I can't believe he just said that. But he did.

"I'll mail it. Are you still living at your mama's?"

"No, but that'd be the best place to send it. If you don't mind."

"Why would I mind, Isaac? Is there anything else I can do to help you? Are you sure this is enough? How about a million dollars? Anyway, I hope it solves your problem."

"It will definitely help. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

I put the phone in my purse. I do not for the life of me understand why I agreed to lend Isaac any amount of money. We haven't been divorced twenty-four hours and he's still able to talk me into doing something I don't want to do. As usual, he caught me off guard, and here I am in the grocery store, at the checkout, holding up the line even though there's nobody behind me, listening to my newly minted ex-husband ask me if he can borrow money so he can probably spend it on his new woman. But what the fuck. It could be something he's too embarrassed about. Maybe I'm the only one he could call. Let's just see if he pays me back after he gets that check.

I finish emptying everything from my cart onto the conveyer. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Mary asks. She is probably my age. And looks tired. She smokes a lot. I can smell it. Her skin looks rough. Her hair could stand to be shampooed and deep conditioned. A good cut would help. There is no ring on her left finger and it doesn't look like she's ever worn one. Mary looks like she lives alone. I imagine she has a house full of cats because there is a film of white hair all over her olive green sweater.

I swipe my debit card. "I'm sorry, what did you just ask me?"

"Did you find everything you were looking for, Mrs. Jackson?" she asks when my name pops up on her screen.

"It's Ms.," I say politely. "As a matter of fact, I didn't. What aisle are good husbands on, Mary?"

She chuckles. "I wish I knew, honey. I wish I knew."

The First One's Free

I can't believe it. I'm actually going on a real date. With Dark Angel. Finally. Ten long hours from now. Actually, we're just having a cappuccino at a Starbucks not far from my house, which of course he doesn't know. It still feels like a date. I actually took the day off so I could make sure I look as snazzy as possible. I want his mouth to water when he sees me in person, since he liked my pictures so much. Today is all about preparation. I already bought something jazzy to wear but I might change my mind at the last minute. I'm getting a new set of acrylics and you can never have too many pedicures. I'm also going over to Oasis to let Joseph tighten up my weave, since baby birds might be nesting on the crown of my head for all I know.

Right now, I'm giving myself a rejuvenating clay facial and whitening my teeth with those strips. I think I need to get waxed, too. Romeo and Juliet just ran out of here because the blue mask scares them. Sparrow just ran downstairs to back my car out of the garage so I can get out before the exterminators get here. They have to park their truck in the driveway in order to pull the hose around the back of the house. Then she'll drive herself to school since, by the grace of God, she finally managed to get her driver's license. She also came to her senses. Instead of that Prius, she decided on a black Honda Civic hybrid-which is pretty hard to say.

Sparrow isn't exactly psyched about my date with Dark Angel. She is excited I'm finally meeting him so I can hurry up and put him on the Never in This Lifetime list and move on to someone who doesn't write bad poetry. I pay her no mind. In fact, when she realized I was serious about not having a birthday party, she decided not to have one, too. I told her she could have a few friends over if she wanted to, but she just said, "It was only a passing thought, Mom. No big deal. I'll live." Well, we both did.

Oh hell, here we go again: hot flash #I,000! The clay was just starting to get hard! Shit shit shit. Broiling from the inside out with no warning off and on all day and night had gotten on my nerves so bad I finally begged my doctor for some hormones. I just started taking them a few days ago but it would sure be nice if they kicked in sometime in the next few minutes. I want my memory back. I need help unscrambling some of the puzzles that aren't really puzzles. I do not for the life of me understand why God had to make menopause so complicated. I mean, what was the point of dragging it out and making you feel like a mental case. Why couldn't He or She have just picked a date for your period to stop and then let us move on with our lives? As if bleeding once a month for thirty-five years wasn't bad enough.

My first stop this morning is the dentist. I hope I can sit in that chair for forty-five minutes without squirming. It feels like I'm getting ready for my prom or something instead of just having a cappuccino. I'm getting impressions made for those new invisible braces, since my teeth have started moving because I'm getting old and I'll be damned if I'm going to die with spaces between my teeth. Of course, I don't feel like going today but he charges a fifty-dollar cancellation fee if I don't give him twenty-four hours notice.

I feel a little cooler as I walk over to the window hoping the mask can now finish hardening. I'm tempted to stick my head in the refrigerator, but Romeo and Juliet would freak out for sure. I can tell by the cluster of dark clouds that the monsoon season is shifting into third gear. I love the heavy winds. The dust storms. The loud thunder. The yellow and violet lightning. But mostly the rain. I love the way it smells, the sound it makes pounding on the clay roof and how it gushes out of the gutters like narrow waterfalls. Although it can sometimes be dangerous if you're driving near a wash or a gully, I love the way the flooding forces me and Sparrow to stay inside. We often curl up on the sofa, get a pizza-out of the freezer, since delivery is often out of the question-and watch stupid movies: a romantic comedy and we both cry, or a horror movie and we both scream while munching on microwave popcorn. She most likely will have an Arizona iced tea and I usually nurse a mojito. Or two.

