Afterthat,creepinginlittlebylittle,cametherackingconvictionthatIhadmerelysurrendered,andwasnotonlydespicablebutprobablyinsane.

Isatforawhilewithmyheadinmyhands,fearfullyexpectingthatwiththefalsepeacebrokenupandgone,backwouldcometheshatteringvertigo.

Itdidn't.TherewasonlysogreatatirednessthatwhatI'dcalledtirednessbeforewaslikeapinheadonacontinent.Thedrearyfightwasonagain;butatleastI'dsurvivedthebloodiestbattleyet.Touchedbottomandcomeback.IfeltthatafterthisIreallycouldclimbrightout,ifIwentontrying.

Alongwaytogo.b.u.t.then,I'dhaveallthetimeIneeded.

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN.

Ihadcramprightdownbothlegs.MattcameoutofthehouseandIwokeuptothefactthattheshadepatchhadmovedroundwhileIhadn't.WhenhewentintothebarnIstartedtoshiftthenecessarytwoyardsandfoundmymusclesinknots.

Theshadewasn'tmuchcooler,butmuchbettercover.IsatinitwaitingforMatttocomeoutofthebarnandformylegstounlock.Whattheyneededwasformetogettomyfeetandstampabout:butifMattcaughtsightofanyonemovingsoclosetohimthewholeprojectwouldlieinruins.

Hefetchedwaterforthehorses,forthecalves,andforthehens.Ilookedatmywatch,andwashorriblystartledtoseeitwasnearlysix.Itcouldn'tbe,Ithought;but.i.twas.FourhourssinceIlastchecked.Fourhours.Ishiveredintheroastingair.

Mattbroughttheemptymuckbarrowaroundandintothebarn,andcameoutwithitfilled.ForthewholeafternoonI'dfallendownonthesurveillance,butlookingbackIwasfairlysurenothinghadchangedatthefarm.Certainlyatthispointthingswereastheyhadbeen:Matthadnohelpersandnovisitors,andwhenheleftforLasVegasthehorseswouldbealone.ForthatpieceofcertaintyIhadbeenpreparedtowatchallday,andapoorjobI'dmadeofit.

Mattshutthebarndoorandwentintothehouse.Halfanhourlaterhecameoutinacreamcolouredjacketanddarktrousers,atransformationfromhishabitualjeansandacheckedshirt.Heopenedthedoorsofth.e.s.h.edcontainingthecar.wentinside,startedup,anddroveoutacrosstheyard,roundthebendontotheroad,andawayoverthedeserttowardsKingman.

Satisfied,Ifinallygottomyfeet.Thecrampshadgone.Iploddedtiredlyofftothetwo-mile-distanthiddencar,andwishedthenightwasover,notbeginning.Ihadn'tenoughenergytolickastamp.

Matt'sdusthadsettledwhenIfollowedhimalongtheemptyroad,butwhenIgotintoKingmanhewa.s.stillthere.WithshockIsawhimstandingoutsideagarageIwaspa.s.sing,andIdrewintothekerbfiftyyardsonandlookedback.TheblacksaloonhehadhiredandhisownblueFordwerebothstandingthereintheforecourt.AnoveralledgirlattendantwasfillingtheFord'stankfromthepump,andMattwaslookingins.n.a.t.c.hesathiswatchandexhibitingimpatience.Seventwenty;andahundredmilestoLasVegas.HewouldbeafewminuteslateforhisappointmentwithWalt.

SlumpingdowninmyseatIfixedthedrivingmirrorsothatIcouldwatchhim.Hepaidthegirlforthepetrolandhoppedintohiscaroverthe.op,withoutopeningthedoor.Thenhepulledoutontotheroad,turnedinmydirection,andwentpastmewithhisfootimpressivelyontheaccelerator.Igentlyfollowedforawhileatarespectabledistance,contenttokeephimonlyjustinsight,andturnedbacktothetownoncehewasconclusivelytoppingthespeedlimitonRoute93toLasVegas.

