Often when I have been making towards the promise, John 6:30, I have seen as if the Lord would refuse my soul for ever; I was often as if I had run upon the pikes, and as if the Lord had thrust at me, to keep me from him, as with a flaming sword. Then would I think of Esther, who went to pet.i.tion the king contrary to the law. I thought also of Benhadad's servants, who went with ropes upon their heads to their enemies for mercy. The woman of Canaan also, that would not be daunted though called a DOG by Christ, and the man that went to borrow bread at midnight, were also great encouragements unto me.

I never saw such heights and depths in grace and love and mercy, as I saw after this temptation. Great sins draw out great grace; and where guilt is most terrible and fierce, there the mercy of G.o.d in Christ, when showed to the soul, appears most high and mighty. When Job had pa.s.sed through his calamity, he had twice as much as he had before. Blessed be G.o.d for Jesus Christ our Lord.

If ever Satan and I did strive for any word of G.o.d in all my life, it was for this good word of Christ: "Him that cometh to me, I will in nowise cast out;" he at one end, and I at the other. Oh, what work we made. It was for this, in John.6:30, I say, that we did so tug and strive: he pulled, and I pulled; but, G.o.d be praised, I overcame him and got sweetness from it.

I prayed to G.o.d, in prison, that he would comfort me, and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort appeared, but all continued hid. I was also at this time so really possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if on the ladder with a rope about my neck: only this was some encouragement to me: I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words unto a mult.i.tude, which I supposed would come to see me die; and thought I, if it must be so, if G.o.d will but convert one soul by my last words, I shall not count my life thrown away nor lost.

But yet all the things of G.o.d were kept out of my sight, and still the tempter followed me with, But whither must you go when you die?

What will become of you? Where will you be found in another world?

What evidence have you for heaven and glory, and an inheritance among them that are sanctified? Thus was I tossed for many weeks, and knew not what to do; at last, this consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was for the word and way of G.o.d that I was in this condition; wherefore, I was engaged not to flinch a hair's breadth from it.

I thought, also, that G.o.d might choose whether he would give me comfort now, or at the hour of death; but I might not therefore choose whether I would hold my profession or no. I was bound, but he was free: yea, it was my duty to stand to his word, whether he would ever look upon me, or save me at the last. Wherefore, thought I, the point being thus, I am for going on and venturing my eternal state with Christ, whether I have comfort here or no: if G.o.d doth not come in, thought I, I will leap off the ladder even blindfold into eternity, sink or swim, come heaven come h.e.l.l. Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do; if not, I will venture for thy name.

Before I had got thus far out of these my temptations, I did greatly long to see some ancient G.o.dly man's experience, who had writ some hundreds of years before I was born; for those who had writ in our days, I thought--but I desire them now to pardon me--that they had writ only that which others felt; or else had, through the strength of their wits and parts, studied to answer such objections as they perceived others were perplexed with, without going themselves down into the deep. Well, after many such longings in my mind, the G.o.d in whose hands are all our days and ways, did cast into my hand one day a book of Martin Luther's: it was his Comment on the Galatians; it was also so old that it was ready to fall piece from piece, if I did but turn it over. Now I was pleased much that such an old book had fallen into my hands; the which when I had but a little way perused, I found my condition in his experience so largely and profoundly handled, as if this book had been written out of my heart. This made me marvel; for thus thought I, this man could not know any thing of the state of Christians now, but must needs write and speak the experience of former days.

Besides, he doth most gravely also, in that book, debate of the rise of these temptations, namely, blasphemy, desperation, and the like; showing that the law of Moses, as well as the devil, death, and h.e.l.l, hath a very great hand therein: the which, at first, was very strange to me; but considering and watching, I found it so indeed.

But of particulars here I intend nothing; only this methinks I must let fall before all men, I do prefer this book of Martin Luther upon the Galatians, excepting the Holy Bible, before all the books that ever I have seen, as most fit for a wounded conscience.

XVI. SECURITY OF CHRISTIANS.

Christians, were you awake, here would be matter of wonder to you, to see a man a.s.saulted with all the power of h.e.l.l, and yet come off a conqueror. Is it not a wonder to see a poor creature, who in himself is weaker than the moth, stand against and overcome all devils, all the world, all his l.u.s.ts and corruptions? Or if he fall, is it not a wonder to see him, when devils and guilt are upon him, rise again, stand upon his feet again, walk with G.o.d again, and persevere after all this in the faith and holiness of the gospel? He that knows himself, wonders; he that knows temptation, wonders; he that knows what falls and guilt mean, wonders: indeed, perseverance is a wonderful thing and is managed by the power of G.o.d; for he only "is able to keep us from falling, and to present us faultless before the presence of his glory, with exceeding joy."

