Rae gave them a strangely evil expression. If anyone was worshipping Satan, it was her. "Is it?" she said with a sneer. "I thought maybe we all might drink some Sanka and have a chat about a few things."

When I turned to my parents for a reaction, they appeared almost, well, intimidated.

Then my father hardened his gaze at Rae and said, "Say good night, Fred."

Then he actually said, "Good night, Fred."

"Let me walk you out, Fred," I said, walking Fred out.

While the delightful Fred unlocked his bike, put on his helmet, and turned on the light, I decided to see if I could gain his confidence for a little while.

"You might have noticed something earlier at the table, while Rae was talking about pee and pregnancy tests."

Fred looked me in the eye. "I might have noticed something."

"Can you not notice it anymore?" I asked.

"Don't see why not," Fred replied.

"Especially don't notice it with Rae."

"I think I hear what you're saying," Fred said.

"Do you need a bribe?" I asked, because Rae always needs a bribe and by virtue of association, I thought Fred might be the same.

"No. But thanks for the offer," Fred said.

When I returned to the dining room, I heard my father say to Rae in his sternest tone, "Go upstairs and practice your please-forgive-me face in the mirror for an hour. You have court tomorrow."

"But--"

"Not another word out of you, young lady."

Rae stomped up the stairs but followed her instructions--not a single word leaked from her lips.

The rest of the family, drained by the run-of-the-mill family dinner, dispersed in silence.

WOULD THE REAL.

MASON GRAVES.

PLEASE STAND UP?.

The address on Mason Graves's employee file was a one-bedroom apartment in the Tenderloin, which I had assumed was Mason's cheap getaway from the Winslow home. I rang the buzzer and a man answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm looking for Mason Graves. I have some information for him."

I was buzzed up without any further communication. Apartment 606 was inconveniently located on the sixth floor of a walk-up. A large man in his midforties met me at the door.

"Are you Mason Graves?" I asked.

"Yes. Did I win something?"

"No."

"Oh," he said, appearing unduly saddened by the lack of good news.

"I'm sorry," I said because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Before I met the real Mason Graves, I imagined a crafty man in collusion with an even more crafty man currently serving time. This Mason Graves brought to mind Lennie in Of Mice and Men.1 "Were you expecting to win something?" I asked.

"There's always a chance. I play the lottery every week."

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't bring you good news."

"That's okay. No one ever does."

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked redundantly.

"Sure."

"Do you know a Harvey Grunderman?"

"Yeah. He's my cousin Harvey. He helps take care of me."

"What do you mean?"

"He pays my bills and makes sure they bring me food every week."

"Harvey pays your bills?"

"I'm not good with money."

"Does he take care of your taxes and stuff?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a job?"

"I clean the building for less rent. I vacuum and change lightbulbs and take out the trash and stuff."

"If you need money, where do you get it?"

"My mom cooks for me once a week and always makes sure I have sandwich money, and Harvey pays my rent."

"What's your mother's name?"

"Libby Graves."

There went one theory. I was really hoping he'd say Mrs. Enright.

"Do you know where Harvey is?"

"He took a vacation. He needed to go away," he said.

"Yes. He did. Where did he tell you he was going?"

"My memory isn't very good."

"Mason, do you have any other relatives in the area?"

"No. Just my mom and Harvey. My dad died a long time ago."

"I see. When's the last time you heard from Harvey?"

"Maybe a week ago," Mason replied. "He'll be home in a few months and then we can go back to our weekly card game."

I took out my card and handed it to the real Mason. "In the meantime, if you need something, give me a call."

Mason read the card. "Izzy Ellmanspay?"

"Oops. Sorry. That's the wrong card."

I handed him the one with my real name on it and said my good-bye.

Sometimes you just want a bad guy to be a bad guy. Someone you can take down alone. Harvey Grunderman came with an extra two hundred and fifty pounds of responsibility. I couldn't close the case the way I planned--with a police report. Something else had to be done.

I drove directly to the Winslow home after my Tenderloin visit. In any metropolitan demographic, the sharp contrast between the social strata can be alarming, but in San Francisco, within five minutes you're in a whole new world. My brief meeting with Mason Graves shot me with a strong dose of sadness. I wanted to sneak one of Mr. Winslow's pricy rugs out of his home, hock it on eBay, and leave the cash on Graves's doorstep. One fancy rug could buy a whole lot of sandwiches.