OutsidetheunprosperouslookingMojaveMotelSamHengelman'shorsevantookupasixthoftheparkings.p.a.ce.Inside,theytoldmethathehadarrivedatfourthirtyandwasalonginRoom6,sleeping.Ilefthimtoit,becausewecouldn'tmoveanywayuntilI'dphonedWaltateight,andwentintothebusstationforsomecoffee.Itcameinaplasticcartonoutofanautomat,blackbutweak.Idrankitwithouttastingandthoughtaboutsomefood,butIwasn'treallyhungryenoughtobother,andIwastoodirtyandunshavenforanywheregood.UntilaftereightIsatonthebusstationbenchstaringintos.p.a.ce,andthenusedthebusstationtelephonetogetthroughtoWalt.

Hecameonthelinewithlittledelay.

'How'sthings?'hesaid.

'MattleftKingmanforLasVegasatseventhirty,sohewillbealittlelate.'

'LeftKingman?'Waltsoundedsurprised.

IexplainedaboutMattchangingcars.

'IsupposehisFordwasn'tquitereadywhenhegotthere.Anyway,he'scominginthat,notthehiredone.'

'Areyouallright?'Waltsaidhesitantly.

'Ofcourse.'

'Youdon'tsoundit.'

'SamHengelman'shere,'Isaid,ignoringhim.'He'sasleepalongattheMojaveMotel.We'llstarta.s.soonasIgetbackthereandwakehimup.'

'It'sallsafeatthefarm?'Heseemedanxious.

'Deserted,'Ia.s.suredhim.'Hasbeenallyesterday,alllastnight,andalltoday.NoonearoundbutMatt.Stopworrying.YoujustseeMattandputonyouract,andthenheadstraightbacktoSantaBarbara.a.s.soona.s.sam'sclearoftheareaI'llfollowyou.Seeyouforbreakfastabouttwelvehoursfromnow.'

'Right,'hesaid.'Well...keepyournoseclean.'

'Youtoo.'

'Surething.It'snotmethat'snuts.'

ThelineclickedclearbeforeIfoundananswer,anditleftmewithavaguefeelingthattherewasmoreIshouldhavesaid,thoughIdidn'tknowwhat.

IknockedonSam'sdooratthemotel,andhecamesleepilystretchingtoswitchonthelightandletmein.

'Withyouinaminute,'hesaid,reachingforhisshoesandlookingroundforhistie.

'Sam,youdon'thavetocome.'

'Eh?'

'Gobacktosleep.I'llgoandfetchthehorses.Thatwayyouwon'tbesoinvolved.'

Hesatontheedgeofthebedlookingdownatthefloor.'I'mstilldrivingthemtoLexington?'

'Unlessyouwantout.Leavethevan,andflyhome.'

'Nope.'Heshookhishead.'Abargain'sabargain.AndImayaswellcomealltheway.Thatvan'snonetooeasyinreverse...don'tknowthatyoucouldhandleit.'

Ihalfsmiledanddidn'targue.I'dwantedhimwithme,butonlywillingly,andI'dgotthat.Heknottedhistieandbrushedhishairandthentookasidelongglanceatmyownappearance,whichfellatonshortofhis.Hewasafleshymanofaboutfifty,bald,paleskinned,andunexcitable.Hisnerves,Ithought,weregoingtobeatleastequaltotheevening'srequirements.

'Let'sgo,then,'hesaidcheerfully.'Ipaidinadvance.'

Ifollowedhimacrosstothevanandclimbedupintothecab.Samstartedtheengine,toldmehe'dfilledupwithgaswhenhe'dfirstreachedKingman,androlledoutsouth-eastontheroadtothefarm.Hisbroadfacelookedperfectlycalmintheglowfromthedashboard,andhehandledhissix-stallhorseboxlikeakiddicar.Hewenteightmilesinsilence,andthenallhesaidwas,'I'dsurehatetolivethisfarfromtown,withnowheretogetabeer.'

