"Can I ask why?"

"I...I don't want her to get the wrong idea, and think that this would somehow change things between us."

"Don't you want things to change?"

"No, of course not. Laura's my friend and I'd never want that to change."

"That's not what I'm talking about. Laura told me she kissed you, and you kissed her back."

"I did not!" Toni said, glaring at Abby. "That's bollocks! She caught me by surprise, and it just took me a minute to get things sorted. I think of Laura as a friend and only a friend."

A knowing grin spread across Abby's face. "Nice try, but the lady doth protest too much, methinks." The indignant look Toni gave her in return only added to Abby's amusement, and fighting the urge to laugh, she said, "Oh please, don't even think about telling me I'm wrong."

"Right or wrong, it doesn't matter. Laura's moved on," Toni muttered.

"And how did you come to that conclusion, may I ask?"

"It doesn't matter how I know-"

"Oh, yes it does," Abby said, sitting forward in her chair. "You're describing my best friend as a fickle tart and that couldn't be further from the truth."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Then would you care to explain why she went out with Phillip a week after she kissed me, and then last night...last night she came home with a love bite on her neck the size of bloody football!"

"She went out with Phillip to tell him face-to-face that their relationship was over. And as far as what happened last night, I invited Laura to go out for some drinks and dancing, hoping it would take her mind off of you, but it didn't take me long to realize that she didn't want to get buzzed, she wanted to get pissed out of her mind. When she came back to the table with that idiotic bruise on her neck, I put us both in a taxi and brought her home."

"So you didn't give her that hickey?"

"What? No, of course I didn't. Laura and I are friends. She's never been interested in any woman like that. Well, that is, until she met you. All she was trying to do last night was to escape from the feelings she has for you, if only for a few hours. Toni, you've got to know that she's fallen for you."

"She has a funny way of showing it."

"Oh, like you have any room to talk," Abby said, rocking back in her chair. "What's the difference between hiding in a glass of tequila and hiding in your room?"

"That's different."

"No, it's not. It's the same thing."

"How the hell do you figure that?"

"Because you're both afraid," Abby said. "You're afraid Laura can't get past your scars, and she's afraid she'll never be able to convince you that they don't bloody matter, but what Laura hasn't figured out is that you're not that vain, are you? I have no doubt the marks left by those belts aren't beautiful, but the ugliness you really don't want her to see is what lies underneath. It's the rage you feel, the hatred...the need for revenge. It's alive and well and living just under the surface, and you're afraid one day it will escape and seek retribution against those who hurt you. That's what you really don't want Laura to see, isn't it? That's what you don't want her to know."

Stunned that the woman had so easily seen through to the truth, Toni stared back at her for a moment, her eyes getting glassy as tears began to form. "I don't want to hurt her," she whispered. "I'm...I'm so afraid that I'm going to hurt her."

"Do you mean physically?"

"Yes."

"Why would you think that? She's not the one who put you behind those bars."

"Did she...did she tell you about the screw who tried to rape me?"

"Yes," Abby said, but then the room was filled with the sound of her gasp. "Oh, dear God. Are you saying that he did?"

Shaking her head, Toni said, "No...no...he didn't...he didn't-"

"Toni, did he penetrate you?"

Abruptly, Toni stood up. "I need a smoke."

Before Abby could blink, the woman stormed past her, grabbed her jacket and practically ran out the back door. Without thinking twice, Abby headed to the front hall to retrieve her coat.

Standing under the small roof, Toni watched the rain fall and when she heard the door open, she didn't turn around.

"Can I have one of those?" Abby asked.

Knowing if she looked in Abby's direction, the tiny thread holding her emotions in check would break, Toni placed the pack and lighter on the railing.

"Thanks," Abby said, lighting a cigarette.

They stood almost shoulder-to-shoulder, looking out at the overgrown garden while they smoked their cigarettes. When Toni lit the next, Abby did the same, but when the chill of the air finally made it through Abby's thin coat, and she shivered, Toni said, "You should go back inside. You're cold."

"Yes, well I have this problem with walking away from a patient in crisis."

"I'm not your patient."

"Yes, you are," Abby said, turning to look at Toni. "So talk to me."

"I don't want to talk."

"You and I both know you do. You're just worried that once those tears start to fall, they won't stop, but they will. I promise."

"Are you sure?" Toni said in a ragged voice. "Are you really sure?"

Flicking her cigarette to the ground, Abby placed her hand lightly on Toni's back. "I'm positive."

Chapter Twenty-Seven.

The tears came, and with them, a torrent of words filled with hatred and anger directed at the men and women who had abused her spewed forth. Toni pounded her fists on the railing so hard Abby feared she would break every bone they contained, but she didn't stop her. She stood a few feet away as Toni unloaded, tears angrily brushed aside as she used every name in the book to describe the people who had damaged her, and as Abby knew it would, the truth came out.

He had come into Toni's cell that night to violate her, to abuse her in ways that caused stomachs to empty, and even though Toni had fought him, not allowing him to rape her in the truest definition of the word, he had raped her mind. With his hands, he had destroyed memories of perfumed, gentle lovers, replacing them with painful gropes that had left the most tender parts of her body bruised and swollen for weeks. And with his mouth, he had annihilated remembrances of tender kisses and playful nibbles, and in their place were the feel of thick saliva on her skin, and the vile breath of an animal disguised as a man.

