She let out a rueful laugh, still not sure she dared believe him. "I must have made for a fun date."

"Yeah, you were," he said. "Come on. Let's get your things together. Whatever is going on, I'll feel a whole lot safer away from here."

Unsteadily, she got to her feet, avoiding the broken gla.s.s and spilled cola. Was he just being protective? Or did he really believe her? "The more I learn, the more I think I am am crazy." crazy."

"Well, I'm becoming more convinced that you aren't," he said. "Here, let me get that." He went to the kitchen and came back with a broom, dustpan and towel. "Once we get the blood typing results from the hospital lab-"

"We might not have to exhume the body?" she asked, her voice full of hope.

He nodded as he finished cleaning up her spilled cola.

Then Inez might not have to know. Otherwise...otherwise, what would Inez do? What could she do? And why did the thought scare Holly so much?

"Inez can't stop the exhumation if it comes to that," he said, as if reading her mind. "This baby isn't related to her either way." He glanced up. "You should know, your sister-in-law has threatened to see you inst.i.tutionalized again if you don't drop this."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I warned you about her."

"Inez doesn't scare me."

But she should, Holly thought with a shudder. Holly thought with a shudder.

"I guess we'll find out just how powerful your sister-in-law is," he said. "Hurry and pack. I want to get out of here."

She went to her bedroom and pulled out her suitcase, her mind racing. Doubts overwhelmed her as she packed. But she thought of her baby. If she hoped to get her little girl back, she knew she needed all the help she could get. And she had had to believe in someone. Mostly, she was sick of being scared. She wanted to be that woman Slade had described, strong and brave. to believe in someone. Mostly, she was sick of being scared. She wanted to be that woman Slade had described, strong and brave.

She took a deep breath. Maybe she was was starting to remember. Maybe Slade Rawlins was proof of it. He had the same birthmark-and the dimples. He drank Glenlivet and somehow she'd known that. And, more important, he seemed to believe her. starting to remember. Maybe Slade Rawlins was proof of it. He had the same birthmark-and the dimples. He drank Glenlivet and somehow she'd known that. And, more important, he seemed to believe her.

She realized how desperately she wanted to trust him. He gave her hope that they would find their baby and finally still the ache inside her. Hope that they would stop whoever was behind this and end the lapses in her memory, the fear for her sanity.

And yet, she knew it could all be a trap. If she was right, if someone had been messing with her mind-If that were true, couldn't they have programmed her to do exactly what she was doing at this moment-packing to go with Slade?

She fought that horrible thought. No, she'd started to remember, and that's why the monsters had had the Santa bell-ringer outside Slade's office. They were afraid her memory was coming back, and that when that happened, she would go to Slade.

But now the monsters knew she'd done just that. They would try to stop her. And what better way than to use Slade to do it? a voice inside her head taunted. To pretend her baby had been his? To pretend they had been lovers? To pretend he was taking her some place safe?

She froze at the thought, a silk blouse in her hands. She brought the cool cloth to her face, fighting back tears. What if Slade was one of them? Wasn't that her greatest fear? That he would give her hope, then s.n.a.t.c.h it away?

"Are you all right?" he asked from the doorway.

She turned, startled, and nodded slowly.

He moved to her in two long strides and, taking the blouse from her fingers, folded it into the suitcase. "We can buy you more clothes if you need them," he said, snapping the case closed.

She nodded, feeling her eyes burn. She willed herself not to cry. She'd shed a million tears since the "lapses" in memory had begun, all wasted. Another million since the loss of her baby.

He touched her arm and she turned into him, stepping into his arms as naturally as if she'd done it dozens of times before. Maybe she had.

He held her, his arms strong and yet gentle around her. "We're going to find them," he breathed against her hair. "Find our baby if she's out there. And bring down those b.a.s.t.a.r.ds. I promise."

The heat in his voice matched the warmth of his body. She leaned into his strength, soaking it in, telling herself she had to trust the instinct that had told her the father of her baby had been a good man.

And if it turned out her instincts were wrong about Slade Rawlins?

Chapter Eight.

