Knowing that Toni would undoubtedly be nervous and in need of moral support, Laura wasn't surprised when Krista opened the door and invited her in. As she walked past, Kris took a second-a long second-to admire Laura's attire.

The dress was emerald green, with a modest neckline and three-quarter length sleeves, and as Laura strolled into the lounge, Krista watched as the lightweight fabric swished around the woman's slender legs. Upon finishing her perusal, Krista came to a decision. Laura MacLeod was a babe.

"I was just leaving, but she should be out in a minute," Krista said quietly as she glanced toward the bedroom.

"Anything I should know?"

An easy smile played at the corners of Krista's mouth as she opened the door to leave. "She's nervous. She's scared, and I hope you two have a marvelous night."

A few minutes later, Toni appeared and Laura was stunned. She knew that Toni was attractive, but when she came into the lounge wearing snug, black leather trousers and a shimmering red blouse, attractive didn't come close.

"Hiya," Laura said.

"Hi."

Laura had two choices. Compliment Toni on her appearance, or get her into the car before she changed her mind. Laura chose wisely.

After maneuvering into a parking space, Laura turned off the engine and glanced over at her passenger. Since leaving the apartment, Toni had hardly said a word, and the farther away from her flat they traveled, the more anxious she had become. Now, nervously wringing her hands in her lap, Toni's breathing was becoming deeper with each passing second. Reaching over, Laura lightly touched the back of Toni's hand and instantly regretted it when Toni jerked it away.

Mentally chastising herself for her mistake, Laura said softly, "Why don't we go inside and see about getting you that steak dinner?"

Nervously, Toni shook her head. "I don't think I can do this. I think...I think I need to go home."

"Toni-"

"Look, I'm not stupid!" Toni shouted. "I know that you've talked to Kris and probably to John, so you know I've got a problem with...with this. Please...please just take me back to my place. I can't do this."

Toni's voice, although raised for a moment, had become a ragged, pleading whisper, and Laura's heart broke. "Toni, you can do this," she said, quietly. "I called ahead and asked for a private table, and I promise that I won't leave your side for a minute. I know you're scared, but you can do this. Please...for me?"

One minute passed and then the next as Toni sat looking out the window. She could see the entrance to the restaurant. It was only a few steps away, barely six strides, but almost five minutes passed before she managed to give Laura a nod as she reached for the door handle. Waiting until Laura appeared at her window, Toni cautiously got out of the car and keeping her eyes glued on the sidewalk, she took the longest walk of her life.

Once inside, Laura gave her name to the maitre d', and as she had promised, he led them through the dining room to a secluded, corner table and Toni quickly chose the seat that put her back to the room. A menu was placed in front of her, and she was welcomed to the restaurant, but she didn't say a word or begin to peruse the selections until the man walked away.

Glancing in Laura's direction, Toni offered a weak smile as she picked up the menu. As she read the descriptions of the various entrees, her mouth began to water and her nerves settled, but when the waiter appeared seconds later, she instantly stiffened, placed her hands palm down on the table and lowered her gaze.

Seeing Toni's reaction, Laura quickly took charge. Ordering them both a glass of wine, once the waiter disappeared from view, Laura reached over and tapped the table to get Toni's attention. "I hope you like Cabernet."

Toni raised her eyes and took a breath. "I haven't had it in a while, but yes, I do."

"Good," Laura said, glancing at the menu. "So do you see anything you like?"

Toni looked at the choices again and then back up at Laura, their eyes locking for an instant before she answered. "I think I'd like the filet, but..."

"I can order for you, if you'd like. I don't mind."

"Thanks," Toni whispered, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

For the rest of the night, Laura took the lead, ordering them dinner and drinks as needed. Their conversation began hesitantly, but once Laura brought up the subject of teaching, for the rest of the meal, they chatted easily.

With bellies filled and warmed by wine, they walked to the exit wearing smiles, but as soon as they stepped outside, everything changed. When they had arrived, the street hadn't been crowded, but now it was overflowing with people coming and going from the various pubs and restaurants that lined the block, and Toni went absolutely rigid. As if cemented in place, she could neither move nor breathe.

Without giving it a second thought, Laura grabbed Toni's hand and pulled her through the crowd. Reaching the car, Laura got her inside as quickly as possible and then ran to the driver's door. As soon as the door closed, shutting off the noise of the street, Laura could hear Toni gasping for air.

"You need to relax, Toni. It's okay," Laura said quietly. "Just breathe easy."

Toni nodded, but when she continued to take too many quick breaths, Laura reached over, totally forgetting once again the woman's fears. As soon as she touched Toni on the leg, Toni flinched away, pressing herself hard against the car door.

"Damn it," Laura said, wincing at her mistake. "I'm sorry, Toni, but you need to slow your breathing. Just relax. You're okay."

