Imperiously, Jane crossed her arms over her little, somewhat portly chest and pouted fiercely, her lower lip protruding farther than Lindsay thought humanly possible. In response, Ginny stuck her own bottom lip out, then stuck out her tongue for good measure. It was obviously an old, well-loved game between them, because the little girl instantly mimicked the action, but was only able to hold the pose for a few seconds before she and Ginny dissolved into helpless giggles.

"Oh, Lindsay," Ginny shook her head as the last of her giggles died away and Jane began marching down the road again in search of new booty. " I can't believe how this day has turned out."Despite coming on the heels of laughter, the words held a hint of melancholy. "She loves them." Her gaze shifted sideways to her partner."Did you hear what she called Laura?"

Lindsay nodded, suspecting this would be a sore spot with Ginny."Mama."

"Mama," Ginny confirmed in a whisper, her eyes going a little unfocused. How could she? How could she not?

"They seem like good people," Lindsay offered noncommittally. Of course, she thought somewhat guiltily, though they don't exactly know why we're here. When pressed, all Ginny would say was that they had been looking for Jane. She never mentioned the future."Nice house. Good business. They closed the store today without a second thought. You couldn't do that in hard times," she pointed out.

"Mm..." Ginny agreed."Back home I worked everyday but Sunday at the factory."

Jane veered onto the lush green grass, chasing a pale yellow butterfly, and Ginny and Lindsay amiably altered their path to follow hermit didn't matter where they went, so long as they were together.

"Mama took in washing on Sundays," Ginny continued after a moment of thought, "so Alice and I watched the children so Mama could work. Before we moved to Orchard Street it was just the same." She shrugged a little."Different factories or shops everyday after school, then full time as I got older. It all sort of blends together now." She sighed and felt the hand wrapped around hers squeeze gently.

Lindsay drew in a large lungful of crisp air. "Children shouldn't have to work, Ginny. They should look like that," she pointed at Jane, who was still trying valiantly to catch the butterfly in chubby hands."That's the way it should be."There was a wistful quality to her voice that caused Ginny to stare at her for a good long moment.

Then Ginny's brows drew together and she turned back to Jane to watch her sister play. The croup had quickly been vanquished under the Gables' care, and Jane looked healthier and happier than she had before the fire."No, they shouldn't. I'll get three jobs if I have to, but none of them will have to work, Lindsay. Not until they're grown or they want to."

Lindsay's very serious eyes met hers and a silent promise passed between them, together they would make sure Ginny's words became a reality.

"Bad butterfly!"Giving on up the butterfly, Jane plopped down on her bottom and grabbed a handful of soft grass. Yanking it from the ground, she threw it straight up in the air and giggled as it rained down on her head, forming a prickly green crown that contrasted nicely with her pale locks.

Ginny smiled fondly. "One Sunday afternoon last summer, Alice and I took her to the park." Her eyebrows pulled together as she remembered." I don't recall why, but the boys weren't with us that day. At first Jane was afraid of the grass. We took our shoes and stockings off and I spent most of the afternoon coaxing her to take a single step, while Alice laughed at us both." Ginny grinned."But Jane finally did it," she stated proudly."You should have seen the look on her face, Lindsay. I think it was the first time she'd even seen grass, much less felt it tickle her toes."

"So what are we waiting for?"Lindsay asked, her face taking on a playful, if slightly challenging, expression. Before Ginny could even answer, Lindsay was on the ground alongside Jane, kicking off her shoes.

Jane squealed in delight and tried to tug hers off as well. Sounding like a piglet rooting around for a tit, she grunted and huffed, grabbed her foot and began wrestling with her shoe, toppling over onto the grass as Lindsay's hand shot out and tickled her belly. Making the already difficult task of removing her own shoes impossible.

Charmed, Ginny eagerly joined them. Both women recaptured a tiny piece of their own, mostly lost childhoods in that soft grass that afternoon, as their mingling laughter floated away on the late afternoon breeze.

"Look!" Jabbering excitedly about the rushing river and the men they'd seen there, the boys came barreling through the kitchen door of the Gables' lovely Victorian home. The pale blue structure had a gabled roof and corner turret and was surrounded by mature trees that shaded its large, wraparound porch."We finally caught fish."Both boys suddenly looked at Lindsay, who was sitting at the kitchen table, worried they'd offended her.

She let them stew for a few painful seconds before smiling broadly and saying, "I knew you could do it."