Wepa.s.sedthethirdofthethreesideroadsandstartedonthelasttenuninhabitedmilestothefarm.ThreemilesfurtherSamgavea.n.a.larmedexclamationandbrakedfromhiscautiousthirtytoafullstop.'Whatisit?'Iasked.

'Thatgauge.'Hepointed,andIlooked.Theneedleonthetemperaturegaugewasquiveringonred.

'Havetolooksee,'hegrunted,andswitchedofftheengine.Mythoughtsashedisappearedoutofthecabwereoneenormouscurse.Ofallhopeless,dangerousplacesforhisvantobreakdown.

Hecamebackandopenedthedoormyside.Ijumpeddownbesidehimandhetookmeroundtoshowmetheexhaust.

'Look,'hesaidunnecessarily.'Water.'

Severaldropsslidout,glisteninginthelightofhistorch.

'Gasket,'hesaid,puttingintoonewordtheenormityofthedisaster,andwhathethoughtoffatefortrappingusinit.

'Nowaterintheradiator,'Isaid.

'Right.'

'Andifwegoon,theenginewillseizeup.'

'Rightagain.'

'Isupposeyoudon'tcarryanyextrawaterinthevan?'

'Wesuredo,'hesaid.'Nevertravelwithout.i.t.'

'Can'twepoursomeintheradiator...?'

'Yeah,'hesaid.'Wecan.There'stwogallons.Wecanpourinaquart,andgothreemilesmaybebeforeit'sallleakedout,andthenanotherquart,anotherthreemiles.Fourquarts,twelvemiles.Andthat'sit.'

ThirteenmilesoutfromKingman.Wecouldjustaboutgetback.Seventothefarm.Wecouldrefilltheradiatoratthefarm,butSamcouldn'tsetoutonhistwothousandmilejourneywithastolencargoinavanemptyinglikeadrydock.

'There'sanextragasket,ofcourse,'hesaid.

'Aspareone?'

'Sure.Alwayscarryafullsetofspares.Neverknowwhereyou'regoingtoneedthem.Universaljoints,bigends,carburettors,Icarrythemall.Anyonewithanysensedoesthat.'

'Well,'Isaidinrelief,'howlongwillittakeyoutofitthespare?'

Helaidtheenginebareandconsidereditinthetorchlight.

'Cylinderheadgasket.Saythreehours.'

'Threehoursl'

'Won'ttakemuchless,'hesaid.'Whatdoyouwanttodo?'

Ilookedatmywatch.Eight-fifty.Threehoursmadeelevenfifty;andifwethenwentontothefarmandpickedupthehorseswecouldn'tbebackthroughKingmanuntilone-fifteen.

MattwouldreachPittsvilleBoulevardbyninethirty,andfinishhisinsurancebusinesslongbeforeten.Ifhedrovestraighthomeagainhewouldbeonthefarmroadatmidnight.IfSamchangedthegasket,sowouldwe.

IfMattstoppedtoplaythetables,hewouldbeatleastanhourlater.Hisclotheshadsuggestedhewouldstop.Butwhetherforonehourorsix,therewasnowayoftelling.

'Changethegasket,'Isaidabruptly.'Thenwe'llsee.'

Samnoddedphilosophically.Itwaswhathewouldhavedoneinanycaseifthevanhadbrokendownanywhereelse,andwithoutmoreadohesortedoutwhathewantedandstarteduns.c.r.e.w.i.n.g.

'CanIhelp?'Isaid.

Heshookhisheadandclippedhistorchontoaconvenientspartogiveasteadyworkinglight.Thereseemedtobelittlehasteinhismanner,butalsonohesitationandagooddealofexpertise.Theheapofunpluggedpartsgrewsteadilyonasquareofcanvasathisfeet.

