"Remember that last day when she was so quiet?

She was thinking back over her life, wasn't she? She missed seeing the spring beauties at Bearwallow for herself.""She missed more than that, Katrina Anice."

Weary, I lay down beside the earthen mound and ran my hand over the sprouts of grass coming up from the earth blanket that covered Granny. I wondered what it would be like to sleep for eternity. Would she 116dream? Some nights I went to sleep so tired; then I woke up without a remembered thought for the hours that had passed. Was death like that? A dreamless sleep from which no one awakened until judgment Day? Would time pass like a blink of an eye the way a dreamless night passed? Or was death a troubled sleep, filled with confusing dreams?

"What is it like, Lilybet?"

"I don't know anything of death, Katrina Anice. I only know life. Turn your heart toward that."

"Death is all around me. I t's right here with me." Not just inside the gate of the cemetery, but all around us.

"So is life. Y ou must choose.

Lilybet bewildered me. Sometimes she seemed a child much like me, and at other times older than evenMiz Elda. There was something she was trying to show me, something important, something that would change everything, but I could not grasp it no matter how hard I tried. And I was tired, too tired from the night before to want to do much serious thinking on anything anyway. I thought perhaps she didn't understand my meaning about death, for it was a feeling deep inside me. Even down in Kai Valley meadowlands, with the sun shining upon 117me, I could feel the dark forces surrounding us all.

The sin I had committed was terrible, but there was more - so much more beyond my understanding. Part of me wanted to find whatever it was I was looking for, and another loathed the mere thought of changing anything.

I likened it to the gathering of clouds and the heavy air pressing down before the skies opened up and the jagged shafts of light struck the mountains. Sometimes the air was so full of power, my hair would stand on end and my skin tingle. God was in it, but there were others, too. T aints and demons, Granny always said.

And I stood betwixt - hell so close I could feel the blackened pull of it, and heaven so distant ...Somehow, someway, the sin eater held the answers to all of it. I f only I could find him. Leaving the berry preserves behind, I went out the gate and hid among the ferns where I could see the sin eater when he came, but he would not see me.

And there I waited.

And waited as the day grew warmer and warmer.

Yawning, I lay on my back, knees up and ands behind my head, and gazed through e canopy of green to the blue sky beyond. Birds flitted from branch to branch 118chirping and twitching this way and that before swooping off. And the heat came down through the trees, weighting my eyelids. Curling on my side toward the cemetery, I bent one fern frond down so that I could see through to where I 'd left the jar of preserves. I f the sin eater came, I 'd see him straightaway. All this from the comfort of my soft, forest bed.

I awakened a long while later when a stream of light touched my face. Disoriented and still drowsy, I wondered what I was doing sleeping on the ground.

Then remembering, I clambered to my knees and leaned forward, parting the ferns cautiously. The jar ofpreserves was still where I had placed it. Dejected, I let the fronds snap back. I t was a vain hope that the sin eater would come so soon. I f he came at all.

I left my post and went to Miz Elda.

"Any luck?" she said from where she was sitting in the shade on her porch. I didn't have to ask her what she meant.

"No, ma'am. I t's a mighty big mountain, and he don't want to be found."

"So ye've given up already. God made the world in six days, and ye can't even find one measly soul on a mountain in eight."

"I ain't giving up. I put preserves on 119Granny's grave just like she done." "Stole 'em, did ye?"

I hung my head.

"I f it ain't yers, it ain't much of an offering. Just like when ye brung me flowers from me own meadow."

The heat of shame came up in my face, burning plainfor her to see. My eyes felt hot and my throat tight. "I don't have nothing to give," I said in my own defense.

"Y e just ain't thought on it much yet." Leaning back, she closed her eyes and rocked slowly.

My spirit was cast down within me. I walked the rows of her vegetable garden, plucking a weed here and there, and then wandered off again. Without even thinking on it, I ended up back at the river and followed it right up to the Narrows and the tree bridge where I 'd been forbidden to venture.

I could not seem to help myself. For as long as I could remember, the place had drawn me. The trail out of our valley lay on the other side. T o get to it, you crossed over the river in Kai Valley where it shallowed.

The Narrows was a deadly place, but beautiful too. The rush and tumble of the water swirling over the rocks and pouring down to the deep pool below the falls had always beguiled me. Iwan was the first to show me 120the Narrows and the falls, though Mama was terrible angry with him for doing so. I t was dangerous, and it was also "the doorway to the outside world."

Being good, Iwan never took me back again. He didn'thave to, for I went on me own. I 'd lay on my stomach and peer over the edge, my heart racing at the sound of the water's roar.

I had long wondered about the trail on the other side.

The first time I 'd ventured across the tree bridge had been the year Elen was born. I was six and Mama had no time for me. T o my way of thinking, I 'd been loaded down with her chores as well as my own while she cuddled and cooed over my baby sister. I had never been so scared as that day when I inched my way across the tree bridge. I imagined myself falling into that swirling torrent, tossed around and pulled down to smash against the rocks before plunging over the falls.

