"Get it together, Julian. She's been through enough without you going all apes.h.i.t about this."

"She's not even human anymore, and that's my fault."

"If it's anybody's fault, it's mine. I activated the marker in her, and I told her what that meant. It was her choice to give you her blood. I wonder if she's regretting that decision right now."

"I took away every chance she had of a normal life."

"She saved your life, and now she's carrying your child.

You owe her, Julian. If you've decided you don't love her anymore, fine, but dammit, you owe her more than this."

"I never said I didn't love her."

"Then quit acting like an idiot. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a whiny vampire."

He disappeared. No ceremony, no warning, just a soft implosion of the air where he'd stood. Julian stared, blinking.

Lucien was right. Julian owed Lorelei everything. But how could she ever forgive him for what he'd done to her?

In his eight hundred plus years, Julian had created only a handful of vampires. This was why. The guilt suffocated him 212 when he saw them struggling to adjust to their new existence.

He'd always given them a choice, made certain they wanted to be changed before he'd done the deed, but even then he'd accepted the burden of the responsibility. After all, he'd known exactly what they were getting into. They hadn't. Sometimes the price of immortality had been too much to take, and they'd broken under the strain. Those deaths weighed on his conscience as if he'd thrown them out into the sun with his own hands.

Lorelei had made her decision with eyes as open as it had been possible for them to be. Neither of them had known what the final results would be when she'd given Julian her genetically coded blood. Even now, the answers weren't completely clear.

But she'd shouldered the burden of her change with courage far beyond anything Julian had ever seen. He loved her for that. He would always love her.

Still, it hurt to know he'd changed her. That she'd never be the same again, in any sense of the word.

Then again, none of them would. Nothing and no one in the vampire community would ever be what they'd been only a few weeks ago. Nothing could change that.

Julian lit a cigarette, sucking in the spicy smoke. He'd taken the first, irrevocable step toward this day when he'd smoked from the Sioux shaman's pipe over two hundred years ago.

The path had seemed n.o.ble then. Now it was unfathomable.

And Lucien was right-whining wasn't going to change a thing.

He leaned back in his chair to enjoy the cigarette. When he was done, he'd go find Lorelei and tell her...something.

Something lovely and deep that would warm her heart and make her want to be with him forever.

Something that didn't involve whining.

Lorelei watched from a chair by the door while Dr. Greene shone a penlight into Lilith's eyes. The pale vampiress sat motionless, moving her eyes when asked, saying nothing. She looked so fragile now, like white porcelain, that Lorelei found it hard to remember she'd been a threat only hours earlier. 213 The doctor lowered the penlight and touched Lilith's throat, searching for the vague, cold pulse that marked the movement of a vampire's borrowed blood. Then he brushed the back of his hand against her cheek and smiled. "I think you'll be all right."

Lilith began to shake. Lorelei rushed to her, taking her hand as she trembled, her whole body caught in tremors. The doctor cupped his hand around Lilith's face, his gaze steady on hers.

"It's all right," he said gently. "It's okay."

Suddenly Lorelei felt she had no place there, with the woman who had almost killed her, then sacrificed her life to save her.

She released Lilith's hand, and it moved to Dr. Greene's shoulder. When Lorelei closed the door behind her, the doctor had grabbed a handful of tissues from a box on the counter and was wiping tears and blood from Lilith's waxen face.

In the hallway, Lorelei leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her stomach. How long before she could actually feel the life inside her? She knew next to nothing about things like that. There'd never been any need to know. She hoped it would be soon. Right now it seemed so unreal it was hard to believe she was pregnant at all.

In fact, right now the only thing that seemed real to her was the memory of Julian's face as he'd turned away from her.

He didn't want her. Whatever she'd become, it was as repulsive to him as it was frightening to Ialdaboth. She should go home, reclaim her old life, and forget him.

Strangely, she felt no sadness. No tears p.r.i.c.ked her eyes, no lump rose into her throat. She just felt empty, numb. Too much had happened over the past hours. Too much for her to deal with all at once.

She walked slowly down the hallway away from Dr.

