"If I could maybe answer this question," I interrupted. "I really like both of you-but in different ways. I have dated other guys, and nobody even comes close to the way I feel about you two. It's a really important decision. Jimmy, you want me to quit my job and move to Chicago, and that's huge. Phil, I don't know exactly what you want yet, but I have my suspicions that it's serious too. But I've changed. We all have. So, I think we need to get reacquainted now. I don't feel I can make up my mind until I have a chance to do that."

Jimmy's whole face was a furrowed scowl. "You know, I've gone to a lot of trouble to rearrange my schedule so I could spend time here and we could be together. I kinda feel like you're changing the ground rules."

"I know, and I totally appreciate that. If you don't want to do this, that's fine. I don't want to force anyone into anything."

"But what's the alternative?" Jimmy asked.

"The alternative is that Kelly can go out with someone who is willing to accommodate her. Who doesn't think he's too frigging important to give her enough time to make a decision." Phil crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I had never had a migraine in my life, but I felt I might be getting one.

"I don't know what the alternative is," I replied to the original question. "I'll have to think about that."

"I'm happy to date you whenever and however you want," Phil assured me. But I could tell there was a lot of fuck-you in his voice, all aimed at Jimmy.

"Well," Jimmy hesitated. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it."

"Why not drop out now and spare yourself some pain?" Phil suggested helpfully.

Jimmy ignored him. "Logistically, how would this work?"

"We'd go out, you know, whenever it was convenient for you guys. I know that you're both busy and have stuff on. I'll keep track and keep things equal."

"Maybe we can work out a schedule ahead of time. Then you can come on trips with me too." Jimmy liked a routine, since he had a lot on.

"Anal much?" said Phil, "Kelly and I can be spontaneous. Of course, I'm not the one asking her to change her whole life to suit mine."

Jimmy continued to pretend Phil was not in the room. "Uh, Kelly, what about... intimacy?" Phil made a snort of derision.

"There won't be any sex. Sex confuses me. I figure I've got one chance to make up my mind, and I need to be completely clearheaded about it." I had gotten this idea from Ben. I only hoped I could be as strong as he was.

Both guys looked skeptical.

"No sex?" Phil finally asked. "You're sure about that?"

"Yes. I already know that you're both, um..." I started blushing furiously. "Well, that there are no issues in that area. And it's kind of icky to have sex with two people at the same time." I began sweating as well. "I don't mean at the same exact time, but at the same-oh, fuck it." I stopped talking altogether.

Phil was trying hard not to laugh at me. Jimmy had more questions though.

"No sex, but what about other stuff? Like holding hands and kissing?"

"Um." I hadn't thought about this. It had been ages since I'd done anything, and a little human contact would be nice. "Well, how about stuff that doesn't lead to sex is okay. So holding hands and kissing is fine, but not making out. Nothing you wouldn't do in front of your parents."

There was silence for a moment, as we all contemplated relationships with no sex. I sighed.

"And how long do you think it'll take you to decide?" Jimmy asked.

"I don't know. I'll try to make up my mind as fast as possible."

"This is a dumb idea, Kelly," Jimmy said. "You really need to think this through."

Phil jumped in. "You know, the more time I spend with you, the more I can't understand why she goes out with you at all. You're such a fucking downer. So what if we both go out with Kelly? I know we'll be having fun. If you're too busy maximizing your precious time, why even bother?"

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Well, I'm in." Jimmy stuck his chin out with determination.

Great. As predicted, this game was headed into testosterone-fuelled one-on-one. I really hoped we were done now. I spoke softly, almost to myself. "The best part is that tonight will be the only time all three of us will be in the same room."

Jimmy fixed his eyes on me, like he was willing Phil to disappear. "Since I'm only in town for the weekend, I'm hoping we can spend the whole time together."

"Get in line, bozo. Kelly's already promised to come to a family event with me on Saturday."

Jimmy shot me a reproachful look. "You knew I was coming to see you this weekend."

