"I'm not blaming you," she said. "I'm just ... disappointed. I hope you had fun, Lieutenant, because welcome to the part of the evening that's not going to be so enjoyable."

He honestly doubted that it could get much worse.

She joined the others in the sitting room, and Muldoon closed the door. And caught sight of himself in the entryway mirror.

His hair looked as if he'd spent most of the past hour in that bed with Brooke. His uniform wasn't just rumpled. He'd actually re-b.u.t.toned his jacket one b.u.t.ton off all the way down. Anda"oh, s.h.i.t!a"there were actually lipstick stains in some extremely risqu places.

"Lieutenant Muldoon, will you please join us?" Myra was back in the sitting room, having dispatched some of the others into the bedroom with Brooke.

He smoothed down his hair and hurriedly re-b.u.t.toned his jacket. There was nothing he could do about the lipstick, except stand with his hands clasped in front of him and pray that they invited him to sit down quickly.

"Please have a seat," Myra commanded, thank G.o.d, and he did.

Joan was on the other side of the room, on the same sofa he'd sat on just a few hours ago. She had a legal pad with her, and her full attention was focused on whatever it was that she was jotting down.

"We'd like to issue a statement to the press," Myra told him, "about your relationship with Brooke. We'd like to make public the fact that you and the President's daughter are in the middle of a long-term, committed relationship."

"But we're not."

"Actually, what we'd like to do is announce your engagement," Myra said.

Muldoon laughed. "Yeah, right." But holy s.h.i.t, she wasn't kidding. And Joan ... Joan still wasn't looking at him. "You guys want me to marry Brooke? I mean, I know what it probably looked like, but I didn't... I mean, I stayed because I didn't want to leave her alone after she... But honestly, we didn't evena""

"Relax, Lieutenant," Myra said. "Of course we don't expect you to marry her. We just want to announce that you intend to get marrieda"let the public know that the dress off the balcony was Brooke's way of celebrating her powerful feelings for you."

"Except there's a videotape of her speech to that senator-a""

"Apparently the audio track didn't record until the very end," Myra told him. "All they have of the first part is video, and you better believe that the part of that video they're going to show on the newsa"over and over as many times as they possibly cana"is Brooke taking off her dress and you throwing her over your shoulder like a caveman, carrying her into her hotel room."

"First of all, it was a fireman's hold and ..." Muldoon shook his head. They weren't interested in what happened after he'd pulled the curtains, only what was to come, because in their book, they all a.s.sumed they knew what had happened here tonight. Still... "This is crazy." He needed to state it at least once for the record. "I didn't sleep with her. I didn't have any s.e.xual contact with her at all." He looked at Joan. Surely she'd believe him.

But when Joan looked back at him, her eyes were decidedly cool. "Myra, Lieutenant Muldoon is going to need a clean pair of pants before he leaves tonight. Shall I see about getting that for him?"

"Please do," Myra said.

Joan rose from her seat and, dialing her cell phone, she headed out of the room.

"Our plan is to announce the engagement, then have you appear in public with Brooke regularly over the next few months," Myra continued. "We've already started preliminary arrangements for you to be transferred to the East Coast, to a SEAL team out of Little Creek."

"What?"

"And in a few months, after things die down a bit, we'll announce that the engagement's off."

No way, no how, absolutely not. But Muldoon didn't have to put it in those terms, because he could not for the life of him imagine Brooke ever agreeing to this farce. "I think you might want to run this idea past Brooke," he said as evenly as he possibly could.

Joan came back in. "Pants in ten," she reported as she sat back down.

"d.i.c.k is with Brooke right now, talking to her," Myra told Muldoon.

"d.i.c.k is done talking to her," the man said, coming out into the sitting room. "She's too out of it to reason with. We're going to have to wait until the morning, see what she says in the sober light of day."

"But as of right now, it's a no, right?" Muldoon persisted. "I've got to tell you, it's still going to be a no in the morning. I don't think she likes me very much."

"It's not just a no, it's a h.e.l.l no," d.i.c.k agreed.

"What exactly did she say?" Myra asked.

d.i.c.k shook his head. "She's drunk. She's incoherent."

A female aide stepped forward. "I believe her exact words were, 'There's no way in h.e.l.l I'm going to spend two hours let alone two months with a man who can't even get it up.' "

d.i.c.k winced. "Thank you, Deb. That was probably not necessary to repeat."

Muldoon laughed, but no one in the room was looking' at him. Everyone was suddenly intensely preoccupied with a spot on the rag or on the wall. They didn't actually believe that he was... Did they?