The boys both let out the breaths they'd been holding and gave her toothy smiles in response.

Calvin appeared in the doorway, his body silhouetted by the setting sun as he proudly lifted a string of plump catfish so fresh the whiskers on the last two still twitched occasionally.

Laura laughed and gave her husband an adoring look that brought unconscious smiles to Lindsay and Ginny's faces."I can't believe you caught something. But don't come in the house with those until they're cleaned. I think I can manage to cook them, but I won't," she cringed, "you know."

"Yes, ma'am," Calvin responded dutifully as his inquiring gaze flicked around the room."Where's Janie?"

"Nap time."

Calvin looked crestfallen."Oh."

"She was tired, Calvin."Laura patted his shoulder in consolation. "I'll get her up for supper and then you can play with her afterwards, all right?"

His face immediately brightened with the news."Great. I want to tell her about fishing. Next time I'll take her with me."

Laura chuckled and poked his chest with her index finger."She's only a baby and a girl at that."

Calvin lifted his chin with fake huffiness."And your point is? She's my daughter and she can do anything she wants." He nodded to himself."And that might just include fishing." He tipped his hat at Ginny and Lindsay, who wordlessly waved their greeting.

Laura threw her hands in the air in bemused exasperation and headed to a set of stairs located just off the kitchen. The larder was in the cellar and she figured she'd need an apron full of potatoes to feed this crew.

"Come on, Lewis and James, I'll show you how to fillet the fish." He chuckled. "I hope." Calvin clearly wasn't bothered by his inexperience in this arena and both Lindsay and Ginny found themselves liking the amiable man almost instantly.

Ginny's eyes followed him curiously as he departed the kitchen. Jane could be anything, he'd said, and the conviction in his words made Ginny believe it was true. Would that change if she took Jane? She leaned back in her chair and forced herself to do what she'd deemed too heartbreaking and dangerous before.

She began to wonder.

Four days later...

Ginny lay flat on her back, looking up at the ceiling of the guestroom the Gables had generously given her and Lindsay. The day had been unseasonably warm and the window was open just a crack, letting in the cool breeze, a sliver of moonlight, and the constant hum of insects. Ginny heard the mournful wail of a train whistle in the distance and her eyes strayed across the room to Lindsay, who was slipping into her nightshirt and blowing out the lamp. I wonder if she misses her freedom, she thought idly as her eyes tracked Lindsay's every move. I wonder if I'll ever know what's that like, to be responsible for no one but myself-to travel where the wind takes mesa tiny frown appeared. I'm not sure I want to.

The burden and joy of caring for her siblings was something she would gladly bear. But that didn't mean she'd forgotten about her own dreams and the nights where she and Alice would whisper about their futures to the backdrop of the sounds of the city that never slept. Well, you wanted out of the smelly slums, Ginny. But more than that you wanted someone to love, who would love you back every bit as fiercely.

Despite her somewhat gloomy mood, Ginny smiled inwardly as she watched her partner studiously brush her teeth over a basin on the bureau. Wouldn't you be surprised where I found what we both dreamt of, Alice. You'd die from shock and say that I was crazy. Her grin turned wistful. But once I told you how wonderful it was, how she makes me feel and all the things I love about her...you'd still be shocked and say I was crazy, you rat. But you'd be happy for me too. I know it. God, I miss you, Alwen is it going to stop hurting so badly? Resolutely, Ginny pulled herself away from that train of thought and focused on the happenings of the past two days.

She'd gotten to know the Gables, who were a gregarious, kind couple that welcomed her and her family with open arms. On several occasions Ginny had been ready to tell them that this wasn't just a visit. That she wanted more than to find Jane, she wanted to take her. But Calvin and Laura were so earnest in their offer of friendship, and it was so obvious that they adored the toddler, who was thriving under their care. Every time she began to tell them, the words died on her tongue. She cursed her cowardice, hating herself for it.

Ginny closed her eyes, listening as Lindsay moved around the mostly-dark room. At first she was worried that the boys would tell Calvin that she intended to take Jane. Now she selfishly wished that they'd spill the beans and do her dirty work for her."Oh, God, Lindsay. What am I going to do?" she whispered. Ginny had held in her worry all day, trying to give Lindsay a break from dealing with her endless problems. But it was finally too much. She needed to talk like she needed air.