I hear my cell phone ringing. I hope it's not Norman calling from work. He's such a worrywart. We did get our bonuses last month like we always do, which is how I was able to pay cash for Sparrow's new ride. Everybody knows corporate does not like to give away free money if they don't have to. I pull the strips off and wipe my teeth with my fingertips. "Hello," I say with my mouth half closed.

"Good morning, Robin, it's me. Fernando."

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong."

"Then why are you calling me at home on my cell?" I grab a tissue and wipe all of the foamy stuff off my teeth so I won't have to swallow it.

"Well, I meant to call you last night, but I didn't get a chance. I was wondering, since things have finally slowed down, if it would be possible for me to take a half day."

"And what time would that be, Fernando?"

"About eleven."

"That's not a half day. It's almost eight o'clock right now. What's going on?"

"Well, my cousin Lupe is getting out of prison today at eleven-thirty and I offered to pick him up. He wants me to take him to play a round of golf."

I just look at the phone. I know damn well I couldn't possibly have heard him right. "Did you just say he wants to go play golf?"

"I did."

"And how long has Lupe been in prison?"

"Just two years. A few too many DUIs."

"So, did they have a driving range at the prison he was in or something?"

"No, that's funny, Robin."

"Well, this might be even funnier. If you think taking your ex-convict of a cousin golfing as a welcome-home gift is a good reason to ask your boss for time off-and on the same day, no less-then you have lost your damn mind, Fernando. Maybe you should consider taking-what's his name again?"

"Lupe."

"Maybe you should think about taking Lupe to play a few holes of miniature golf. But make his first stop the employment office, which is where you might be headed if you keep this up, Fernando. I mean, come on. Every other week it's something different with you."

"It was just a thought. I'm cool."

It was just a thought. My face is cracking. A few shards of blue clay fall on my beige duvet. I try to pick them up but they smear. Damnit. Before I can ask if there's anything else, he says, "I know it sounds ridiculous. And I agree. It's just that Lupe hasn't been around family so I was just trying to be nice. Maybe I can get my brother to pick him up. I'll take him golfing tomorrow morning. I thought it would be fun."

"Fun. Bye, Fernando. And do me a favor: don't ever call me on my cell phone to ask me some stupid shit like this, clear?"

"Comprendo. Have a nice weekend, Robin. See you on Monday." Have a nice weekend, Robin. See you on Monday."

Now, here comes Bernie. I'd left her a message earlier. But I need to hurry up and get this stuff off my face before my skin turns blue. "Okay, so don't make me laugh," I say to her.

"Why would I try to make you laugh?"

"I've got a mask on that's hard and if I laugh it'll crack."

"So you're finally going on a date with Hark Angel after a hundred years of online dating, huh?"

I want to laugh but I don't. I feel myself smiling, which I immediately stop doing. "His name is Dark Angel, not Hark."

"Whatever. I'm just suspicious of men who look for women online, and especially black ones. Anyway, explain to me what it is you want me to do?"

"Okay. My date is at six. From everything I've read, sometimes the guy can turn out to be a total loser or nothing like you thought, so if I want to bail without being rude I suddenly have an emergency."

"I'm the emergency?"

"Well, first of all, I've already asked Savannah."

"So you anticipate having two emergencies?"

"No! Her call would come fifteen minutes after he gets there to see if it starts out okay. I'd say something that would let her know I'm not disappointed. Yet."

"Okay. And?"

"And then say about a half hour later you call and if I say something like 'Oh, really? I'm really sorry to hear that. Sure I will. I'll get there as soon as I can.' That's how you'll know he's a total dud."

"Okay. Consider it done. What are you wearing?"

"Why?"

"Just remember you're not auditioning to be a Vegas dancer, so tone it down for everybody's sake. Call me if anything changes. Bye. And good luck. I swear to God, what some of us will do to get laid."

"I'm looking for love not sex, Bernie, so shut up!"

"And you think you can find it at Starbucks?"

I hang up and wash this stuff off my face. I hear Sparrow run up the stairs and down the hallway and stop outside my door.

"Mom," she says, like she's out of breath. "We have a problem."

I grab a hand towel. "What kind of problem?"

"Your car ran through the garage wall."

"The car did what?"

"Okay, so this is what happened. When I went to put the car in reverse I accidentally put it in drive and I looked over my shoulder like I'm supposed to but when I put my foot on the accelerator the car went forward instead of backward."

"And you're serious?"

She nods. She looks fine. Mostly shaken up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom. But your car isn't. And the garage got a little damaged, too."

"Come over here and look at me." I cup her face in my palms. "Did you bump your head or hurt anything on your body?"

"No, Mom. I'm just a little freaked out because it happened so fast. I can't believe I did this. I'm in major trouble, I know."

"Shit happens, Sparrow."

"But can't I lose my license since I just got it?"

