Disclaimer: I'm translating this novel for fun. I can't promise 100% accuracy, but I'm doing my best to try to make this coherent. Leave a comment if there's anything confusing and I'll try to fix it. If you enjoy the translation and want to support me, tip me a Kofi at https://ko-fi.com/infinite

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Chapter 38 Song Song

When Li Xiao said that name out loud, many thoughts ran through Song Song's mind. He wanted Li Xiao to get revenge for him, but he didn't want Song Ge to die too quickly. He also wished there was a way to bring back the Song Ge from his previous life, so when Song Song killed him, he would understand exactly why.

But at the same time, a huge sense of injustice rushed into his nasal cavity swiftly and made him unable to speak.

Li Xiao saw the answer from his eyes. He moved close and embraced Song Song in his arms, softly caressing his lover's hair. He said soothingly: "How do you want him to die?"

"I want, I want to beat him up " Song Song strongly pushed back the tears in his eyes and hugged Li Xiao's waist with his hands: "I don't want him to die without knowing why, but I'm scared."

"Then let's just beat him up first." Li Xiao hugged him tighter. Neither of them asked why each other would place such great value in something that happened in a dream. Li Xiao also wasn't in a hurry to beat people up right this moment. He climbed into bed holding Song Song, and heard the other say softly: "The soup kitchens. "

"I didn't kill anyone. I'm very clear." When Song Song fainted, he still had a dead grip on Li Xiao. Li Xiao did feel himself somewhat unstable, however at the same time, it seemed different than usual. He was very clear, hyper focused. His entire body and mind were paying attention to Song Song's breathing and heartbeat. He was afraid Song Song would, just like that, stop moving in his arms.

Instantly, Song Song let out a long sigh of relief. Looks like what he saw before was only a nightmare from worrying too much.

He rubbed against Li Xiao's embrace and said: "That's good."

"If you have any issues in the future, tell me."

Song Song nodded his head and said in a soft voice: "Your highness, do you want to chat about the dream?"

"What do you want to know?"

"I dreamt that after I met your highness for the first time. You didn't want me anymore."

Li Xiao raised his eyebrow, lowered his head to look at the fellow in his arms, who only had a small half of his face revealed and said: "I dreamt about a passionate spring night I spent with Song-er. Song-er was very scared of me the entire time and even begged me to be more gentle ...."

Song Song swiftly covered his mouth and said: "I I'm talking about after that."

"After that. " Li Xiao reflected for a moment and said: "After that I heard that you didn't live a good life at the Song estate so I ordered people to bring you back to my place. They all said that Song-er ran away because he was scared of me."

"... " Song Song felt complicated in his heart and asked: "Did you search for me then?

"I was worried I'd scare you so I secretly sent people to search, but they came back empty handed. Two days later, there came news from Dezhou, so I instantly rushed over there."

Dezhou, that was where the information about the previous empress' death came from. Between Song Song and this news, of course Li Xiao would place this information first and foremost. Not to mention, in the previous life, the one who wanted to hide from Li Xiao was Song Song himself.

Li Xiao continued: "In the dream, I was too slow. When I got there, that person was already killed."

"It was the man that was brought back that day?"

"En."

Song Song quietly hugged him, not knowing how to comfort him. Li Xiao didn't really need his comfort and continued to say: "After that, I was recommended to bring soldiers to the front line. Someone wanted to use the chance to assassinate me."

Steward Qi said before that in this life, Li Xiao rejected the business regarding going to the front line. The time was probably also around the big wedding. Whenever one was sent into the battlefield, then it's not an one or two days to return kind of thing. With all these events, the two completely missed each other.

Song Song embraced tightly together with him. Li Xiao asked in a low voice: "Can you guess who that person is?"

Song Song thought about empress Qin, pressed his mouth together and said: "I I haven't finished my dream yet, so I don't know."

Before things become clear, he didn't dare to guess randomly. After all, this was the current empress. Somethings, if one doesn't need to know it, then it's better to remain in the dark.

Li Xiao didn't force it. He kissed Song Song's ear and said: "My dream's biggest regret was you. Now that I have you, I have no more regrets in this life."

"Your highness" In the end, Song Song couldn't resist asking that question: "Clearly we only met once, but "

Li Xiao sighed briefly and said: "About 8-9 years ago during the winter, you helped a little beggar. Do you still remember?"