He that is saved must, when this world can hold him no longer, have a safe conduct to heaven; for that is the place where they that are saved must to the full enjoy their salvation. Here we are saved by faith and hope of glory; but there we that are saved shall enjoy the end of our faith, and hope, even the salvation of our souls.

But now for a poor creature to be brought thither, this is the life of the point. But how shall I come thither? There are heights and depths to hinder. Rom. 8:38, 39. Suppose the poor Christian is upon a sick-bed, beset with a thousand fears, and ten thousand at the end of that--sick-bed fears, and they are sometimes dreadful ones: fears that are begotten by the review of the sin perhaps of forty years' profession--fears that are begotten by fearful suggestions of the devil, the sight of death and the grave, and it may be of h.e.l.l itself--fears that are begotten by the withdrawing and silence of G.o.d and Christ. But now, out of all these the Lord will save his people; not one sin, nor fear, nor devil shall hinder, nor the grave nor h.e.l.l disappoint thee. But how must this be? Why, thou must have a safe conduct to heaven. What conduct? A conduct of angels. "Are they not all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them that shall be heirs of salvation?"

These angels therefore are not to fail them that are saved, but must, as commissioned of G.o.d, come down from heaven to do this office for them. They must come, I say, and take the care of our souls, to conduct them safely into Abraham's bosom. It is not our meanness in the world, nor our weakness of faith, that shall hinder this; nor shall the loathsomeness of our diseases make these delicate spirits shy of taking this charge upon them. Lazarus the beggar found this a truth--a beggar so despised of the rich glutton that he was not suffered to come within his gate; a beggar full of sores and noisome putrefaction--yet behold, when he dies angels come from heaven to fetch him thither.

True, death-bed temptations are ofttimes the most violent, because then the devil plays his last game with us; he is never to a.s.sault us more. Besides, perhaps G.o.d suffereth it thus to be that the entering into heaven may be the sweeter, and ring of this salvation the louder. O it is a blessed thing for G.o.d to be our G.o.d and our guide, even unto death, and then for his angels to conduct us safely to glory. This is saving indeed.

Mercy seems to be asleep when we are sinking; for then we are as if all things were careless of us; but it is but as a lion couchant, it will awake in time for our help.

There are those that have been in the pit, Psa. 40:2, now upon mount Zion, with the harps of G.o.d in their hands, and with the song of the Lamb in their mouths.

G.o.d hath set a Saviour against sin, a heaven against a h.e.l.l, light agamst darkness, good against evil, and the breadth and length and depth and height of the grace that is in himself for my good, against all the power and strength and subtlety of every enemy.

Is it not a thing amazing, to see one poor inconsiderable man, in a spirit of faith and patience, overcome all the threatenings, cruelties, afflictions, and sorrows that a whole world can lay upon him? None can quail him, none can crush him, none can bend down his spirit; none can make him forsake what he has received of G.o.d, a commandment to hold fast. His holy, harmless, and profitable notions, because they are spiced with grace, yield to him more comfort, joy, and peace; and do kindle in his soul a goodly fire of love to and zeal for G.o.d that all the waters of the world shall never be able to quench.

Now, a creation none can destroy but a creator, wherefore, here is comfort. But again, G.o.d hath created us in Christ Jesus; that's another thing. The sun is created in the heavens; the stars are created in the heavens; the moon is created in the heavens. Who can reach them, touch them, destroy them, but the Creator? Why, this is the case of the saint, because he has to do with a Creator: he is fastened to Christ, yea, is in him by an act of creation. So that unless Christ and the creation of the Holy Ghost can be destroyed, he is safe that is suffering according to the will of G.o.d, and that hath committed the keeping of his soul to him in well-doing, as unto a faithful Creator.

The strife is now, Who shall be Lord of all: whether Satan the prince of this world, or Christ Jesus the Son of G.o.d; or which can lay the best claim to G.o.d's elect, he that produces their sins against them, or he that laid down his heart's blood a price of redemption for them. Who then shall condemn, when Christ has died and does also make intercession?

