"Wait, what happened with the old dude?" asked Ikovos, lifting suddenly.

I blinked. "Oh, right. I have to . . ." I reached into my back pocket ". . . He's leaving, but he knew why I was coming. "I opened the paper, passing it to him. "He says that's where we'll find the Gaeln."

Ikovos took it, blue eyes studying hard. I'd pointed to the circle then watched him. After a moment his brow lifted. "That's less than two days walk from here."

I'd guessed something close to that at my first glance.

"What about with horses?"

His head shook, eyes lifting to me. "A day, but there's no way we could get one right now."

I bit my lip, thinking hard. But then relaxed, sighing slightly. "I suppose it doesn't matter anyways . . . If Thoran won't let us go . . ."

His lips pursed and I retrieved the paper, folding it carefully. It wasn't so bad all in all, I guess. We'd tried, and . . . things would still be okay, right? My eyes dropped. Adzamaruha's foreboding words were still buzzing through my head.

"Not if . . ."

I turned up at Ikovos's voice. His expression was hard.

"We could go now," he finished.

"What?" My skin quivered at the proposal.

"Thoran won't be back till three," explained Ikovos, "and I doubt he has anyone watching us yet."

My knees suddenly felt a bit weak, but I tried to focus on the logic of it.

"What about your?-"

"Evelyn-" he interrupted, glancing down either side of the hall "-we have one shot at this, and a narrow one at that. If we leave today we can be back in under a week. You need to make a decision, and quickly because we're running out of time." His gaze was severe. I held it. Then my shoulders lifted.

"Yes." He narrowed skeptically. I reaffirmed. "Yes. Let's do it. We'll be back before long, and . . . Yes. It's a good plan."

"Alright . . . ," he said, nodding and backing of. I could see his mind was working. I, on the other hand was just trying to keep myself together. "It's gotta be close to one now. How long will it take you to-"

"I can be ready in thirty minutes," I assured.

He considered it. "Make it an hour. That will give us plenty of time and we'll still be in the clear."

"Okay." I nodded once and he took a step closer to me.

"Don't forget anything you might need. Bring the map, the book . . ."

I continued to nod, tucking a hair behind my year. "Where will we meet?"

"The gate," he said. The one near the exit by the study.

"Right," I acknowledged.

He stared, and there was a short pause.

"You sure you're ready for this?" He searched my face as he asked it.

I smiled, though it was entirely forced. "I'm sure."

"Okay. . . ." He lightened, backing up. "Remember, we'll be back before you know it." I smiled again. "See you at two."

Then he was off at a rapid pace. I'm sure he had a lot to do before we left.

I leaned my head back.

This was all good. I was grateful we were going, and now was as good a time as any. It was okay, I think, that the Masters wouldn't know - they had enough on their minds already. I knew that we needed to find the Gaeln, and I felt more assured at the fact that Ikovos would be coming.

Still . . . there was a problem. I had this feeling, one that I couldn't shake, that I wouldn't be back before I knew it . . . maybe not back at all. . . .

I tightened my jaw, straightened up, and forced the thought down, it was negative, and pointless and that. What will be will be, right? With a breath I started off towards the study to pack.

Within twenty minutes I was done. I really didn't like that I had to wait a whole hour with this lurching feeling in my stomach. My bag was packed. A change of clothes, the map, two blankets, and some books were mostly all it contained. Tanis was coming with of course. He was still rather sick though. I'd bundled him up in a blanket and set him carefully in the top, side, pocket.

After packing, I'd cleaned up the study and bathroom, just to make sure things were tidy. I, myself, was a bit of a mess. Hair more un-brushed than usually as I'd now showered a few times and skipped the process. I had on good travel clothes already: leather pants and a dark tank-top.

Standing there with a heavy-laden heart, a full bag, and forty minutes to kill, I had nothing left to do but face the simple fact of all this that I really didn't want to. . . . I furrowed and plopped down onto the couch.

