"Y e canna change her nature, Angor."

"So ye let her run wild? Y e let her make friends with taints?"I glanced around as Mama turned her back to him. "I saw she was feeling poorly and told her to go to bed,"

she said in a thin voice.

"Seems to me, ye could've asked her how she came to feel so poorly."

"I doubt she'd tell me."

"A ready excuse."

"What's the use in trying to make ye understand!"

She walked across the room and sat down before her loom. She clenched her hands in her lap and stared straight ahead. "Do ye really think so little of me, Angor? Do ye think your harsh words canna hurt me?"

He followed, back rigid. "No more than ye hurt others with your silence. Elen's gone! She'sdead!Are ye not afeared of losing Cadi, too?"

207"I lost her a long time ago." She raised trembling hands to her work. "Both at once."

"Ahhhh - !" Papa cut the air with a disgusted wave of his hand. "I 'm getting Gervase Odara."The healer made me drink a tonic. I t was not honey, vinegar, and blackberry wine. I t was vile-tasting stuff meant to purge whatever poisons were sickening me.

And purge they did, adding to my travail. She stayed with me through the day, holding my head and later bathing me. I was wrung out.

When evening came, Gervase Odara dozed in the chair beside my cot while Papa sat outside on the porch and Mama sat before her loom. Her hands lay idle in her lap, and she stared silently out the window.

I felt like a lonely bird on the housetop. My heart was withering like burning grass within me. I lay upon my cot, knowing the first breath of God upon me was going to blow me straight to hell.

I ate the bread Gervase Odara gave me though it tasted like ashes, and I swallowed tears, mingled with the fresh warm milk Iwan brung me. He sat with me awhile, not talking about anything in particular - leastwise nothing I remember.

By evening, I was resolved. I 'd keep my 208promise to the sin eater, come what may. "Sheseems better," Gervase Odara said, for if one could eat, she reckoned they were on the mend. I could not tell her that it was my last meal before I was done to death. She put on her shawl and headed for home.

Papa, relieved of worry, went to bed, snoring as soon as his head touched the straw mattress. Iwan did likewise on the cot on the porch.

Only Mama sat in the moonlight awhile longer, her lovely face like a pale white mask. She rose after a while, took her hair down, brushed it out, and braided it for the night. Then she came to me and sat for a long while beside my cot, her shawl held tightly around her.

Leaning forward, she placed her hand on my brow. I held very still, pretending to be asleep, my throat closed tight, aching.

"I don't know how to make things right between us, Cadi. I reckon God himself will have to do it."

I reckoned God would make things right by morning.

By then I 'd be dead.

Oh, how I craved Lilybet's company. Where had she gone? Why did she not come to me when I needed her? And Granny. How I missed her and ached to talkwith heragain. I remembered the night she was 209buried and the first time I 'd laid eyes on the sin eater. He had come to take her sins away. But had he?

And even if he had, what good was having your sins taken away if you were already dead and in the grave?

"Eaglesflyhigher in a storm.... Trees grow strong in stiff w inds. . . . Our mountains and valley drink w ater from the rains of heaven."Lessons from Granny. And I couldn't help but wonder. Would I remember those I held so dear when I was no more?

When all were in bed asleep, I rose from my cot and went down the mountain path to keep my promise to the sin eater.

Moonlight shone on the ripples as I stood on the bank of the river, looking across at the camp on the other side. The man of God was there, sitting in the open, forearms resting on his raised knees, his head bowed. I could not tell if he was awake or sleeping.

Truth was, it didn't matter. Fear gripped me so tight I wanted to turn and run away as fast as I had before. I wanted to be far away from this place, from this man.

"I w ant ye to go hear the w ord of the Lord, Cadi"I w ant ye to go hear the w ord of the Lord, Cadi Forbes, and then come back to me."

I had given my word and could not go back upon it. "I have to keep my promise," I whispered under my breath, trying to give 210myself courage. "I have to keep my word.""Cross the river to the Promised Land,"the man from God had called out once. "Crossthe river . . ."

As I stepped into the biting cold water and started across, the current pulled at my legs. I t was a wide stretch across slippery, round pebbles. Whenever I 'd crossed the river before, it had always been further up where I could jump from rock to rock and never touch the water. The river here was as high as my knees. I wondered what it would be like to slip and fall and be swept along to the Narrows and down over the falls. A few moments of terror and then darkness.