Lindsay padded across the room and sat down in the bed next to Ginny. She lifted a hand and stroked Ginny's cheek with the pads of her fingers. "What are you going to do about what?"Ginny had been as quiet as a church mouse all day, and Lindsay breathed a sigh of relief, hoping her friend would finally share what was bothering her so. Her friend's silence had more than stung. After all they'd shared, to have Ginny turn away rather than talk to her-it hurt. And as it did so easily, hurt had given way to anger. More than once today Lindsay had bitten back harsh words that Ginny didn't deserve.

"They're happy," Ginny said brokenly.

"Uhh..." Lindsay shook her head a little, confused. "Who's happy?"

"Laura, Calvin, Jane. They're happy together and I'm about to ruin their lives."

Lindsay's gaze softened."You aren't hurting Jane or ruining her life by claiming her, Ginny. You love her."

"And the Gables?" Ginny asked, already knowing the answer.

Lindsay sighed. That wasn't so easy."I'm sorry," she finally offered."I'll help you anyway that I can." She gestured aimlessly. "That's all I can think to say."

Ginny sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose to ward off her impending headache. With her other hand, she squeezed Lindsay's."I know."

Lindsay glanced out the window, eyes unseeing, as she considered the impossible position they were in. Had Ginny told her last week that dealing with Milo was easy compared to the people who had Jane, she wouldn't have believed her.

"I don't like hurting anyone, especially good people," Ginny murmured, a layer of guilt settling over her like a heavy blanket."Laura invited us to stay here for as long as we'd like, Lindsay." She could feel the beginnings of tears pooling in her eyes and she fought them back."She wants us to be part of her family and visit whenever we like. She actually said that. 'Come visit Jane whenever you like. We want her to know her family.'"

Lindsay sighed. "Calvin told me the same thing today. I think he's finally starting to get over the fact that I wear trousers." A wry grin touched her lips. "He doesn't know what to make of me and still thinks I'm a little crazy."

"You are a little crazy."

They shared weak smiles.

Ginny laid her hand on Lindsay's bare thigh, feeling the warmth of her skin sink deeply into her palm. "Today Calvin got on the floor and played with Jane. I mean, really played. Arthur loved her, but I never saw him do that. Not once." She exhaled slowly, her face telegraphing her awe."I didn't even know it was something fathers did. God, Lindsay, I feel like a murderer laying in wait for just the right moment to come along for me to stab Calvin and Laura in the back."

Lindsay chewed on her lower lip as she thought. "Maybe we can work something out? Something like we did with Lewis?" But even as she said the words she knew they weren't true. The Gables didn't want an apprentice or a part-time child to round out an already bursting family. They wanted a real daughter. And it was clear that Jane meant the world to them.

"Maybe," Ginny replied absently, her eyes tracing the beams of moonlight as they washed over Lindsay.

"We should just steal her," Lindsay said after a moment of intense thought, "run away in the night and go so far from here they'd never find us."

Ginny was quiet for so long that Lindsay didn't think she was going to respond and the low sound of her voice made her jump.

"I don't think you'd have the heart to do that, Lindsay," she speculated."I saw you with James today when he scraped his knee and was trying not to cry." The picture was forever burned into Ginny's brain. Her brother and her lover, dark heads tilted close to one another as they whispered. Lindsay ruffling his hair with open affection that made her melt just watching. The relief on his face when sturdy arms enveloped him in a hug and he was allowed to wipe away the few tears that had managed to leak out, his dignity fully intact."You're better with the boys than you know." Her voice was tinged with admiration and unyielding love."You're the most tenderhearted person I've ever met."

Lindsay snorted then inclined her head and smiled sadly."You're wrong, you know." Though I wish you weren't. "I would do things that would make you shudder...if I had to."She lifted her hand, then let it drop limply to the bed."I'm not sure what will make you happy anymore." Frustration leaked into her voice."I know you don't want to hurt the Gables. I also know you want Jane, but there's a part of you that thinks she would be better off here, in this nice house, with its white picket fence, and beautiful furniture." Lindsay rapped the solid oak bedpost with her knuckles."She would have a doting father."That she wouldn't have with us.

Ginny's eyes sparked."It's not the father part, Lindsay. I know what you're thinking and it's not true. I just told you how wonderful you were with the boys!"

"But not a father."

"Like I am?" she said angrily, pushing up onto her elbows."The fact that I want to make a life with a woman is my choice, Lindsay Killian. I'm not a fool. I know I could have a man if I wanted, I've had the chance before and didn't take it. So the fact that there'll be no father in this family is my doing not yours. Besides, their father is dead and can't just be exchanged for another like a worn out pair of shoes!" Just like Arthur couldn't replace Daddy.

