Give Me A Reason - Give Me A Reason Part 37
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Give Me A Reason Part 37

Chuckling, Abby said, "Technically, this isn't a session."

"Nice out."

"I thought so," Abby said, her eyes creasing at the corners as she picked up her drink.

With her head in her hands, she sat on the edge of the bed, trying to decide if opening her eyes or even moving was even possible. Awake for almost an hour, it took all Laura had to get herself into a sitting position, and after crawling out from under the heavy duvet, the pain in her temples forced her to stop. Cautiously opening one eye and then the other, she drew away from the thin streaks of light that had somehow found their way through the drapes. Slowly getting to her feet, Laura steadied herself on the nightstand and then on the dresser before she finally made it to the bathroom to empty her bladder.

Deciding that if she looked as bad as she felt, glancing in the mirror would not be a good idea, she walked past the vanity and turned on the shower. A few minutes later, she stepped under the hot spray and allowed the water to wash away the smell of alcohol and cigarettes.

Memories, fragmented by tequila, filled her mind. Snippets of pubs alive with laughter and loud music rushed in and out of her head, but as hard as Laura tried, she couldn't remember how many they had visited. The night was a blur of taxi rides, walks down crowded sidewalks and gargantuan men standing at doorways to usher them into rooms filled with the stifling heat of people on the pull. She had danced in the arms of strangers, arms that felt foreign, almost dangerous, but she found herself refusing none. Placating her nerves with clear liquor, she wanted to lose herself amongst the gyrating bodies on parquet floors, but the baritone voices that whispered promises did not hold her interest for long...so she drank some more.

Sometime during the evening, the music slowed and a man with black hair and eyes the color of milk chocolate took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He held her close, much too close, but fogged by alcohol, she allowed him to whisper, she allowed him to touch, and when he said he wanted to mark her...she let him.

The bar of soap slipped from Laura's fingers as her eyes flew open, and rushing to rinse the rest of the soap from her body, she shut off the taps, grabbed a towel and rushed to the vanity. Wiping the moisture on the mirror away with her hand, her entire body deflated. "Shit!" Slowly turning her head, when the magnitude of the vivid love bite came fully into view, all the color drained from Laura's face. "That's just great, MacLeod. That's just bloody great!"

A short time later, Laura came downstairs wearing her most comfortable track pants and her most uncomfortable high-neck cardigan.

Sitting on the sofa, Toni looked up from her book. "So, you are still alive."

"Barely," Laura said, collapsing into a chair.

"How's your head?" Toni asked, placing her book on the coffee table.

"It feels like I slept with it in a vise."

"Better than in a toilet, I suppose."

"Debatable," Laura said. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the back of the chair.

"How about I make you some coffee?" Toni asked, and then holding up her bottle of beer, she said, "Unless you prefer the hair of the dog?"

Opening one eye, when Laura saw what Toni was offering, she blanched. "Not on your life."

Grinning, Toni got to her feet. "I'll put on a pot. Shan't be long."

She was trying her best to be a friend, but when Toni reached the kitchen, her grin disappeared. Laura's attempt at covering the bruise was admirable, but it didn't matter that Toni couldn't see the hickey. She knew it was there, and she was not happy. Silently berating herself for the jealousy flowing through her veins, Toni stayed in the kitchen until the coffee was done, and grabbing another beer for herself, she went back to the lounge with her annoyance in tow.

Handing Laura the cup, Toni returned to her spot on the sofa, and after taking a healthy swallow of the pale ale, she opened her book and leaned back into the cushions.

"Thanks for the coffee," Laura said.

"No problem."

"You okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know," Laura said, eyeing the woman. "You seem a bit off."

"No more off than I usually am."

"Did I do something wrong last night?"

With a snort Toni looked up from the book she wasn't reading. "No, I always enjoy having to deal with two drunken women stumbling about the house at one in the morning. It's what I live for."

"Two? Abby was here?"

With a huff, Toni said, "You really don't remember anything, do you?"

"It's all a bit of a blur."

"Is the name of the bloke who put that mark on your neck a blur, too, or did you remember to get his number?" Seeing Laura touch the collar of her sweater, Toni blurted, "The frock you wore last night barely had enough fabric to cover your tits, let alone your neck."

Anger flashed in Laura's eyes as she sat forward in her chair. "There was absolutely nothing wrong with the dress I wore last night!"

"No, it just had pull written all over it," Toni said, tossing her book on the table. "I guess I should consider myself lucky you came home with Abby instead of your neck-sucking pub partner. I sure as hell wouldn't have wanted to come out here to find you fucking on the sofa."

"You are way out of line!"