Her heart quickened as her body responded to being in his arms, the scent and feel of him teasing her memory. Taunting her with flashes of the two of them, naked as jaybirds, sweating and panting and- She pulled back, stunned by the images. Even more stunned by the wanton desire she'd felt. But could she trust any of it? She looked at him, intensely aware just how dangerous this man could be if her instincts were wrong about him.

"I'm ready to go," she said, the break in her voice betraying her.

"Good," he said, but didn't move as he reached to thumb a tear from her cheek, the pad of his thumb rough against her skin, both comforting and disturbing.

His look told of an intimacy between them that frightened-and fascinated-her. Her heart drummed, her pulse a roar in her ears as his gaze moved slowly, deliberately to her lips.

He was going to kiss her! The thought sent a bolt of panic through her. Panic. And a stirring inside her that made her weak. She stared, hypnotized as his full, sensual mouth hovered only a breath over hers, afraid he would kiss her, afraid he wouldn't.

She waited, time suspended, her heart pounding as if to escape her chest. Would his kiss ignite that pa.s.sion? Would it prove she was the woman he'd told her she'd been? The pa.s.sionate, loving, blissfully satisfied woman she yearned to be? But mostly, would his kiss prove that he was telling her the truth, not only about him, but them?

Or would it only confirm that it had all been a lie, including a pa.s.sion they had never shared.

His gaze rose again to her eyes and she knew. He wasn't going to kiss her. She felt a stab of disappointment and turned away, groping for her suitcase.

His hand brushed hers as he reached around her to take the case from her. She thought she felt a tremor course through him as they touched.

"Come on," he said, his voice as rough as his thumb had been. He dragged the suitcase from the bed and carried it into the living room.

Shaken and weak, her blood a dull thrum in her ears, she remembered her cosmetic case in the bathroom and went to get it, needing a few moments to herself.

When she came back out, he had the suitcase and the painting by the door. The broken gla.s.s was all cleared up.

The phone rang. Her gaze sprang to his. "Should I answer it?" she asked in a whisper, the apartment suddenly too quiet, the ringing too loud.

He seemed to hesitate. "Do you have caller ID?"

She nodded and stepped into the studio. "It's Inez."

"Wait." The phone rang again. "Do you have an extension?" he asked so close behind her he startled her.

"In the bedroom."

She let it ring once more, then picked up, watching through the bedroom door as he did the same. "h.e.l.lo?" Her voice sounded strange even to her.

"Holly?" Inez demanded in a tone that belied her years. "What's wrong?"

She wanted to laugh. Everything was wrong. Inez, of all people, should know that. But Inez put anything unpleasant from her mind, ordering the world to be the way she wanted it, come h.e.l.l or high water.

That rankled Holly and shocked her. She usually had more patience with Inez. And yet part of her wondered why it hadn't rankled long before now.

"What could be wrong?" she asked unable to hide the sarcasm, which, of course, was wasted on Inez.

"You sound...strange."

She felt strange.

Slade gave her a warning look.

"I must have dozed off," she improvised.

He nodded his approval.

"I was worried about you," Inez said. Holly heard the clear, sharp tap of the elderly woman's cane on stone. "I was concerned that you might have gone off on another one of your...escapades."

Escapades? Was she referring to the pregnancy? Or the loss of the baby? Or was the "escapade" the hiring of Slade Rawlins? She felt a hot coal of resentment burning deep in her as she looked over at Slade. Why had she put up with Inez's interference in her life for so long?

"I want to talk to you about the private detective you hired," Inez said.

"This really isn't a good time," Holly said.

Inez continued as if she hadn't heard. Or didn't care. "I know this last year has been hard on you, losing Allan, then the baby."

"The baby had nothing to do with Allan," she heard herself say. "Or you." She'd never talked to Inez like this and she heard the shock in the older woman's tone.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired," Holly said, backing off just as quickly, just as she'd always done. Only this time it had been a sudden fear that had stopped her. A fear that upsetting Inez was...dangerous. Where had that come from?

She met Slade's gaze. He was frowning, watching her intently.

"Of course you're tired," Inez agreed, sounding wary. "You're just distraught. You always are when you do something foolish. I have tried to weather these episodes with you, dear, but this last one.... I know you haven't been yourself and I try to make allowances for you. Obviously, dear Allan's death hit you much harder than even you want to admit. That really is when this all started."