The words were shocking in their intensity and for several seconds the only sound heard in the large guestroom was Ginny and Lindsay's panting breaths. Lindsay gently cleared her throat. "The boys' father is dead to them. And to you. But, Ginny, your sister would only know Calvin as her father. She wouldn't remember anyone else."

An incredulous look crept across Ginny's face and she sat up. "Are...are you trying to tell me I should leave her here?"

"No, sweetheart."Lindsay grasped Ginny's hand with surprising strength."I'm trying to get you to talk about what I know you've been agonizing over since we got here. Help me help you," she pleaded, her tone softening."What will make you happy?"

Ginny closed her eyes, pain lancing through her."I don't know," she whispered.

"This indecision is killing you." And me."Face what needs to be done and let's do it. The boys could let Calvin and Laura know why we're here at any time. Then we'll be out on our asses and having to make all these same decisions. Now is the time."

"You make it sound easy. It's not that easy!"

"Doesn't matter," Lindsay informed her bluntly."It still has to be done."

"But can I live with myself once it is done?" Anguish bled into Ginny's eyes and she looked away.

Lindsay cupped Ginny's chin and turned the younger woman's head towards her, inadvertently using a little more force than was necessary."Don't say that,' she hissed."Don't make this sound selfish when I know damned well you'd die ten times over for any one of these children. This wasn't your fault." Brown eyes gone charcoal in the moonlight flashed and her voice rose several notches."Enough with the damned guilt! I know you feel bad. I feel it too. But someone is going to get hurt here. Stop fighting it. Accept it!"

"That's not the point, and you know it," Ginny snapped, jerking her chin from Lindsay's hands as her ire rose quicker than she could have imagined. She yanked her hand from her friend's as though she'd been burned."You want me to talk? Fine! This isn't about it being someone's fault. What happened was nobody's fault but Jeremiah and Isabelle Ward's or maybe God's... if I was sure there was a God anymore."

Lindsay ground her teeth together in frustration, feeling so deeply adrift she wasn't sure she'd ever find her way back. What did Ginny expect her to say? What more could she do or offer? "We'll work things out. We have so far, right? You need to keep believing."So that I'll keep believing.

"Why? Why do I have to believe that?" Ginny demanded. She could feel another irrational surge of anger brewing deep inside her and was helpless to stop it as it rushed to the surface, then boiled over."You're always saying that! That I need to keep believing. What I need is to know is how we're going to make this work."

A resentment Ginny wasn't aware she even harbored flared to life so brightly it blinded her."Just saying we'll work things out won't make it so! We are two women, alone, Lindsay. Between us we have no worldly possessions and not enough money to last the month. I can't marry you the way I would if one of us were a man. I can't give you children of your own. Instead, you'll be tied to children who aren't mine either, for as long as we're together. How long can I expect you to want to live like that?"

Lindsay blinked, stunned, her tongue frozen in her mouth.

Ginny's cheeks flushed pink, the words pouring from her like water bursting free through a crack in a damn."What this is about is what we're going to do now, and how a scared witless, unskilled chicken stripper and an illiterate, drifter pickpocket are going to support themselves, much less Jane and the boys!"The words were out before she could stop them and she drew in a quick breath, as though she could suck them back. But she couldn't. They hung there between them, floating, ugly, and stark until she saw Lindsay's eyes flutter closed.

The silence in the room thundered and Ginny felt sick at her stomach. Oh, God. I did not just say that.

Lindsay's body stayed stock-still, though she felt the words rain down on her like blows. But it was when she opened her eyes, giving Ginny a glimpse of an open, wounded look so painful it hurt to see, that the tears that had been threatening for the entire conversation went cascading down Ginny's cheeks.

What have I done?"Lindsay, I'm so sor-"

A cold expression dropped over Lindsay's face. Startled, Ginny was forced to blink a few times and remind herself that this was, indeed, her best friend, and not a stranger.

Awkwardly, Lindsay stood, Ginny's death grip on her hand the only thing keeping her from bolting from the room.

Ginny's heart began to pound."Lindsay, please!" she begged, hearing the desperation in her voice and not caring."God, I swear I didn't mean that. I'm just worried and afraid and I-"

"Am just spending time with an illiterate, drifter pickpocket, who can't marry you or give you your own children," Lindsay finished for her, violently hurling the words back at Ginny.