G.o.d, even Joan was staring at her shoe.

"Just in case you were wondering, that's not true," Muldoon said.

"Of course it's not," Myra said much too quickly. It was transparently obvious that she was humoring him.

This was a lose-lose situationa"the more he protested, the less they would believe him.

Joan stood up. "I think we've abused Lieutenant Muldoon enough for one night."

"All right," Myra decided. "We'll meet in the morning."

"No," Muldoon said. "I'm done here. I'm not transferring anywhere. And I'm not lying to the American public for two months. I'm sorry, I'm as big a supporter of President Bryant as anyone, but I'm not going to do that. Brooke is one messed up, incredibly unhappy woman, and playing games like this, covering up her embarra.s.smentsa"that's not helping her at all."

"He's right," Joan said. "A lot of people heard what Brooke said on that balcony tonight. Just because we don't have audio doesn't mean the real story won't breaka"'

"G.o.d!" Muldoon couldn't stand it. "Tell the truth because it's the trutha"not because you know you'll be caught in a lie." He looked directly at Joan right before he went out the door, lipstick stains be d.a.m.ned. "You should be ashamed of yourselves."

The Ladybug Lounge was quiet for a Sat.u.r.day night. Sam sat at the bar, watching Cosmo play pool with a pah" of college girls who weren't much older than Mary Lou had been when he'd first laid eyes on her. Laid eyes on her and laid hera"all within the span of a few short hours. All in an attempt to exorcise the ghost of the woman he really wanted to be with.

Sam nursed his beer, knowing he was going to have to go home when he finished it, knowing he was going to have to bring up this most unpleasant subject. Hey, I've been thinking, and this marriage thing really isn't working out.

Mary Lou would start to cry.

Jesus.

He'd done some impossibly hard things in his life, including becoming a SEAL and then making the leap from enlisted to officer. f.u.c.k, that had been a battle all the way. Forget about the fact that his job was filled with kill-or-be-killed scenarios that he'd faced without blinking. Yet here he was, nearly s.h.i.tting in his pants at the thought of going home and telling a five-foot-three-inch woman the bitter, unhappy truth.

He didn't love her. He'd never loved her. He was never going to love her.

He should have married her purely to provide prenatal care for her from his health plan. He should have made it clear right from the start that they were not going to live together as husband and wife, and that they were going to divorce right after the baby was born. Yes, he'd pay both alimony and child support, but the fact was that he couldn't marry her for real because he didn't love her.

He loved someone else.

Christ, he was a stupid fool to think that love didn't matter, that it was a luxury that a man could learn to live without. That it was an extraa"a bonus if you found it, a double plus if you actually managed to make it work.

He'd f.u.c.ked up royally, a.s.suming that he could actually make his marriage to Mary Lou into something real even though there was no love between them. He'd hurt Mary Lou; he'd hurt Haley who, although she was still tiny, no doubt felt the tension in the house; he'd hurt himself; and, maybe worst of all, he'd hurt Alyssa.

And he had hurt Alyssa. He knew that was true, despite her rapid rebound and her current perfect-seeming love affair with that perfect f.u.c.ker Max. The look on her face as Sam had told her he was marrying Mary Lou was one he'd carry with him to his grave.

Sam sighed.

Muldoona"who was sitting several seats down the bara" sighed, too. What a misery fest. He sat with his head in his hands, drinking beer cut with lemonadea"a habit he'd picked up during time spent in Germany.

He'd said nothing when he'd arrived, even though Sam and Cosmo had been playing pool at the time. He waved off their offer for him to take on the winner and sat down at the bar, where he still sat.

"If you're looking to get drunk, that's not going to do it," Sam had said to Muldoon two beers ago, after the coeds attacked and he'd retreated back to the bar himself.

"Believe me, sir," Muldoon had replied, "I'm not looking to get drunk."

"Didn't go too well tonight, huh?" Sam had sat down about four stools away from Muldoon, careful not to get too close. Sometimes misery needed a whole lot of elbow room.

Muldoon looked up at him. "It was a total goatf.u.c.k."

That had been the first time Sam had ever heard little Mikey use the F-word, even in that context. He'd worked hard not to reacta"to drop his beer bottle or fall to the floor in a dead faint. Instead he'd cleared his throat, wishing he was better at this. "You want to talk abouta""

"No."

Sam knew when to shut the f.u.c.k up, and that had been definitely one of those times.

