, so I tried to dismiss her from my mind.

Alisha returned a few minutes later and handed me a water glass with an inch of amber brown liquid in it and held an open beer bottle in her other hand. "Here, shot of Southern Comfort."

Grinning at her, I took the glass and quickly downed it before taking the beer with a gasp. "Thanks."

"Welcome."

She vanished off into the crowd with a guilty look thrown at Smoke's back. He was now talking to Hulk with another two guys I didn't know, the men forming a cluster of black leather while they leaned in to mutter with each other. I turned my back to Smoke and took a long drink of the beer, grateful for the bracing chill racing down my throat as the bitter taste filled my mouth and replaced the sweet, syrupy burn of the Southern Comfort. The heeled boots I wore weren't super tall, but they were high enough that my feet were starting to hurt after standing around for hours despite my fading pain meds. I could have taken a seat, but every surface of this place had been or was about to be defiled, so I put up with my sore feet and wondered when I would be able to go to bed.

I was fucking beat and the beer and SC shot were mellowing me out since I drank on an almost empty stomach.

Last time I'd had a beer, I was standing in my parents' backyard watching the wind move the trees in the valley below our hillside spread. It felt like a million years ago instead of just a few days. A time when I was just a woman trying to survive, not a killer in my own right. The image of shooting that man began to play out in my mind, but I ruthlessly locked it away, and wondered how my father was ever able to ignore the memories of the people he'd killed. A man getting a blow job in a corner roared out his orgasm and snapped me out of my dark thoughts. I took another drink of my beer, trying to focus on the here and now. Like the fact that Breaker was alive and I'd landed in the uncomfortable role of hero. I didn't need or want the recognition. My dad taught me to blend in, and I was doing a craptastic job of it so far. Time to focus.

I was positioned in the room so I had a good view of the staircase leading upstairs. From my vantage point I could see a pair of sparkly blue hooker heels, with dolphins on them, that I instantly coveted and a couple pairs of men's motorcycle boots. I was so busy admiring the woman's shoes that I didn't register something small and dark had been dropped from the stairs while she quickly walked away. As it rolled down the last few steps, I realized what it was and screamed.

"Grenade, everyone down!"

Smoke crushed me to the floor an instant before a big bang hurt my eardrums and the lights went out. I couldn't hear any screams over the ringing in my ears, just muted shouts of panic as the room filled with dense smoke and chaos. The lights flashed on and off, in an almost strobe-like effect that made me dizzy. Smoke grunted as someone stepped on his back hard enough to push him into me. Fear clawed at me as I considered that we could get trampled to death as the crowd started to panic. I was completely blinded by the time we got to our feet, and Smoke clung to me, telling me to stay close.

He got us up against a wall, and it afforded us a bit of safety from the crowd.

"We should head for the stairs," he yelled then coughed. "Front and back doors are too dangerous."

Instead of answering, I nodded right before loud bangs and screams came from the front of the room. Smoke and I immediately drew our guns and began to edge along the wall. I almost shot Hulk when he appeared out of the dense smoke, but I recognized his shape enough that I pointed my gun at the ground instead of him.

Smoke jerked him down to a crouch, and I followed suit. The air was better down here and I scanned the area while Hulk told Smoke that there were snipers, one out front and one out back, firing warning shots at people. He eyed me and lowered his voice, then Smoke nodded.

"Let's go."

I found myself being pulled between them and was almost to the stairs when a second smoke grenade when off somewhere to my left. A moment later, I was completely blind as someone grabbed me out of the oppressive gloom. Then another hand from a different direction grabbed my shirt. The hand on my forearm was a woman's hand, and I went to break her wrist when she twisted me in a move my dad would have envied, jerking me away from whoever had a hold on my shirt and said in my ear, "Swan, it's me, Sarah. We need to get you out of here. Up to your room, now."

My heart stopped as I recognized her voice, but I couldn't see shit. "Prove it."

"Your first crush was Slater on Saved by the Bell. You had a pillow with his face on it that you kissed because you're a pillow-molesting pervert."

"Sarah!" I coughed out a sob, reaching out for her and finding her other hand.

Smoke roared out somewhere to my left, and I tried to tug Sarah toward Smoke's bellowing voice but she dragged me in the general direction of the stairs. "He'll find us. We need to go, now, up to your room. All the guest rooms have security doors, and it'll be easier to make a stand there than down here. Los Diablos and a couple bounty hunters with tranqs are in here looking for you and trying to flush you out. If they find out we're both here, we're fucked, so I need you to move."

Without another word, I followed her as best I could, sliding around people, taking the stairs in a stealthy manner that would have made my father proud. Windows must have been opened because the smoke was beginning to clear, but people were still yelling, and I saw more than one gun out in the open. I'd somehow lost mine during the tug of war downstairs. As the air cleared, I caught glimpses of Sarah's green dress and the crazy auburn wig she was wearing along with what had to be a big prosthetic nose through the fog still clouding the stairway. I grew dizzy and disoriented for a moment, but managed to gather my thoughts and push through.

At the top of the stairs were two prospects in gas masks who ushered us up to the third floor while they continued to scan the stairs with their guns trained on the crowd below. Thank fuck they were on my side. I could hear Khan roaring from somewhere behind me in the area of his office, but all I could really focus on was the fact that Sarah was here, alive, and dressed like a high-class hooker. We were almost to my room when I felt a sudden weakness rush over me, and my fear went into overdrive.

Shit, I knew this fuzzy feeling all too well.

Fuck.

"I don't feel good," I managed to mumble out from my numb lips.

"What? How?"