"I'm on my way. Don't worry, Annie Kate. I'll be there in a minute. Call the doctor. I'm coming."

I ran back into the living room and looked for the Bear. I bumped into a queenly, gray-haired woman and almost knocked her to the floor. I had met her before and disliked her on sight. She had three or four unpronounceable Huguenot names and she played the role of grande dame murderously. I excused myself and felt her stare withering the hairs on my neck.

Colonel and Mrs. Berrineau were talking to a group of men and women unknown to me. Some of the men wore Institute rings. It was a reflex of mine to check men's hands to see if they wore the ring.

"Colonel, may I see you for a minute? It's urgent, sir."

"Of course, Bubba," he said as he turned toward the group with whom he had been speaking. "Pardon me, sir. Pardon me, madam."

I hurried him to the verandah, and looking toward the door to make sure no one was listening, I said, "Colonel, I need a favor. I've never asked you for one, but I need one now."

"What is it, Bubba? I can't grant it or refuse it until I know what it is."

"Colonel, I'm not coming in tonight. I've got to break barracks."

"Sorry, Bubba, I have to cut you on that one."

"Bear, listen, please. There's a girl I know. She just went into labor. I just received a phone call. Her mother's drunk and can't drive her to the hospital. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I swear it's true."

"You swear by the Code, Bubba?" he said, fixing me with his large, serious eyes.

"I swear it, Colonel."

"Then get going, Bubba. That little girl needs you. I'll cover for you."

"Thanks, Colonel."

"Hurry, Bubba," he ordered. "Move it, boy. Move it. But remember. You'll have to pay the Bear."

"I know, Colonel. I knew that when I asked," I said, already running toward my car.

Chapter Thirty-two.

I have driven a car faster than I drove that night, but not in a city. I was going a hundred as I crossed the Cooper River Bridge. I passed through Mount Pleasant at eighty and did not even slow down for the stop sign at Middle Street when I reached Sullivan's Island.

She was waiting for me on the back porch in her raincoat. She walked toward the car, and I leaped out and helped her through the other door.

"Is it bad?" I asked.

"Bad," she said. "Will you get my suitcase, Will? The doctor will meet us at the emergency room at Roper."

"You won't believe how quick we'll be there," I assured her.

Running up to the back porch, I retrieved the small yellow suitcase and saw Mrs. Gervais unconscious, her head lying against the kitchen table, her mouth open.

Then I was in the car again, moving swiftly down the center of the island, slowing for the turn, and flooring it as I headed across the causeway between Sullivan's Island and Mount Pleasant. Annie Kate leaned against me, holding my arm tightly. I knew when the contractions came because her fingers dug into my arm and I could judge both the intervals and duration of the contractions by the pressure of her hands. I went through two red lights and was doing ninety as I passed Shem Creek and glimpsed the lights of Charleston to my left.

"Where are all the cops?" I said. "I'm breaking the law. I want a cop and I can't find one."

"Hurry, Will," she said, and I felt her fingers digging in again. Her head was against my shoulder and I was in love with her.

"Annie Kate," I said as we sped to the heights of the Cooper River Bridge, "everything's going to be all right. It's going to be over in just a little while. But I want you to know that I love you and I meant everything I said. If you decide to keep the baby, you and I can get married secretly. If you decide to give it up for adoption, I still love you and still want to marry you."

She did not answer but stiffened convulsively as one of the contractions hit her.

The doctor was waiting for us at the emergency room. He was an old, distinguished man. He had the proud, melancholy face one associated with Confederate veterans and looked old enough to have fired on Fort Sumter.

An attendant put Annie Kate into a wheelchair and I did not have time to say good bye to her. The doctor looked at me with contempt and refused to shake my hand. I was confused until I realized he must have thought I was the one who had gotten Annie Kate pregnant.

The doctor took the suitcase and disappeared into the swinging doors that led to the emergency room. By the time I parked the car, there was only the attendant in the room, reading a magazine beneath a small, inadequate lamp.

"Where's the delivery room?" I asked.

"Third floor," he said without looking up.

"Can I go into the waiting room?"

"If you've got something to wait for."

"That girl. That woman that you just got out of the car. She's my wife. She's having my baby. I figured there must be a waiting room somewhere," I said.

"This must be your first."

"Yes, sir."

"Turn to your right when you get off the elevator. You'll see the signs, Daddy," the man said. "Bring me a cigar after the baby's born."

I sat in the empty, depressing waiting room with its torn calendars, Coke machines, and vinyl furniture for over an hour. I saw no one, not even a nurse. Once I thought I heard a baby's cry, but I was not certain and it could have been my imagination. There were things I had wanted to say to Annie Kate that I had not said. I relived the drive from the beach house to Roper in my mind. I said loving, wonderful things to Annie Kate. I acted like a man instead of a scared boy. My strength gave her strength. She whispered that she would marry me and that we would keep the child. I would be a father, at last. And I thought as I sat there that I could explain much of my conduct by referring to my enormous desire to protect, to nurture, and to father. To father. I loved that infinitive. I loved it.

The two green doors opened suddenly, and the doctor, dressed now in white, walked out. His eyes were down but his face was grim and judgmental. He walked toward me and the walk seemed endless and dreamlike.

"The baby?" I asked.

"The baby is dead," the doctor answered. "The umbilical cord wrapped three times around its throat. It was as if the child was hung from a tree and strangled a little bit at a time. You not only don't have to worry about marrying the mother, son, you don't even have to worry about the guilt of putting the child up for adoption."

