His consciousness was in disarray. The darkness before his eyes flickered like an endless night sky, intermittently lit by countless constellations passing by.

Yuder felt as if he was falling, infinitely down, in a state of dulled senses.

He recognized this sensation. While it was absent in his cognitive understanding, his body remembered the experience it had undergone before.

A searing, chaotic heat engulfed him. Instincts that had always been suppressed by cold rationality now welcomed this sweet flame wholeheartedly. It was a moment when these primal senses became the ruling force within him.

His parched body absorbed moisture, swelling with newfound vitality. Heat lingered in his hair, tickling his sensitive skin as it fluttered.

You already know this heat, a whispering flame crawled along Yuder's skin, settling near his ear.

Remember.

Remember it

As if led by a summons, both unfamiliar and familiar memories surfaced within Yuder's field of vision.

AhAh...!

A dizzying moan tore through his ears. The voice was rough and ragged but simultaneously stimulating something in the listener.

Mixed with that voice were sounds of wet flesh grinding and colliding, accompanied by the faint cries of wood, all echoing in a labored, rhythmic panting.

Lost in the sounds, Yuder belatedly realized that those moans were his own, escaping from his lips. And he also realized where he was.

He was in the Commander's office of the Cavalry. He was sprawled face down on a large desk cluttered with scattered papers and ink bottles. Each time a hot force penetrated between his legs from behind, his legs, unable to find a stable footing, wavered uncontrollably.

Something too large was thrusting into him, making it almost impossible to breathe. It felt like a club pounding inside him, violently jumping about. His chest was compressed, gasping for breath, but his melted senses offered no response.

The blurred view of the Commander's office came into focus. Not just the desk, but the entire room was in complete disarray. The sofa had sunk in and torn open, revealing its innards. Shreds of clothing lay about the floor like rags. Fragments of what might once have been a teacup were scattered, leaving no clue to their original form.

And filling the room was an overpowering aroma and viscous liquid, tracing a path from the sofa to the floor, bookshelves, and finally near the desk where he was bent over.

Why did the traces of that path feel like screams?

What had happened here?

Just as he reached that thought, another hot force slammed into him from behind. It went deeper than it should have, bulging his lower belly, finally making contact with his buttocks with a smacking sound.

"!"

At that impossibly deep penetration, his lips involuntarily parted and he let out another sound. His mind went blank.

How could he possibly feel this sensation while still alive?

If he wasn't dying, then there was no way to explain this experience. Absurd thoughts flashed by meaninglessly, like lightning, before exploding.

"Ah!"

A scream that chilled him to the very tips of his hair. His muscles tightened in his tensed arms. Fingers that delicately scratched the desk's surface lost their strength due to the sudden withdrawal, and he gave in.

Yuder could no longer look around. Once he had delved deep, he repeatedly made his way through the doors that kept opening. Every time his stomach felt pierced, his vision flashed, and he couldn't even discern the sounds coming from his own mouth.

The overwhelming pressure, the sharp pain of something that was always closed now opening. But amidst all that, there was a sensation he had never felt before. It was pleasure.

This unexpected pleasure, originating from an unknown place, gripped his body and mind at the most unpredictable moments. Every time it surged, Yuder convulsed in shock. This intense, unfamiliar sensation made his rationality shrink back, allowing his instincts to skillfully take over.

He moved as naturally as a fish in water, actively harmonizing with the force that sought to dominate him. Every time he felt the shock, his stomach tightened, and the organ between his legs pulsed, releasing fluid. Even though he wanted to avoid the intruder that roughly pushed its way into the deepest part of him, his instincts instead made him push his hips back even harder.

As Yuder pressed his lower body back, he felt that whatever had penetrated him was moving beyond his stomach, rising higher and higher. The sensation, as if piercing through his heart, throat, and brain, was almost violent.

As he pushed his hips and panted, the heat from behind grew closer. He felt a breath, hotter than his own, near his nape. Every time their skins fully touched and then separated, a strange sensation, neither pleasure nor pain, overcame him.

Now, the sounds he made were more akin to mating beasts than human. Unable to resist the overwhelming sensations, he closed his eyes and trembled. Saliva smeared messily, wetting his lips and chin like a starving person.

"Ah, ah, ah, h, uh...!"

