She sat up suddenly, becoming aware of her surroundings. The vaulted halls seemed to lean in on her, each alcove hosting its own stone memorial.

Thalric ...? But he was there. They all were. Strewn around her were three bodies, not dead but not sleeping either. Their eyes were open but unseeing, and they twitched and kicked in the grip of whatever memory or thought was tormenting them. Thalric kept pulling his hands in as though avoiding something, his expression racked and unrecognizable. The other Wasp's fingers flexed over and over as though he was in the midst of loosing his sting. Accius of Vek had an expression only of concentration, moving not at all save for the shivers that pulsed through his muscles. ...? But he was there. They all were. Strewn around her were three bodies, not dead but not sleeping either. Their eyes were open but unseeing, and they twitched and kicked in the grip of whatever memory or thought was tormenting them. Thalric kept pulling his hands in as though avoiding something, his expression racked and unrecognizable. The other Wasp's fingers flexed over and over as though he was in the midst of loosing his sting. Accius of Vek had an expression only of concentration, moving not at all save for the shivers that pulsed through his muscles. And what is he here for? What is his part in all this And what is he here for? What is his part in all this?

She reached a hand out to Thalric, hoping he might wake, but his skin crawled under her touch. I must have been like this but a moment ago, with my mind sent back to the rack in Myna I must have been like this but a moment ago, with my mind sent back to the rack in Myna. What horrors would a Rekef spymaster's memory hold? Felice's children? Surely he relives his murder of her children.

She belatedly became aware that she was being watched, that the three twitching bodies were not her only company. Then she remembered, and her heart skipped and lurched as she looked round.

She was there, looking as though she had been standing there for hours, waiting for Che to wake and as though she could stand there for a hundred years if need be. There was a patience about her that would wear down stone. Elysiath Neptellian, Lady of the Bright Water, She whose Word Breaks all Bonds, Princess of the Thousand, the risen denizen of her own tomb. Her gravity and presence made Che feel as though she should kneel, that the mere existence of this woman was sufficient to make a slave of her. She fought off the feeling angrily, and noticed the faintest movement of the woman's mouth. It was not a smile, for a smile on that face would have been fearsome, but perhaps an iota of approval. was there, looking as though she had been standing there for hours, waiting for Che to wake and as though she could stand there for a hundred years if need be. There was a patience about her that would wear down stone. Elysiath Neptellian, Lady of the Bright Water, She whose Word Breaks all Bonds, Princess of the Thousand, the risen denizen of her own tomb. Her gravity and presence made Che feel as though she should kneel, that the mere existence of this woman was sufficient to make a slave of her. She fought off the feeling angrily, and noticed the faintest movement of the woman's mouth. It was not a smile, for a smile on that face would have been fearsome, but perhaps an iota of approval.

Che hauled herself to her feet, still barely reaching above the woman's waist, then realized that Elysiath Neptellian was not alone. Another gigantic figure had emerged from the gloom, and now walked ponderously to stand at her shoulder. He was a thick-waisted man with a fleshy face that spoke of all manner of terrible deeds, and no guilt at all. A second woman now sat on her own plinth, combing her hair in slow, careful strokes, while ignoring Che utterly. Their hair was magnificent, waves of blue-black that gleamed in the undersea light. Both the women wore it down to the waist, cascading in slow ripples down their backs and, like the men, they were clad in little more than a few folds of cloth. Had they been Beetle-kinden, they would have been fat, had they been any other kinden they would have been grotesque, but they carried their bodies with an absolute a.s.surance, without admitting the possibility of ugliness or awkwardness or shame. They were beautiful, all three, and it was something that partook of their bodies and those cruel faces, but that went far beyond. They were royalty, by their very nature, and Che was the lowest of commoners.

She heard steps behind her, quiet but slow, and the apparition she saw, when she turned, sent her two stumbling steps away from it, almost falling over Thalric. His name surfaced in her mind irresistibly: Garmoth Atennar, Lord of the Fourth House, whose Bounty Exceeds all Expectations, Greatest of Warriors, had woken. He had donned the mail that had sat waiting on his throne through the ages. Armour plates of gleaming green-black and gold slid one over the other, boasting the meticulous craftsmanship of decades. The dark clasp of the open helm framed the pale features of a dead king. He stared down at her with a distant amus.e.m.e.nt, as she herself might have looked at some small animal meandering lost through the rooms of her home.

