December 9. One pound, with Mark ix. 36-7: "And taking a little child, he set him in the midst of them," etc., a most encouraging pa.s.sage for this work, the force of which I had never felt before.

December 15. This day was set apart for prayer and thanksgiving respecting the Infant Orphan House, which was opened on November 28. In the morning we had a prayer meeting. In the afternoon, besides prayer and thanksgiving, I addressed the children of our day schools and the orphans, about 350, on Ecclesiastes xii. 1.

In addition to the items mentioned above, donations were received during the year, of money, food, clothes, books, boxes, coal-hods, ornaments (to be sold), etc.; also, the offer of gratuitous medical attendance, and medicine. Up to the close of 1836, seven hundred and seventy pounds and ninepence halfpenny had been given, and forty pounds promised.

December 31. We had this evening a prayer meeting to praise the Lord for his goodness during the past year, and to ask him for a continuance of his favors.

During the past year there have been received into the church, 52; and the Lord has been pleased to give me, as it regards my temporal supplies, 232 11s. 9d.

January 2, 1837. This evening the two churches had again an especial prayer meeting.

January 5. To-day a sister called and told me about the conversion of her father, who, in his eightieth year, after having for many years lived openly in sin, is at last brought to the knowledge of the Lord.

This sister had long prayed for the conversion of her father, and at last, though only after twenty years, the Lord gave her the desire of her heart.

May 18. There are now sixty-four children in the two Orphan Houses, and two more are expected, which will fill the two houses.

May 28. The narrative of some of the Lord's dealings with me is now near being published, which has led me again most earnestly this day week, and repeatedly since, to ask the Lord that he would be pleased to give me what is wanting of the one thousand pounds, for which sum I have asked him on behalf of the orphans; for though, in my own mind, the thing is as good as done, so much so that I have repeatedly been able to thank G.o.d that he will surely give me every shilling of that sum, yet to others this would not be enough. As the whole matter, then, about the Orphan House had been commenced for the glory of G.o.d, that in this way before the world and the church there might be another visible proof that the Lord delights in answering prayer; and as there was yet a part of the thousand pounds wanting; and _as I earnestly desired the book might not leave the press_ before every shilling of that sum had been given in answer to prayer, _without one single individual having been asked by me for anything_, that thus I might have the sweet privilege of bearing my testimony for G.o.d in this book;--for these reasons, I say, I have given myself earnestly to prayer about this matter since May 21. On May 22 came in seven pounds and ten shillings, and on May 23, three pounds. On May 24, a lady, whom I never saw before, called on me, and gave me forty pounds. This circ.u.mstance has greatly encouraged me; for the Lord showed me thereby, afresh, his willingness to continue to send us _large sums_, and that they can even come from individuals whom we have never seen before. On May 25, three pounds and six shillings were sent, from two unexpected quarters. On May 27 was sent, anonymously, a parcel of worn clothes, from London, and a sovereign. To-day (May 28) I received again four pounds three shillings and sixpence; and also a parcel was sent from a considerable distance, containing seven pairs of socks, and the following trinkets, to be sold for the support of the orphans: one gold pin with an Irish pearl, fifteen Irish pearls, two pins, two brooches, two lockets, one seal, two studs, eleven rings, one chain, and one bracelet, all of gold.

June 15. To-day I gave myself once more earnestly to prayer respecting the remainder of the thousand pounds. This evening five pounds were given, so that now the whole sum is made up. During eighteen months and ten days this pet.i.tion has been brought before G.o.d almost daily. From the moment I asked till the Lord granted it fully, I had never been allowed to doubt that he would give every shilling of that sum. Often have I praised him beforehand, in the a.s.surance that he would grant my request. The thing after which we have especially to seek in prayer is, that we believe that we receive, according to Mark xi. 24: "_What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them._"

As the Lord has so greatly condescended to listen to my prayers, and as I consider it one of the particular talents which he has intrusted to me to exercise faith upon his promises, as it regards my own temporal wants and those of others; and as an Orphan House for _boys_ above seven years of age seems greatly needed in this city; and as also without it we know not how to provide for the little _boys_ in the Infant Orphan House, when they are above seven years of age, I purpose to establish an Orphan House for about forty boys above seven years of age.

July 12. The same friend who gave me on May 24, 1837, forty pounds for the orphans, and whom, up to that time, I had never seen, gave four hundred and sixty pounds more, being altogether five hundred pounds.

