"I can't relate to patient people," snorted Jaden. He was sitting in the same chair as last night. Ikovos was on the couch.

"I'm a patient person," said Ikovos, almost defensively.

I sat on the empty side of the sofa, farthest from Jaden.

"Not when it really matters."

Ikovos's eyes narrowed at him quizzically. I had to agree, the statement didn't make much sense.

"What about you, Evelyn?" asked Ikovos.

They both got quiet. My hands fidgeted nervously, but I really tried to think of the actual answer.

"I think . . . only when I'm scared." I looked up. "-am I patient, that is. I guess because I'd rather things went slower, so I was more prepared if they turned bad."

They looked at me, though not with the dubious or condescending faces I had expected, something else.

"I'm over-thinking it, aren't I?" I said, smiling slightly.

Both seemed to clear. Jaden turned down to the table, eyes hard. The other shook his head.

"No," said Ikovos. "It's amazing that you're that aware of yourself. . . ." It got quiet for a moment, then he added. "It'll be helpful as you're learning magic."

I lifted. This reminded me of when Ikovos was first teaching me about magic. He'd said that it had to do with knowing yourself well enough to realize that you already had the ability . . . almost a surety in yourself. My eyes shifted to the fire. No wonder Ikovos and Jaden are exceptional at magic: they're both confident as heck, most definitely in themselves, often broaching cockiness.

Me on the other hand . . . this could be tricky.

The prediction proved true. Over the next, I don't even know how long, Jaden attempted to teach me some spells. Well, not attempt, he taught perfectly, I just wasn't getting it.

Ikovos helped him a little bit, but for the most part kept quiet, content to simply watch. Jaden was fairly mellow too. I wished I could say the same for myself. I was so nervous that I was practically shaking. For some reason, whenever I was learning something new, I felt like I should already be able to do them at least well. It was a stupid trait, and unfortunately made actually learning a lot harder.

"Just relax," said Jaden in the midst of me attempting a spell. "You're doing fine."

I pulled my hand glumly into my lap. "I haven't done anything."

He smirked, it was more disbelieving than humored. "What did you expect? It's your first day."

I sighed. The words gave me some slight relief, but the concept was easier said the done.

I was being taught by two of the most advanced people in the order . . . Just a half a week ago they had disappeared for three days, they had important responsibilities. How long could I expect them to spend teaching me?

"How about we take a break?" suggested Ikovos. "We could all go to the pool and swim, or maybe just take a walk?"

I thought about it. The idea of swimming on a day like today was appealing, but . . . I looked at the fire on the table, then at the hand that I'd been attempting to conjure magic with. I didn't want to waste time, something in me had to learn this.

My eyes narrowed and I looked up at Ikovos. "No. I want to keep going till I get this." My voice was more commanding than usual. Ikovos definitely caught it. Jaden just had a slight smirk.

My straight brow dropped. "I . . . I mean, if it's okay for you guys."

Jaden shrugged his shoulders. "I've got time." I assumed he meant his grounding.

Ikovos sighed. "As long as you promise that when you do your first spell, we'll go to the pool to celebrate."

I smiled and nodded, then turned my eyes to Jaden determinedly.

If I wasn't ever able to use magic . . . I'd make sure that it was due in no part to trying.

Chapter 13.

Lucky FOR THE NEXT three days I did little besides train. Every day I went to the cafeteria less and less to eat. I rarely saw anyone besides Ikovos and Jaden. Thoran and Cornelius were almost never around. It had been like this since the last Meoden meeting. Even Sophie left for the towns more than once.

I did weapons training with Holdan about an hour each night . . . neither Jaden nor Ikovos liked this very much, so I usually went when they weren't around. Both boys had been so wonderful with helping me throughout.

Luckily, concentrating on my studies, combined with intense willpower, had helped me get my mind off of any fanciful imaginations. Every day I felt more comfortable around the boys. It helped that they chose to spend a lot of their time with me, despite the fact that at this point with the magic training it wasn't so much them showing, as me practicing.

Ikovos had to leave the lodge every so often for different duties, but Jaden never did due to his grounding. Another piece of his punishment, I discovered, was intensified studies. He also had to teach a class of younger boys, history. Because of this, we ended up moving from Cornelius's small study to the much larger library which was accessible to all of the members of the order.

It was a wonderful place, two stories. The second level rapped along the wall of almost the entire room with staircases leading up to it in multiple spots throughout the room. There were bookcases all over, covering every wall. And books, so many books. In the middle of the room was a large sitting area with couches scattered here and there, but mostly tables, long rows of them, benched and at least four lit candles on each.

My favorite spot had become a small, doughy couch in front of a fireplace on the farthest wall. Lots of times I would sit and read or practice there while Ikovos studied. He usually sat on the floor by the shelves. Jaden would always take the other sofa cornered to mine.

This afternoon, neither boy was around. Ikovos was out scouting, and Jaden was who knows where.