8-9 years ago. That was a time before the Fu estate burned to the ground. Fu Xiang hasn't fallen sick yet. Although Song Song was a bastard, he still received the best food and clothing. He was born delicate like snow, but still occasionally accompanied Fu Xiang outside. He would often be given snacks by grown ups because Fu Guoshang was kind and charitable, with a well known reputation.

Fu Xiang used to provide charity to the poor frequently. In the winter, she would send maids to give people in need clothes to wear. Fu Guoshang even used his own money to build a refugee camp. However, he experienced a refuge XXXXX. He was targeted by someone in the government and was almost labeled as the leader of a revolt. Good thing someone protected him, so he was able to escape death.

(Note: The author really did use XXXX so I have no idea what they wanted to write there, but if I have to guess, something about government rebellion maybe?)

At that time, Song Song often stayed by Fu Xiang's side, being taught how to help others from a young age.

That was the first winter after Li Xiao was poisoned. At the time, not everyone knew about Li Xiao's illness. While Emperor Hong Ren searched for countless godlike doctors from all over to help treat him, he hid Li Xiao in the Imperial Tutor's estate to seal up the situation tightly.

Most of the time, Li Xiao was completely out of it. All the way until a doctor gave him a strong medicine, he was finally able to gain short moments of consciousness. However, he was unable to accept the truth that he killed his own mother. Coincidentally, that winter it was snowing heavily. When people walked outside, their footsteps were covered immediately and completely. Therefore, he escaped out of the imperial tutor's estate.

The young 11 years old child messed up his hair and dirtied his face and mixed in with a group of beggars, ready to leave the city. At that time, Li Xiao was still unused to killing. He grabbed rope and tied up his own hands and feet, only leaving one a meter of space to prevent himself from harming innocents during an outburst.

He wanted to head north, to a place where no one can find. A place where he could perish on his own and avoid bringing the royal family shame.

In the heavy winter snow, he casually found a corner to curl up and sleep. When he woke up, he was met with punches and kicks because he slept in some other beggar's territory. At that time he was still clear. The guilt of killing his own mother crushed him to the point of suffocation, so he allowed the humiliation as self punishment. In his heart, he had already lost all of his will to survive.

Until a young clear voice sounded: "The congee is ready! It's time to eat!"

The beggars were terrified if they were late, there'd be nothing left to eat, so ran outside hastily. Li Xiao curled up on the floor, coughing lightly. A moment later, he saw a pair of clean white shoes. Judging by the quality of those shoes, he could tell they belonged to some high class gongzi.

As the crown prince, Li Xiao knew plenty of high class nobility. He was worried he'd be recognized, so without even raising his head, he climbed up and planned to go. Suddenly he heard the other ask: "Are you a criminal?"

"Yes."

He continued forward. A sound passed beside him. Those pure white shoes arrived in front of him again. The other saw Li Xiao remained stooped, with his head lowered and refusing to look at himself. Therefore, he propped both his hands on his knees and bent down to look at him from below. A shiny pair of eyes met Li Xiao's: "Real criminals wouldn't call themself criminals. The rope on your hands, did they tie it on you?"

Li Xiao said with a gloomy face: "Get lost."

His words stunned the other a second. He stood up straight. After Li Xiao confirmed he didn't recognize this gongzi, he also stood straight. Then he discovered the little guy barely reached his chin in height. He seemed like he was scared by that 'get lost,' was somewhat afraid. Li Xiao ignored him and walked into an alley, preparing to find another hidden place to nest.

Very quickly, however, he discovered the little guy came searching for him again. He brought over a meat bun and crouched down in front of him: "You're hungry, right?"

He was indeed hungry. Under the enticement of food, he couldn't resist grabbing the bun and taking a big bite. That little gongzi immediately smiled wide enough to reveal his teeth. He quietly sat to the side and watched him eat. Two small hands propping up his cheeks, he said: "Don't be scared. If they bully you again, I'll tell my mom."

The hand Li Xiao used to hold the food paused for a second. Ever since he was little until now, no one ever dared to bully him and he also long passed the age to be calling for help from his mother for bullying. Even if he wanted to in the future, he wouldn't be able to do it.

He squeezed the meat bun in his hand, slowly but with strength, took another bite. He didn't continue to tell the kind little guy to get lost.

So that guy kept chirping beside his ears, clamoring nonstop. Maybe he no longer felt as scared. But what made Li Xiao felt like laughing the most was that he repeatedly insisted: "I know you're a good person. No worries. Don't be scared. Later I'll say something to my mom. Just follow me in the future and you'll be good."