Over at the pool table now, Cosmo was staunchly ignoring some pretty obvious body language that those two girls were giving him. If he wanted to, he wasn't going to go home alone tonight. But it sure as h.e.l.l seemed as if he didn't want to. Although, really, who knew what went on inside of Cosmo's head. Maybe he was purposely playing hard to get.

Across the room, the main entrance opened and...

"Mike," Sam said. "Heads up."

Muldoon looked over his shoulder and saw Joan DaCosta picking her way through the little tables that dotted the floor, heading directly toward him. Shaking his head, he turned back around. "s.h.i.t," he said on a sigh, closing his eyes briefly.

Muldoon's giving her his back didn't slow down Joan. In fact, she slid onto the barstool next to him and ordered a gla.s.s of white wine from the bartender.

She waited until it was delivered, until after she took a sip, to speak.

"Are you okay?" she asked Muldoon.

"Me? Yeah, I'm just great. Thanks."

Whoa, sarcasm coming from the King of Polite. This was a night full of firsts. Sam knew he shouldn't be listening and he tried to focus his attention on the pool table.

"I'm really sorry," Joan said to Muldoon, loudly enough so that Sam couldn't help but overhear. "About everything."

"Fine," he said. "Apology accepted. Conversation over."

She was silent then, but only for a minute or two. "I'm pretty sure I owe you a bigger apology than that," she said. "At least an explanation. I really feel awfula""

"Yeah," he said. "That's great. Because that's what apologies are all about, right? Making the person who's giving the apology feel bettera"feel less guilty?"

"Ouch," she said.

"Sony."

"No, you're right. I'm wrong. Again. I've been wrong about an awful lot lately. I was wrong about you and me. Really wrong."

Well, that caught Muldoon's full attention. He turned to look at hera"a real, long look, not just a quick glance this time.

"So I guess what I need to know," Joan said quietlya" almost too quietly for Sam to hear, but not quite, "is whether or not you now think so poorly of me that there's nothing I can do or say to bring us back to where we were before. Well, not exactly where we were before, but..."

"How could you even think I'd agree to going along with that crazy schemea"to actually announce my engagement to the President's daughter?"

What the f.u.c.k.. . ? It took everything Sam had in him not to turn and look at Joan and Muldoon. But if he looked, then they'd know he was listening. He stared at Cosmo, who was making an intricate bank shot, sinking not one but two b.a.l.l.s in opposite corner pockets. It was a beauty, but Sam's real attention was on Joan.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I thought you might have slept with her and, I don't know. Become enthralled. I thought if that had happened, maybe you wouldn't mind spending the next two months with her. She's beautiful, and she's funny and brillianta"I mean, at least she is when she's sober."

"Yeah, well, she's too old for me," Muldoon said.

Joan laugheda"a sharp burst of noisea"but then got serious again, right away. "We had this meeting before we came into Brooke's room, and you can ask anyone who was therea" I was opposed to the engagement announcement idea. And it wasn't because I was afraid of getting caught in a lie. I only said that because I was trying to present an alternate reason for them all to just leave you alonea"a reason that Myra would understand. She's, um, pretty moral-free, I guess is one way of saying it." Her voice got soft. "Mike, I really hate the idea of you thinking poorly of me."

"I'm not so keen on the idea of you thinking I would tell you what I told youa"that I was crazy about youa"and then kind of randomly go and have s.e.x with someone else," Muldoon countered.

"I thought you were angry with me," she said. "I thought you were going to try to make me jealous. Which worked."

"Yeah?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah."

They just sat there then, looking at each other for a long time.

"You were really jealous, huh?" Muldoon finally asked.

"I wanted to punch Brooke in the nose. You, too," Joan added. "G.o.d, I thought maybe you got her drunk on purpose."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "Nothing turns me on like a woman who's completely s...o...b..ring drunk."

They were both silent then, and it was a silence that was loaded with some cryptic meaning. Muldoon wasn't looking at Joan anymore, and she cleared her throat.

"Well, yeah," she said. "It's understandable that ... I mean... it probably happens to a lot of guys, all the time. It's a common enough problem, right?"

Muldoon closed his eyes and laughed, then turned to face her. "Look, maybe I'm an old-fashioned guy, but pathetic, scotch-soaked, revenge-inspired groping doesn't do a thing to rev me up. There's no problem. I don't have any kind of a problem."

"Okay," she said. "I hear you. Absolutely. I believe you."

"Jesus, you're humoring me."

"No, I'm not."