She needed badly to use the bathroom - all that coffee. But she sat at her desk and slid open the deep bottom drawer. Each of the manila folders was labeled with a story t.i.tle. She flipped through them with trembling fingers.

Better pick one fast, she thought, before I burst.

She pulled out the folder for The McDougal Stone' and opened it on her lap. On top of the paper-clipped ma.n.u.script were three rejection slips.

Maybe he can tell me what's wrong with it.

h.e.l.l, I thought it was good.

She took out the ma.n.u.script and put the folder away.

As she stood up, her eyes met the answering machine. The voice filled her head, tearing apart her good feelings, turning her insides cold and tight. She looked quickly at the window. Its curtains were shut.

He can't see me.

Maybe he saw the light come on. If he lives in the buildinga But he can't call and he knows I'm not alone. Nothing to worry about. Not tonight.

He has my panties.

She rushed out of the office and some of her fear eased when she entered the living room and saw Bodie in the lamplight, looking so calm and comfortable - and happy.

'This one's been rejected a few times,' she said, handing the story to him.

'Must really stink.'

She laughed. 'Back in a minute,' she said, and hurried to the bathroom. Bodie had left the toilet seat down. Very considerate. She quickly opened her white shorts and pulled them down her legs. She hooked her thumbs under the sides of her panties, tugged them down, and sat.

And stared at the skimpy lace panties drawn taut between her ankles.

Bodie heard the toilet flush. Expecting Pen to return in a few seconds, he watched the dark entrance to the hallway. And waited.

Apparently, she wasn't coming back right away.

He read more of the story, and almost finished it before he heard a door open. Pen's footsteps were slow and quiet in the hallway. Then she stepped into the living room.

She raised a hand in a hesitant greeting. A smile faltered on her face. Her nose was a little red and her eyes were red and puffy. 'More coffee?' she asked in a chipper voice.

'No thanks. Are you all right?'

Nodding, she sat at her end of the sofa. 'Finished the story yet?'

'No. What's wrong? You've been crying.'

'It's ridiculous.'

'It can't be ridiculous if it upset you that much.' Leaning forward, he dropped the ma.n.u.script onto the coffee table. He turned toward Pen. She was bent forward, elbows on knees, her head drooping. Bodie, frowning, scooted closer and put his hand on her back. She didn't flinch or tell him to stop. He rubbed her gently between the shoulder blades, aware of her warm smoothness through the blouse.

'Ever get the feeling that you've lost your grip?'

'Slipped a few cogs?'

She nodded. The hair hanging over her face shimmered in the lamplight.

'Yeah,' Bodie said. 'Sometimes. What happened?'

'It's that guy who called Friday night. Even with everything else, I haven't been able to get him off my mind.'

'That's understandable.'

'My G.o.d, he had me so rattled that I stabbed you. I mean, I blew everything out of proportion. I put that stupid trip-cord across my doorway and d.a.m.n near cracked my head open, then I stabbed you, for Christ-sake.'

'I'm not complaining.'

'I was so messed up, I actually believed he would come here and try to rape me. I was certain of it.'

'There was a real danger that he might,' Bodie said. 'I was worried, too.'

'Then he left that message under my door. I was petrified. But I thought, I'm not going to let him run my life. I won't let him scare me away. So I went out this morning and bought the shotgun. I'll fix him, right? Just let him come. The shotgun's a magic wand - wave it and I'm safe. Only the thing is, I got back here and I was alone and I was still scared, d.a.m.n it. But I wasn't going to let him get to me, right? So I go down to the laundry room and some creep puts moves on me and I'm so messed up I think he's the caller. I actually take a knife with me when I go back down. I probably would've stabbed him if he'd shown up again. That would've been real cute. Stab two innocent guys in two days. Maybe I could go down in the Guinness Book of World Records'

'You shouldn't be so hard on yourself,' Bodie whispered.

'Oh, you haven't heard the good one yet. Talk about paranoia. When I went to put away my laundry, something wasn't there. A pair of underpants. Neat, huh? My obscene caller snuck into the laundry room and stole my panties. That really freaked me out. He not only knows where I live, but he is here and spying on me, maybe even a tenant in the building, and he's got my G.o.dd.a.m.n panties. Only here's the thing.' Pen's voice quavered. She turned her head toward Bodie. Strands of hair hung across her face and her eyes were shiny. 'Here's the real corker.' Her chin trembled. 'I was wearing them the whole time. I had 'em on. n.o.body stole them. I've been wearing them all day. I've got them on right now.' She made a choking sound that may have been an attempted laugh but came out as a sob. 'How's that for nuts, huh?'