She tried to speak, but her voice betrayed her, cracking to a mere whisper in the face of them. She finally forced it out, hearing her words tremble. 'You are the Masters of Khanaphes.'

'We are some,' said Elysiath. 'Those that have awoken.' The man's hand rested on her shoulder, while the other woman continued to comb her hair, oblivious. 'You are not one of our slaves, though.' Her eyes regarded Che with arch humour. 'Some few are summoned to us, through some trace of old blood that they carry, or else through their own misplaced curiosity, but you have been called from far places.'

'I ... did not come because I was called,' Che got out.

'That is what many believe.'

There was a sudden gasp from Thalric, lying at her feet, in reaction to some particular stab of torment in his mind. 'What is happening to them?' Che asked. 'What are you doing to them?'

'Testing them.' Garmoth Atennar's voice rang deep and hollow as the halls they stood in. 'A test which they shall doubtless fail, as so many do. A test which you have pa.s.sed, for which you may give thanks and rejoice.'

Che glanced back towards him. In his colossal mail, he was even more frightening and less approachable than the others. There was a sword girded at his belt that must have stood eight feet from point to pommel. 'Please,' she said, crouching by Thalric, 'he will go mad.'

'It is likely,' said Elysiath indifferently. 'Soon it will be certain. That is what awaits those who fail.'

'Will you not ...?' Che's voice trailed off. Of course they will not. Why should they? We are as the smallest insects to them Of course they will not. Why should they? We are as the smallest insects to them.

'We will not stir ourselves to release them from their bonds,' Elysiath told her. 'We will not prevent you from doing so, if you can.'

'Me?' Che demanded, astonishment lending her courage. 'What can I do?'

The huge woman made a face. 'Well, then, perhaps you can do nothing.'

'This is ... magic.' Despite everything it was still hard to say it. 'This is something I know nothing about. There's nothing I can do for them!'

Elysiath glanced at the man by her shoulder, who was looking bored. 'No doubt it is as you say,' she said dismissively.

'But ...' Che looked down at Thalric, locked into his own bespoke nightmare. 'I can't ...' Something inside her was telling her to look, though. Achaeos, help me now Achaeos, help me now, she thought, reaching out. And then: You've ridden me all the way here from Khanaphes. I went up the pyramid because you were there. I've taken you everywhere you wanted, until I looked like a madwoman. Come on, now! You've ridden me all the way here from Khanaphes. I went up the pyramid because you were there. I've taken you everywhere you wanted, until I looked like a madwoman. Come on, now!

She felt the presence then, the ghostly half-sense of another being that had plagued her since the war. What do you want? What do you want? she asked it. she asked it. Just to torment me? Did I escape the nightmare only because I carry my own around with me? Just to torment me? Did I escape the nightmare only because I carry my own around with me?

You torture yourself with me. Not her words, but his, remembered from her dream. She twisted uncomfortably.

Help me now, she told him. If you could ever help me, help me now If you could ever help me, help me now.

She sensed his reaction, his violent disagreement. This man is an enemy! This man is an enemy!

He is a Wasp, not an enemy, she insisted, but she knew he must surely resent Thalric for the feelings she had discovered towards the man. All at once, and spurred by that thought, her patience vanished.

To the pits with you, then. In her mind she did not now see the grey-skinned man that she had loved, just the brooding, bitter, shouting stain on the air that seemed to be all that was left of him. The better parts, the parts that had held her affection, were clearly gone to his grave.

There was a net about Thalric, and she caught hold of it and tore it asunder. Afterwards she could find no words, no language, to account for what she had done. She had simply done it, taken the magic and tugged until it snapped.

It must have been very weak, she thought, But then these victims are Apt, and the weakest of magics can bind the mind that does not credit it. It was weak enough that I could claw my way out from the inside But then these victims are Apt, and the weakest of magics can bind the mind that does not credit it. It was weak enough that I could claw my way out from the inside.

Thalric gasped, kicked out, hands flailing at the sticky ground.

'Calm,' she told him. 'It's Che, Thalric. I'm with you.'

He recoiled from her a moment, and she thought that he had gone mad indeed. Then he clutched at her arm and something of his own character returned to his face.

'Che ...' he began, seeking out her face.