The climax was nearing again. Despite experiencing it multiple times, the end always brought the same fear.

He felt as if he was being pulled endlessly to some high place, that escalating sensation. Even though he didn't want to go, a part of him anticipated something, making his insides twitch.

It was truly inexplicable. How could his body move in the direction of the pain and fear he felt?

Unable to withstand the violent shaking, Yuder screamed, arching his back and neck. As he thrashed his head, the person behind him reached out, supporting his waist and chest, pulling him closer. The hands were firm enough to trust, even in their urgency.

A long, beautiful hand with a half-removed white glove.

Though consumed by the same passion, the trembling hand seemed to be in pain. The moment Yuder looked down at it, his forehead creased like lightning. For a brief moment, his lost rationality and thoughts awakened from somewhere deep within, overshadowed by pleasure.

He felt a suffocating sensation, as if his throat was being strangled.

It was the pain of a naive and awkward emotion dying. He didn't know what he had hoped for, but he knew he hadn't wished for this, and thus, a mournful moan escaped him.

An immense pleasure consumed him, but Yuder's deeply sunken eyes darkened even more. As he limply let his body sway, the man holding him leaned down, pressing his lips to Yuder's neck.

Even as his body jerked roughly, the slowly touching lips absorbed the sweat on Yuder's face, the saliva, and even the tears that fell from below his eyes.

In a manner unbecoming, Yuder's body trembled at the careful, yet strenuous movement of their lips.

Their hearts palpitated in inexplicable harmony, a faint light passing between their conjoined bodies. Yet, neither of them realized this phenomenon.

Moments later, their trembling bodies began to fuse at an unprecedented speed. Bright flashes filled Yuder's mind, and with the illusion of hearing the sound of their deepest selves being pierced, Yuder relinquished all control, surrendering fully to the other.

It felt as if their body was wholly devouring the other.

Everything seemed to converge into a murky death here and now.

Yet, amidst this obliteration, something within him refused to die, instead melting and flowing toward the other. And from the man who embraced Yuder, something molten trickled into Yuder as well.

Instinctively, Yuder opened himself up to it. A thirst he had not even been aware of seemed to lessen the moment it was accepted. He opened his parched lips in a gasp, and the other delved inside him once more, this time with even more fervor.

His mind went blank. He wanted nothing more than to be further entangled. They slipped off the desk, half-crashing to the floor, sprawling over a chair.

It was an act as primal as any, but no longer did pain have any place in it. Yuder, who had been moaning freely, suddenly heard approaching footsteps. The other must have heard them too. Yet neither made a move to escape. In a world where shame and reason had evaporated, the approach of another was inconsequential.

Moments later, the door burst open. After sweeping their gaze over the chaotic room, the eyes of Nathan Zuckerman settled into despondency. As a last note, Yuder's consciousness began to fade away into the distance again...

When Yuder next came to, he found himself in a familiar imperial bedroom. He watched, as if from a far-off place, his own body writhing frantically on the bed of the small palace where Kishiar had spent his childhood.

"The fever is too high. We've given him painkillers and antipyretics three times, and it still hasn't gone down. Why is this happening..."

"Since the Princeno, the Dukehasn't arrived yet, we have no answers. Bring more water and towels to wipe off the sweat!"

This was not a past life. Yuder realized he was reliving the day of his second gender manifestation, a day also marked by a sexual heat he could hardly contain.

Elderly servants scurried to wipe sweat from Yuder's face and body. But his physical form continued to writhe, making tiny moans of agony, and moved restlessly.

The movements suggested a horrifying pain, one made all the more terrifying by his inability to scream. One of the servants clucked his tongue and shook his head.

"It seems as though he's battling some invisible deity. His teeth are grinding so badly we should get him something to bite on."

Yuder dimly remembered the agony of the second gender manifestation, feeling as though his bones were breaking and reassembling.

The servants might not have noticed, but Yuder felt an overpowering scent filling the bedroom. A scent that had never been tamed since his birth began to freely swirl around him, gradually taking form.

"...What's the situation?"

Then, a voice came from not too far away. It was Kishiar's voice.

Yuder saw a man in exquisite formal attire, tense from head to toe, staring past the bedroom. There was no smile on Kishiar's face.