Quite a few people scattered the library now. Their quiet murmuring was comforting as I read through a spell process book.

I almost screamed when a small body jumped onto the sofa beside me.

"Hey, Evelyn!" shouted Nathan.

I looked at him, smiling. Though he surprised me every time, I was getting quite used to him doing that. "Hey, Nate," I replied. "How are your studies going today?"

He beamed. "Good . . . as usual."

I pursed my lips. "They really should let you advance to the next class."

He looked around wistfully. "Yeah. . . . I guess it's because I'm not showing any signs of artisan potential yet." The adorable, chocolate-eyed, face turned glum. My own fell, but then I looked back over with a cheering grin.

"Well, if it helps, I'm not making much progress either."

Nathan shrugged it off. "Sure, but you just started . . . and you're a girl."

My eyes blinked slowly for a second, but I was thoroughly used to the sexist statements by now.

"Plus . . . ," he started, "Master Jaden says you'll be able to, and he knows everything."

My lips drew at the last bit. The older, wiser, side of me argued that it wasn't really the truth . . . but the young, wistful, part that I'd kept under wraps for days agreed completely with a disheartened frown.

He does know everything.

I shook this out quickly, thinking back to Nathan. "Nate, I'm sure Jaden would say you have as good a chance as me to become an artisan, more even."

"You really think so?" he asked uncertainly.

I nodded. "Absolutely."

He pursed his lips, smirking slightly, though I'm not sure I'd completely convinced him. . . .

"Would you like to work on it together for a while?" I asked.

He brightened excitedly. "Yeah!"

I laughed. His exuberance was infectious.

In the next hour my confident "take-care-of-Nathan" attitude turned into confused inferiority. I'd read so many books on this over the past few days, but even young Nathan knew so much more than me. By the time Ikovos came, informing Nate that he was going to be late for his artisan class, my brain was shot.

"Bye, Evelyn. Thanks for studying with me!"

I waved dizzily. "For sure. Bye."

Ikovos fell into the couch beside me, propping his legs up on the table ahead. "You let him study with you?"

I smiled at him. "I think it was more the other way around. How does everyone always know so much more than me?"

Ikovos chuckled. "Evelyn . . . you have to remember, we grew up in this world, hearing about it, learning about it. You can't expect to get caught up in a few days." He turned his head sideways to face me, a book open in his hands.

His blonde hair was especially wild today. I had the sudden urge to reach my hand up and smooth it, but refrained, looking back down at my book.

"I suppose you're right. . . . Sometimes I forget I had a life before this place."

He nodded, eyes narrowing at the fire. "I know what you mean."

My attention perked. I swung my head to him. "Do you?"

His tongue went into his cheek and he grazed my eyes knowingly before lifting his book up and turning to it. "Yup."

With a sigh I turned back to my own studies. I had long since made it clear that I wanted to know about his . . . and Jaden's, good god, any of the boys', pasts . . . but no one was forthcoming. Ikovos and Jaden were downright evasive.

After studying quietly for another good hour - well, somewhat quietly . . . with Ikovos there, we would much too often distract each other with what the other person was reading - Jaden joined us. As usual he didn't sit on the same couch, lounging instead on the sofa beside.

He fell over with a sigh.

"Tough lesson?" asked Ikovos.

Jaden put a hand over his face then up into his hair. He could make this a bit easier sometimes . . . "I don't know why we're working so hard to get rid of the Meoden. I'd rather fight with them any day than deal with a bunch of twelve year olds."

My face fell.

"Come on, it's not that bad," said Ikovos, obviously humored by Jaden's exasperation.

The darker boy's eyes grazed mine. My expression must have been overly revealing, because he offered up an apologetic smirk. "I'm kidding."

I kept my mouth shut, sorry that he noticed anything. Though I did consider mentioning Nathan while we were on the subject . . . maybe asking him to be a little more encouraging towards the young boy.

Ikovos stopped me with a sigh and tossing of a book. "Not there either." His expression was glum.

"What isn't?" I asked.

He picked up another tome. "My name."

My face perplexed as he scanned the pages. Jaden took my attention.

"You know how he likes to look up name meanings?"

I nodded.

"Well, he's never been able to find his own."

Ikovos continued skimming. "I got a few books from Adzamaruha's shop that I thought would have it, but . . ." he tossed the one in his hand ". . . no luck."

My eyebrows knit. "I suppose it is an unusual name."

Jaden smirked. Ikovos didn't say anything.

I smiled warmly. "You're just too original to be limited to an exact meaning."

Now Ikovos was the one with a smirk. Jaden's had disappeared. At this point he was leaning back across the couch, arm covering his eyes. I turned to Ikovos.

"What does Jaden's name mean?" It was almost a whisper.

Ikovos grinned immediately. "You won't believe me."

"This one is so boring," muttered Jaden.

"You just don't like how predictably right it is.'