"I don't think so. Plus, this was my fault, not yours."

"It is not your fault. Aren't you pissed?"

"Not right now. Let's just go downstairs and see."

I finish drying my face, tighten the sash on my robe and follow behind her as she slowly leads the way. The dogs try to sneak out but I make them stay inside. When we get in front of the garage, I don't know why but I cover my mouth with my hands and actually start laughing. First of all, there's a huge hole in the wall and particles of drywall are splattered all over the top of the car. The hood, which is really the trunk, is wrinkled like navy blue cellophane. I'm standing here trying to picture Sparrow driving through a wall when she's supposed to be going backward. Of course this isn't funny but I start laughing and can't stop.

"Mom, what's so funny?"

I shake my head. "I'm just trying to figure out how in the world you passed that driving test."

Her little Honda hybrid is just shining away on the other side of the garage. "I need to borrow your car today," I say, knowing my insurance will cover a rental. I don't feel like going through the paperwork this morning.

"You can have it," she says. "Here, please take the keys."

And I do. "I can drop you off at school. . ."

"Mom, can I please stay home today, please? Today is a half day and I've already missed first period. I can't believe what just happened here. I mean, I just barely got my license and I've already had my very first accident and I ran into a stupid wall and I have like totally ruined your car, not mine. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby. This is why God created insurance," I say, letting her off the hook again.

She walks over and hugs me. Neighbors drive by slowly doing double takes. I wave, forgetting I'm still in my bathrobe and my hair is piled on top of my head like Marge Simpson's. After we close the garage door, Sparrow runs into the house and I feel the first ten or twenty raindrops begin to fall. I turn my face toward the sky for a few seconds and then rush inside just as the exterminator pulls up.

Because I always go to the drive-up window at Starbucks, it feels weird to actually pull into a parking space. I do not like driving a hybrid. Something is missing in this car. First of all, you can't even tell it's running. It feels like a big toy, but it got me here. With the rain coming down like crazy I thought I might hydroplane. It appears to be slacking up. Of course I called my insurance guy, since I know him personally because we went to U of A together years ago. He told me not to worry about anything. He suggested that the next time I drove without shoes and with wet toenails to just be careful. Since my homeowner's policy is also with him, he'd call someone to patch up the hole in the garage wall.

I canceled my dentist appointment and was shocked shitless when the usually bitchy receptionist told me that under the circumstances they'd waive the cancellation fee. She said she hoped my daughter wasn't too shaken up. Joseph wasn't pissed after I told him what had happened. He suggested I squirt some Sea Breeze on my scalp, put a little gel on my edges, pull my hair into a tight ponytail and call it a day. When I looked closer, my nails were still shiny. My heels weren't crusty and the peach polish not even close to chipping. All told, if this was a test, I think I could still pass it.

It's ten to six. I'm not interested in trying to be fashionably late just so that Dark Angel will have to wait for me. What's it prove? I'm also not worried about appearing too anxious if I beat him here. Thank God the rain is letting up. I pray Dark Angel doesn't have any problems getting here and that I don't have any getting home.

I check myself out in the mirror one more time, then get out of the car and run my hands down my hips to make sure everything is smooth. I have to be honest, I do love attention. Who doesn't? I have a reputation for going a little overboard to get it. I've also got three black Golden Girls who remind me when I do. I'm working on dressing less flamboyantly. I'm getting too old for it. Besides, I've finally realized other women aren't my competitors. Even before Bernie opened her big mouth, I had already chosen a pair of New Religion jeans that fit me to a T and topped it off with a white T-shirt that has a few simple rhinestones in the shape of a question mark on the front. I also decided on a pair of flats just in case Dark Angel isn't as tall as he said he was. Some guys are known to exaggerate.

When I walk in, it's crowded. I have never been inside this Starbucks now that I think about it. But then again, they're all the same. I'm trying to act poised and nonchalant as I slowly peruse every table that's not empty. There are only three black people in here. I don't see a black man who looks anything like Dark Angel. It's five after six. I check to make sure my throwaway cell phone is in my purse. It is. So is my real one. I buy a bottle of Ethos water and sit at a table by a window. Rain or not, that red sun is still out there.

"You're looking good, girl."

I'd know that rusty voice anywhere. Even after all these years. When I look up, sure enough, it's Russell, Sparrow's long-lost father. He looks old enough to be my my father. Now it looks as if two convicts have been sprung, but this one doesn't look like he's been playing any golf. "Russell! What are you doing here?" father. Now it looks as if two convicts have been sprung, but this one doesn't look like he's been playing any golf. "Russell! What are you doing here?"

"Needed a Frapuccino. What about you? You drinking alone? Can I sit?"

"No!" I say a tad too loud. "I mean, no, I'm not drinking alone. I'm waiting for someone. I'm a few minutes early."

"Take it easy. I'm not going to bite you."

"You're the last person I was expecting to see. When did you get out?"

"Why?" He has a smirk on his face like he's flirting.

"I thought you had more time left."