'Thalric!' a voice cried out in utter fury. Che looked to see the other Wasp, Marger, up on his knees, his face twisted in fear and rage. 'Thalric!' he screamed again, throwing one arm towards the two of them, palm outwards. He was too far to restrain, and Thalric just stared at him, still half-numb.

There was a flash of metal, swift enough for Che to think it must be some new form of magic, and Marger's hand was gone, the wrist a moment late in spraying them with his blood. Marger let out a hoa.r.s.e, horrified yell, eyes bulging as he brought the stump close to them, unable to accept what he was seeing. Then Accius struck a second time, running him cleanly through the throat and then whipping the blade free.

All three of them, Che thought hollowly. I woke up all three I woke up all three.

She reached for her sword, forgetting that the last blade she had held had been the Vekken's own, which he must have reclaimed by long habit the moment he awoke. The Antkinden was not focused on either her or Thalric, but staring past them, at the Masters the towering shapes of Elysiath and her two companions. Following his gaze, Thalric looked back also, and Che found it incredible that neither man had even noticed the metal bulk of Garmoth Atennar, who had been right before their eyes, the body of Marger almost at his feet. They stand so still, like statues indeed They stand so still, like statues indeed, she thought. And I see better in these dark places and ... And I see better in these dark places and ...

And I am Inapt now, and so I am of their world.

Thalric swore softly, so she knew that he could see them, the risen Masters. 'What ...?' he got out hoa.r.s.ely.

'Words spoken in these halls leave long echoes,' said Elysiath. 'You do not believe in us, O savage. We are long dead, so you say, if we ever existed.'

'You can't be the Masters,' Thalric sounded dazed.

'Who else are they going to be?' Che demanded.

'But it's impossible, not without half the city knowing that you have what? some underground colony here, where you eat what? And drink what? And keep your numbers up over how long has it been since the Masters were supposed to have ruled Khanaphes?' He was shaking his head wildly in disbelief.

'We still rule,' boomed Garmoth Atennar, and Thalric and the Ant whirled round, separating him from the gloom for the first time as more than just statuary.

'Dead,' stammered Thalric. 'The Masters are dead.' Che put her arms around him, but he continued, 'How long since the Masters were supposed to have walked the streets above?'

'This shall be nine years,' said the man beside Elysiath, 'and forty years. And nine hundred years.'

Che felt Thalric twist in her arms, struggling to his knees. 'Then it cannot be. To have a colony, unseen, unknown, for generation after generation beneath their feet, not even if just the Ministers knew.'

They were smiling now, all of them. Elysiath Neptellian even laughed. It was a resonant, inhuman sound that reminded Che of the stone bells the Moth-kinden sometimes used in their rituals.

'Speak not to us, O savage, of your generations. We are the Masters of Khanaphes, and we have always been so. When we turned away from the sun to seek our rest down here, it was these eyes that looked back one last time, and no other's.'

Thalric stared at her dumbly, plainly not prepared to take up the argument against such invincible a.s.surance, but Che spoke up, as politely as a young student pet.i.tioning some great College scholar. 'You can't be nine hundred years old?'

'I am older, and I am not so old, by my kinden's reckoning.' The perfect mouth curved more sharply. 'There is none left living now who raised the first stones of Khanaphes and taught the Beetle-kinden to think, but those were active times, so we could not sleep then so long as we have since. Still, I remember when I walked our dominion as a queen, and they cast flowers before my feet and turned their faces from me, lest their gaze sully my beauty.'

'Madness,' whispered Thalric, but tears had sprung into Che's eyes at the mere tone of the woman's voice, the ancient longings and memories it contained.

'Still he does not believe. Like all savages, they have minds able to clutch only small pieces of the world held close, blind to the greater whole,' said the man at Elysiath's shoulder. 'But she believes. She has comprehended our glorious city, and seen how there is a missing piece at its heart. She knows now that the missing piece is before her.'

'Yes,' Che breathed. Despite the magnitude of what had been said, she found no doubt remaining within herself at all. Khanaphes had been a city that did not make sense. Only by the addition of some such presence as this could it be made whole. 'But how?' she asked. 'How has it come to this end?'

'This is no end,' Garmoth Atennar rumbled from behind her. 'We merely wait and sleep. We shall arise once more, when our city is ready.'