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are," Laura said, getting to her feet. "I went out last night to have a good time. I wanted to dance and to laugh and to forget my troubles, and I ended up drinking too much. So what? I'm a big girl, Toni, and if I want to go out and dance the night away, I will! If I want to get drunk, I will, and if I decide to bring someone home, and we decide to fuck on the sofa, as you so eloquently put it, I suggest you either stay in your bloody room or look the other way when you come out!"

As Laura stomped to the stairs, Toni called out, "Since when did you become such a bloody tart?"

Stopping at the bottom step, Laura turned around. "Since you refused to give me a reason not to be!"

"So how's this work?" Toni asked, placing the tray of tea and biscuits on the coffee table.

"What do you mean?" Abby said as she picked up a cup.

"Do I lie on the sofa and tell you about my dreams or what?"

The corners of Abby's mouth turned upward as she leaned back on the sofa and crossed her legs. "How about we start with what's bothering you today?"

"What makes you think anything's bothering me?"

"Your body language screams it."

With a sigh, Toni sat down. "I had a fight with Laura."

"About what?"

"Her coming home drunk."

"Oh, I see. You don't like to see her get pissed."

"No, it's not that. We all need to unwind sometimes, and Laura's an adult, but...but-"

"Spit it out, Toni. Remember what I told you. Don't sugarcoat and don't lie, just tell me what's on your mind. I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to listen and to help."

Leaning forward, Toni rested her elbows on her knees, combing her fingers through her hair before she glanced back at Abby. "I'm jealous."

Abby couldn't help but smile. In the coming months, she knew many of their sessions would be filled with raw emotions and painful memories, but the biggest obstacle had just passed. Toni had told her the truth, and with truth comes trust.

"So, why don't you tell her how you feel?" Abby asked.

"You know why."

"Because you think you might hurt her?"

"Yes."

"Do you honestly believe with the feelings you have for Laura, you could ever possibly hurt her?"

"I can't take that chance."

"You can't take it or you won't take it?"

Hanging her head, Toni whispered, "I don't have anything to offer her."

"What do you mean?"

"She deserves better than me."

Thinking for a moment, Abby asked, "If you had met Laura six or seven years ago, would you have felt the same way? Would she have deserved you then?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I was a whole person back then, that's why!" Toni barked. "I had a career that was going nowhere but up. I had two books under my belt with plans for more, and I enjoyed going out to pubs for drinks and dancing. I liked myself back then. I liked the fact that I was attractive to women, and I liked the fact that I hardly ever came home alone."

"So you were a player?"

"If you want to call it that."

"What would you call it?"

"I don't know. Someone who embraced all life had to give, I suppose."

"And you don't want to embrace life again? You don't want to laugh or to drink or to dance? You don't want to write another book or bed another woman?"

"No, I don't."

"I asked you not to lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are," Abby said, sitting up straight. "If you remember, on those forms you emailed to me, there was a question about suicide, and you told me about that night with the vodka. If you didn't want to live again, you would have guzzled it without giving it a second thought, but you didn't. You made a choice and that choice was to live, and as far as not having anything to offer Laura, that's just rubbish."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because you still have a career, those two books you wrote are still in print, and there's nothing to stop you from writing another. Laura is totally in love with you, Toni, and from where I'm sitting, you're head-over-heels for her. What you can offer Laura is love, and in case you haven't heard, love is priceless."

Chapter Twenty-Eight.

"Here, drink this," Abby said, handing Toni a glass.

"What is it?"

"Just some water," Abby answered, sitting next to her trembling patient.

More than a month had passed since their first session, and over those weeks, a strong doctor-patient bond had been formed. Meeting twice a week, and sometimes more, Abby had managed to get Toni to talk about her family, her feelings and, of course, Thornbridge. Today they had focused on the most vicious beating Toni had received when she was in solitary, the result of which put her in the infirmary for over two weeks.

"Sorry that today was a bit rough on you," Abby said softly as she picked up her cup of tea.

"I just can't understand it," Toni said, looking over at Abby. "I think about that night a lot. When he came into my cell, my first thought was that he didn't look evil. He looked...he looked normal. He wasn't unkempt or brutish like so many of the screws, and even though he only said a few words to me, I could tell he had received a formal education, but then he just...he just started hitting me, ripping me apart with that fucking belt. How can any man do that to a woman? How can any man do that to anyone? How do you beat someone like that and then just leave them on the floor, naked and bleeding, without giving it a second thought? How?"

"Was that when you stopped trusting people?"

"Yeah. My perception of him was skewed because of his looks and his accent, but he proved me wrong and I've always made it a point to learn from my mistakes. After that, I didn't trust any of the men."

"The men? What about the female guards?"

"They came later."

"Should I save that topic for another day?"

"If you don't mind."

"Of course, I don't," Abby said, leaning back on the sofa. "So, how are you and Laura getting on these days?"

"Do you know you ask me that every time we meet?"