And the doctor, an old friend of the family, well known in Charleston for his discretion, turned and walked back through the green doors.

I do not know how long I stood there or how I got back to the barracks.

Chapter Thirty three.

The next week I paid the Bear. "Paying the Bear" was an underground term in the Corps of Cadets. Whenever the Colonel did a cadet a favor by circumventing the rules of the Blue Book, that cadet would receive demerits in a punishment order for acts he did not commit. It was a private matter between the cadet and the Bear, and no one else in the Commandant's Department or the administration knew anything about it. It was an imperfect system of reparation and indemnity, but it was a secret and highly venerated law of the Corps. Because he covered for me when I missed the all-in check in the barracks, I had to pay the Bear. He restricted me to campus for a week and made me walk five tours on the second battalion quadrangle.

I tried to call Annie Kate at the hospital, but there was no one by that name among the maternity patients. For a week I tried to call Mrs. Gervais to tell her that I was restricted and could not go to see Annie Kate. No one answered the phone at the beach house or the house in town. I wrote four letters and received no replies to any of them. Each night, I waited in my room for someone to call me in the guardroom, but no one ever did.

It was seven days before I could leave the campus again. I drove out to Sullivan's Island, but the house was locked up and deserted. I returned to the city and drove to their house South of Broad. I knocked at the front door and Annie Kate answered it. She looked surprised to see me.

"Hi," I said. "I haven't heard from you in a while."

She was dressed in a sweater and skirt and looked perfectly lovely framed in the light by the door. I felt threatened that she was no longer pregnant and no longer needed me. I was shy before her beauty and her leanness.

"I've been busy packing and seeing some of my Charleston friends," she answered.

"Don't they think you're in California?"

"I'm on spring break. Everyone knows that California colleges have their vacations at odd times."

"I didn't know that," I said, noticing that she had not invited me inside.

"Now you do, Will," she said coldly.

"I almost didn't recognize you without your raincoat," I said, trying to make a joke.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," she said.

"How are you feeling?"

"Very well, thank you," she answered politely. "How are you feeling?"

"My feet are a little sore. I was restricted for a while after that night. I had to walk tours," I said.

"That's what you get for going to a silly military school."

"Yeh, I know."

"What else is new?" she asked.

"Nothing," I answered. "How about with you?"

"I'm going to California for real tomorrow," she said. "I'll be taking some courses this last quarter and an overload during the summer session to help catch up."

"No kidding," I said, trying to think of some way to knock down the terrible barriers that had sprung up between us. "Maybe I'll get out that way this summer and come see you."

"No, I don't think that would be such a good idea."

"Why? I've always wanted to see California," I said.

"You can see California without seeing me."

"It would be more fun with you," I said.

"That's just not a very good idea, Will. Maybe I'll see you when I get back for Christmas next year."

"That would really be nice, Annie Kate. What's your address? I don't know where I'll be yet, but I'll write you some letters and let you know what's happening in the holy city!"

"Oh, that won't be necessary. Mother will tell me everything that's important. Next year will be a very big year for me. It's the start of my debutante season, you know. There will be hundreds of parties to attend before I'm presented at the St. Cecilia's ball."

"I'll bet you look beautiful that night," I said.

"I can assure you of that," she said, studying her nails. "Maybe I'll send you a picture."

"Maybe you'll need an escort," I said.

"Oh, that will be taken care of, Will. They've been doing these things for hundreds of years. It's the oldest, most prestigious ball in the country."

"It'll be something," I agreed. "I've never seen a debutante ball."

"Of course you haven't. Well, Will, it's been real nice seeing you again. I've got bunches of work to do before I leave tomorrow."

"Would you like me to drive you to the airport? I get out of classes at noon and I can possibly work out a Charleston pass with the Bear."

"Oh, no," she said, "I've got someone who'll be glad to drive me to the airport."

"You've got at least two people."

"That's sweet, Will. But I've made all the arrangements."

"Well," I said, trying to smile and keep my voice steady, "I guess this is good-bye, Annie Kate."

"Oh, I never, ever say good-bye. I detest farewells of any sort. They make me sad and make my skin break out."

"I wouldn't want to make your skin break out," I said sarcastically.

"Don't start your meanness now," she scolded. "You've been very sweet today and I want to remember you as an angel. You were my friend when I really needed a friend. I don't want to remember you with any negative feelings at all."

"The stuff I said the other night about getting married, Annie Kate. I meant that. Every word of it. I would still like to marry you and I'll be glad to wait for you to finish college or any time you like. I'm ready any time you are if you're still interested."

"Oh, that's so sweet," she said, touching my cheek. "But I think you should look for someone else, Will. Someone who could really appreciate your good qualities. You see, Will-and I don't want this to hurt your feelings-but I'm erasing all those bad thoughts out of my mind this year. All of them. I'm never going to think about this year at all. I'm going to pretend that none of it ever happened. I'm going to erase every single bad memory from my mind. You've been very sweet, Will, but you're a large part of the worst year of my life. When I see you, it reminds me of all that happened, of what I've been through."

"Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me, Annie Kate."

"Don't say that," she said shrilly. "Don't think it. Did you ever stop to think about me just once, Will? Can you imagine how humiliating the entire experience was for me? To get pregnant by a boy I loved from a fine family and have him tell me that he wouldn't marry me and that he felt no love for me at all? Can you imagine hiding for six months, terrified that your friends might see you, that you might be discovered or ridiculed and talked about at dinner parties? Only six people in the world know about my year of shame. Five of them will never say a word about what happened, Will. They are all Old Charlestonians and I can trust them with my life."