The absolute certainty in his voice struck a false chord in Che. For the first time she doubted them: not their belief in themselves, but the extent of what they knew. 'I don't understand,' she said. 'Help me understand.'

She thought they would not respond, but the woman who had been combing her hair stood up, stretching luxuriously. 'We shall tell her.'

'Must we?' queried the man. 'I tire of it all.'

'We shall tell her,' said the woman with the comb, firmly. 'Child, I am Lirielle Denethetra, Lady of the Amber Moon, Speaker of Peace, Whose Word Brings Low the Great.' She intoned the litany of her t.i.tles with profound meaning, shrouding each with the shadows of a history that Che could never know of. 'Open your mind, little one.'

'I ... don't know how.' Che said awkwardly. 'I am no magician.' She was aware of Thalric close by her, Accius further away, sword still in hand. When she thought of them, she felt embarra.s.sed by their disbelief, but in the presence of the Masters she found she thought of them less and less.

'It is open as a window,' said the man.

'Then we shall tell you of the cataclysm and doom that came to Khanaphes, and that lies over her still,' said Lirielle Denethetra. 'The tale begins before even we ourselves remember, many thousands of years before the founding of our city, or any city.'

Colours began to rise in Che's mind, swirling and dancing, acc.u.mulating into hazy images, viewed as through warped gla.s.s. She saw a landscape unrecognizable, green and forested. She saw great plains where beetles grazed between the spires of soaring anthills. She saw no walls, no evidence of the hand of man. She saw other beasts, monstrous things with hair, horrible to behold, that she had never seen the like of in all her waking life.

The voice of Elysiath continued in her mind, saying: 'Such was the world before even we had arisen to walk in it. So stood the world when the Pact was made and the Art was born, but the world was new formed, and not set in its ways.'

'There was a great catastrophe, in the spring of time,' Lirielle's voice now took over. 'We have peered back, and divined as best we could, yet know not the cause. Perhaps there was no other cause, save for the mysterious slow workings of the earth, which moved and fell, and made the lands we know today.' The images in Che's mind blurred and shifted. She had a sense of a great sliding and slumping, a shuddering that seemed to rend apart the entire world. She saw whole lands fall into the sea, then the sea roll back to steal even more of the earth. She saw plains riven in two, the higher broken from the lower by a great sheer cliff. Is that the Lowlands I see? The Commonweal and the Barrier Ridge? Is that the Lowlands I see? The Commonweal and the Barrier Ridge?

'And the people were sore afraid,' Elysiath told her. 'Small wonder that only those tribes who might truly influence the world must step forth to take mastery of it. Mere crafting and making would not suffice, in order to live through those terrible times. So we would come into our estate, and so, later, would come the others in their distant lands. Still, none were so great as we.'

'All long ago and before even our time, and it was long before we came to understand it,' added the unnamed man. 'But it was to dominate our world nonetheless. This is later, though, much later.' There was a city now being built, Che saw in her mind. The people were stocky and brown, like her. At first there was merely a small town on the banks of a river, the dense forest surrounding it being cut back for farmland. Then she saw stone walls raised. There were suggestions of battles with the denizens of the forest, and those of the plains beyond. She saw her kinfolk victorious, and saw great figures standing at their head, pale and slow but mighty in their sorcery. 'These come from my great-grandfather, these scenes before my own time. Your people had not yet gone east to serve the Moths. There is no Pathis, no Solarno. The Spider-kinden live in caves and fight each other for sc.r.a.ps.'

Too much, too much, thought Che, but they were merciless in imparting their knowledge, and she was sure that, for every word said, ten thousand remained silent. She was being given only the gloss, a thin veneer of a deep history that she sensed yawning like an abyss at her feet.

