'LosCaillosisashortdistancenorth-eastofLosAngeles.'Isaid.'Ithoughtofstayingabitfurthernorth,onthecoast.'
'Ifyoulike.'
'CometoTheVacationer,GrandBeach,SantaBarbara,then.I'llmeetyoutheretomorrow.'
Herepeatedtheaddress.'Who'spaying?'hesaid.
'b.u.t.tressLifeandDaveTellercanfight.i.toutbetweenthem.I'llputthemotelonTeller's.e.xpenses.Canyouwringthefareoutofyouroffice?'
'Iguessso.'Hissighcamewearilyoverthewire.'Mywifeandkidsaren'tgoingtolikeit.IwasfixingtotakethemonapicnicthisSunday.'
'Postponeitaweek,'Isuggested.
'It'sbeenpostponedtwicealready,onyouraccount.'
'Oh.'
Afterashortpausehesaid,'Aroundsix,tomorrow,localtime.Thatdo?'
'Thatwoulddoverywell'
'Seeyou,'hesaidbriefly,andputdownhisreceiverwithacrash.IreturnedtheTellerinstrumentmorekindlytoitscradleandsurveyedthegreenandtomatoroom.
Nothingtodo.
Mixedadrinkwithprecision,anddrankit.Wandereddowntothepool,thoughtaboutaswiminthedusk,andcouldn'tbebotheredtoundress.Wentbacktothehouse,andateadinnercookedandservedbyEva,whochatteredsolonginherpleasureathavingsomeonetospeaktoinherownlanguagethatIheartilyregrettedI'deverusedit.Wisheddesperatelyshewouldstopandgoaway,andwhenatlastshedid,thatwasnogoodeither.
Triedtoreadandturnedsixpageswithouttakinginaword.Wanderedrestlesslyagainintotheblackvelvetdeepgreengarden,andsatinoneofthechairsbythepool,lookingatdarknessinsideandout.Unreasonable,Ithoughtdrearily,thatIshouldn'thaverecoverednormallyfromlosingCaroline,thatIdidn'tvaluethefreedomothermenenvied,thatIcouldn'tbecontentwithallIhad:cruelthatdepressionwasnorespecterofstatusorachievementandstrucksodeepthatnoworldlysuccesscouldalleviateit.
Greatfame,universalhonour,drovesofpersonalfriendshaddemonstrablyfailedtosaveawholestringofgeniusesfromitsclutches,andeveryyearitbaggeditsthousandsfromunimportantpeoplelikemewhowouldneverseetheirnameinprintorlights,anddidn'tnecessarilywantto.Probablydepressionwasanillnessasdefiniteasjaundice,andonedaytheywouldinoculatebabiesagainst.i.t.IsupposedIcouldcountmyselfluckynottohavehaditinitsacuteform,whereitsgrey-blackoctopustentaclesreachedoutandsuckedintoeverycornerofthespirituntilquitequicklylifebecameliterallyunbearable,andthehighjumpsuddenlypresenteditselfwithblindingclarityastheonlylogical,theonlypossiblerelief.
Iwouldn'tcometothatday,ifIcouldhelpit.Iwouldnot.
TheVacationerwasrightdownonthebeach,withthesoundofthebrightbluePacificcreepinginamurmurunderthetransistors,theairconditioning,thecivilisedchatter,thesquallingofchildrenandtherevvingofcars.Therewerenooceanroomsleft.WaltandI,nextdoortoeachother,overlookedtheparkinglot.
EuniceandLynniewereoutwhenIarrivedandstilloutwhenWaltcheckedinatsix,b.u.t.theywerebackwhenIwentdownwithhimforadrinkbeforedinner.IhadleftanoteatthedeskforEunice,butIhadn'ttoldWaltshewouldbethere.HestoppeddeadinhistrackswhenhesawhersittingwithLynnie,andturnedonmeanarrow-eyedcompositeglanceofdislikeandanger.IfI'dtoldhimshewastobewithus,hewouldn'thavecome:heknewthatIknewit.Hewasent.i.tledtohisrage.
Eunicewas,however,thewifeofaverygoodclientofhisfirm.Heswallowedhisfeelingslikeapill,andchasedthemdownwithadoublebourboninsilence.EuniceandLynniewereonfrostedlookingdaiquirisandhappywithit.Theybothlookedmarvellous,withhoneybrownskinandalanguoroussun-filledwayofmoving.Euniceworefluorescentgreenwithbitsofgoldatanatomicalpointslikeears,wristsandfeet.Lynniehadacquiredalocalgrownhotpink-orangetunic,andthefewstrapsofhersandalsseemedtobemadeofpolishedsemi-preciousstones.EvenWalt,afterawhile,couldn'ttakehiseyesawayfromthemforlong.