Justice.

When I saw the man of God raise his head, I stopped midriver, my heart lodging like a flapping bird in my throat. I was in the open where he could see me plain in the moonlight. Closing my eyes, I waited for thelightning to strike me dead. A moment passed, then another, then another. I opened one eye cautiously. He was still sitting, still looking at me. Silent. Waiting.

I came ahead slowly, feeling my way with my cold- numbed toes. Shivering, I walked slowly up the bank and stood before him, waiting for the end to come.

212"Y ou're but a child." He sounded disappointed.

Hanging my head, I remained silent, ashamed of my sins and sorry others hadn't come instead of me. I t should have been Papa or Mama or Gervase Odara or any number of others to come hear the word of the Lord. I t should've been Brogan Kai himself leading the people of our highland valley down to hear what God had to say to us. What shame this, that I , least worthy, should be the one? A child. Oh, no. I was more than that. I was a frightened coward, a vessel of sins, a girl cast so low there was only judgment left.

"Sit," the man of God said and I did, Indian fashion, hands clasped tightly in my lap. I could feel him studying me. "Y ou're shaking." He reached out and picked up a dark wool coat.

"I ain't cold, sir." I t was pure terror had me tremblingso.

He cocked his head slightly, as though seeing me better. He put the coat aside.`Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.' "

My throat was closed tight, pulse throbbing. I remembered those words. He had said them before.

"Why do you come?"

211.

I swallowed hard. "T o hear the word of the Lord, sir."

Plunging ahead, I pleaded before he had time to say no. "I ken the word of the Lord ain't meant for the likes of me, sir, but there's another who craves the words ye've brung and canna come near." Like a whisper in my ear, I remembered Miz Elda. "Nay, not one, sir.

There are two."

"The boy who hides in the bushes?"

I had forgotten all about Fagan. "Two others," I amended yet again.

"And what keeps them from coming of their own freewill?"

He sounded so stern, I had to work my mouth to get enough spit to speak. "Miz Elda is too old and frail to make the trek down. She says ye con come up and see her if ye like."

"And the other?"

"He ain't supposed to venture into the valley unless someone's died. Reckon there'd be big trouble if he did."

The man of God said nothing for a long moment. He bowed his head and remained that way, as though deep in thought. I wondered if he was asking God's permission to speak to me. The palms of my hands grew damp. I closed my eyes, hoping hard he would be permitted - and I wouldn't be laid out dead where I sat.

213He raised his head slightly. " `The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.' "

His deep voice was so gentle, my heart slowed its mad pace. I found I could breathe again."I t is the Lord who giveth wisdom. Out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. And he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servant and none who trust in Him shall be desolate."

He spread his hands and lifted his face to the heavens. The faint sheen of moonlight showed me his features. His expression held a strange rapture. "O Lord, thou art a shield for me; my glory and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto thee. I laid down and slept and awaked again, for the Lord sustained me against those who have set themselves against me round about. And ye have brought one to hear thy word everlasting. O Father, the Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek. Y e have come to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord and 214the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spiritof heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified!"

Aggrieved, I tried to soak it all in, every word. But how could I remember what made little sense to me? I waited until he stopped talking. Trembling, cold with fear, I craved understanding more than life. "I f ye'll pardon me beforehand, sir, might I ask ye summat?"

"Ask and ye shall receive."

"What's a prison, sir? And what captives do ye mean? Only ones I 've ever heard tell of was taken by Indians years ago and never heard of again."

"These are not the things of which I speak."

"I want to understand. I do."

"Lord, give me thy words. Open this child's heart and mind so that she might hear the word of the Lord and carry it with her. Y ou know I 've never been around children . . ." His voice grew quieter until it was but a mumble - perhaps even a grumble.

I closed my eyes in despair. Miz Elda and the sineater would've done better coming 215themselves. This man was not eager to impart the word of the Lord to such as me. And if he did, it seemed fair clear to me that it was not likely I 'd understand it anyway.

He sighed heavily and raised his head again, looking at me.

I waited, determined not to move until I had something to take back to the sin eater. "Listen and learn, child. When the world was fresh and new, having just been spoken into existence by God, he created a man and a woman and placed them in the Garden of Eden. He loved them and gave them everything they needed, and gave them freedom in all things except one. They were not to eat the fruit of one tree. But one day, in the midst of Paradise, a serpent, Satan, came to the woman and deceived her so that she did eat of it and then gave the fruit to her husband to eat as well.

