"The honking of what?"

"Horns. Car horns, taxi horns, truck horns."

"And you say you wish to make what kind of complaint?"

"Nonspecific. I've just been informed it's against the law, and that you would take my complaint."

"I don't know if it's against the law or not. If you want a copy of the Noise Pollution Rules, you can send four dollars and seventy-five cents to this address, have you got a pencil?"

"I don't want a copy of the rules. The Taxi and Limousine Commission just told me the honking of horns is against the Vehicle and Traffic Law."

"Then you want Traffic," the agent said. "Let me give you a number."

She gave him a number and he dialed it. The line was busy for four minutes. Then a voice said, "Customer Service."

"Hello," he said, "I'm calling to complain about the honking of horns..."

"You want Traffic," the woman said. "Isn't this traffic?" "No, this is Transit."

"Well, have you got a number for Traffic?" She gave him a number for traffic. He dialed it.

"Hello," he said, "I'm calling to complain about the honking of horns in the vi. "

"We only take complaints for traffic lights and streetlights."

"Well, to whom do I talk about... ?". "Let me give you Traffic." "I thought this was traffic." "No, I'll switch you." He waited.

"Department of Transportation."

"I'm calling to complain about the honking of homs in the vicinity of..."

"What you want is the DEP."

"I want the what?"

"Department of Environmental Protection. Hold on, I'll give you the number."

"I have the number, thanks."

He called Environmental Protection again. All agents were busy again.

After a wait of some six minutes, he got someone on the phone and told her

about his problem all over again. She listened patiently.

Then she said, "We don't take auto horns." "Are you telling me that the Department Environmental Protection can't do anything noise pollution?"

"I'm not saying there's no one here can do about it," she said. "All I'm saying is we don't auto horns."

"Well, isn't the honking of auto horns noise pollution?"

"Not in this department. Day construction, night construction, all that kind of stuff is what we call noise pollution."

"But not horn honking?"

"Not horn honking."

"Even though it's against the law?"

"I don't know if it's against the law or not. You can check that with your local precinct."

"Thank you," he said.

He looked up the number for the precinct closest to the Hamilton Bridge. The 87th Precinct. 41 Grover Avenue. 387-8024. He dialed it.:

A recorded voice said, "If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911.

If this is not an emergency, hang on and someone will be with you shortly."

He hung on.

"Eighty-seventh Precinct, Sergeant Murchison." He went straight for the jugular.

"The honking of automobile horns is against the law," he said. "Isn't that true?"

"Except in an emergency situation, yes, sir, that very definitely is true."

Good, he thought.

"But it's a law that's extremely difficult to enforce," Sergeant Murchison said. "Because, sir, we can't pinpoint who's doing the actual honking, do you see, sir? Where the honk is coming from, do you see? If we could find out who was actually leaning on his horn, why, we'd give him a summons, do you see?"

He did not mention that standing on the corner of Silvermine and Sixteenth, listening to the infernal, incessant cacophony of horns, he could without fail and with tremendous ease pinpoint exactly which cabdriver, truck driver or motorist was doing the honking, sometimes for minutes on end.

"What if he gets a summons?" he asked.

"He goes to court. And gets a fine if he's found guilty."

"How much is the fine?"

"Well, I would have to look that up, sir." "Could you do that, please?" "You mean right now?" "Yes."

"No, I can't do that right now, sir. We're very busy here right now."

"Thank you," he said, and hung up.

He sat with his hand on the telephone receiver for a very long time, his head bent. Outside, the noise was merciless. He rose at last, and went to the window, and threw it wide open to the wintry blast and the assault of the horns.

"Shut up," he whispered to the traffic below.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" he shouted.