No seeing Jaden for a week at least. No chance to say goodbye.

My eyes drifted to the flame on the table. Deep and orange, very rich. It was always enough to tie my stomach into knots. Especially lately because I rarely got to see it. Whenever Jaden was gone I had to make do with the normal, yellow flame of a candle, which- My body lifted up suddenly, eyes flashing. "It's orange." They widened now. He's here, he's back, he must be back.

With a gulp I checked the clock, I had about half-an-hour. In the next second I was rushing out the door, bag in hand. Of course when I gone on a ways, into the high-ceilinged bed chamber close to the cafeteria, my pace abruptly slowed.

No, no, this isn't a good idea. What am I going to say? What is it that I want to do? I can't say goodbye -what am I thinking?

Shaking my head out, I headed around and marched back dutifully . . . only this slowed after a moment too.

I don't need to say goodbye. I can just see him, ask how his patrol went, make sure he's okay, and then leave. This was a good plan!

Again, I spun around towards the cafeteria.

But what if he's busy? He'll hardly be wanting me bothering him with pointless conversation.

I stopped, looked back down the hall behind me, then started again.

I'll be really quick.

Now all shaking from my indecisiveness, I went to the doorway . . . slowly . . . cautiously. The funny thing about this was I didn't even know if he was going to be in there.

I didn't want to risk running into a Master again, so I peeked my head in first against the frame, teeth biting hard into my lip.

I saw him immediately, leaning against the front edge of the counter. He had a mug in one hand, and the other resting on the top of the bar for support. He wasn't talking to anyone or really doing anything. A few boys that I knew were from his group were talking beside him, he might have been listening to them, but he didn't show it. He had his eyes fixed off . . . in thought maybe, I don't know.

My stomach knotted and my chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. It wasn't right that just seeing someone could do this to a person. His perfectly pieced hair and dark eyes, hard skin, painfully evident despite the layers, the way he held himself . . . he looked more like a painting than an actual person, but that wasn't it . . .

A pain erupted in my chest, like a growing inconsolable hole. I focused my eyes harder on his face, trying to guess at what he might be thinking. His mouth was drawn. His features made the slightest shift and I couldn't- I couldn't bear it anymore.

I pulled my head out, moving back against the wall. I couldn't go in there, not like this. I clutched a hand to my chest, trying to still my heart, telling myself it wouldn't be long before someone walked through the room and I had to pull myself together. Who cared if I was leaving or not, it didn't change the fact that I wanted something that would never be fulfilled, that I felt something that would never be returned. My throat constricted, but I forced myself to calm.

He's safe, that's all that matters. I stood there a couple more seconds, then took a breath and walked forward.

I made it about five feet when three of the books fell out of the bag, small silver one included. I looked at them placidly, threatening to burst into tears. Then I assured myself that would be an unjustifiable over-exaggeration, sighed, and leaned down to pick them up. After grabbing two I heard some footsteps come out of the kitchen, voices I didn't recognize.

I tried to hurry. At this point I probably only had about fifteen minutes left.

"Drop something?" asked a voice behind me. Cool and haughty.

It made my shoulders shiver, hand freezing in place. I almost wanted to run off to keep from crying. Crying or worse yet jumping up straight and flinging my arms around him . . . None of the options worked and I didn't have forever to sit here.

I slowly, shakily, picked up the last book then turned around to face him. His face was casual and light, everything I was so far from at the moment.

"A book," I finally got out, gesturing the small tome forwards.

He smirked at me, then my attention was drawn by the two boys behind him.

"Jaden, are you coming?"

He spun his head around. "Ah, yeah." Then back to me. My body rushed. "Have fun reading then."

God, he doesn't have a clue. He started to turn around towards the boys - I couldn't help myself.

"Wait."

He stopped, looking back at me. I'd said it loud enough that the other two boys were watching us now. I held his gaze though. It was surprised, and cautious. He narrowed, then turned his back. "I'll meet you guys down there."