'We raised the first walls,' Elysiath said proudly. 'We first placed stone upon stone. We were the first first of all the kinden of the world to know civilization.' Even as she spoke, so the city of Khanaphes took shape. of all the kinden of the world to know civilization.' Even as she spoke, so the city of Khanaphes took shape. But on what river? But on what river? The marshes of the estuary segued into lush forest. The fields were green and bountiful beyond the dreams of the farmers Che had seen along the Jamail. Beyond the forests extended vast plains of gra.s.sland where the Khanaphir drove back the nomad tribes, to install their own horses and goats and aphids, to build their further towns. The marshes of the estuary segued into lush forest. The fields were green and bountiful beyond the dreams of the farmers Che had seen along the Jamail. Beyond the forests extended vast plains of gra.s.sland where the Khanaphir drove back the nomad tribes, to install their own horses and goats and aphids, to build their further towns. Did they move the city because of some horror? How could this be? Did they move the city because of some horror? How could this be? They did not hear her questions, seeming absorbed in their own histories. 'So we grew great and greater,' Elysiath Neptellian affirmed. 'So the centuries pa.s.sed by, of majesty and expansion. So our teachers walked the paths of the world, and we brought many kinden the benefits of our just rule. So we made colonies elsewhere, even as far east as the Land of the Lake. In that way we met others who had a.s.sumed the mantle of rulers, and we received their tribute and taught them much, for they had much to learn. We were attaining our full grandeur, the very heights of our power.' They did not hear her questions, seeming absorbed in their own histories. 'So we grew great and greater,' Elysiath Neptellian affirmed. 'So the centuries pa.s.sed by, of majesty and expansion. So our teachers walked the paths of the world, and we brought many kinden the benefits of our just rule. So we made colonies elsewhere, even as far east as the Land of the Lake. In that way we met others who had a.s.sumed the mantle of rulers, and we received their tribute and taught them much, for they had much to learn. We were attaining our full grandeur, the very heights of our power.'

'And yet all was not well,' said Lirielle sadly, and Che felt a cold wind of grief and loss wash over her. 'For, even as our power grew, the land itself was betraying us. That ancient sundering was still at work. Decade to decade, century to century, the land gave back less. The forests succ.u.mbed not to the axe but to time, the gra.s.slands withered, rivers dried. The patterns of wind and weather had been broken all those ages before, and the land was still changing to catch up. Our greatest sorcerers looked into the past and the future and saw that, despite all we had built, our land would grow only drier and drier, until the plains became a barren desert littered with the skulls of our cities, until the forests had retreated back to the sheltered Alim, until only the loyal river Jamail traced a trail of green through the barren land.' Che saw it all evolve in her mind, the encroaching desolation. She saw the desert rise from the heart of the plains like a devouring monster. And what did the Lowlands look like, once? Was it once green, as well? And will it, too, become a desert? And what did the Lowlands look like, once? Was it once green, as well? And will it, too, become a desert?

'We spent many decades in debate over what might be done,' came the man's voice again. 'We put off the inevitable. Our dominion declined, became less and less, the borders shrinking until only our sacred city remained of it. We would not believe that all we had built must come to an end. It was bitter for us.' And Che felt the bitterness: his words resounded with it. 'We, who had been masters of the earth, were yet become victims of time. As the land became drier, we could not bear to remain. Our skins cracked under the sun, so we became things of the night, and then of the earth's depths. We knew we could no longer remain amongst our subjects.'

'Yet we would not abandon them.' Elysiath said. 'So we had them build this place, where we would sleep, and from which we could still work our magics: our great ritual that has been nine hundred years in the making and may last a thousand more for all we know. And we selected those that bore a trace of our blood, or those that were most open to us, and made them our chief servants, and their children, and their children's children, so that they would be able to preserve our ways, and not fall into evil. Even then, our servants were gradually drifting from away us, falling into the error that has now claimed almost all of their kind. Which is why we have some interest, little child, in you.'

'Me?' Che started. She felt Thalric move beside her, and realized that, for him, her voice was the only one to have spoken out loud. The rest that incredible history had been played out in her head alone. It is best that way It is best that way. 'But I'm not of your blood, or the Ministers' blood, whatever you mean.'

Elysiath eyed her pityingly. 'Of course you are not. Do not make the mistake of our servants, who believe it is merely a bloodline that we value. No, it is the ability to hear our call, to hear the old ways. You are of more use to us than all the Ministers this last century has seen. You alone have been purified of the taint of recent years.'

She saw understanding of a sort in Thalric's face. I'm Inapt, yes. So what? I'm Inapt, yes. So what? But she did know what. It did not just mean she could no longer use a crossbow or turn a key in a lock. It meant that she saw the world differently. Her mind could stretch to different shapes. But she did know what. It did not just mean she could no longer use a crossbow or turn a key in a lock. It meant that she saw the world differently. Her mind could stretch to different shapes.

'We called to you as we call to all those with ears to hear. Some of them come to us as we lie dreaming. Few indeed pa.s.s our tests.'