'Oh, Pen,' he whispered. He stroked her hair.

Then she was turning, putting her arms around him, weeping with her face against his chest.

'It's all right,' he said. 'It's all right.' He sank against the cushion, holding her gently. He stroked her hair, her back. She felt big in his arms, broader across the back than Melanie. A breast was pressing against him. He told himself to ignore it. Just holding her gave him a good, warm, comfortable feeling and he didn't want the extra guilt of growing aroused but he couldn't help it.

'I have to tell you something,' he said, and eased her away.

She nodded and sniffed, her face close to his, her hands on his sides.

'This is all my fault,' Bodie said.

Pen shook as she took a deep breath.

'Partly my fault, anyway.'

She had a confused look in her eyes.

'That caller of yoursa he never came here. He made the telephone calls, but he didn't come here. Remember how it took me so long to pick up the pizza last night? I didn't get lost. I stopped by a drugstore and bought a birthday card. I used its envelope. I'm the one who left that message under your door.'

'No, you didn't. You're just trying to make me feel better.'

'I'm sorry. It was a dumb trick.'

'No, youa'

'I really did it.'

'Why?'

'So you wouldn't stay here last night. I heard that guy's voice on the tape. I was afraida afraid he might come over. I didn't want you to be here alone. And I knew you were frightened about staying and it was just Melanie forcing you into it.'

Pen stared into his eyes.

'A dumb trick,' he said again. 'I should have known it would make things worse for you. h.e.l.l, I did know. I just didn't care. I wanted you over at the house no matter what.'

'Because you were worried about me?'

'Yeah.'

Leave it at that, he warned himself.

I've gone this far. I have to finish.

'And alsoa because it wasn't fair. You'd asked us to stay with you and I knew we should - it was the right thing to do because you asked first and you really needed us here and I thought we should stay with you but Melanie went and told Joyce we'd stay at her house. She only did it to spite you.'

'She did it to keep you away from me,' Pen said.

'I know. I didn't want me away from you.'

'Oh, Bodie.'

'Well-'

'I guess it's not much of a surprise,' Pen said.

'Happens all the time,' he said. 'Melanie shows up with a boyfriend and he falls all over you. I know I'm a jerk. We'll be gone in the morning, and that'll be the end of it.'

She curled a warm hand behind his neck. 'The end of it,' she whispered. 'I know. Tonight's oura Those tablets I gave Melanie before we ate? They weren't aspirin. They were sleeping pills. Strong ones. She won't be getting up tonight.'

'My G.o.d.'

'I was afraid she might try to sneak out later,' Pen said. "That's why I did it. Not for this. Not so we could be alone.'

Bodie shook his head.

'It's no worse than you writing that note, is it?'

'Better,' he heard himself say. 'A lot better. We're quite a tricky pair, you and me.'

'I'm not proud of drugging her, buta I'm going to miss you so much, Bodie.' She lifted her face to him and they kissed.

We shouldn't, he thought.

Pen's mouth was warm and moist.

He felt giddy. He felt like a high school kid somehow miraculously being kissed by the one girl he'd been longing for, the girl admired only from a distance and daydreamed about. It seemed unreal.

He put his arms around her. She sank against him, pressing him into the cushion.

Oh, this is real.

Her weight on him was real. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s pushing against his chest were real. And her mouth, open against his, and her tongue, and her breath going into him.

Pen's mouth eased away. His lips were wet. She stared at him, her eyes moving a fraction from side to side. He felt as if he could see into them, but not deeply enough. He wanted to look into her mind, to be inside with her thoughts and feelings.

'What are we gonna do?' she whispered.

'About what?'

'Us.' Her eyes, so close to his, kept moving just a bit, looking from his left eye to his right and back again.

'What do you want to do?' he asked.

'It's not that simple.'

'Why not?'

'I can't hurt her, Bodie. I won't.'

'She's asleep. You saida'

'What about after tonight?'

Bodie's heart sped up.

'We'll work something out,' he said. His voice sounded as desperate as he felt.

'How?'

'I don't know.'

'Neither do I,' Pen said. She leaned forward against him, her forehead resting in the curve of his neck. He stroked her back.

'I can't lose you. All my life I've been hoping that somedaya'

'Pen and Bodie sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.'

Pen lurched in his arms.

Beyond the doorway, barely visible in the darkness of the hall, stood Melanie.