Stand still, angels, and behold how the Father divides his Son a "portion with the great," and how he "divides the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors, and did bear the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors." The grace of G.o.d and the blood of Christ will, before the end of the world, make brave work among the sons of men. They shall come for a wonderment to G.o.d by Christ, and--be saved for a wonderment for Christ's sake."

Behold, these shall come from far; and lo, these from the north and from the west, and these from the land of Sinim."

"What man is he that feareth the Lord?" says David; "him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose."

Now, to be taught of G.o.d, what is like it? Yea, what is like being taught in the way that them shalt choose? Thou hast chosen the way to life, G.o.d's way; hut perhaps thy ignorance about; it is so great, and those that tempt thee to turn aside are so many and so subtle, that, they seem to outwit thee and confound thee with their guile.

Well, but the Lord whom thou fearest will not leave thee to thy ignorance, nor yet to thine enemies' power or subtlety, but will take it upon himself to be thy teacher and thy guide, and that in the way that thou hast chosen. Hear, then, and beliold thy privilege, O thou that fearest the Lord; and--whoever wanders, turns aside, and swerveth from the way of salvation, whoever is benighted and lost in the midst of darkness--thou shalt find the way to heaven and the glory that thou hast chosen.

There is between those that have taken sanctuary in Christ, and the bottomless pit, an invincible and mighty wall of grace and heavenly power, and of the merits of Christ to save to the utmost all and every one that are thus fled to him for safety.

Oh, how my soul did at this time [while in spiritual darkness] prize the preservation that G.o.d did set about his people. Ah, how safely did I see them walk whom G.o.d had hedged in. Now did those blessed places that spake of G.o.d's keeping his people, shine like the sun before me, though not to comfort me, yet to show me the blessed state and heritage of those whom the Lord had blessed. Now I saw that as G.o.d had his hand in all the providences and dispensations that overtake his elect, so he had his hand in all the temptations that they had to sin against him; not to animate them in wickedness, but to choose their temptations and troubles for them, and also to leave them for a time to such things only as might not destroy, but humble them--as might not put them beyond, but lay them in the way of the renewing of his mercy. But Oh, what love, what care, what kindness and mercy did I now see, mixing itself with the most severe and dreadful of all G.o.d's ways to his people! He would let David, Hezekiah, Solomon, Peter, and others fall; but he would not let them fall into the sin unpardonable, nor into h.e.l.l for sin. O, thought I, these be the men that G.o.d hath loved--these be the men that G.o.d, though he chastiseth them, keeps in safety by him, and whom he makes to abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Surely his salvation, his saving, pardoning grace, is nigh them that fear him; that is, to save them out of the hand of their spiritual enemies. The devil and sin and death do always wait even to devour them that fear the Lord; but to deliver them from these, his salvation doth attend them. So, then, if Satan tempts, here is their salvation nigh; if sin by breaking forth beguiles them, here is G.o.d's salvation nigh them; yea, if death itself shall suddenly seize upon them, why, here is their G.o.d's salvation nigh them.

I have seen that great men's little children must go no whither without their nurses be at hand. If they go abroad, their nurses must go with them; if they go to meals, their nurses must go with them; if they go to bed, their nurses must go with them; yea,--and if they fall asleep, their nurses must stand by them.

O, my brethren, those little ones that fear the Lord are the children of the highest; therefore they shall not walk alone, be at their spiritual meats alone, go to their sick-beds or to their graves alone: the salvation of their G.o.d is nigh them, to deliver them from the evil. This is then the glory that dwells in the land of them that fear the Lord.

"He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him." Where now is the man that feareth the Lord? let him hearken to this. "What sayest thou, poor soul? Will this content thee? the Lord fulfil thy desires. O thou that fearest the Lord, what is thy desire? "All my desire," says David, "is all my salvation;" so sayest thou, "All my salvation is all my desire?" Well, the desire of thy soul is granted thee; yea, G.o.d himself hath engaged himself even to fulfil this thy desire. "He will fulfil the desires of them that fear him; he will hear their cry, and will save them." O this desire, when it cometh, what "a tree of life" will it be to thee! Thou desirest to be rid of thy present trouble; the Lord shall rid thee out of trouble. Thou desirest to be delivered from temptation; the Lord shall deliver thee out of temptation. Thou desirest to be delivered from thy body of death; and the Lord shall change this thy vile body, that it may be like to his glorious body. Thou desirest to be in the presence of G.o.d, and among the angels in heaven; this thy desire also shall be fulfilled, and thou shalt be made equal to the angels. Exod. 6:6; 2 Peter, 2:9; Phil. 3:20, 21; Luke 16:22; 26:35, 36. "Oh, but it is long first." Well, learn first to live upon thy portion in the promise of it, and that will make thy expectation of it sweet. G.o.d will fulfil thy desires; G.o.d will do it, though it tarry long: Wait for it, because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