I was shaking so bad I sat straddling the tree and worked my way across that way.

The second time, I was eight and showed more courage.

I crossed over the Narrows dozens of times after that, venturing down the trail to the pool below the falls.

I t was a magical place with ferns, azaleas, rhododendrons, and towering pine. The pool was deep and121blue, the water cold and clear. Gathering in the rocky basin, it surged over more rocks, turning to the south and racing on. T o the sea, Papa said. Our river, like all others, ran to the sea.

Papa and Iwan had followed that river last year. They were gone five days and came back with nothing to show for their journey.

The air was heavier still, the clouds darkening.

Lightning flashed in the distance, followed by a roll of thunder. I t would rain soon, as it often did on sultry afternoons. The rain never lasted, just fell long enough to drench the mountains and raise a mist come morning.

Standing above the falls, I saw someone below kneeling on the mossy bank and ending over the water for a drink. Drawing back I hid myself among the low- hanging looming serviceberry tree. I thought he as an Indian at first, for I 'd heard they wore their hair long and dressed in buckskins. Then he leaned back and straightened, and I saw he was tan like Papa and wore a beard. He wiped the moisture from it and cocked his head as he looked up in my directionlike he sensed I was there. I drew back quickly, but not so far I couldn'twatch as he waded up the steep trail that would bring him into our valley.

122Curiosity made me scamper across the tree bridge and dive into the thick bushes on the other side.

Who was he? And why was he coming? Other than Lilybet, I 'd never known a stranger to enter our cove, and I wanted a closer look.

The stranger came up the steep incline. As he came up the trail, head high, I could see his lips were moving.

When he reached the top, he paused and looked down at the falls and then up along the course of the river through the Narrows. I could hear him then, for he spoke loudly, his right hand stretched out above and before him.

"The voice of the Lord is upon the waters: the God of glory thundereth: the Lord is upon many waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is full of majesty. The voice of the Lord breaketh the cedars! Y ea -" he turned away from me, his hands rising as he looked up. His voice rose again, and gooseflesh rose upon me - "The voice of the Lord shaketh the wilderness . . . the voice of the Lord maketh the hinds to calve, and discovereth the forests;and in his temple doth every one speak of his glory......

Shuddering, I shrank back further into the fronds and cascading branches, crouching there, holding still. My heart 123pounded. Could this be God come to our highland? And if not, was he someone sent by the Almighty himself?

Turning, the man started along the path toward our valley, his voice coming on stronger with each step.

"The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwelleth therein." He moved away so that I could not hear. I crept through the brush above him, straining my ears, terrified to get too close lest his eyes turn upon me.

"Lift up your hearts, O ye gates; and be ye lifted up, ye everlasting door and the King of glory shall come in!

Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty!

The Lord mighty in battle! The Lord of hosts, heisthe King of glory!"

The wild-haired man stopped and thrust is handshigh. Head back, his voice rose gain. "Hear me when I call, O God! Lord Jesus hear my prayer! Hearkenunto the voice of my cry, my God and King; for unto thee and thee alone I pray. Y ou are a Godthatthath no pleasure in wickedness, and there is wickedness in these mountains. Oh, yea, Lord, neither shall evil dwell with thee. The foolish shall not stand in thy sight. Thou hatest all workers of iniquity. Thou shaltdestroy evildoers!"

124Lightning flashed close by, making the hair on my head rise and chills course down my body even as the sky rumbled an answer to the man. Retreating, I pressed my way as quickly as I could through the undergrowth above the trail.

He must have heard, for he called out, "Who's up there?"

T errified, I hastened my flight. Leaping to the trail, I ran for the tree bridge. I must have made plenty of noise in my flight, for he followed after me. I thought sure he would send a lightning bolt to strike me dead.

"Child, wait!"

I leaped nearly as high as my heart did. Fourbounding steps took me across the tree bridge to the other side, another four plunged me into the forest. I hid there in the shadows, shaking and watching fearfully as he stood on the other side of the Narrows. His lips moved. Perhaps he was calling down some curse of God upon my head. Panting, heart racing, I closed my eyes and clutched the tree behind which I hid and waited for the lightning to strike.

I t didn't come.

When I finally dared open my eyes again, the stranger was gone.

I ran all the way to the cemetery. The jar 125of preserves was gone. For one instant, I felt a rush of hope until I saw the footprints. My heart sank. I didn't want to go home to what I knew was waiting.

The rain came, pelting me with icy drops as I stayed the day in the forest. I knew the storm would pass soon.

When it did, I went and sat in the midst of the meadow below Miz Elda's house, drying in the afternoon sunshine. I t was warm enough that steam rose from my thin dress as I picked mountain daisies, shook off the raindrops, and spliced stems together to make awreath. I laced in bluets and Queen Anne's lace and mountain laurel.

