I try to push it down but it's remarkably insistent.

Still I refuse to leave the room again.

I don't want to take anything offered by these people lest they think it obliges me to help them.

I force myself to just stare at the ceiling and try not to think about anything.

I'm not sure how much later it is when the child pushes open the door.

He's carrying a tray of food and my traitorous stomach lets out a rumble at the sight.

"You must be really hungry, Mrs Riel. You haven't eaten anything in days on account of being unconscious and all."

I deliberately look away from him when I respond.

"I told you not to call me that."

He shoots me a sheepish look.

"Well, I don't really know what else to call you..."

"... Sonia."

"Well, Sonia, it's nice to meetcha. I'm Adrian."

I can't help but wish he hadn't introduced himself.

It's easier to distance yourself from someone without a name.

"How's your throat feeling? I tried my best but sometimes… Well sometimes my best isn't good enough..."

Had the child just admitted to -?

/Don't think./

"My throat is fine."

"That's good then. Eat up and I'll be back for the tray later."

I nodded.

The child turned to leave but halted in the open doorway.

"Sonia… I'm glad you're here. It's nice to not be the only different one anymore."

He left but his words left me thinking for a long time.

***

The person who comes to fetch the tray isn't the child.

It's my husband.

He eyes the now empty tray with a smirk that I can't help but want to get rid of.

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"The child is a healer."

"Adrian? Yeah and pretty skilled at it too."

"That's the reason Larcen wants this rebellion, isn't it? To protect his child."

"Pretty much. His wife died trying to stop the king's men from taking Adrian. If they hadn't faked their deaths they'd still be hunted even now - you know how rare healers are."

"They're rarer than mages. For every healer born there are ten mages and for every mage a thousand people with no magical abilities to speak of."

"... That wasn't the response I was expecting."

I ignored his response and asked the question that had been nagging me since I woke up.

"That executioner was on your side, wasn't he?"

"Yes. He's sympathetic to our cause. He can't save everyone he's a.s.signed to kill but he does try to save the ones we ask him to. He doesn't always get them to Adrian quickly enough to be saved but he tries."

"And when you heard a mage was about to be executed you brought the child to the execution to lower the risk of my dying on the way."

"Precisely."

"You shouldn't have bothered."

"You don't mean that."

"I'll tell you what I told the king. I'd rather die than be used as a sentient killing machine no matter the cause."

"Look, I get it - you don't want to join the cause and we're not going to force you to do anything. We're just as much of a safe haven as we are a base of the rebellion."

I don't respond.

I have nothing to say to that.

I don't want to talk anymore.

"So how did the King find out you were a mage? I mean, we were married and I never knew."

Apparently my husband feels differently.

"Magic is tied to the emotions. Strong emotions lead to outbursts of magic. I had an outburst in public."

I keep my sentences terse in the hopes of dissuading him from trying to continue the conversation.

"What you were so overcome with joy at my death that you couldn't control yourself?"

It doesn't work.

"Something like that."

Finally seeming to get the hint, my husband gathers up the tray, mock bows to me and leaves.

I let out a sigh of relief when the door shuts behind him.

If I'd known our marriage of convenience would turn out so inconvenient I would have never agreed to it.

No, that's not entirely true.

My reasons for agreeing then are just as valid now.

As a relation of mine - even just by marriage - Arabella now has the protection of my t.i.tle and estate.

And Kent, as steward of my estate, is still secure.

Without an heir the estate would have been reclaimed by the crown and Kent would have been in danger of losing his position if the person elevated to my position chose to do so.

Kent would probably have other offers of employment in that case, but his loyalty to House Auron is too deeply rooted in him to accept of his own volition.

He would see it as his duty if ordered by the head of the estate but he certainly wouldn't be happy.

In that sense Arabella, despite her insecurities and shyness, is a good heir - she'll keep him around to guide her in her new responsibilities.

She may not be the heir I'd intended - no, I had at least hoped to have a legitimate one of my own before dying - but it could certainly have turned out worse.

In a way, Riel and I both got what we wanted - the security of those we cared for.

I suppose I could have married someone else, but that would have left Arabella unprotected and - no matter what I feel about her brother - she doesn't deserve that.

So yes, I would have gone through with it regardless.

Kent always did say my soft heart would be the death of me.

If he only knew how right he was.