"Please...please just take me home," Toni said, closing her eyes to try to block out her fear. "I want to go home."

All Toni wanted to do was lock herself in her flat and hide from the world, but when they reached her door, Laura suggested they have a cup of tea, and feeling obligated, Toni agreed. After setting up the kettle, Toni excused herself, disappearing into her bedroom in hopes that a few minutes of solitude would give her enough time to calm her nerves and lessen the weight of embarrassment now pressing down on her.

Patiently waiting for Toni to return, Laura looked around the lounge. Tilting her head to read the titles of the books stacked about the room, when the kettle began to whistle, she went to the kitchen and filled the mugs. Opening the fridge in search of milk, Laura stopped when she saw a bottle of cloudy vodka on the bottom shelf. Under the stark brilliance of flickering fluorescents, reality slapped her in the face.

"I don't have any milk," Toni said from the doorway. "Sorry."

Swallowing hard, Laura pushed away her thoughts and shut the door. "No worries. I can do without."

A few minutes later, sitting at the little table crammed into the corner of the kitchen, they sat quietly sipping their tea. Laura knew Toni was on edge, and hoping to offer some comfort, she reached over and touched Toni's hand.

As if she had just been burned, Toni snatched her hand away, the legs of her chair screeching across the floor as she pushed away from the table and jumped to her feet. "I do not like to be touched! Why can't you understand that?"

"Toni-"

"Oh, Christ, tonight was a huge fucking mistake," Toni shouted, storming from the room.

Quickly following, Laura said, "Toni, tonight was wonderful. I had a great time-"

"Did you, Laura? Really?" Toni said, crossing her arms. "Tell me, what part did you like the best? When you had to pry me out of the car to go into the bloody restaurant, or when you had to order my meal because I was too fucking scared to do it for myself!"

"Toni, you're being too hard on yourself."

"No, that's where you're wrong!" Toni shouted. "You see, I know where I belong and where I don't!" Waving her arms in the air, she yelled, "This is my life, Laura. Don't you get that? This is all I've got. I don't belong out there anymore, and I was an idiot for even trying."

"No, you weren't. You did great tonight! So you hit a few stumbling blocks-"

"Stumbling blocks? Stumbling blocks! I'm thirty-four years old, Laura, and I couldn't even go to the loo tonight because I was so bloody afraid."

"You could have asked me-"

"What? I could have asked you to hold my hand? Just how much humiliation do you think I can take?"

"Toni-"

"Laura, I want to you to leave. Just go home. Go back to your life and stay the fuck out of mine!"

Knowing that her presence was only adding fuel to the fire, Laura reluctantly gathered her things and walked to the door. Looking over her shoulder, she gazed at the woman staring out the window, and even in the dimly lit room, Laura could see the tears rolling down Toni's face. "I had a wonderful time tonight, Toni, and if you need anything, you have my number."

"I don't need anything. Not from you, not from anyone! All I want is to be left alone, so do me a favor and leave me the fuck alone!"

Hearing the door close, Toni watched from the window as Laura got into her car and drove away. As it disappeared down the street, she rested her forehead against the cool glass, her breath fogging the pane as she struggled with her demons. Staring at the streetlights of the city, her eyes filled with tears as distant memories of nightclubs, friends and dancing came back to her. She was once so much more, but that person had been destroyed by the vileness of inhumane beings wearing prison uniforms.

"Fuck this!" she blurted through her tears as she stormed into the kitchen and yanked open the refrigerator door. "Fuck all of this!"

For the second Saturday in a row, Krista was up with the sun, and after a quick shower, and a promise to Robin she'd be back soon, she headed out the door. After stopping at a local coffee house, when she reached Toni's building, she took the stairs two at a time until she reached 3-D.

Rapping on the door, she waited and then glanced at her watch, somewhat surprised that Toni had yet to answer. Since her release from prison, Toni had been an early riser, and after a few more minutes of waiting, Kris took matters into her own hands. Juggling the coffee carrier, she fumbled for her keys and then let herself in.

The first thing she noticed was the air. It was thick with the smell of cigarettes, and the normally cool apartment was almost stifling. Glancing at the windows, she saw they were all closed, and then she noticed a table lamp lying on the floor and several stacks of books were now strewn about the room.

"Toni?" she called out, looking toward the bedroom. "You awake?"

When she heard no response, Kris frowned, and as she tried to remember if she had seen Toni's car parked outside the building, she made her way to the kitchen. Turning on the light, she was about to put down the coffee when she saw the empty vodka bottle on the counter. In a silent whoosh, the carrier fell to the floor, the hot coffee splashing on Krista's jeans, but she didn't feel the burn. Bringing her hands to her head, she pressed her palms against her temples and began to wail.

Chapter Nine.

"Good morning."