Greene's office, her arms folded protectively over her abdomen.

Once she would have gotten lost in the long corridors, but now she could see the growing patterns of light that showed her the way back to reality.

She could cry tomorrow.

*** 214.

As ready as he'd ever be, Julian knocked on the door to his and Lorelei's room. He had a peace offering in one hand, well thought-out and carefully wrapped.

There was no answer.

He tried again, then called her name. Still nothing. Finally he pushed open the door.

"Lorelei?"

The room was dark, Lorelei nowhere to be seen. Only a small, white square of paper on the nightstand next to the bed.

Tamping down hard on his fear, he picked it up. It was written in a careful hand, and it occurred to him that he'd never seen Lorelei's handwriting before.

"Julian. I'm sorry for all that has happened. If this is too much for you, I understand. This is no place to raise a baby, anyway.

"With love, Lorelei."

Then below, in a much darker, stronger hand: "Okay, no, I don't understand. I want to be with you, and you are a f.u.c.king a.s.shole for driving me away. A baby should be with his parents. That includes his father. If you don't want to be with me, fine, go f.u.c.k yourself.

"With love, Lorelei."

Smiling, Julian folded the note and tucked it into his pocket.

"...so that's it. And now I'm back."

Lorelei sipped at her c.o.ke, wishing she could drink something stronger. She wanted whiskey, to burn away the anger in the back of her throat.

Randy, sitting across from her on the couch in her living room, shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lor. Guys can be such jerks."

She shook her head. "I don't know if he's a jerk or not. I just know it's not working out the way I thought it would."

"You want me to go see the guy? Beat some sense into him?"

She smiled wanly. "I wish you could. But it really wouldn't be safe."

"He's a thug, or what?"

"No, he just has a lot of weird friends." 215 He nodded. "You be sure to let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"I will."

They sat in silence for a time while Lorelei sipped her c.o.ke and wondered why she hadn't cried yet. d.a.m.n hormones. They made her want to cry when there was no reason to, but wouldn't let her cry now. It made no sense.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

She nodded at Randy's question, though she barely heard it. Someone was coming up the stairs, if her guess was right.

She smiled and went to the door.

"Time for me to leave?" said Randy, his tone wavering between surprise and laughter.

"No. Not yet." She put her hand on the doork.n.o.b just as the knock fell. Randy's brows lifted.

Julian was standing in the hallway, as she'd known he would be. He had a hesitant smile on his face and a small, gold-wrapped box in his hand.

"May I come in?"

"I'm not sure."

"I got your note."

"Good."

They stood a moment regarding each other, until finally

Julian looked over Lorelei's shoulder, into the room beyond.

"Who's your friend?"

Lorelei half-turned into the room, looking at Randy. Julian took the opportunity to slide by her into the apartment.

"You've met Randy. He works with me at the boutique."

"Yes, I remember." He stepped toward the couch while Lorelei gently closed the door. "Nice to see you again, Randy.

But you might want to go now."

Lorelei heard the faint edge of compulsion in his voice, then realized she could see it. Each word left a small blue haze of light behind it as its vibrations crossed the room.

"Don't," she said.

Julian quirked an eyebrow at her. "My apologies."

Randy stood, looking back and forth between them. He

looked like he might be afraid, but Lorelei wasn't sure. In any 216 case, his expression told her he'd realized he was out of his depth. "I'll head out now," he said. "I'll see you later, Lor."

"'Bye, Randy."

She saw Randy to the door. He paused in the hallway.

"d.a.m.n, he's intense," he whispered.

"I know."

"Is he that focused in bed?"

"More."

Randy shook his head in admiration. "If I don't hear from you, I'll know why."

Lorelei smiled. "I'll call you and let you know what I'm going to do. He can't distract me that much."

"d.a.m.n, he could me."

"'Bye, Randy." She closed the door on his departing wave and turned around. Julian sat sprawled on her couch, regarding her with a look that made her skin p.r.i.c.kle with heat.

She crossed her arms over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, sure her nipples were giving her away. "So what do you want?"