I was desperate: Look, it aint worth it, Jem. A lickin hurts but it doesnt last. Youll get your head shot off, Jem. Please . . .

He blew out his breath patiently. Iits like this, Scout, he muttered. Atticus aint ever whipped me since I can remember. I wanta keep it that way.

This was a thought. It seemed that Atticus threatened us every other day. You mean hes never caught you at anything.

Maybe so, butI just wanta keep it that way, Scout. We shouldna done that tonight, Scout.

It was then, I suppose, that Jem and I first began to part company. Sometimes I did not understand him, but my periods of bewilderment were short-lived. This was beyond me. Please, I pleaded, cantcha just think about it for a minuteby yourself on that place

Shut up!

Its not like hed never speak to you again or somethin . . . Im gonna wake him up, Jem, I swear I am

Jem grabbed my pajama collar and wrenched it tight. Then Im goin with you I choked.

No you aint, youll just make noise.

It was no use. I unlatched the back door and held it while he crept down the steps. It must have been two oclock. The moon was setting and the lattice-work shadows were fading into fuzzy nothingness. Jems white shirt-tail dipped and bobbed like a small ghost dancing away to escape the coming morning. A faint breeze stirred and cooled the sweat running down my sides.

He went the back way, through Deers Pasture, across the schoolyard and around to the fence, I thoughtat least that was the way he was headed. It would take longer, so it was not time to worry yet. I waited until it was time to worry and listened for Mr. Radleys shotgun. Then I thought I heard the back fence squeak. It was wishful thinking.

Then I heard Atticus cough. I held my breath. Sometimes when we made a midnight pilgrimage to the bathroom we would find him reading. He said he often woke up during the night, checked on us, and read himself back to sleep. I waited for his light to go on, straining my eyes to see it flood the hall. It stayed off, and I breathed again.

The night-crawlers had retired, but ripe chinaberries drummed on the roof when the wind stirred, and the darkness was desolate with the barking of distant dogs.

There he was, returning to me. His white shirt bobbed over the back fence and slowly grew larger. He came up the back steps, latched the door behind him, and sat on his cot. Wordlessly, he held up his pants. He lay down, and for a while I heard his cot trembling. Soon he was still. I did not hear him stir again.

7

Jem stayed moody and silent for a week. As Atticus had once advised me to do, I tried to climb into Jems skin and walk around in it: if I had gone alone to the Radley Place at two in the morning, my funeral would have been held the next afternoon. So I left Jem alone and tried not to bother him.

School started. The second grade was as bad as the first, only worsethey still flashed cards at you and wouldnt let you read or write. Miss Carolines progress next door could be estimated by the frequency of laughter; however, the usual crew had flunked the first grade again, and were helpful in keeping order. The only thing good about the second grade was that this year I had to stay as late as Jem, and we usually walked home together at three oclock.

One afternoon when we were crossing the schoolyard toward home, Jem suddenly said: Theres something I didnt tell you.

As this was his first complete sentence in several days, I encouraged him: About what?

About that night.

Youve never told me anything about that night, I said.

Jem waved my words away as if fanning gnats. He was silent for a while, then he said, When I went back for my breechesthey were all in a tangle when I was gettin out of em, I couldnt get em loose. When I went back Jem took a deep breath. When I went back, they were folded across the fence . . . like they were expectin me.

Across

And something else Jems voice was flat. Show you when we get home. Theyd been sewed up. Not like a lady sewed em, like somethin Id try to do. All crooked. Its almost like

somebody knew you were comin back for em.

Jem shuddered. Like somebody was readin my mind . . . like somebody could tell what I was gonna do. Cant anybody tell what Im gonna do lest they know me, can they, Scout?