Len greeted me at the door.

"Ms. Spellman, why the long face?" he asked, shaking me into an entirely different world.

"Long day. That's all."

"But it's only just begun. Do you have news?" Len asked. And if you're wondering, no, he still hadn't lost his ridiculous accent.

"Case closed," I said.

"Did you find Mason?"

"Yes. His real name is Harvey Grunderman and he's currently doing time for neglecting to pay child support. I suspect his employment here was a long con on Mr. Winslow. Please have your employer contact his attorneys and make sure that if there are any stipulations in his will for Mason Graves that they be retracted. That's all I want you to tell Mr. Winslow. I will deal with Grunderman myself."

"I knew that butler was no good from the start," Len said.

"I'd like you to help Mr. Winslow interview for a new valet. We'll do a thorough background check on each one and hopefully he won't run into any problems in the future. I need to remind you that your time here is coming to an end."

"What if I wished to stay on?" Len asked.

"You want to talk in that voice for the next decade?"

"It wouldn't bother me in the slightest."

"How are things at home?" I asked.

"The same."

"Listen carefully, Len. This gig is over in a few weeks. You need to move on, and you and Christopher should have a long talk about whatever domestic war is going on here. Got it?"

"Sometimes, Isabel, you are so tiresome."

You know who else found me tiresome? Harvey Grunderman. I drove two hours to Folsom Prison for a personal meeting. Physically, Grunderman was average in every way. Approximately five foot ten, brown hair, brown eyes, even features, no scars or tattoos. He was the perfect physical specimen for a criminal: impossible to describe beyond his averageness. The one thing that set him apart was his overly dignified bearing. He sat straight up, looked you right in the eye, was well groomed, and spoke clearly, though he didn't waste the accent on me. Harvey had the look of civility, even in the orange uniform. That said, there was definitely something uncivil about the look he gave me when I informed him that his services would no longer be required in the Winslow home. (Once he was released, of course.) I then informed Harvey that I would hold off on having Winslow press charges so long as I saw that he was continuing to take care of his cousin, the real Mason Graves.

Harvey tried to play on my sympathies.

"Everything I've done, I've done for Mason," Harvey said in a plain American accent.

"Sell that story to someone else. I'm glad to hear that you decided to break character for your prison time. I think it was a wise decision."

"I'm not so bad," Harvey said, still trying to defend his actions. "I bet you and me aren't so different."

"Trust me. We are. In fact, I've encountered very few people I have things in common with. Listen carefully, Mr. Grunderman: I'll be watching you. Don't do anything stupid."

THE GIFT OF PROBATION.

I didn't want Rae to do time, even in a juvenile facility. She would be destroyed within days. While her will is spectacularly stubborn, her body could withstand only so much abuse. And she would be the ultimate target in an environment where brawn wins out. However, I made it clear that I wanted her to get some serious probation time, and I wanted this infraction on her record. Of course, in a few months it would be expunged, but I needed payback. I think I got it.

The entire family, including the auxiliary members, Maggie and Henry, attended Rae's hearing.

The Honorable Judge Walter Groggins conducted the proceedings. I found great delight in the stern gaze he held on my sister. Even I would have wilted under that stare. Judge Groggins read Rae's verdict: guilty of false imprisonment, which, for an adult, can carry a term of three to five years. The DA met with Henry, the arresting officers, and my parents and negotiated a fair punishment for the act. While I could have filed a civil claim against my sister, my parents had derailed that option by granting my three punitive wishes against Rae (one of which had yet to be realized). And when Judge Groggins read the terms of her probation, it was like a fourth wish had been granted: "Until the age of eighteen, you will volunteer fifteen hours a week at Greenfields, a community organic garden that donates produce to charitable organizations throughout the county."

For some people, gardening is a soothing, fun, spiritually nourishing activity. For my sister, who has never met a vegetable she liked, it would be hell on earth. Hard labor, patience, dirt, produce--all things she loathes--and now she would be spending over 13 percent1 of her waking hours learning how to make things she hated grow. If that isn't justice, I don't know what is.

Rae looked as if she might cry or try to make a run for it across the border. Mom and Dad just seemed relieved that the ordeal was over. Maggie and David kept to themselves, whispering whatever it is that they whispered. Those two could have their secrets so long as they stayed together.