Wehaddinneroutside,underatrellislitbyhundredsoftinymulti-colouredlights,onashallowterracewhichleddirectlyoutontothesand.Eunice'slanguagewasforoncea.s.softastheseabreeze,andconsequentlyasasocialeveningitdevelopedintoareasonablesuccess.
OverthecoffeeIaskedEunicewithacasualnesswhichdrewapiercingglancefromWalt,'HaveyoubyanychanceheardofaracehorsebreedercalledCulhamJamesOffen?'
'Heardofhim?'shesaid.'OfcourseIhave.Everyonehas.'
'Ihaven't,'Waltsaidflatly.Onecouldn'texpectcompletecapitulation.Hewasdoingverywell.
'Imean,everyoneinthebloodstockworldwouldhaveheardofhim,'Euniceexplainedwithoutobviouspatience.'HehasthatterrificallysuccessfulstallionMoviemaker.AndDavesaysoneoughttothinkofsendingmarestoanotheroneofhis,Centigrade...Thefirstcropoffoalsarewinningtwo-year-oldracesthisseasonallovertheplace.Butquiteapartfromthat,'shesmiledbroadly,'Iguesswe'llbeseeingagooddealofhimfromnowon.'
'Er...why?'Iaskeddiffidently.
'Ournewplaceisrightnexttohis.'
Walt'smouthfellopenandIstoppedstirringmycoffee.
'Whatdidyousay?'Isaid,feelingmyeyesgoblank,asIknewtheyalwaysdidundershock.
'Ournewplace,wherewe'removingto,isrightacrosstheroadfromOffen.Wecanseehispaddocksfromourbedroomwindows.'IgapedinfascinationatEunicewhilesheoutlinedinsuchblissfulignorancethereasonfortheattemptedmurderofherhusband.HehimselfhadtoldmethattheexecutorsofthelateDavisL.Davishadacceptedhistenderforthefarmonlyrecently,duringtheweekbeforeourmomentoustripontheriver.Sothesomething'G.o.ddamstupid'whichhadhappenedtoYolaandMattdive'sschemewasthattheyhaddiscoveredthatofallthepeopleonearthitwastobeDaveTellerwhowastobeOffen'snewcloseneighbour.Theyhaddiscovereditafterthey'dhi-jackedthehorse,ortheywouldn'thavegoneaheadwiththeplan.
'Whyareyoulaughing?'Euniceasked,frowning.'What'ssofunny?'
'It'snotfunny,'Iagreed,straighteningmyface.'Farfromit.DoyouknowCulhamJamespersonally?'
'Notyet.Doesitmatter?'Shestilllookedpuzzled.
'Itcouldbewisernottomakeclosefriendswithhimintoomuchofahurry.'
'Whynot?'
'Mightproveap.r.i.c.klyflower.'IhadamentalvisionofDavelookingoutofhisbedroomwindowdayafterday,lookingovertothepaddockswhereChrysalisandAllyxwereletouttograze.Hemightneverhaverecognisedthem.Butalsohemight.CulhamJamessimplycouldn'ttaketherisk.YolaandMatthadflownimmediatelytoEnglandtodisposeofDavealongwayfromtherealsceneofdanger.
WhileAllyxremainedatOrpheusFarmandDavecontinuedmakingactiveplanstomovealongside,theexplosivesituationwouldstillexist.ThoughMattClivemighthavegivenuptemporarily,IferventlyhopedthatRadnor-Halleywouldn'tlettheirvigilanceslideamillimetre.AcalltoKeeblewouldbewise...evenatCalifornia-Londonrates.
'I'mgoingforawalkonthesh.o.r.e,'saidLynnie,kickingoffthepebblysandals.'Who'scoming?'
IbeatWalttoitbyquickerreflexes,andcollectedagrimlookfromhimasIlefthimalonewithEunice.Lynnieremarkedonit,grinning,asweambledsilentlyawayonthetricklingsand.
'He'sputoffbythebloodies,'Iexplained.'That'sall.'
'Shesaysitlessoftenoverhere,'Lynniecommented.'Andshedoesn'tdrink,exceptoneortwobeforelunch,untilafterwe'vechangedintheevening.Whyisthat,doyouthink?'
'She'sescapedfromtheLexingtoncage.'
'Thatheavenlyhouse...acage?'
'Uhhuh.'
'Thenewoneisn'thalfsobeautiful,'sheprotested.
'Itwillbe,whenEunicehasfinished.Andthenthewallswillcloseinagain.'
'Anothercage,doyoumean?'Shesoundeduncertain.
'Anothercage,'Iagreed.
'Lifecan'tbejustescapingfromonecageandendingupinanother,'shesaidexplosively,repudiatingviolentlysobleakavision.