They nodded, seemingly apathetic either way.

Jaden turned fully to me then, and I had to face the mess I'd just put myself in. At first I waited for him to say something, like "what's up" or "why did you tell me to wait?" . . . He didn't. He just stared, more apprehensive than I'd ever seen him really.

It would have been easier if he'd started . . .

I swallowed. "I, um . . ." I blinked once, throwing out a hand. "How was your patrol?"

His eyes narrowed, just slightly, though there was no harshness to it.

"Fine," he replied.

"That's good . . . ," I drawled out dumbly. "Was there are new news about anything?"

His posture remained straight. "Probably not that Ikovos hasn't already told you." The smallest hint a smile crossed his lips as he said it. I think it was supposed to be funny, but my sensor for that wasn't quite working at the moment.

I looked down hard, absolutely devoid of a single coherent question. How could that happen? I knew there were perfectly good ones to be asked.

Fifteen minutes, okay, this is stupid. I looked up. "Um . . . alright, I, ah, I just wanted to see how it was going. I'm sorry I made you lose . . ." I nodded to where the two boys had been.

He shook his head quickly. "I'll catch up. Don't sweat it." His tone was assuring.

I was starting to get melty now, I needed to get out of here.

One week, Evelyn. One week.

"Okay, um," I smiled casually, "bye then."

I turned around before he had the chance to answer, but it didn't really matter because I just came full circle, marching up even closer to him with an earnest look.

"I just wanted to tell you, because I never got to, when you went to go-" I tried not to let his surprised expression distract me "-When you went to go ask Thoran if I could come back . . . in the beginning, to learn magic . . . that was nice and I never understood why you did it, but it doesn't matter. I just had to say once . . . that I was grateful and . . . yeah, pretty much just grateful." My heart was ticking hotly as I finished.

He looked down oddly for a moment then let out a slight laugh, smiling. "Okay. . . ." It was sort of a "that's all" tone. "You're welcome," he encouraged, I think a little wary of my demeanor.

I studied his eyes for a second longer than I should have, trying to contemplate any possible excuse to hug, or at least touch, any part of him before I left. Nothing was coming to me.

I nodded dutifully then sucked in a breath to stop any emotion from getting through in my voice. "Okay, I'm gonna go for real now."

"Alright." He lifted one brow lingeringly. "I'll see you later."

I pursed my lips. "Right." Later than he thinks. I forced a firm nod. "Goodbye, Jaden."

And then I was off again. No hesitation this time, no extended looks, or glances back. I knew I wouldn't have the heart to leave him if I did. . . .

By the time I got outside, I had succeeded in perking myself up a bit about the trip. What was bothering me anyways besides an unfounded "daunting" and the whole Jaden issue . . . both were stupid. Really, I was lucky to have Ikovos going with me, and this could be a fun trip, an exciting few days. Plus the weather was still nice: silver and fiercely windy now.

God, I'm in such denial.

When I rounded the corner Ikovos was already waiting by the fence.

"Sorry," I said, greeting him with a smile.

He shrugged. "You're fine, I was early."

I stopped close by him. He looked at me speculatively for a moment, in a way that made me wonder if the ordeal with Jaden was still apparent on my face, then he held out a hand.

"Can I see the map again?" he asked.

"Oh." I nodded quickly. "Sure."

It was still in my pocket. I reached back, passed it to him, then waited as he examined it. My attention turned to the wind-rustled trees, such massive trees. I eventually switched to the lodge. The wood appeared rich and opaque in the clear, overcast, lighting. Large glass windows reflecting crisply. I'd seen Trevor and Nathan this morning at least, I hoped they'd be okay.

"Alright," said Ikovos, drawing my attention back. He was folding the map up into his pocket. "You ready?"

I nodded once with a smile. "Yes, sir."

He matched me and we started, heading first along the path that led to Adzamaruha's shop.