It is now three years and four months since brother Craik and I began, in dependence upon the Lord for funds, to seek to help the spread of the gospel through the instrumentality of schools, the circulation of the Holy Scriptures, and by aiding missionary exertions. Since then there have been circulated, through our instrumentality, 4,030 copies of the Scriptures; four day schools, for poor children, have been _established_ by us; 1,119 children have been instructed in the six day schools, and 353 children are now in those six day schools. Besides this, a Sunday school and an adult school have been supplied with all they needed, and missionary exertions in the East Indies, in Upper Canada, and on the continent of Europe, have been aided. In addition to this, the word of G.o.d has been preached from house to house among the poor, in connection with the Scriptural Knowledge Inst.i.tution, by brother C----r, within the last two years.

On the 15th of August, 1837, the preceding portion of this narrative was published.

Aug. 17. To-day two more children were received into the Infant Orphan House, which makes up our full number, sixty-six in the Girls' and Infant Orphan Houses.

September 2. I have been looking about for a house for the orphan boys, these last three days. Everything else has been provided. The Lord has given suitable individuals to take care of the children, money, etc. In his own time he will give a house also.

September 19. It was to-day particularly impressed upon my heart that I ought to seek for more retirement, though the work should _apparently_ suffer ever so much; and that arrangements should be made whereby I may be able to visit the brethren more, as an _unvisited_ church will sooner or later become an _unhealthy church_. Pastors, as fellow-laborers, are greatly needed among us.

September 28. I have for a long time been too much outwardly engaged.

Yesterday morning I spent about three hours in the vestry of Gideon, to be able to have more time for retirement. I meant to do the same in the afternoon, but before I could leave the house I was called on, and thus one person after the other came, till I had to go out. Thus it has been again to-day.

October 16. For a long time past brother Craik and I have felt the importance of more pastoral visiting, and it has been _one of our greatest trials_ that we have been unable to give more time to it. This evening we had purposely a meeting of the two churches, at which brother Craik and I, and a brother from Devonshire, spoke on: I. The importance of pastoral visiting. II. The particular obstacles which hindered us in attending to it. III. The question whether there was any way of removing some of the obstacles.

I. As to the importance of pastoral visiting, the following points were mentioned: 1. Watching over the saints, by means of visiting them, to prevent coldness, or to recover them from backsliding. 2. To counsel and advise them in family affairs, in their business, and in spiritual matters. 3. To keep up that loving and familiar intercourse which is so desirable between saints and those who have the oversight of them. These visits should be, if possible, frequent; but in our case there have been several obstacles in the way.

II. The particular obstacles in our case are: 1. The largeness of the number who are in communion with us. One hundred would be quite as many as we have strength to visit regularly, and as often as would be desirable; but there are nearly four hundred in fellowship with us. 2.

The distance of the houses of the saints from our own dwellings, as many live more than two miles off. 3. The Lord's blessing upon our labors.

Not one year has pa.s.sed away, since we have been in Bristol, without more than fifty having been added to our number, each of whom, in general, needed several times to be conversed with before being admitted into fellowship. 4. That brother Craik and I have each of us the care of two churches. At the first sight it appears as if the work is thus divided, but the double number of meetings, etc., nearly double the work. 5. The mere ruling, and taking care, in general, of a large body of believers, irrespective of the other work, takes much more time, and requires much more strength, than the taking care of a small body of believers, as we, by grace, desire not to allow known sin among us. 6.

The position which we have in the church at large brings many brethren to us who travel through Bristol, who call on us, or lodge with us, and to whom, according to the Lord's will, we have to give some time. 7. In my own case, an extensive needful correspondence. 8. The weakness of body on the part of both of us. When the preaching is done,--when strangers who lodge with us are gone,--when the calls at our house are over,--when the needful letters, however briefly, are written,--when the necessary church business is settled,--our minds are often so worn out that we are glad to be quiet. 9. But suppose we have bodily strength remaining, after the above things have been attended to, yet the frame of mind is not always so as that one could visit. After having been particularly tried by church matters, which in so large a body does not rarely occur, or being cast down in one's own soul, one may be fit for the closet, but not for visiting the saints. 10. Lastly, in my own case, no small part of my time is taken up by attending to the affairs of the Orphan Houses, schools, the circulation of the Scriptures, the aiding missionary efforts, and other work connected with the Scriptural Knowledge Inst.i.tution.

III. What is to be done under these circ.u.mstances? 1. In the days of the apostles there would have been more brethren to take the oversight of so large a body as we are. The Lord has not laid upon us a burden which is too heavy for us; he is not a hard master. It is evident that he does not mean us _even to attempt to visit all the saints_ as much as is evidently needful, and much less as frequently as it would be desirable.

