The weeks since Sonia's death have been hard but the time since her visit has been worse.

He was able to compartmentalise his feelings until she came and drew them out.

It even got bad enough that the current Lady Auron had called him out on it.

His father would be so disappointed.

He was raised to always keep up his proper facade.

His emotions should never be on display.

It is unbecoming for one of his kind.

And yet…

What is he supposed to do when they overwhelm him - when the itch beneath his skin can no longer be ignored?

He finds himself entertaining impossible thoughts, but logic always sweeps them away.

A part of him wishes she had never come to see him after Sonia's death.

What was she expecting?

That he'd leave everything behind to follow her?

He has never had such luxuries.

He can't leave everything behind like she can.

No, his is a life of duty.

Emotions are unwanted and unneeded.

He can't quiet the voice in the back of his head that reminds him that Sonia made him feel too.

But then she has always been special.

Not for the first time he starts to recall days from so long ago.

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Days when his father was alive.

Days when he was content just watching.

Days when this estate was filled with laughter.

Days of stolen moments and breathless whispers.

Even annoyed looks seem sweet in hindsight.

He'd entertained fantasies then - dreamt of a future that could never be his.

He gives his head an impatient shake.

He cannot afford thoughts like these.

They are nothing more than a hindrance.

Lady Auron has already started to notice his forays into his memories.

He cannot live in the past.

There is no point dwelling on what can't be changed.

He needs to focus on the things he can do.

His duty remains, as always, to House Auron.

With that thought firming his resolve, he leaves his private room.

He needs to be at Lady Auron's side not chasing ghosts of the past.