Oh my God. What have I done? Who have I been with?

A collage of faces.

Ty. Ty? Who is he?

There as a party....

I went there with Mick. Mick? And Madison was there.

Madison. She was at Lawler's house.

Lawler? Mr. Lawler?

I told him I like older men. Older, like...Daddy. Daddy?

No...No...No!

But he said, I wish I could take it all back.

528.

Take It All Back Okay, maybe I do need help.

I can't even remember what "all"

is. Only bits and pieces. And why would I want to remember more?

Only by confronting your demons...

Confront him? How could I ever?

And how could I ever let anyone know what my father has done to me? Who would understand?

You've got some powerful demons....

Greta! Oh, maybe I could tell Greta.

I need to see her, need to know if she ever confronted her demon.

Can't believe it happened to her, too.

I.

met evil when I was very young....

But you wouldn't know it to look at her now. She's strong. Strong enough to fight Nazis. Strong enough to invite Lars back into her life.

Could not imagine sharing a bed.

529.

Sharing a bed with a man she loved. A man she trusted.

Instead she sent him away.

Out of her life. Such loneliness!

Please trust me enough to tell....

Ian. My amazing Ian. My best and only true friend. If I told you, you'd turn your back on filthy me. If you haven't already.

530.

I Stare at the Night Sky Outside the window.

The stars shine, as they always do. Same stars. Same sky. Only I am different. Am I different? Will **

my life change now? Better or worse? Will Mom come back, save me? She can't. She has work to do, far away from home, Will she take me with her?

Do I want to go? And a bigger **

question. Will she listen now?

Memory jabs. I accidentally **

told once. Didn't mean to make her jealous. I was taking a shower. The soap stung and when I said "Ow," Mom asked what hurt. I told her, "Where Daddy touched me." She looked and her face grew red.

But she said, I don't see a thing.

I guessed Daddy was right.

She got mad, closed her eyes. Like I need to do now.

531.

I'm Still Tired When sunlight wakes me.

I feel a little better, though, and that's bad. They'll make me go home soon. Unless I tell.

A voice inside me whispers, "Can't tell. They'll be jealous."

Shut up. You're dead.

"Am I? Guess you'll just have to wait and see."

When they finally bring breakfast, I ask the nurse, "Am I allowed visitors yet? Has anyone tried to see me?" Anyone being Ian.

The nurse shakes her head, and the voice agrees, "He ran like the wind. You're crazy, you know."

I wait for the nurse to leave, so she doesn't think I'm crazy.

Then I tell the voice again, Shut up. You're fucking dead.

"If you say so.

532.

When Carol Comes I'm ready to talk. "Is there such a thing as a split personality?"

Her eyes measure me up and down.

Dissociative identity disorder is extremely rare, but yes, it's real.

"Do the different identities know about each other?"

Sometimes. Usually not. Sometimes one does, but the others don't.

There are no definites with DID.

"Could you split into someone you know--or used to know?"

The jury's still out on how the alters develop. But I suppose you could take on aspects of someone familiar.

"Will one--what did you call it?

Alter?--do stuff another one won't?"

My questions have definitely piqued her interest.

Often that's the case, yes.

Why? Do you know someone like that?

533.

Well, duh. Why would I ask?

"I think so. What causes it?"

Usually a childhood trauma. An illness, or an accident. Most often it's related to sexual abuse in the formative years.

"Does it mean the person is crazy? Can you fix it?"

"Crazy" is hardly a clinical term.