"God, stop it, you two. We're done here now. Thank you for agreeing to do this. I know it's kind of selfish, but it's important to me."

I stood up and got ready to shoo them out. They were eyeing each other in a very unfriendly way. If I were a linesman, I would be getting between them. I tried to calm things down. "Remember, it's not a competition-just a chance to get to know each other really well. You guys may change your minds too."

Phil snorted at this notion. It was too awkward for any kind of physical contact, so they both left at the same time with promises to call me.

Through the door, I heard Phil say, "It is a competition you know, asshole."

"Bring it," Jimmy replied.

12.

U Mad Bro?

Jimmy came to pick me up for a run the next morning. We drove out to Stanley Park in near silence. This was a bad sign. When Jimmy was in a good mood, he talked a lot.

Well, we didn't have to talk when running. It was a gorgeous May day, so I concentrated on enjoying the fresh air. At the end, we walked around to cool down and then sat down on a bench near Third Beach. He turned, took my hand in his, and frowned. "Are you upset with me about something?"

"No, what makes you think that?"

"Because of this whole dating thing. Last week, you told me you needed time to think things over. Now I come back, and you've arranged this whole deal with him. Why would you do that?"

Was it so hard for Jimmy to understand that I might not feel exactly the way he did? "Look, you're always making plans. But I'm not in the same place you are. I've been worrying about getting a job and paying back my loans-all the things that normal people think about."

He started to say something, but I held my hand up. "Stop, Jimmy. Before you offer to take away all my little financial problems with your magical NHL salary, can you remember that I like to be independent? And I'm also not your girlfriend."

"Yet," he added.

I smiled. "Pretty confident, are you?"

"I know we should be together, and I think you get that too."

He leaned towards me. His sweat smell was familiar and turning me on. I tried holding my breath. But then he kissed me, which pretty much took all the breath out of me anyway. He finally stopped and smiled.

"You know what I really regret? Not taking you up on your offer on Friday night."

"My offer?"

"Yes." He pulled my hands up to his chest and then encircled me in his muscular arms. "Don't you remember? You admired my pecs and tried to undress me. I think we both know where that would have ended up-you and me-doing it all night long."

He kissed me again, but after a moment I pushed him away and stood up. Resisting Jimmy was clearly going to take all my willpower.

"Too bad you said 'no,'" I told him.

"Yeah. I should have remembered the way to Kelly's heart is through her-"

I put a finger on his lips. "Stop it. Let's go. You want to come back to my place? We can get cleaned up and then go for lunch."

"Actually, we can go to my place."

"What? You have a place already?"

He tried to act casual, but I could tell he felt proud to be so on top of things. "It's no big deal. Baller gave me the name of his real estate agent. For a short-term furnished rental, it's pretty easy. The main thing was for us to have enough privacy."

I gulped. Enough privacy for what? Apparently, he had rented it before my decree of no sex. His place turned out to be in Yaletown. It was a nice, neutral condo with a balcony and a view of downtown. It was way nicer than my place and located in amongst the trendy shops and restaurants. He took me on a quick tour, including a bedroom with a king-sized bed. The bed had a black platform base and built-in headboard and side tables. The bed dominated the whole room-in duplicate since the closet doors were all mirrored.

"It's so big," I blurted.

He laughed at me. "Did you want to try it out?"

Oh, last weekend he was the one saying no, but now that I had said no sex, he was tempting me. I shook my head. He hesitated to make sure I really meant it, then took my hand and led me to the dining room table. His laptop and planner were laid out there.

"Okay, I started working out a schedule for our time together." Jimmy sat me down and pulled up a calendar black with events. I took one look and started to freak.

"How can I do all this? I thought you were going to try to be in Vancouver."

"I'm trying. But it turned out that I have a lot of commitments I can't shift. So I'll fly you out, and we can still be together. We'll have fun. It's not like torture or something."

I sighed. To give Phil equal time to this, I'd need to invent time dilation. "I can't take all this time off. I only started work about a month ago."