XVII. THE PROMISES.

G.o.d hath strewed all the way from the gate of h.e.l.l where thou wast, coming sinner, to the gate of heaven whither thou art going, with flowers out of his own garden. Behold how the promises, invitations, calls, and encouragements, like lilies, lie about thee. Take heed thou dost not tread them under foot.

You say you believe the Scriptures to be the word of G.o.d. I say, Wert thou ever quickened from a dead state by the power of the Spirit of Christ through the covenant of promise? I tell thee from the Lord, if thou hast been, thou hast felt such a quickening power in the words of Christ, that thou hast been lifted out of the dead condition thou before wert in; and that when thou wast under the guilt of sin, the curse of the law, the power of the devil, and the justice of the great G.o.d, thou hast been enabled by the power of G.o.d in Christ, revealed to thee by the Spirit through and by the Scripture, to look sin, death, h.e.l.l, the devil, and the law, and all things that are at enmity with thee, with boldness and comfort in the face, through the blood, death, resurrection, and intercession of Christ, made mention of in the Scriptures.

On this account, O how excellent are the Scriptures to thy soul! O how much virtue dost thou see in such a promise, in such an invitation! They are so large as to say, Christ will in nowise cast me out. My crimson sins shall be as white as snow.

I tell thee, friend, there are some promises through and by which the Lord has helped me to lay hold of Jesus Christ, that I would not have out of the Bible for as much gold and silver as can lie between York and London piled up to the stars; because through them Christ is pleased by his Spirit to convey comfort to my soul. I say, when the law curses, when the devil tempts, when h.e.l.l-fire flames in my conscience, my sins with the guilt of them tearing of me, then is Christ revealed so sweetly to my poor soul through the promises, that all is forced to fly and leave off to accuse my soul. So also when the world frowns, when the enemies rage and threaten to kill me, then also the precious promises do weigh down all, and comfort the soul against all.

The grace of G.o.d and the Spirit of grace are called or compared to a river, to answer those unsatiable desires, and to wash away those mountainous doubts, that attend those who indeed do thirst for that drink. The man that thirsteth with spiritual thirst, fears nothing more than that there is not enough to quench his thirst: all the promises and sayings of G.o.d's ministers to such a man, seem but as thimbles instead of bowls: I mean, so long as his thirst and doubts walk hand in hand together. There is not enough in this promise, I find not enough in that promise, to quench the drought of my thirsting soul. He that thirsteth aright, nothing but G.o.d can quench his thirst. "My soul thirsteth for G.o.d, for the living G.o.d." Psalm 43:2; 63:1; 143:6. Well, what shall he done for this man? Will his G.o.d humor him, and answer his desires? Mark what follows: "When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none"--when all the promises seem to be dry, and like clouds that return after the rain--"and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the Lord will hear them, I the G.o.d of Israel will not forsake them." Aye, but, Lord, what wilt thou do to quench their thirst? "I will open rivers," saith he, "in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water."

Behold, here are rivers and fountains, a pool and springs, and all to quench the thirst of them that thirst for G.o.d.

What greater argument to holiness, than to see the scriptures so furnished with promises of grace and salvation by Christ, that a man can hardly cast his eye into the Bible but he espies one or another of them? Who would not live in such a house, or he a servant to such a prince; who, besides his exceeding in good conditions, has gold and silver as common in his palace as stones are by the highway side?

It sometimes so falleth out, that the very promise we have thought could not reach us to comfort us by any means, has at another time swallowed us up with joy unspeakable: Christ the true prophet has the right understanding of the word as an Advocate, has pleaded it before G.o.d against Satan; and having overcome him at the common law, he has sent to let us know it by his good Spirit, to our comfort and the confusion of our enemies.