'Everyonelivesinsidebars,'Isaid.'Thetrickisnottowanttogetout.'
'Stopit,'shesaidindistress.'Idon'twanttohearthat.'
'Theyusedtokeeplinnetsaspets,'Isaid.'b.u.t.therearen'tanylinnetsincagesanymore.Budgerigarsinstead.You'llbeallright,littlelinnet.'
'Ineverknowwhenyou'rebeingserious.'
'Always.'
'Buthalfthetimewhatyousayisso...socrazy.'
'Lifeisserious,lifeiscrazy.Anythingcrazyisserious,andeverythingseriousiscrazy...I'llraceyoualongtothatbeachhut.'
Shebeatmetoitinherbarefeet,andleanedagainsttheroughwoodenwalllaughingandgettingherbreathbackwhileItippedhalfatonofsandoutofmyshoes.Wewalkedonalittlefurther,andthensatdowninthewarmnightandlookedoutacrosstheshadowypeacefulocean.Nolandbetweenusandj.a.pan,halfaworldaway.
'Didyoucomeoutheretobewith...us,ortofindAllyx?'shesaid.
'Both.'
Sheshookherhead.'YoubroughtWalt.ThatmakesittofindAllyx.'
'Waltwouldhavechosentostaysomewhereelse,'Isaid,smiling.'SoCaliforniaforAllyx,SantaBarbaraforyou.Satisfied?'
Shemurmuredsomethingunintelligible,andwesatinsilencewhileshescuffedsandintoaheapwithhertoes.
'w.i.l.l.youfindhim,doyouthink?'sheaskedintheend.
'Allyx?Wemightdo.'
'When,roughly?'
'Idon'tknow.Tomorrow,maybe.'
'Andthen...you'llgohome?'
'Iguess.'
'Backtoanoffice...'Shesweptoutanarm,embracingthewidesky.Backtoanoffice,Ithoughtcoldly:andtotheperpetualdiggingintopeople'sprivacy,totheoccasionalsnaringofabentapplicant,todrizzle,toPutney,tothevacuumoftheflat.To,inshort,mynormallife.Thetrickwasnottowanttoslipthroughthebars.
'Whatareyougoingtodo,nowthatyou'veleftschool?'Iasked.
Shesuckedinabreath.'Afterthis,alltheoldthingsseemhorriblydreary.'
'They'llsoongiveDaveawalkingplaster...'
'Iknow,'shewailed.'Don'tthinkIdon'tknow.Iwa.s.supposedtobestartingasecretarialcourseinSeptember...Iutterlydon'twantto,anymore.Whycan'teveryonejustliveonthebeachandbewarmallthetime...'Sherockedwithherarmslacedroundherbentupknees.
'Notenoughbeach.'
Shegiggled.'Youarejustabouttheleastromanticma.n.a.live.ComesofbeingaCivilServant,Isuppose.LikeDaddy.'
Intimewewalkedbackalongbytheedgeoftheseaandpausedwhenwecamelevelwiththemotel.Sheputherhandonmyarmandsimplystoodtherewaiting.Ikissedherforehead,andthenhernose,andfinallyhermouth.Itwasallverygentle,andutterlyunnerving.
'Thisisnogood,'Isaid,takingmyhandsfromhershoulders,'Nogoodatall.'
'I'vebeenkissedbefore,'shesaidanxiously.'Ireallyhave.'
'Thatisn'twhatImeant,'Isaid,halflaughing.'You'dqualifyforadiploma.No...it'sjust,littleLynnie,thatwe'realongwayfromhome...andIneverkissbrunettesmorethanonceonaFriday.'Iturnedawaytowardsthemotelandjerkedmyheadforhertofollow.ThebestresolutionsintheworldwouldcomeacropperfacedwithsomethinglikeLynnie,andimmediateflightwastheonlycourse.Itdidn'tseemtobepopularwithLynnieherself,butIcouldn'thelpthat.IwalkedherbrisklyupthebeachandmadeajokeaboutwhatWaltwouldbesayingtoEunice,andwearrivedbackinreasonableordertofindthat.i.twasnothing:theyweresittingacrossthetablefromeachotherinamiles-apartsilence.EunicegaveusalongcoollookandWaltoneofdisillusion,andLynniequiteunnecessarilyblushed,confirmingtheirobvioussuspicion.Theharmlesslittlewalkhadn'tbeenagoodideafromanyoneoffourpointsofview.
WaltandIdrovequietlyintoOrpheusFarmthefollowingmorning.Hedidthetalking:athoroughlyprofessionalpieceofwork,insurancepatteratthedouble.Asurveyfornewfireregulations,hegliblyexplained,necessitatedusseeingovertheentireestablishment.
