White Diamonds.

CHAMPAGNE.

58 Romantic arithmetic: Champagne = Celebration.

59 Buy a case of champagne. Label each of the twelve bottles: His birthday Her birthday For a midnight snack Anniversary (of meeting) Anniversary (of marrying) For a picnic Before making love Celebrate a milestone at work Christmas/Hanukkah/holiday The first day of spring The first snowfall For making up after a fight 60 Buy wine and champagne by the case. You'll typically get a 20 percent discount off the per-bottle price. You'll save money, and always have a bottle on hand for those "Spontaneous Celebrations."

61 Always have a bottle of Dom Perignon on hand. (For those extra-special occasions.) 62 Always have several bottles of Korbel on hand. (For those spontaneous little celebrations.).

Chapter Theme Song:.

"Champagne High,"

Sister Hazel.

You do, of course, have two crystal champagne flutes with your initials on them. Don't you?!

LINGERIE.

63 The topic of lingerie is the one place where love, sex, and romance all come together. This is why the topic is so enticing, so sexy, so sensitive.

Gals: Guys really, really, really, really, really love gals in lingerie.

Guys: Approach this topic sensitively.

When you're in Los Angeles, California: Visit the Lingerie Museum,

featuring items from Mae West,

Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Madonna,

plus four decades of lingerie history. At Frederick's of Hollywood, 6608 Hollywood Boulevard, in Hollywood. Call 323-466-8506.

64.

Gals: When in doubt, wear a garter belt and stockings.

Guys: When in doubt, more foreplay.

65 Go through her Victoria's Secret catalog and rate the items one through ten. Write your ratings in the margins.

66 Guys: Spread out on the bed the lingerie outfit you'd like her to wear.

67 I've been asked by several men in the Romance Class to convey this message to the ladies: "Nothing completes a great lingerie outfit like a pair of great high heels."

Special note to gals who have health concerns about high heels: "You don't need to be on your feet for more than a minute or two."

Lingerie Coupon Nighties! Teddies! Garter Belts! This coupon is good for a $100 shopping spree. Shoppers must be at least 18 years of age.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO-.

68 Don't just walk into the house tonight the way you always do. Pause on the porch; ring the doorbell; and greet her with one red rose and a bottle of champagne.

69 Never give a gift or present without wrapping it. Get extra-nice wrapping paper and fancy bows. If you truly have two left thumbs, get the store to do your gift-wrapping for you.

70 One woman in the Romance Class told us that her husband always manages to incorporate her favorite teddy bear into his many gift presentations.

He's given her diamond earrings by putting them on the bear's ears.

He's strung pearls around the bear's neck.

He's packed the bear inside boxes along with other gifts.

He's put funny notes in the bear's paw.

71 Not that it really matters, but I was just wondering...

Why do we have birthday cakes and wedding cakes, but no anniversary cakes or Valentine's cakes?

Why do we have Christmas tree ornaments, but no special ornaments with which to celebrate other special occasions?

Why is Columbus Day a national holiday, but Valentine's Day isn't?

Why is it crude to tell jokes that characterize races and religions in stereotyped ways, but it's acceptable to be a "gender bigot" and stereotype men and women?

BUT HOW YOU DO IT.

72 Want to jazz up the presentation of a special meal? Buy a little hunk of dry ice from a local ice house. Put it in a bowl of water and place it on your serving tray. You'll create wondrous, billowing white clouds!

Do it with style.

Do it with flair.

Do it with attention to detail.

Do it with a flourish.

73 Strings of pearls have been known to appear inside real oyster shells at fancy restaurants.

74 And many diamond rings seem to find their way to the bottom of a glass of champagne.

75 Okay, let's say you've decided to give her the complete collection of The Moody Blues' (her all-time favorite group) albums. Let's now give this gift a creative twist. Instead of simply wrapping the CDs and handing them to her, do this: Remove the CDs from their cases.

Hide the CDs around the house.

Gift-wrap all the CD cases separately.

Attach a note to each gift...

Each note gives clues to the location of the CD...

And each note's clues are based on each album's title.

How about presenting a gift of pearls to the tune of "A String of Pearls," by Glenn Miller?

Best love songs by The Moody Blues:

"Nights in White Satin"

"Watching and Waiting"

"Want to be With You"

"So Deep Within You"

"In My World"

Days of Future Passed is hidden in a photo album.

To Our Children's Children's Children is in the kids' toy box.

On the Threshold of a Dream is hidden in your bedroom.

Long Distance Voyager is hidden along with airline tickets to Tahiti.

TO DO.

76 Write "Romantic Reminders" on your "To do" list at work. (What's the use of being a great success in the business world if you're a miserable failure in your personal life?) Romantic Reminders will remind you that there's another part of your life that's quite important.

77.

A do-it-yourself romantic Saturday afternoon: 2 bicycles, 5 hours, 1 bottle of wine.

A do-it-yourself romantic date: 2 movie tickets, 1 tub o' popcorn, 2 Cokes.