An icy fist closed around Ginny's heart.

"I heard."Lindsay swallowed hard. Her chest felt achy and hollow and the sensation threatened to send her crashing to her knees."You should keep better company, Virginia." She tore her hand from Ginny's. And without another word, Lindsay snatched up her trousers, shoes, and coat and stalked out of the room, her steady step never faltering.

I need to get outside, she thought desperately. Lindsay flung the bedroom door open. The walls were closing in on her faster than she could move and she began to run, ignoring the pain in her ribs.

After a long, stunned moment, Ginny scrambled off the bed, her knees viciously slamming against the shiny floorboards. She stumbled to her feet and ran to the door, finding what she knew she would, a shadowy, very empty hallway."Lindsay," she moaned quietly, "I'm sorry."Dammit!

For a handful of seconds she balanced on a razor's edge, not knowing whether to hunt Lindsay down and force her to hear her apology, or let her gopher head was telling her that they needed this time apart, that she'd hurt her friend badly and that she was the last person on earth Lindsay wanted to talk to. Her heart, however, was screaming something altogether different and the indecision caused her guts to churn. She wanted to howl. She wanted to weep. Instead, she continued to stare down the empty hallway and listen to the sound of her own thundering pulse as regret washed over her. Finally, she moved back into the bedroom and, with trembling hands, shut the bedroom door. She pressed her back against the cool wooden surface and slid to the floor like a rag doll.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she chanted under her breath. Dropping her head in her hands, she closed her eyes, too numb to cry.

Lindsay sat on a hill about a block or so behind the Gables' home, which was at the end of a lazy residential street. She gazed down at the train tracks in the distance and could hear the faint sounds of the rushing river beyond that. There no trees on the hill, just tall stalks of swaying grass. With the town at her back, she could see for miles around her, the vast openness seeping into her and calming her like a potent liquor. Her knees were hitched up, her feet flat on the ground as she idly twirled a stalk of grass between long fingers.

It had been several hours since she'd left the house, but the moon still hung high in the sky, painting the grass with its golden glow. The night air was fragrant and crisp, and she was glad she'd brought her coat, though it wasn't so chilly that she needed to button it.

A freight train had passed a few moments ago, and she'd thought about how easy it would be to catch it and let it take her wherever it would. There would be new faces and different places and calmness that came with the familiarity of it all. She could slip back into her old life with nary a thought for all this craziness and impossible choices. She could just forget, couldn't she?

Lindsay tossed the stalk of grass and sighed. No, she wouldn't forget. Ever.

And so the train had passed and she'd stayed on the hill, watching it chug out of her life, knowing that though it still called to her it was no longer enough to sustain her. No, what she needed to sustain her were eyes, that when turned towards her, shone warmly with love. She needed laughter and sweet kisses and someone to share her dreams with, even when she wasn't quite sure what those dreams were yet. She needed Ginny, who thought of her as nothing more than a stupid thief. Which is true, String Bean, she admitted glumly. I've said it to myself a thousand times, but it never hurt the way it did when she said it.

She laughed but there was no humor in it. "I pushed her when she wasn't ready and damned if she didn't push back." Lindsay chastised herself for getting her feelings hurt so easily. When did I become all sensitive and pathetic? That would be the moment I fell in love with her, she answered herself wryly. Fuck.

Ginny peered out through the darkness, spotting a solitary figure sitting near the top of the hill. They had both come here several times over the past few days when they sought time alone."God, please let that be her," she said quietly as she began climbing the hill, a thick woolen blanket slung over her shoulders."Otherwise I'm going to scare the living daylights out of some poor soul and then probably be murdered for my trouble."But as she got closer she recognized the unmistakable set of Lindsay's shoulders and the moonlit profile she knew as well as her own.

If Lindsay heard her approach she didn't show it.

Ginny dropped down onto the soft grass next to her friend; close, but not so close that they were touching. She kept her eyes trained straight ahead and resisted the urge to hurl herself at Lindsay and scream her apology into the night. Gathering her courage she drew in a deep breath of cool, clean air."It's beautiful here."Her voice was barely loud enough to be heard above the breeze.

"It is," Lindsay confirmed gently, still gazing out at the tracks and the fields beyond.

Ginny swallowed and looked down at her pants. She frowned and picked absently at a small tear that was developing around the cuff."I heard the train as I was walking here."Her heart lurched at what she'd felt."I thought you might be on it."She dared a glance at her companion, whose jaw was set.