"Hey there," Abby Parker said, turning just in time to see Laura yawn as she came into the kitchen. "Did you sleep all right?"

"Yeah. Thanks for letting me stay here last night."

"We were talking until three, Laura. I wasn't about to send you home at that hour."

After leaving Toni's, Laura had made it barely a mile before she stopped the car and used her mobile to call Abby Parker. A psychologist by profession, she was, more importantly, Laura's best friend, and by the time Laura arrived at Abby's home, there were two glasses of Chardonnay sitting on the coffee table. For the rest of the night, Abby listened while Laura talked about Toni Vaughn.

"I've been thinking about what you told me about your friend, Toni," Abby said, sliding a cup of coffee in Laura's direction.

"And?"

"First, I know you meant well, but playing amateur psychologist is a dangerous game."

"I was trying to help. She seems so alone and so hurt. I just wanted to be a friend."

A knowing smile appeared on Abby's face. "I know you were. You're one of those rare people who would stop to help an injured animal along the side of the road even if the poor thing was frothing at the mouth," she said. "And Toni is definitely wounded."

"So what can I do?"

"There's not much you can do unless she comes to you. And you mustn't invade her space again, because you saw what happened the last time."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Laura, that night when you went over to help her, her panic attack wasn't brought on by what happened at Calloway. It was brought on by you."

"Me?"

Reaching across the table, Abby took her friend's hand. "Laura, listen to me. Toni is fractured. She's just bits and pieces where once there was a whole person. She's lost the ability to trust. She doesn't feel safe anywhere but in her flat, and from what you've told me, until very recently she has shown little or no emotion. She goes through each day, regimented to a routine that allows her to exist in a world that terrifies her. When you intruded on her life by entering her flat without an invitation, she panicked. You see that's the only thing left under her control. She says who comes and goes, what books are there, even down to the food she allows to be brought inside. She controls it all. When you went there that night and walked in without an invitation, it pushed her over the edge."

"Jesus, I didn't mean-"

"Of course you didn't."

"So, that could have happened when I was sitting in on her classes?"

"No, I don't think so, because that's not a safe place for her."

Laura scrunched up her face and stared back at the woman. "Okay, now I'm confused. I've seen her teach, Abby. Trust me, she feels safe there."

"No, I disagree. If she felt safe, you'd see her roaming the halls or visiting the recreation area, but she doesn't do that. To a certain extent, she probably feels comfortable in her classroom, but that has more to do with her belief in her teaching abilities rather than having control over the situation like she does in her flat."

"You've lost me."

"What she has when she's teaching is confidence not control. She can't choose her students or the questions they ask, but she knows she can teach. So, she manages to overcome some of her fears and by doing that, she becomes the person she used to be. You said it yourself, it was like she was transformed into another person, when, in fact, all she was doing was allowing herself to be who she is, or rather was."

"That doesn't make sense," Laura said, burying her face in her hands. "If she can pull it together in the classroom, why can't she do it somewhere else, like last night at the restaurant?"

"That's simple-fear. Without talking to her, and without knowing what those bastards did to her, I can't give you a definitive answer, but you said that she's afraid of strangers and crowds, and I'm sure that's all based on trust. She believes they'll hurt her. She put her trust in the system, in her colleagues, and to a certain extent, in the guards who were in that prison to care for her. The system put her in that place. Her colleagues abandoned her, and the guards mistreated her. And if it wasn't for her friend, Kris, Toni probably would have killed herself that day, but Kris did what friends do; she showed her love and compassion. Believe it or not, by not demanding she get rid of that narcotic-laced crap in her refrigerator, Kris showed that she could be trusted. And you, by being your patient and caring self, especially last night, well, I'd have to say that she's probably starting to trust you as well."

"Then why lash out at me?"

"Embarrassment, pride, call it what you want. Laura, she's confused and she channeled that confusion into anger. Yes, she pointed the finger in your direction, but she was angry at herself. For the first time in years, outside the walls of her classroom and her apartment, she was doing what normal people do...and she liked it. When you left the restaurant, all her insecurities returned and reality slapped her in the face, and it hurt, probably more than either of us can even begin to imagine."

Sobbing, Kris ran to the bedroom, throwing open the door and stumbling inside. The room, like the lounge, was warm and still, and the duvet was smooth as if the bed hadn't been slept in. Hearing the shower running, images of a razor blade and bloody wrists flashed through Krista's mind as she slowly made her way to the bathroom. Holding her breath, she cautiously opened the door and walked inside. It was only a few steps to the tub, but it felt like an eternity before she was within reach of the shower curtain. Grabbing hold of the green plastic, she whipped it aside.

If there had been a contest for who could scream first or who could scream the loudest, it would have been a tie.

"Krista! What the fuck!" Toni yelled, grabbing for the curtain to cover herself.

"Toni!"

"Get the fuck out of here!"