Wesaw.Everystallineverybarn,everyhayloft,everystrawbale,everyinch.WesawMoviemaker.WesawCentigrade.Wemadeagreatmanynotes.
CulhamJamesOffenhimselfescortedusroundthecoolestbarncontaininghisfourprizestallions.Agreatdealofselfsatisfactionsatonhisshoulderslikeanimperviousduck's-backmantle.Iconsideredthiswithuneasysuspicion.
UncleBarkwasnotonlyamaninhisfiftieswithwhitehair,buthehadagreystationwagoninathirdofhislargegarage.IsawWaltgivingitasidelongglance.UndoubtedlyitwasUncleBarkwhohaddeliveredtheSnailExpresstrailertooldHagstrom'sboyatRockSprings;andverylikelyUncleBarkwhohadfollowedSamHengelman'sva.n.a.longtheturnpike.Impossibletoprove,though,atthisdistance.
Thecolourofhishairwaspremature.Veryfewwrinklesmarkedthesmoothsuntannedface,fromwhichwhiteeyebrowsstoodoutlikeabracketofsnow,nearlymeetingoverthenose.Hiseyelasheswerealsowhite,b.u.t.thealbinonon-pigmentationstoppedshortoftheeyes:notpink,butaclearpaleblue.
Hecarriedhisheadstifflyonathickmuscularneck,andthelargebodybeneaththeairywhiteshirtlookedsolidmorethansoft.Notamantoignoreinanycompany.Aphysiquewhichteemednaturallywithsuccess:andsuccesshadgivenhimanarroganceofexpressionwhereadecenthumilitywouldhavebeenmorefitting.
Thewholefarmhadthehighglossofmoney-no-object.Mathematicallyprecisewhitepaintedwoodrailingsringedthepaddocks,andtheapproachtotheSpanish-stylehousewaslandscapedwithwateredlawnsandpalmsandanoccasionalbedfullofspikyredflowerswithsharppurplishleaves.Wedidn'tpenetratethehouse:Walt'sfireinsuranceonlystretchedtothestabling.
Afterwe'dseenthestallionsOffenhandedusovertohisstudgroom,afairsurprisinglyyoungmanhecalledKiddo,whohadadrawlingwesternvoiceandanairofhavingbeenbornwithouturgency.Everysecondwordwas'uh',andhiswalkwasthirty-twoframesasecond;slowmotion.
'Beenherelong?"Iaskedhim,ashepointedoutthespotlessfoalingstalls.
'Fiveorsixmonths,'hesaid,showingnoresentmentatapersonalquestion;goodnatured,unsuspicious,nosignofnerves.
'Youmustbegood,togetajoblikethissoyoung,'Icongratulatedhim.
Afterapausehesaid,'Igotafeelingforhorses,see?Mares,theyfoaldownnearlyalwaysatnight.Comesfromhavingtogivebirthinthedarkoutinthewild,youunderstand?'
'Whyinthedark?'askedWalt,puzzled.
Anotherpause.Notforadeliberatechoiceofwhatorwhatnottosay,Irealised,butjustamomentofwaitingwhiletheinstinctiveknowledgecoalescedintowords.
'Theydrop'embyday,somehungryhyenacomesalongandkillsthefoalinthefirsthalfhour.Foals,now,they'rereadiertorunatbirththanmostothercritturs,butyou'vegottogive'emahalfhourtodryoff.'
'b.u.t.theydon'thavetorun,here,'Waltprotested.
'Naturedon'tknowthat,'Kiddopointedoutreasonably.'Anotherthing,maresmostlydroptheirfoalsprettyquick.Don'ttakesomeofthemnotimeatall.Andthen,see,Ialwaysknowwhenamare'sready,andmostoftenIgoouttothestallandmakesureshe'sdoingallright.'
'Howdoyouknow?'Iasked,fascinated.
Amuchlongerpause.Thenhesaid,'Idon'tknowhowIknow.Igotafeelingforit.Ijustwakeupsomenightsandthink,thatRoseisaboutready,andIgoonouttoher,andmaybetheresheis,notneedingabitofhelp,ormaybewiththecordroundthefoal'sneck,stranglingit.Ibinwithhorses,see,allmylife.'
'Wherewereyoubeforeyoucamehere?'Iasked.
'Uh...allover.HadajobinLexingtonawhileback,b.u.t.theysaidIdidn'tkeepgoodtimeturningupatwork.'Hegrinnedsuddenly,abigmischievouslighting-upofthepa.s.sivepatientface.'Then...uh...IwaswithafellerinMaryland...hehadabarnwasfallingdownandhoneysucklebreakinghisfencesandcreepingintohiswindows,buthesurehadsomeprettymaresandoneofthemwasthedamofthehorsewhowonthePreaknessayearback.ThoughIdon'tgototheraces,myself.'