Between the raw emotions and the damp, cold morning air, it didn't take long before both women were shivering, and guiding Toni back inside to the table, Abby went in search of Scotch. Pouring a bit in two glasses, she placed one in front of Toni as she pulled over a chair and sat next to the woman with the tear-streaked face.

"Take a sip of that. It'll warm you up."

"A bit early for Scotch don't you think or do you always ply your patients with alcohol?"

Abby picked up a tumbler, her hand trembling so much that the amber liquid splashed about in the glass. "It's as much for me as it is for you."

For a few minutes, Abby sipped her drink in silence, allowing the heat of the alcohol to warm her belly and calm her nerves. A practicing psychologist for over ten years, Abby had heard her share of stories, and had dealt with patients trying to fight additions, survive divorces or recover from abuse. Her experience with dealing with posttraumatic stress syndrome was notable, but sitting in Laura's kitchen, sipping malt whisky at ten in the morning, she knew she had her work cut out for her. Abby had never been so rattled by a patient's tale of woe before today. She had never been so disturbed by a person's anguish that her emotions got the better of her, but this morning they had. She hadn't been able to prevent tears from falling at the utter pain that seemed to envelop Toni as she spoke of Thornbridge, and it was at that moment when Abby made herself a promise. She was going to help this woman...no matter what.

"Feeling better?" Toni said softly.

Shaken from her thoughts, Abby looked up. "I should be the one asking you that."

"Perhaps, but I think in the coming weeks you'll be the one asking the questions, so I had better get mine in while I can."

Wary about reading between any lines no matter how much she wanted to, Abby asked, "So, are you saying I have a new patient?"

"Yeah, I think you do."

Struggling to keep her enthusiasm in check, Abby allowed only a ghost of a smile to appear before slowly letting out the breath she'd been holding. "Then I'd like to discuss a few things. That is, if you feel up to it?"

Taking a deep breath, Toni leaned back in her chair. "I'm okay. Go ahead."

"Well, first I want to say that I'll do everything I can to help you, but you've got to promise me you won't lie to me or hide things from me," Abby said, putting down her drink. "If I ask you a question, I want the truth. I don't want you to try to sugarcoat it in any way. Okay?"

Thinking for a moment, Toni said, "Okay."

"Next, what you tell me-stays with me. If you want Laura to know, you'll have to tell her. I may contact some of my colleagues if I have questions or feel I need their help, but they won't know your name or your situation. All right?"

"That's fine."

"The other day, Laura mentioned you bought a computer. Do you have an email address?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I have a questionnaire I give all my patients." Getting up, Abby went in search of a pen and paper, and returning to the table, she handed them to Toni. "Write down your email and when I get home, I'll send it along." Noticing that Toni had begun to fidget in her chair, Abby asked, "Are you all right?"

"Just nervous...never been shrunk before."

"Well, this isn't really the shrinking part," Abby said, flashing a quick grin. "It's more like the pre-wash."

Amused, Toni relaxed in her chair as she began to understand why the woman was Laura's best friend. "So, what's this questionnaire about anyway?"

"It's just for background information. Nothing too taxing, I assure you."

"Okay, and then what?"

"Normally I meet my patients at my office, but for the time being, I think we should meet here. You're obviously more comfortable in these surroundings and I don't think we need to put any undue pressure on you, or am I wrong?"

"No, here would definitely be better."

"Good," Abby said as she jotted down a note. "I'll check my planner and see what I can do. I'd like to see you at least twice a week to start, and if you think you can handle more, I'll make sure I have the time available. Will that work for you?"

"Yes. I usually get home just after four, but my classes on Monday and Wednesday end at two, so I could be here early on those days."

"Does Laura come home at the same time?"

"No, she works until at least five, and on Wednesdays, she has a staff meeting, so she's usually not home until after six."

"Aren't you staff?"

"I'm exempt."

Pausing for a moment, Abby said, "That's right. You don't do well in groups of people."

"Yeah."

"Okay, so let's plan on meeting here Monday at half past two, and we'll go from there," Abby said as she jotted down another note.

Running her hands on her jeans to dry her palms, Toni nodded. "All right."

"Can you handle a few more questions? I promise, just a couple more and then that'll be it until Monday."

"Um...sure. Go ahead."

"Do you take drugs?"

"Excuse me?"

Laughing, Abby said, "Relax, it's just a standard question. Nothing personal."

"Oh, um...no, I don't do drugs."

"Ever?"

"I smoked some grass in university, but I didn't like the way it made me feel."

"Okay," Abby said, adding to her notes on the paper. "How about prescription medication? Any of that?"

"No. Why, do you think I need some?"

"I don't believe in medicating patients unless it's absolutely necessary, Toni. The reason I'm asking about drug use is because I need you to be clearheaded when we talk. If you're taking something to alter your mood or using some narcotic to ease your pain, then the sessions would be pointless."

"This coming from a woman who just served me Scotch at ten in the morning," Toni said, a grin slowly forming on her face.