He wrinkled his nose, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. "The summer is when I have my free time, Kelly."

"I'm not quitting my job to hang out with you. Even if it's not a great job, it's mine." I knew that the money I made was nothing compared to what he made, but I had to start somewhere. He needed a reality check. "Why don't you pick the most important events, and I'll go to those."

He started pointing out dates. "I have a charity thing at home next weekend. The NHL Awards in June. Then, one of my teammates is getting married in Ontario. I want you to come home with me for the Canada Day long weekend. There's the Fan Conference in Chicago in July. I'm also supposed to go to L.A. for a meeting with my agent, that's a quick flight for you, so maybe you could take a couple of days off."

Apparently, everything was an important event. "Sorry, I'm not spending every weekend of the summer away from Vancouver. It's the best time to be here."

Jimmy pursed his lips. "You know, if you made up your mind sooner, we could go on a vacation all by ourselves-anywhere you wanted."

I didn't even reply to this. There was nothing I would like more than to make up my mind. But I was genuinely confused.

"How long is it going to take you anyway?"

"Jimmy, I have no idea. It's not going to be easy."

"This doesn't make any sense to me. What we have together is so special. It can't compare to other relationships."

While that was true for him, Phil and I had had a pretty incredible relationship. Although Jimmy had been out there partying, it didn't seem like he had experienced anything real. Still I felt bad.

"Okay, I'll visit you in New Brunswick next weekend. And I'll go to the NHL awards." That would be pretty cool. "But I don't know about the rest of it."

But that still wasn't enough. Jimmy stopped verbally pressuring me and settled for looking sad. And hot. However, I could be stubborn too, and a silence ensued.

"I got a key for you," he said, pulling out a keychain with a fob and key. "You can stay here whenever you want. If you feel like having privacy or something. I think this neighbourhood is better than yours, like safer."

I nodded. Our neighbourhood was fine, but a little sketchy at night.

"You can have your friends over too, except not-" He didn't even finish this sentence. His resentment of Phil hung like a thin curtain between us. Jimmy wasn't his sweet self, and he probably wouldn't be as long as the dating game went on. I was an idiot to think that this could ever work.

"Well, we better get going if we're going to do lunch," I said.

"That's right, because you're going out with him tonight. Even though I told you I was coming out here for the weekend."

"You know, we need to establish one ground rule here. I am not talking about Phil to you-ever. And vice versa. I think that's the best way to keep the peace."

I didn't like gossip anyway, and I really didn't want encourage any more competitiveness between them. There was enough already. Jimmy still looked sulky, so I tried to cheer him up. "Actually, I'm going over to my parents for dinner tonight."

My mom said they wanted to talk to me about something, so I was going to dinner and then stay overnight there. Of course I was going to Phil's parents' anniversary party in between those events, but I wasn't talking about that to Jimmy.

"Oh, really?" His face brightened up. "That's great. I really want to meet your parents. Maybe I can come to dinner?"

Panic attack. I was a big believer in need-to-know when it came to my love life and my parents. I did not want them to know I was dating two guys at once. Although it was my dad's advice during high school, that was mainly to prevent me from having sex with Phil.

"Maybe another time," I hedged.

"Kelly, I've introduced you to my family, my whole team at UMaine, and my friends. But you've hardly introduced me to anyone."

I knew that Phil wouldn't count. "You've met April and Karen. And you already know Deirdre Tough, right? She's my best friend from the McGill team, and she's from Fredericton."

He cocked his head. "Tough? Does she have brothers that play hockey?"

"Yes. But she's probably going to make the Canadian women's team, so you should know her." It seemed a little unfair that everyone in Fredericton knew Jimmy, but hardly anyone knew Deirdre-she was a great player too, but female.

Jimmy shrugged and got back to his main issue. "Kelly, if you're really considering coming to Chicago, it's important that I meet your parents. How will they react when you announce you're moving somewhere with a guy they've never even met?"