Because of what they did, God cast them out of the Garden of Eden.

"Though they repented, the damage had already been done. Sin and death had been brought into theworld. With each generation, sin grew like a weed until the very heart of man was evil. In time, God gave laws so that men might know what manner of evil they did and turn to God for deliverance. But they were stubborn and stiff-necked 216and would not trust him. Those he had rescued from Egypt rebelled against him and worshiped idols.

So God made them wander in the desert until they all died and then brought their children across the river Jordan and into the Promised Land.

"Still, man did not change. They sinned and sinned again. God would punish them, and they would repent and cry out to God for deliverance. And God would forgive out of his graciousness and mercy, his loving kindness and compassion. They would grow prosperous once more and reject the Lord for other gods and idols. Generation upon generation."

I understood, for was he not speaking of me? No matter how hard I tried, I still sinned. Evil preyed upon me, and I did the very things I didn't want to do. Elen.

Oh,Elen.Iclosed my mind to thoughts of her, knowing the choking grief would keep me from hearing anything more."Y et God had a plan, even from the beginning of time.

He knew all that would happen, and he knew how to make the way for man to return to him. For man can do nothing for himself. Y et with God all things are possible."

He paused briefly, then rose, pacing. After a while, he came back and hunkered down.

217"Far from here is a place where civilization began, and it is called Judea. One thousand, eight hundred and fifty years ago, in the days of evil King Herod, God sent his angel Gabriel to a city near the Sea of Galilee called Nazareth to a virgin girl set to wed a man named Joseph. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel told her not to fear for God favored her. The Holy Spirit would come upon her and give her a child, and she was to name him Jesus."

I looked at him, eyes wide. "I 've heard of Jesus."

"What have you heard?"

"My granny said Jesus was betrayed and nailed up on a cross to die."

"And?""He rose up from the grave and went to heaven where he sits at the right hand of God. And he'll come back on the last day and judge us all."

"Did she teach you anything else?"

"She said we must do as much good as we can while we breathe, for we'll all be judged by how we've lived. I f we do enow, when Jesus comes back, he might take us to heaven."

"And ye think people can do enough good to undo the evil done?"

I thought of Elen. I thought of dozens of 218wicked things I 'd thought and done before that terrible, fateful day, and I thought of the dozens of sins I 'd committed since then. And I knew. Nothing - absolutely nothing - would be enough to undo the sins on my soul. Bowing my head, I put my face in my hands and cried.

"Ah, child, you are heavy burdened."

"There is no hope. Not for me.""Do not weep, child. God is your hope. He did not send Jesus to condemn the world. He sent him so that all who believe in him might be saved and have eternal life."

"But I do believe! I do! And I 'm not saved."

"Y ou believe Jesus lived. Y ou believe he was crucified and went to heaven. Hear the word of the Lord. Jesus was born of a woman, became strong in spirit, performed miracles, and never sinned. Not once in thought or deed did Jesus disobey God the Father for he was God the Son incarnate. He went willingly to the cross to die and took all our sins upon himself."

"Oh!" Something tight within me flowered. Could it be I understood rightly? "Y ou mean he's just like our sin eater!"

"Y our what?"

"The sin eater. He comes after people die, and he eats the bread and drinks the wine 219and takes all their sins upon himself so that they can rest in peace.""And you believe this?"

"Everybody believes. Well, almost everybody. I don't know anymore what I believe. I went to him and asked him to take my sins away. And he tried."

"No man can take away your sins. Only God."

"But Granny said God canna even look on sin. That's why we've got to have the sin eater."

"And how did he come to be?"

"I reckon he was chosen."

"How?"

"I don't rightly know, sir."

"What's his name?"

"I don't know. Miz Elda said as soon as he was made the sin eater, he had to leave his family and live off by himself, and nobody was ever to speak his name aloud again. And no one's to look at him when he comes down to eat up the sins.""And what becomes of him?"

"I reckon when he dies, he takes all the sins with him to hell."

The man of God lifted his head and looked to the heavens. "And one of the enemies of Jesus named Caiaphas, being the high priest, said, `I t is expedient for us, that 220one man should die for the people, and that the whole nation perish not.' "

"That's the way of it, sir. Is it wrong?"