No, Holly thought. It all started about the time she met Allan. And Inez.

"But hiring a private investigator," Inez was saying. "It's so...common and...seedy."

Holly started to speak but Inez cut her off.

"Let's not discuss it further. It will only upset you to realize you've had yet another one of those embarra.s.sing and tragic lapses in judgment. You're blaming yourself for the death of that baby, and Lord knows the guilt over that unfortunate pregnancy had to have contributed to the stillbirth. How could it not? But hiring a detective...?"

Holly thought she'd scream if she heard another word. Her head ached and she felt sick to her stomach. "Hiring Slade Rawlins wasn't a mistake." She didn't sound convincing even to her own ears, and she didn't dare look at Slade.

"There is no need to try to justify it," Inez said. "We all have made mistakes. Certainly none as extraordinary as yours," she added with a sniff, "but still, just look at the decisions you've made since Allan's death. They speak for themselves. I know Dr. Parris discussed your guilt over Allan's death with you at the sanitarium."

Holly shot a look at Slade again, embarra.s.sed. Inez seemed intent on reminding her of the sanitarium and her mental instability, but now she was insinuating that Holly was responsible for Allan's death. Hadn't Slade already questioned the same thing?

"Dr. Parris never said anything to me about my having guilt over Allan's death," she said defensively.

Silence. "I was there on several occasions during your sessions when he discussed this very thing with you, Holly. Are you telling me you don't...remember?"

Panic raced through her, making her limbs weak with fear. She gripped the phone tighter, her hand trembling. That wasn't possible. She would have remembered. Or would she have?

Even more panicked, she suddenly realized that she couldn't remember any any sessions with Dr. Parris when Inez had been there. sessions with Dr. Parris when Inez had been there.

"Holly?" Inez asked. She sounded too cheerful as if she had Holly right where she wanted her. Scared. Unsure. Beaten back. Holly was shocked even to think it. Inez was her only family now.

A bubble of hope floated up from inside her as a clear, strong thought surfaced: Dr. Parris had seen her during these blanks in her memory. A sense of relief swept over her. First Slade. And now Dr. Parris. Only, Dr. Parris was a trained psychiatrist. He could make sense of this.

"Holly, are you still there?"

"Yes," she finally managed to say. She couldn't wait to tell Slade about Dr. Parris, about her lack of memory of the sessions with Inez and what it might mean.

"I had just forgotten those sessions with you and Dr. Parris," she lied, not sure why.

Inez was silent for a moment. "You mustn't castigate yourself. Once you're well... In the meantime, I've taken care of it. I'll have my lawyer pay off that private detective so he won't be bothering you anymore and I've spoken with Dr. O'Brien. He agrees rest is probably the best thing for you now especially since-"

"Dr. O'Brien?"

"Yes, he feels he can be much more beneficial to you than Dr. Parris. You need help, Holly, and please don't argue-"

"I think you're right," Holly interrupted.

"You do?!"

Even from this distance she could see the tightening of the muscles in Slade's jaw, the hard anger in his gaze and his manner. He, too, seemed to be clutching the phone.

"Yes," Holly said, suddenly feeling better. Her head still ached and her stomach was still upset, but her mind felt clearer than it had in a long time.

"Well, that's good that you agree." Inez sounded off balance, even a little disappointed, as if she'd expected a fight and had been ready for it. "You don't even have to recommit yourself since your old commitment papers are still in force. I think you should return to Evergreen at once. For your own good. Dr. O'Brien said he would make arrangements to have you picked up tonight."

Slade was shaking his head.

"I'm really too tired tonight," Holly said.

"That's exactly why you need to-"

"Why don't I call you in the morning?" Holly said, getting a nod from Slade. "I just want to go to bed now."

"You're sure?" Inez said, an edge to her voice. She wasn't pleased. "You are are taking your pills, aren't you?" taking your pills, aren't you?"

"Yes," she said, shooting a glanced at Slade. He had that hard angry expression on his face again. Was he right about the pills?

"They've made me very drowsy for some reason," she said. She softened her tone. "I really do appreciate your concern, and I think you're right about me needing help."

Inez seemed hesitant to hang up as if not convinced. "Well, then, get a good night's sleep. I'll talk to you first thing in the morning."