A dark thought occurred to Che. 'Kadro,' she murmured, 'the Fly-kinden from Collegium, he went missing.'

'He was curious.' The man at Elysiath's shoulder nodded. 'He had begun to understand. So we called to him. We even met him at the pyramid's summit. Sometimes, when we awake, we miss the sky, even though it is only the stars of a cool night that we can endure.'

'He failed the tests,' stated Garmoth Atennar flatly, 'and his companion took her own life rather than attempt them.'

A shock of anger went through Che, and she took an involuntary step towards the armoured giant, though minuscule in the face of him. 'You killed them!'

'We?' He looked down on her with faint derision. 'We who have the power of life and death, and whose inescapable rule stretches from horizon to horizon?' She met his eyes then, but his stern face beat her down. There was no admission, in that expression, of any kinship or shared humanity. He was the Master, she a servant, the divisions of the world from before the revolution. She wanted to shout and rage at him, but that reaction would have been as incomprehensible to Garmoth Atennar as the Masters' history would be to Thalric. A Fly and a Beetle were dead, two scholars of the College and, to the immortal Masters, it was as though they had been no more than a beetle, a fly, crushed unknowingly underfoot.

'And me?' she asked.

'You have pa.s.sed our tests,' Elysiath said. 'You have heard our call. From your distant home you sought us out, and now that challenge is behind you, and you stand before us as a supplicant. Now reveal what you would have of us.'

Che stared at them, and she was distantly aware of Thalric's murmur, 'Be very, very careful what you ask.' It was a needless warning. 'I was sent here by my uncle,' she said. 'As an amba.s.sador.'

Elysiath laughed again. It was a beautiful sound, but cold as winter. 'You may have believed that once,' she said. 'Do you still?'

'I ...' Che stopped, feeling the world around her totter. Do I? No, Stenwold sent me. There was ... I had reasons to investigate an Inapt Beetle city ...There is a perfectly rational explanation for my being here Do I? No, Stenwold sent me. There was ... I had reasons to investigate an Inapt Beetle city ...There is a perfectly rational explanation for my being here. But she found that she did not believe it, not standing before them now. And you, Achaeos, you lured me here, to this place. You have pulled my strings all the way, as well as tormenting my nights And you, Achaeos, you lured me here, to this place. You have pulled my strings all the way, as well as tormenting my nights.

Achaeos, since you died you've not been the man I knew.

'I had a guide, to lead me here,' she confessed slowly. 'I ... am haunted.'

'We see him,' Lirielle said. 'He stands at your shoulder. Have you come this far to be rid of him?'

To be rid of him? Her breath caught in her throat. This final confirmation that what afflicted her was more than just a madness crawling inside her brain sent a shock through her. More than that was her instinctive recoil from the offer. Her breath caught in her throat. This final confirmation that what afflicted her was more than just a madness crawling inside her brain sent a shock through her. More than that was her instinctive recoil from the offer. But it's Achaeos ... But it's Achaeos ... She saw his lost, loved face again in her mind. She saw his lost, loved face again in her mind. My poor Achaeos. I can't just discard him like a cape My poor Achaeos. I can't just discard him like a cape. But then she thought of the ghost, not the man: that lurking, looming grey stain with its continuous demands.

'How?' she asked.

'We need only lend it a little strength,' Lirielle explained. 'It is too weak to exist apart from you now, therefore it leans on you like a sick man. We shall help it to stand alone, then it will be about its business and you shall be rid of it.'

'But what if I am am its business?' Che demanded. its business?' Che demanded.

Lirielle's expression suggested that this entire conversation was now boring her. She went back to combing her hair.

Che could feel the ghost hovering close, invisible to her but still present. She recalled the Marsh, suddenly: its dragging her towards the Mantis icon, and its shrieking denunciation of the Marsh people, how they had let the old ways lapse so far. Power: it was looking for magic, and why else if not to free itself? Power: it was looking for magic, and why else if not to free itself? She should have considered more that he might want to be free from her, as much as she wanted to be free from him. She should have considered more that he might want to be free from her, as much as she wanted to be free from him.

She did want to be free from him.

'Please,' she said, 'do it.'

'Che ...' Thalric was reaching out, but she shook him off.

'Do it,' she said again, grasping her courage with both hands.