We mention this, to prevent uncomfortable feelings on the part of the dear saints under our pastoral care, who find themselves not as much visited as they used to be when we came to Bristol, when the number of them was not seventy, and now it is about four hundred, and when in many other respects the work in our hands was not half so much as it is now, and when we had much more bodily strength. 2. It is therefore evident that there are other pastors needed; not nominal pastors, but such as the Lord has called, to whom he has given a pastor's heart and pastoral gifts. 3. Such may be raised up by the Lord from our own number, or the Lord may send them from elsewhere. 4. But in the mean time we should at least see whether there are not helpers among us. 5. As to the work itself, in order that time may be saved, it appears desirable that the two churches, Bethesda and Gideon, should be united into one, that the breaking of bread should be alternately, and that the number of weekly meetings should be reduced.

October 21. To-day the Lord has given me a house for the Orphan Boys, in the same street in which the other two Orphan Houses are.

Mr. Muller's health having suffered from his cares, money was sent him from unexpected sources, to be used in travelling and recreation.

REVIEW OF THE YEAR 1837.

1. There are now eighty-one children in the three Orphan Houses, and nine brethren and sisters, who have the care of them. Ninety, therefore, daily sit down to table. Lord, look on the necessities of thy servant!

2. The schools require as much help as before; nay, more, particularly the Sunday school, in which there are at present about 320 children, and in the day schools about 350. Lord, thy servant is a poor man; but he has trusted in thee, and made his boast in thee, before the sons of men; therefore let him not be confounded! Let it not be said all this was enthusiasm, and therefore it is come to naught!

3. My temporal supplies have been 307 2s. 6d.

CHAPTER IX.

TRIAL.

1838.

THE MINISTRY OF SICKNESS--PEACE OF MIND--JESUS A PRESENT HELP--DEEP POVERTY--PLEADING WITH G.o.d--UNITED PRAYER.

January 6, 1838. I feel little better in my head, though my general health seems improved; but my kind physician says I am much better, and advises me now change of air. This evening a sister, who resides about fifty miles from hence, and who is quite unacquainted with the medical advice given to me this morning, sent me fifteen pounds for the express purpose of change of air; and wrote that she felt a.s.sured, from having been similarly afflicted, that nothing would do me so much good, humanly speaking, as quiet and change of air.

January 7. This is the ninth Lord's day that I have been kept from ministering in the word. My affliction is connected with a great tendency to irritability of temper; yea, with some satanic feeling, foreign to me even naturally.

January 10. To-day I went with my family to Trowbridge. Jan. 14. Lord's day. I have spent several hours in prayer to-day, and read on my knees, and prayed for two hours over Psalm lxiii. G.o.d has blessed my soul much to-day. My soul is now brought into that state that I delight myself in the will of G.o.d, as it regards my health. Yea, I can now say, _from my heart_, I would not have this disease removed till G.o.d, by its means, has bestowed the blessing for which it was sent.

January 15. I have had, since yesterday afternoon, less suffering in my head than for the last eight days; though it is even now far from being well. I have still an inward a.s.surance, on account of the spiritual blessings which the Lord has granted to me, that through this affliction he is only purifying me for his blessed service, and that I shall be soon restored to the work. To-day, also, G.o.d has continued to me fervency of spirit, which I have now enjoyed for three days following.

He has to-day, also, drawn out my soul into much real communion with himself, and into holy desires to be more conformed to his dear Son.

When G.o.d gives a spirit of prayer, how easy then to pray! Nevertheless, it was given to me in the use of the means, as I fell on my knees last Sat.u.r.day, to read his word with meditation, and to turn it into prayer.

To-day I spent about three hours in prayer over Psalms lxiv. and lxv. In reference to that precious word, "O thou that hearest prayer," (Ps. lxv.

2,) I asked the Lord the following pet.i.tions, and entreated him to record them in heaven, and to answer them.

1. That he would give me grace to glorify him by a submissive and patient spirit under my affliction.

2. That as I was enabled now, and _only now from my heart_, to praise G.o.d for this affliction, he would not remove his hand from me until he had qualified me for his work more than I have been hitherto.

3. That he would be pleased to grant that the work of conversion, through the instrumentality of brother Craik and myself, might not cease, but go on as much now as when we first came to Bristol, yea, more abundantly than even then.

4. That he would be pleased to give more real spiritual prosperity to the church under our care than ever we have as yet enjoyed.

5. Having praised him for the sale of so many copies of my Narrative in so short a time, I entreated him to cause every copy to be disposed of.

6. I asked him to continue to let his rich blessing rest upon this little work, and more abundantly, so that many may be converted through it, and many of the children of G.o.d truly benefited by it, and that thus I might now be speaking through it, though laid aside from active service.

7. I asked him for his blessing, in the way of conversion, to rest upon the orphans, and upon the Sunday and day-school children under our care.