Iwalkedawayafewstepsandfeltforthecigarettes.Twoleft.I'dstillforgottentobuymore.Thesmokedidn'thelpmuchtowardsmakingthenextdecision:togoon,ortogoback.

I'dalreadygambledonMattstayingtoplay.IfithadbeenYola,Iwouldhavefeltsurerthat.i.twouldbeformostofthenight:butherbrothermightnothavethefever,mightonlywantashortbreakinhisboringstintwiththehorses.Howshort?Howlong?

ThedecisionIcameto,ifyoucouldcallitthat,wastowaitandseeatwhattimeSamrestartedtheengine.

Thenight,outsidethebrightpoolbythevan,wasasdarkastheonebefore.Thestarsglitteredremotely,andtheimmensityoftheAmericancontinentmarkedtheirindifferencetothehumanrace.Againstsuchsize,whatdidonemanmatter?Awalkintothedesert...

CarefullyIpinchedouttheendofmycigaretteandputthestubinmypocket.Agoodcriminal,Ithoughtwryly:I'dalwaysbeenthat.Ihadajobtodo,andevenwhenI'dfinishedit,Iwasgoingfornowalksintothedesert.IwasgoingbacktoSantaBarbara,tohavebreakfastwithWaltandEuniceandLynnie.Theprospectatthatmomentseemedtotallyunreal,sofarweretheArizonahillsfromthelushcoast,sofarhadIbeenintothewastelandinsideme.

IwentbacktoSamandaskedhowitwasgoing.Hehadthecylinderheadoffandwasremovingthecrackedgasket.

'So,so,'hesaidcalmly,'I'mbreakingtherecord.'

Ididmybestatasmile.Hegrunted,andsaidhecoulddowithacupofcoffee,andIsaidsocouldI.Wehadn'tbroughtany.

Heworkedon.Theairwa.s.stillwarmerthananEnglishsummerandhewipedsweatoffhisbaldforeheadwiththebackof.a.greasyhand.Thelightshoneonhisthickstubbyfingers,andtheclickofhisspannersechoedacrosstheemptyland.Thehandsonmywatchwentroundinslowfractions.Thegasketwaswastingthenight.AndwherewasMatt?

AftertwohoursSam'sspannerslippedonanutandhecursed.Inspiteofhiscalm,thetensionwasn'tfarfromthesurface.Hestoppedwhathewasdoing,stretchedupright,tookthreedeepbreathsandalookatthenightsky,andwaitedformetosaysomething.

'You'redoingfine,'Isaid.

Hesniffed.'What'llhappeniftheycatchushere?'

'Wewon'tgetthehorses.'

Hegrimacedatmynon-answerandwentbacktohistask.'Whathaveyoubeendoingallday?'

'Nothing.Sittingstill.'

'Youlookhalfdead,'hecommented.'Pa.s.smethosetwowashers,w.i.l.l.you?'

Igavehimthewashers.'Howmuchlonger?'

'Can'tsay.'

Istifledtheurgetotellhimtohurry.Hewasgoingasfastashecould.b.u.t.timewastickingaway,andthepostponeddecisionhadgottobemade.TurningmybackonthetuggingdesertIclimbeduptositinthecab.Eleventwenty.MattcouldbeabarequarterofanhouroutfromKingman.OrgluedtothegreenbaizeandthetrickynumbersinLasVegas.

Which?

ForalonghalfhourIlookedoutofthebackwindowswhilenohelpfultelepathicmessagesflowedthroughthem.Astraightforwardgamble,Ithought.Justdecideifthewinningswereworththerisk.

AneasierdecisionifI'dcomealone:butifI'dcomealoneIcouldn'thavemendedthegasket.

AtelevenfortySamsaidgloomilythathewashavingtofixthewaterpumpaswell.Itwa.s.sticking.

'Howlong?'

'Anothertwentyminutes.'