Before he fell ill, he's the crown prince that everyone circled around like stars to the sun. After going crazy, he's the demon that everyone avoids far and wide. No one ever treated him as someone needing protection, not even his own father and mother.

Li Xiao's escape was very quickly discovered by the people at the Imperial Tutor's estate. They began searching everywhere for his presence. Before little Song Song left, he gave his own cloak to Li Xiao. When he received good news from Fu Xiang, and came back to see Li Xiao again, what he saw at the alley entrance was a hand reaching outward, then quickly dragged back in.

Cautiously, Song Song walked in to the alley, and suddenly saw the silent youth that he met yesterday break the elbow of a man under him with an deranged expression. The bone was exposed outside. On his face and on the cloak was full of bloodstains. To the side, there was a piece of tongue dripping in blood laying on the floor. The beggars who were bigger than him, all died in his hands, laying on the floor broken to pieces.

He slowly walked over towards Song Song, his palms were full of fresh blood from killing people with his bare hands. The rope that bound him yesterday was completely broken forcefully. Song Song stared blankly, carefully backing away. He saw Li Xiao's neck jerking unnaturally, as if suppressing his insane desire to kill.

Both of Song Song's legs felt like rubber, but his basic need for survival urged him to turn around and run. However, he didn't even get a chance to turn before that youth appeared in front of him like a demon and grabbed him by the neck. Song Song was so terrified he felt like his organs were splitting. He looked at the youth who was staring at him unblinkingly. His tears couldn't stop rolling down: "Mom, help me"

But his voice felt almost like it was stuck in his windpipe. He could only make breathing sounds.

Li Xiao seemed almost like he abruptly woke up. Song Song was thrown to the floor, his vision turned black as he shifted on the ground. He didn't move much before he stopped moving completely.

Later, when the people from the imperial tutor's estate arrived, Yan Tianya subdued Li Xiao, ordered people to put him in iron chains. Li Xiao's head was stuck with needles. He saw someone pick up the little gongzi from the floor. As he was stuffed into an iron cage, his eyes stared straight at the other. He wanted to ask, is he dead?

But he couldn't say anything. The veins in his neck bulged, his body completely didn't feel like his own. If he tried to take control forcibly, it would only look more terrifying in other's eyes. Immediately, the iron cage was covered up by a black cloth. He never saw that little gongzi again.

Later, he asked his uncle: "How is that child?"

"He's dead."

"... " Li Xiao swallowed his 'Which family is he from?' completely then never mentioned this again.

Until one day, he saw Song Song in the Song estate. That pair of eyes were too familiar to him. He recognized him in one glance. His first sentence was to ask: "What's your name?"

"Song Song."

Song Song.

Ever since that time, he remembered that name thoroughly in his heart.

He thought he had killed him, but the other was actually alive. In the previous life, Li Xiao was filled with delight. Originally he planned to visit and propose marriage as soon as he returned from Dezhou, but he never imagined that what he finally regained, he would lose again. And because of all sorts of reasons, he missed the opportunity for an entire lifetime.

When Li Xiao narrated, he naturally avoided saying that he was brought back in an iron cage and did not mention that he once thought about death. Under his gentle voice, Song Song gradually gained a small impression. He struggled to recall for a long time, and finally remembered the event.

To little Song Song, what happened in that alley during that time was essentially a nightmare. He just experienced a close brush with death. When he woke up, he had nightmares daily and continued to have fevers nonstop for several months. Fu Xiang went everywhere to pray to the gods and Buddhism, which finally allowed him to recover.

The psychological damage left in his heart was too much, he forgot it completely.

He examined Li Xiao's face, and slowly matched it up with the face of that scary fellow in his memories, expression finally showing recognition.

Li Xiao only needed one look to figure out his thoughts: "This king remembered you all these years, you little heartless. "

"You're the one who's heartless. Out of the kindness of my heart, I brought you food to eat, and you wanted to choke me to death!"

Finally understanding the source of their relationship, Song Song no longer felt perplexed. He suddenly felt the distance between Li Xiao and him instantly became closer. After shooting a glare at him, he couldn't resist laughing: "I still can't believe this happened. No wonder your highness treats me so well. Is it to repay a debt of gratitude?"

"It was only the kindness of one bread roll"

"And a piece of meat!"

"I only ate one bread roll and a piece of meat from you and you received a big, live husband like me as repayment. Still not satisfied?"

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The writer has something to say:

Scared Scared: . Who wanted your repayment.

Cray Cray: /tongue click.