When I finally came home, Mama was sitting in Granny's chair outside. Her face was pale and rigid. I had never seen such a look in her eyes before and was afraid. Papa and Iwan hadn't come in from fishing yet, andwewerealone. I held out the crown of flowers for her. A year ago she would have taken them and kissed me. Now, she just looked at them, winced, and rose.

Turning away, she went on into the house. I followed her and saw the jar of preserves sitting right the middle of the table.

I f it ain't one thing, it's another, Cadi. you've always been contrary. Right from the 126first when it took me two days birthin' ye. I almost died . . ." She drew in a sobbing breath. "Y e've always been a child going where ye oughtn't go and doing what ye oughtn't do. And now ye're a thief besides, stealing from the mouths of your own family."

There was no defense against her words, the first she'd spoke to me in a long time. They came in a rush, pouring out hot and heavy. She grabbed my arms,shaking me so hard I thought my neck would snap.

"What're ye doing in the graveyard?" Her fingers dug in painfully, jerking me back and forth. "Y e never think before ye do summat, do ye? Y e never think of the evil that can come. Y e just do what comes to ye without a care!"

Letting loose of me, she grabbed the flower wreath from my hand. "Y e think flowers can undo what's been done?" She broke it. "Y e think to fix grief withthese?

"She tore at it with trembling hands until the flowers were scattered at her feet. "Y e think being sorry's enow? I t'll never change nothing. I wish ... I wish. . ."

She stopped, her face white of a sudden when wailing filled the room.

My hands gripped my head, and the sound continued. I 'm not sure when I realized 129I was doing the wailing, but I couldn't stop. The sound come from down deep inside where something was broken. All I could do was stand there and look at the shredded wreath and Mama and wail.

Trembling, she took a step back from me, her face contorting. She looked down at the floor. "Ohhh . . ."Dropping to her knees, she gripped her head and rocked back and forth, and I fell silent.

"What goes on in here?" Papa said from the doorway. Seeing Mama, he came in quickly and yanked me away from her. "What'd ye do now, Cadi?

Go on outside. Go on, I say! Get out of here!"

I didn't have to be told again.

I t was Iwan who found me sitting in the quiet of the barn. "Mama's fine," he said as he sat down beside me. "She dinna say what ye'd done to get her so upset.

Y e want to tell me?" When I shook my head, he ran his hand gently over my hair. "Mama says to come in for supper."

"I ain't hungry."

"Y e sick then?"

I gave a shrug and looked away, toying with the straw. Aye. I was sick. Heartsick. He plucked a piece of straw from my hair.

Mama said hungry or not, ye're to come in130and sit with the rest of us." He took me by the hand.

No one said much of anything. Even Papa didn't seem to have much appetite. He said he was going to have to make a trip down to the trading post for more shot and powder, and if Mama would tell him what she needed, he'd see to it. When I got up and cleared the dishes, Mama sat looking at me for a long moment. I could feel her eyes on my back. She got up quiet like and went outside to sit in Granny's chair. She stayed there the rest of the evening, just staring up at the darkening sky. I was in bed long before she came back in.

Head covered with Granny's quilt, I could hear her moving about while Papa snored. She went to bed once and then got up again. I could hear her moving things about on the shelves and wondered if she was counting the jars and cans again, wondering how much else I might have stole. I burrowed down deeper.

"Cadi?"

I stiffened, but it was no use pretending I Was sleeping. I drew the quilt down slightly, afeared of whatmore she would have to say to me.

"T ake 'em." She put the jar of preserves next to me. "I want ye to have 'em." Her 128.

voice broke softly. She stood a moment longer.

Reaching out, she made to touch me and then withdrew again, padding back to bed.

Come morning, I put the jar of preserves back in the cemetery.

129.

Seven.

Brogan Kai and two of his older sons came to talk with Papa. I shucked corn on the porch while Mama sat inside, spinning. She had heard the hound barking and asked me what was wrong. Once told, she went back to her own thoughts, not plagued by curiosity. Like it was most days, her mind was elsewhere. Somewhere in the past, I reckoned, where Elen still lived.

Fagan's father was the fiercest looking man I everseen. He had dark hair and eyes, and he was taller than Papa by a head and built thick and hard. Just seeing him put fear in most people, and Cleet and Douglas took after him. I wondered how Fagan dared defy his father, being small by comparison to the rest of his clan. Fagan had blue eyes like his mother. Iwan said once that Fagan was like a falcon born into a nest of eagles.

All three Kais shouldered guns that morning. I figured they were out hunting again. They were always hunting.

Once a year, they took pelts outside our highland 131valley, though they never seemed to come back the richer for it.

I found it disturbing they talked so long to Papa. Kai men were not much for visiting. The only time you ever saw them all together was when someone had died and they came to pay their respects.

Or when there was trouble.

I reckoned the latter by Papa's stance. Soon as the Kais left, Papa came up to the house. "There's astranger in our highlands, Cadi. I f ye see him, get away. Hear me?"